Oooookayyyyyyyy ...
So, about those first two Ashes Tests?
*crickets*
Here's a theory that England come here and play like shit to tank our economy. The bastards!
England cricket losses cost Australian economy millions
Their players can’t bat. Our workers can’t work. England’s cricket catastrophe has been so costly for Australia, some are questioning if it’s sabotage.
https://www.news.com...d41a60d6bca53a6
ANALYSIS
This time of year, there’s one big thing going on when it comes to the entertainment sector: Cricket.
But the abysmal performance of the English cricket team in Australia this summer means that instead of 10 days of that joyful, slumberous, rhythmical background hum, we’ve had barely five-and-a-bit. Their so-called players have slashed our entertainment economy almost in half, via appalling capitulations in Perth and Brisbane.
English incompetence in Perth and Adelaide has brought both test matches to premature conclusions. English batsmen scored ducks (i.e. zero runs) five times in Perth and four times in Adelaide.
A game of test cricket can run for five days. The Perth test was over in two days.
Cricket Australia boss Todd Greenberg has spoken publicly about the “big economic impact” of test matches that stop too soon. But after Perth’s exceedingly abbreviated contest, even he seemed shocked by the scale of refunds that had to be provided.
“Of course, you work in professional sport … you want to win,” he begrudgingly said.
“But we had to give back – I’m not talking hundreds of thousands, I’m talking millions and millions back.”
Perth had sold out its stadium for Day three, but when the match finished on day two, seagulls turned out to be the only ones there enjoying the sunshine. And they don’t buy tickets.
“Feel sorry for the people who can’t come tomorrow,” said Australian batsman Travis Head after clubbing the English bowlers mercilessly to secure victory on Day two.
The Brisbane test match was marginally longer, eking out three days before the result seemed foregone. A flurry of play on the fourth day secured victory for Australia in front of a diminished crowd.
This is a loss not only to fans of a close game. It has savage consequences for stadiums, media, broadcasters, hospitality businesses, and the many people they employ. All of whom are suffering. Kids who expected to work at the chip shop in the Gabba for five days only got three and a half shifts, for example. Same with cameramen, commentators, and carpark attendants.
The recreation and entertainment sector shows it is a vital part of our economy, especially over the holiday season – spending on recreation picks up when everything else is on holiday.
It keeps our economy ticking, gives seasonal jobs to young people, etc.
The dismal ability of the English at sports they themselves invented is hardly a novel observation. They get humiliated in Soccer (60 years since they won a World Cup), and flop in Rugby too (two decades since they won). Usually, that’s fun. A source of joy for Australians.
But this time, the rising tide of English misery is lapping at our economic foundation.
All the systems set up around cricket, including big money sponsorships from giant corporates, lie dormant. There’s no football on this time of year to help make up the deficit. No Olympics. If the cricket stops early because England apparently can’t send over a single athlete who can catch properly, there’s no backup.
Sure, some British tourists go to pubs and drink their sorrows away – pubs selling pints of Brown ale are probably among the few beneficiaries. But that’s a fraction of what was meant to be.
Big money
Do not doubt the Ashes are economically relevant. Commonwealth Bank cited cricket as a reason for higher household spending in November. But any positive effect in December will be attenuated by England’s weak performance. The next test is in Adelaide, and while days one and two are sold out, tickets for day four are available. Because what’s the point?
The English team will probably be back in the hotel pool by then, engaging in bitter recriminations.
Westpac Bank just signed up as Cricket Australia’s main partner this year, edging out Commonwealth Bank after 37 years. The red W logo now emblazons the chest of the players following what is rumoured to be a $40 million deal. But that logo has been shown on TV about half as long as it might have been. Commonwealth Bank executives may be feeling a certain extra amount of joy when Australia bundles England out for paltry scores this summer.
The RBA monetary policy board, meanwhile, doesn’t meet again until February. One certainly hopes board members are relaxing with an eye on the cricket. Because the chances we will need a 2026 rate cut rise each time an Englishman looks back with weary resignation at his scattered stumps.
Is it … sabotage?
It’s unfair – when Australia’s cricket team tours England, we put on a show, batting til the final minute in their far-flung fields like Manchester and Headingley, giving our all. But when they come here, it’s a performance weak enough for a person to begin to wonder about economic sabotage. Can Stokes and company really be so poor at cricket as all that? Is this an English plot? Is some nefarious English institution playing a sort of long game against us, attempting to demoralise their former colony and weaken our glorious, festive, summertime economy?
If so, it is working. With just a few days left until the Adelaide test, tickets for day four are still available, and tickets for day five aren’t on sale at all.
Because the prospects of us getting a proper, five-day test match out of this touring English side seem, at this stage, slight indeed.
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Of course, it's a funny old game, anything can happen. England could turn it around and win the last three Tests to regain the Ashes.
Is that what our economists are hoping for though?
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes
"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys
"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
Help
Tiste Simeon, on 13 June 2024 - 07:48 AM, said:
) think it odd that the Saffers couldn't play international cricket for decades because they had a non-inclusive society, but Afghanistan is allowed to?
