[Tattersail_]

I have so many stories. I just don't know where to start, how to start or even if I should start. This is my topic and i'm being shy? For what reason I don't know. I am not turning this thread into some section of Aphrodisiacs

[amphibian]

Why a person would hold onto their virginity past the beginning of college in this day and age is beyond me. It boggles my mind. Safe sex in a variety of forms is readily available, people are easily finding awesome people to be romantic companions with and there is no real social stigma to being a virgin/not being a virgin in places like Australia/North America/Europe and a huge chunk of the less tolerant places actually are quite tolerant about that too.

It's a fun and safe activity if you do it right. So go ahead and make your nights way more fun. There is nothing beyond your own hang-ups that is preventing this.

[Macros]

Some people want to wait until marriage, be it religious beliefs, upbringing or other personal reasons.
It does no one any harm (excepting perhaps a case of the blue lads)

[Obdigore]

amphibian, on 21 February 2013 - 01:43 PM, said:

Why a person would hold onto their virginity past the beginning of college in this day and age is beyond me. It boggles my mind. Safe sex in a variety of forms is readily available, people are easily finding awesome people to be romantic companions with and there is no real social stigma to being a virgin/not being a virgin in places like Australia/North America/Europe and a huge chunk of the less tolerant places actually are quite tolerant about that too.

It's a fun and safe activity if you do it right. So go ahead and make your nights way more fun. There is nothing beyond your own hang-ups that is preventing this.

Or he could, you know, make his own decisions with regards to what he does or does not do with his body? I'm not sure why you think you are qualified to give advice like this to someone?

[Primateus]

Ain, on 21 February 2013 - 10:31 AM, said:

At that age, it's all a bit much of a muchness, isn't it? Then again, what would I know...

OK, here's the part where the entire board gets to snicker at my lack of experience. I hope you brought your TV trays. I'm currently dating a 24 year old (I'm 19) but we're both still hangin' onto the V-plates for dear life. To spare you a lot of boring details, how the hell do you control your arousal levels? Because this woman...yeah. And she kinda noticed. I'd prefer to not get started so quickly, so to speak.

-preps shield-

The only advice I can give you is just try not to get embarrassed about it.

[Assail]

I wouldn't even look at it as a point of embarrassment. You guys both understand urges, for whatever reasons wish to not go with those urges, and it's not easy. Don't even stress it.

I think amph is just offering up a different POV Obdi, and might have come off slightly presumptuous but I doubt his intention was to tell AIJ how to live... More a view on what it can be about rather the implied "sex before marriage is a big no no and super bad and my dick might fall off if I do it". More is less hes saying that it can be a safe and fun activity.

But if that's how you wanna keep it AIJ, go for gold. Amph is correct in what he says regarding it all I think.

@Tattersall - Hahahaha when she puts it in her hair man. That still cracks me up. I love that movie

This post has been edited by Assail: 21 February 2013 - 04:33 PM

[ForkassalOfTheInnerCircle]

amphibian, on 21 February 2013 - 01:43 PM, said:

Why a person would hold onto their virginity past the beginning of college in this day and age is beyond me. It boggles my mind. Safe sex in a variety of forms is readily available, people are easily finding awesome people to be romantic companions with and there is no real social stigma to being a virgin/not being a virgin in places like Australia/North America/Europe and a huge chunk of the less tolerant places actually are quite tolerant about that too.

It's a fun and safe activity if you do it right. So go ahead and make your nights way more fun. There is nothing beyond your own hang-ups that is preventing this.

I find it that the fundamental flaw with sex is that you have to do it with another living being. I'm not that big a fan of other living beings.

And about the stigma part: If you here in Sweden are past 20 and still a virgin, and by chance you are not ugly as fuck, people will assume that you are highly contagious and/or an alien.

[worry]

Have you contemplated having orgasms around each other without actually going all the way (or even that far along the way)? Mutual masturbation, or even mutual voyeurism. I mean, the "bases" metaphor is a little insufficient number-wise....there's tons of room between holding hands and having sex. It's not a linear spectrum, the options are at least four-dimensional, and penetration isn't the ultimate endgame so much as one of myriad options of varying levels of intimacy.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Well the thing is I'm not saving myself until marriage...the virginity is not out of choice But hers is, but she's brought it up once or twice. Right now it's an "if" proposition, not "when".

I agree there is more than just penetration but we haven't been going out that long to consider them. I suppose for now, we just wait and see. Though I do agree that excessive masturbation will be a big help. I said that with a straight face.

[worry]

Ah I see. Have you considered having secret orgasms around her without letting her know and then sneaking into the bathroom after to clean yourself/your clothing/etc.? Then once you're married, you can tell her all about it as like a gift of honesty and trust. Just a little flattery to add some shine to that ring.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

worrywort, on 22 February 2013 - 12:22 AM, said:

Ah I see. Have you considered having secret orgasms around her without letting her know and then sneaking into the bathroom after to clean yourself/your clothing/etc.? Then once you're married, you can tell her all about it as like a gift of honesty and trust. Just a little flattery to add some shine to that ring.

Hmmmm that might/maybe be plausible if/when I'm at hers but I think we're still in the "actually going out in public on dates" stage

[worry]

Keep in mind, I've never actually met a woman, so this is all theoretical.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Well when you do, you'll have taken your first step into a larger world!

The Force will be with you. Always.

[amphibian]

Macros, on 21 February 2013 - 01:50 PM, said:

Some people want to wait until marriage, be it religious beliefs, upbringing or other personal reasons.
It does no one any harm (excepting perhaps a case of the blue lads)

What if that little bit extra that puts you fully into a "I want to be with this person for the rest of my life" is being better in bed than a virgin is? A better connection in bed can do big things towards keeping a relationship strong and healthy. (On the flip side, it can keep people in bad relationships too long too.)

My view is that by the time I found my long term partner, I wanted to be experienced in sex, so I could do it well enough and explore more with that partner through the years.

[Macros]

That's fair enough, I'm just saying some people might want to go through all the fumbling and experimenting with one person.

[Mrs Savagely Wishy Washy]

I think it doesn't matter whether you have had lots of sex or little to be a good lover. Yes, experience can be helpful, but still, some people have lots of sex all the time, yet they are no Don Juans because it's the score that counts as opposed to those who go about it with more feeling and actual interest in the person they're sexing. And it's a two way thing by the way, if one person has great sex that doesn't always mean the other person felt the same about it. Don't think about the whole sex-thing it too much. Do it when it's right for you, and how it's right for you. And enjoy!

Furthermore, age doesn't matter neither.

[amphibian]

Miss Savage, on 22 February 2013 - 04:09 PM, said:

I think it doesn't matter whether you have had lots of sex or little to be a good lover. Yes, experience can be helpful, but still, some people have lots of sex all the time, yet they are no Don Juans because it's the score that counts as opposed to those who go about it with more feeling and actual interest in the person they're sexing. And it's a two way thing by the way, if one person has great sex that doesn't always mean the other person felt the same about it. Don't think about the whole sex-thing it too much. Do it when it's right for you, and how it's right for you. And enjoy!

I pretty much agree with this; however, it's easier if you've had more sex (perhaps with a few different partners) to be really present, connect with the partner, be caring and not get all wrapped up in the "Oh shit! I've never done this before - better do something I saw in a porn or do this random thing I came up with because that'll work for sure." train of faulty logic.

There's a bunch of subtle cues that we give each other in non-verbal ways that can be hard to pick up on - particularly in bed. More experience usually means better picking up of these cues, but as you say, it's no guarantee.

Quote

Furthermore, age doesn't matter neither.

If the younger partner is past a certain age (I'd put it at the age when they're out of high school), then sure.

[Mrs Savagely Wishy Washy]

amphibian, on 22 February 2013 - 04:16 PM, said:

Quote

Furthermore, age doesn't matter neither.

If the younger partner is past a certain age (I'd put it at the age when they're out of high school), then sure.

I wasn't precise, but yes.
Although, having said that, if a 50year old guy is going out with an 18year old, and she happened to be my daughter, I would probably ask her about the exact nature of the relationship and I would keep a close eye on the guy too, for sure. But in principle, I think there isn't a problem. A friend of mine got married to a woman 13 years older, another friend is going out with a guy that is substantially older, and it works.

[Sindriss]

I really don't think you should underestimate experience. I have been with quite a lot of women and it has really paid off, both for myself and my girlfriend.

And I consider it very much unnatural to wait for the "special one".

And although I often find myself disagreeing with amp, I completely concur with his statement.

Quote

What if that little bit extra that puts you fully into a "I want to be with this person for the rest of my life" is being better in bed than a virgin is? A better connection in bed can do big things towards keeping a relationship strong and healthy

[worry]

You never know, some women might have a fetish for men who are really shaky and nervous during sex and then their stuff comes out pretty much right away and so she just cradles him and says "It's okay, it's okay, it's not important, you'll get better" while he shivers and weeps and weeps some more. And that's what gets her off, so so hot!