Malazan Empire: So, let's talk about sex - Malazan Empire

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So, let's talk about sex I'm having a crisis of thought...

#101 User is offline   Macros 

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Posted 08 December 2012 - 09:41 PM

View PostBriar King, on 24 November 2012 - 03:55 AM, said:

So how taboo is it to go for one of your best friends sister?



I don't get the big deal on this issue.

I think it came up somewhere before, if they're friends with you then they must assume on some level you are a reasonable person, ergo would they not rather their sister hook up with someone they know isn't a complete scumbag (unless you are a complete scumbag, in that case well...)
I have two sisters, and I can honestly say it wouldn't, in fact doesn't, bother me in the slightest, they're responsible for their own actions, and compared to some of the fucking reprobates in their dating history my friends stand up to scrutiny pretty damned well.

Look at it from another perspective, one of your sisters hot friends wants to hook up with you but your sister wont let it happen, wouldn't you be a bit pissed with your sister? I know I sure as hell would.
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#102 User is offline   Cyphon 

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Posted 08 December 2012 - 11:58 PM

The difference is surely whether you want a relationship with best friend's sibling, or just want to have sex with them.

People tend to frown on people they know and like using other people for their own gratification.

I suppose it's a question of intent. And I cite this as a pop culture example;


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#103 User is offline   King Lear 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 01:16 AM

View PostBriar King, on 07 December 2012 - 02:18 AM, said:

I don't think I'm gonna ever let happen honestly but I know for a fact that our other good friend did do it. He showed me pics on his phone. The brother doesn't know bout that... But damn she is hottttttttt!



View PostBriar King, on 07 December 2012 - 04:53 AM, said:

It was a naked pic of her yeah. He just said here look at this one day and handed me his phone. I'm happy I've never brought myself around to hitting on her personally. She is quite pretty but my willpower to not do it is pretty strong.

On the sis thing I've never got try that with her friends as mine is 10 yrs older then me. I say go for it though lol.


Hmm, I wonder why someone could possibly get upset with their mate for fucking their sister.

Jesus.
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#104 User is offline   worry 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 01:22 AM

Treat women like people. Treat men like people. Treat people well. That solves (or avoids) a whole lot of problems in this area.
They came with white hands and left with red hands.
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#105 User is offline   Kanese S's 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 01:50 AM

I don't think it's very classy to take naked pictures of someone and then share them with your friends unless you have the permission of the person in the photos.
Laseen did nothing wrong.

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#106 User is offline   Macros 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 06:43 PM

again, why do I have to want to have a relationship.
Can't two grown ups just want to have sex with each other and not get married out of it? If you panda the situation and it upsets the girl then yes, I can see it being a problem, but if you make the two backed beast and you both know its just sex, It doesn't matter who she is, unless its Sarah Jessica Parker, because bestiality is illegal in most place afaik.

But on the pictures front, just no, regarding anyone, the pictures are sent to be seen by the recipient, and the recipient only. Show some class and keep them to yourself
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#107 User is offline   Gothos 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:02 PM

So, new girl. She's like the female me, totally awesome, good to look at too, and was absolutely gunning for my pants. Stuff that came out of that girl's mouth... gods. Not to mention that it's rather rare for me to actually go high-fiving a girl for being awesome. But but but! She is decidedly emotionally unstable, with scars to back it up. I seem to have a knack for finding and attracting broken birds. So I am at a loss, what to do with this situation... Think the risk is acceptable?

This post has been edited by Gothos: 09 December 2012 - 07:04 PM

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
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#108 User is offline   Mrs Savagely Wishy Washy 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:30 PM

View PostGothos, on 09 December 2012 - 07:02 PM, said:

So, new girl. She's like the female me, totally awesome, good to look at too, and was absolutely gunning for my pants. Stuff that came out of that girl's mouth... gods. Not to mention that it's rather rare for me to actually go high-fiving a girl for being awesome. But but but! She is decidedly emotionally unstable, with scars to back it up. I seem to have a knack for finding and attracting broken birds. So I am at a loss, what to do with this situation... Think the risk is acceptable?


So, whilst I am sharing let me share some more with you. Been there, done that. Several times. Always ended in tears, mostly on my side. And then, I spent a few years as single. Yes, exactly. During this time, I did some soul-searching. Why I always ended up in these relationships. What I was doing wrong. What I want in a relationship. What I don't want in a relationship. And other useful and important stuff you can ask yourself. After some long and hard thinking, I came to the conclusion that if I kept doing the same things, i.e. being attracted to the same guys, I would be ending in the same kind of relationships, which I no longer wanted, as I found out. So I changed what I was looking for, and I think that changed me too. Not long after, I met the man of my life- my sweetheart boyfriend who is miles from what I used to go for and whom I want to go the whole nine yards and six foot under.
It's a good, grown-up, emotionally stable relationship. All that energy that could go into drama and suffering goes into having fun, doing fun stuff together, moving on, planning a future, thinking about what we want, where we want to get to and how to get there and all.
Because it worked for me doesn't mean it works for you. But maybe it's worth thinking about.
but are they worth preserving?
'that judgement does not belong to you.'
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#109 User is offline   HoosierDaddy 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 07:57 PM

The crazy ones are almost always dynamite in the sack, Gothos. Risk/reward type of thing.
Trouble arrives when the opponents to such a system institute its extreme opposite, where individualism becomes godlike and sacrosanct, and no greater service to any other ideal (including community) is possible. In such a system rapacious greed thrives behind the guise of freedom, and the worst aspects of human nature come to the fore....
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#110 User is offline   amphibian 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:01 PM

Give her a few weeks. See if the crazy is too much to handle and make your decision accordingly.

Sometimes it just takes the right amount of maturation and personal growth to make the crazy past recede into the past, instead of it staying in the present. However, be aware that you may not be meeting her at that stage in her life. It'd be nice, but it's not definite.
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#111 User is offline   Khellendros 

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Posted 09 December 2012 - 10:33 PM

View Postamphibian, on 09 December 2012 - 10:01 PM, said:

Give her a few weeks. See if the crazy is too much to handle and make your decision accordingly.

Sometimes it just takes the right amount of maturation and personal growth to make the crazy past recede into the past, instead of it staying in the present. However, be aware that you may not be meeting her at that stage in her life. It'd be nice, but it's not definite.



Is it just me who first read that as, 'it just takes the right amount of masturbation'? Yes? Oh well.



On the earlier dating friend's sister front, some years ago I went on a group holiday with a bunch of friends. On that holiday, Male Friend A hooked up with Male Friend B's ex-girlfriend, Female Friend A. A few days after coming back from the holiday, Male Friend A then also hooked up with Male Friend B's sister, Female Friend B.

Needless to say, Male Friend B thought he needed to have a few words with Male Friend A.

Years later, Male Friend A is still going out with Female Friend B (Male Friend B's sister), so you see, it all works out fine in the end, even if it starts off a bit weird :)

This post has been edited by Khellendros: 09 December 2012 - 10:33 PM

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#112 User is offline   D'rek 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:41 AM

View PostGothos, on 09 December 2012 - 07:02 PM, said:

So, new girl. She's like the female me, totally awesome, good to look at too, and was absolutely gunning for my pants. Stuff that came out of that girl's mouth... gods. Not to mention that it's rather rare for me to actually go high-fiving a girl for being awesome. But but but! She is decidedly emotionally unstable, with scars to back it up. I seem to have a knack for finding and attracting broken birds. So I am at a loss, what to do with this situation... Think the risk is acceptable?


IMO, you just have to be sure that she is what you want. Nothing wrong with having a crazy relationship or a very random and enthusiastic significant other, as long as that is what you want. Furthermore, an emotionally unstable significant other does not necessarily equate to an unstable relationship. You just have to do some navel-gazing and ensure that she is what you want, and likewise she needs to do the same. Maybe she has gotten past her scars on her own and is looking for a new start, or maybe she wants you to help her get past them. As long as you are both honest to each other about what you want and it doesn't turn either of you away, you can be happy. With that said, go for it!

View Postworrywort, on 14 September 2012 - 08:07 PM, said:

I kinda love it when D'rek unleashes her nerd wrath, as I knew she would here. Sorry innocent bystanders, but someone's gotta be the kindling.
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#113 User is offline   LinearPhilosopher 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 05:22 AM

View PostD, on 10 December 2012 - 03:41 AM, said:

View PostGothos, on 09 December 2012 - 07:02 PM, said:

So, new girl. She's like the female me, totally awesome, good to look at too, and was absolutely gunning for my pants. Stuff that came out of that girl's mouth... gods. Not to mention that it's rather rare for me to actually go high-fiving a girl for being awesome. But but but! She is decidedly emotionally unstable, with scars to back it up. I seem to have a knack for finding and attracting broken birds. So I am at a loss, what to do with this situation... Think the risk is acceptable?


IMO, you just have to be sure that she is what you want. Nothing wrong with having a crazy relationship or a very random and enthusiastic significant other, as long as that is what you want. Furthermore, an emotionally unstable significant other does not necessarily equate to an unstable relationship. You just have to do some navel-gazing and ensure that she is what you want, and likewise she needs to do the same. Maybe she has gotten past her scars on her own and is looking for a new start, or maybe she wants you to help her get past them. As long as you are both honest to each other about what you want and it doesn't turn either of you away, you can be happy. With that said, go for it!


Just because someone has baggage, does not mean they fling that baggage onto their partner in a relationship. I was talking to one of my friends recently about a similar situation. Girl he met, they both thought it was going to be a short term relationship. She used to be a high level athlete then got several concussions, she can't even ski anymore. So naturally she has baggage, but she doesn't impose any of it on him, and he is not resentful about it. Guess what they are now in a long term relationship and have been for some time. I'd say go for it man.
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#114 User is offline   Gothos 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 10:07 AM

Thanks for all the words, folks. Naturally, it's not an overnight thing as we live in different cities (met her at a friend's housewarming party) so it's more like a prospect than a thing, so to speak. What I know of myself is that my interest often burns bright as the sun, but also very briefly. Giving this some time/thought as life goes on might do some good in this particular situation. I'd say caution is advised with someone with proven suicidal tendencies. Behind the bravado she's so very fragile.
Now, should I keep in touch in the so-called meantime?
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
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#115 User is offline   Kanese S's 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 10:10 AM

How recent are these suicidal tendencies?
Laseen did nothing wrong.

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#116 User is offline   Gothos 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 10:14 AM

Can't be exactly sure, but between 4 months and 4 years ago. I don't exactly push the subject.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
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#117 User is offline   Mrs Savagely Wishy Washy 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 10:19 AM

View Postamphibian, on 09 December 2012 - 10:01 PM, said:

Give her a few weeks. See if the crazy is too much to handle and make your decision accordingly.

Sometimes it just takes the right amount of maturation and personal growth to make the crazy past recede into the past, instead of it staying in the present. However, be aware that you may not be meeting her at that stage in her life. It'd be nice, but it's not definite.



View PostD, on 10 December 2012 - 03:41 AM, said:

IMO, you just have to be sure that she is what you want. Nothing wrong with having a crazy relationship or a very random and enthusiastic significant other, as long as that is what you want. Furthermore, an emotionally unstable significant other does not necessarily equate to an unstable relationship. You just have to do some navel-gazing and ensure that she is what you want, and likewise she needs to do the same. Maybe she has gotten past her scars on her own and is looking for a new start, or maybe she wants you to help her get past them. As long as you are both honest to each other about what you want and it doesn't turn either of you away, you can be happy. With that said, go for it!



View PostBalrogLord, on 10 December 2012 - 05:22 AM, said:

Just because someone has baggage, does not mean they fling that baggage onto their partner in a relationship. I was talking to one of my friends recently about a similar situation. Girl he met, they both thought it was going to be a short term relationship. She used to be a high level athlete then got several concussions, she can't even ski anymore. So naturally she has baggage, but she doesn't impose any of it on him, and he is not resentful about it. Guess what they are now in a long term relationship and have been for some time. I'd say go for it man.


I totally agree with all of the above. The only thing I want to add is a rehash of amph's reply and a caveat to Drek's comment on maybe your bird wants to move on: the fact that she was gunning for your pants is in my experience an indicator that she hasn't left the baggage behind. For a lot of women (in particular the unstable, non-confident ones) sex is a confidence booster and gives you lots of immediate male attention that works as temporal relief for the lack in confidence and emotional issues because it makes them feel better about themselves (more loved, more attractive etc). In the long run, it's the wrong kind of attention they need to get over whatever it is they struggle with. The "healing" needs to come from them first before you can do anything about it.

In the end, it's your call. But don't mess around with an already disturbed, hence vulnerable person. It's not a nice thing to do.

This post has been edited by Miss Savage: 10 December 2012 - 10:19 AM

but are they worth preserving?
'that judgement does not belong to you.'
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#118 User is offline   Use Of Weapons 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 10:39 AM

IMO, you should never go into a relationship with someone intending to "fix" them. If they need fixing, they can do it without getting tangled up in your emotions. Sure, you might feel that they deserve something good to happen, to realise that everything doesn't suck. But you don't have to be the one that makes that happen. And you deserve a relationship with someone who isn't broken.
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#119 User is offline   amphibian 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 02:00 PM

View PostGothos, on 10 December 2012 - 10:14 AM, said:

Can't be exactly sure, but between 4 months and 4 years ago. I don't exactly push the subject.

I think this is one subject where you have to carefully ask her friend who does know when it happened. If the answer is at all in the months, I'd leave.

That's me, though. You have to find your own answer and proceed with caution and sensitivity towards her at all times. Good luck.
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#120 User is offline   Tapper 

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Posted 10 December 2012 - 03:18 PM

View PostUse Of Weapons, on 10 December 2012 - 10:39 AM, said:

IMO, you should never go into a relationship with someone intending to "fix" them. If they need fixing, they can do it without getting tangled up in your emotions. Sure, you might feel that they deserve something good to happen, to realise that everything doesn't suck. But you don't have to be the one that makes that happen. And you deserve a relationship with someone who isn't broken.

This, so much. Don't enter a relationship for her benefit or because you think you're good for her. Enter it because you feel you'll be good for her and she'll be good for you and you'll have a great time together. And as Amph said, the timing of her depressions is important. If she's on the mend from an attempt to maim/kill herself four years ago, it is something entirely different than if it was four months ago.
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