[Assail]

HoosierDaddy, on May 13 2009, 08:48 PM, said:

I take it your cousins are prepubescent females?

Actually no, ones a 30 year old with a Ph.D in psychology, the other one is a 27 year old high school teacher with a Masters in liberal studies.

To their shame, I say.

[HoosierDaddy]

They have now had their "adult" cards pulled.

[Assail]

HoosierDaddy, on May 13 2009, 08:51 PM, said:

They have now had their "adult" cards pulled.

I'll let them know that Malazan Empire has voted. Lol

Yeah, it's terrible. I expect awesome things when I go down to Sacramento to visit them and all of a sudden they pulled Twilight on me and tried to coerce me into reading it. Dark days those were.

[HoosierDaddy]

By chance, did they also recommend Tairy, or did you find that all on your own?

[Assail]

HoosierDaddy, on May 13 2009, 08:54 PM, said:

By chance, did they also recommend Tairy, or did you find that all on your own?

Oh, you had to pull that one on me. No, I discovered Terry GOODkind when I was back in Australia.

[Mezla PigDog]

KeithF, on May 14 2009, 12:32 AM, said:

Keith's summary

Wow! That is just astounding. I saw the first movie. I mentioned in the Movie thread, I have never seen so many alone women watching a movie before. Unfortunately I was one of them, but I was in a country where I had no friends at the time, so I am not a sad loser, honest.

Keith's summary makes me want to watch the next movie even more. The first one was brilliant. Stuffed full of slo-mo staring and heavy breathing and Bella sticking her boobs out in Edwards general direction. I found it highly entertaining and it sounds like it will only get better!

Mormon vampire paedo crush ftw!

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Mappo's Travelling Sack, on May 13 2009, 11:41 PM, said:

Last week I was in the university bookshop with my girlfriend, a friend and his girlfriend just looking for some good fantasy books to buy (I bought The Steel Remains - looks good). We rounded the corner into the fantasy section and there is a girl standing there, a copy of Twilight in her hand, opened up to some random page with a dreamy, beatific smile on her face. She is completely oblivious to the world - my girlfriend even tries to talk to her about what she's reading, and she gets grumpy and storms off to find a quite place to read it. I thought that was a bit rude, and said so, but my girlfriend was "understanding" and admitted that it was rude to interrupt her reading. I told her it was a good thing; girls shouldn't be reading that trash. "OOH! Look at me, I'm sparkly! This is the skin of a killer! I can read minds, despite the fact I'm a vampire, not telepathic. *Dracula voice* I want to suck your blood!...but I'm too pansy to do it 'cos I'm in lurrrrrve for no reason whatsoever". You wouldn't believe the amount of vitriolic hate that was directed my way. My friend agreed with me, and he got a blasting too. "You wouldn't understand! He doesn't bite her cos he loves her too much"...blah blah blah ad nauseum.

Anyway, later on we were back at my friend's house, and suddenly me and my girlfriend hear a heated argument. Going to investigate, we find out that his girlfriend is pissed because he's not romantic enough; he says he loves her but doesn't show it yadda yadda yadda and why he can't be sensitive and sweet like Edward. Now, I was floored. She's comparing their relationship to a fictional one between an idiot of a girl and a completely retarded vampire. I once read a similar story on FML, where a girl dumped her boyfriend for the same reason. It's batshit crazy.

Earlier that night I was at home with my girlfriend talking about how irrational it was and she should stop comparing real people to fictional characters in what is essentially a romance novel intended for teenagers. It shouldn't be taken seriously. Anyway, my girlfriend then turns to me and says, "...you know, she has a point. You never do anything nice like that for me."...Goddammit. Are all women crazy? I'm starting to think so.

Oh, and today, I came home from uni to find 4 Twilight books on my bookshelf with a note from my girlfriend attached to one of them saying "YOU MUST READ. NO SEX UNTIL YOU DO. Love, Emma." ...I hate my life. Now, initially I was worried that I had 4 Twilight books polluting what is essentially a marvelous collection of fantasy, now I'm more concerned about how I'm going to actually read these books while not having sex and how she got into my house...she doesn't have a key.

Damn, Mappo, and I thought you had it pretty good!

These people are pathetic. I know women have some romanticised portion of their brain, but if they are going to make real-life decisions based on the happenings of a fictional series (and one with little depth or scope) then they deserve what they get. Mind you, Twilight is not the sole instigator of such things-I'm sure more than one dedicated Malazan fan has tried to make explosives in a pottery class...

No sex until you read Twilight? You poor bastard. I suggest you sit down with her and talk things out in a reasonable fashion.

And if that fails, use blackmail.

-AIJ, I never did nothing...

[beru]

i am torn between my "read only good books that actually look good" and reading these books so i can talk with the girls in class about em... THEY say they are good but then... they are girls...
but ive heard of this boy that reads em (and likes em) and then i more or less instantly draw the "there are boys and there are boys" ... i realy DONT want to read these ... and i dont like that kind of books... WHAT TO DOOO

[lobo the wolfman]

Mappo, you can give her a copy of 'American Psycho' and tell her that you will read all three books of Twilight if she reads that one book. Then when she feels sick and upset from it, (and she will) you can say "WELL THATS HOW I FEEL READ THESE FUCKING BOOKS" ........ and that will be the end of that.

[Assail]

beru, on May 14 2009, 12:39 AM, said:

i am torn between my "read only good books that actually look good" and reading these books so i can talk with the girls in class about em... THEY say they are good but then... they are girls...
but ive heard of this boy that reads em (and likes em) and then i more or less instantly draw the "there are boys and there are boys" ... i realy DONT want to read these ... and i dont like that kind of books... WHAT TO DOOO

Well let me say one thing. Reading them COULD be justified if you read them in pursuit of sex.

Second of all, you don't even really have to read them. Most of the information concerning the books can be found on Wikipedia, thus saving you time and a riming of your asshole by reading them.

You know what to do, beru. Truck on friend!

[beru]

well it will be in pusurit of sex but since all these girls are the onlyones ive met that are as good to re read as me i think i have to read the shit

[Aptorian]

HoosierDaddy, on May 14 2009, 02:08 AM, said:

Encyclopediadramatica's take.

Rave reviews! Lol.

I thoroughly enjoyed this part:

Also known as Twilight 2: Electric Boogaloo

Hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tm-JEeiMHXY...player_embedded

I think she actually came somewhere around the middle...

And then of course there is this crazy lady

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWOlAlKajFY...feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHf-WJc_7Dw...feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-turfrcQY-w...feature=related

[Gem Windcaster]

*dies laughing after reading Illy's Twilight version*

Completely spot on, seriously.

This post has been edited by Gem Windcaster: 14 May 2009 - 11:42 AM

[MTS]

I told my girlfriend this over the phone tonight. In a spasm of obscene maturity, she hung up on me.


Moral of the story: Ridiculing Twitards is fun.

Attached File(s)

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This post has been edited by Mappo's Travelling Sack: 14 May 2009 - 01:09 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

Loving all the ripping out of it... That video of her reacting to the stupid trailer cracked me up!

[MTS]

Yeah, that has to be the best thing about Twilight - the endless amount of material that bashes the hell out of it.

[Abyss]

HoosierDaddy, on May 13 2009, 08:26 PM, said:

Twilightaward.jpg

I want one hundred sheets of pedobear stickers and a coordinated campaign to stealthily place them on copies of Twilight around the world.

See to it.

- Abyss, subversive.

[Abyss]

beru, on May 14 2009, 03:39 AM, said:

i am torn between my "read only good books that actually look good" and reading these books so i can talk with the girls in class about em... THEY say they are good but then... they are girls...
but ive heard of this boy that reads em (and likes em) and then i more or less instantly draw the "there are boys and there are boys" ... i realy DONT want to read these ... and i dont like that kind of books... WHAT TO DOOO

I am going on the record stating that anyone who reads the Twilight books for the express purpose of getting laid deserves all the crazy twitard goth freaky sex they can survive.

- Abyss, ...notes that could be both a good or a bad thing...

[Mezla PigDog]

HoosierDaddy, on May 13 2009, 08:26 PM, said:

Twilightaward.jpg

Is that really the cover of the book (minus the paedobear seal of approval, of course!). If so, what is with the apple? There were no apples in the film! Is it supposed to be implying that they are like Adam and Eve and Bella is experiencing temptation and flirting with sin? Or is she handing over her fruits to him?!

These books are a lot more popular in America, right? Coincidence....?

[beru]

Abyss, on May 14 2009, 04:46 PM, said:

beru, on May 14 2009, 03:39 AM, said:

i am torn between my "read only good books that actually look good" and reading these books so i can talk with the girls in class about em... THEY say they are good but then... they are girls...
but ive heard of this boy that reads em (and likes em) and then i more or less instantly draw the "there are boys and there are boys" ... i realy DONT want to read these ... and i dont like that kind of books... WHAT TO DOOO

I am going on the record stating that anyone who reads the Twilight books for the express purpose of getting laid deserves all the crazy twitard goth freaky sex they can survive.

- Abyss, ...notes that could be both a good or a bad thing...

me meeting a girl and we start talking about books where i have since twilight got out been exseptional...

Me: "so do you read enything?"
her: "ive read the twilight series"
me: "okay... you thogth they were good too then?"
her: "they are the best ive ever read! not that i read much... do you read?"
me: "yes i do! i read alot infact"
her: "have you read them?"
Me: no... i dont usaly read girl books..."

and so ends the talk about random things that i enjoy...

EDIT: as long as dont start with "ive meet this boy that read them..."

This post has been edited by beru: 14 May 2009 - 03:20 PM