Twilight: Wet dreams becoming reality...

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Twilight: Wet dreams becoming reality... ...and not in a good way.

#21 Sixty

Don't be fooled. I am very serious.

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 02:14 PM

Mappo's Travelling Sack, on May 13 2009, 10:08 AM, said:

That's a great idea, but unfortunately she's read most of them, yet still likes Twilight. She even reads Erikson! Women are completely irrational.

Btw that script was hilarious haha.

I'd suggest that it's because Erikson has next to no romance, but calling Twilight a romance novel would be an atrocious insult. No genre, even one I personally dislike, deserves that.

#22 Abyss

abyssus abyssum invocat

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 02:17 PM

FFS, between Wikipedia and fan sites you can cover all three books in two hours at the outside.

It is a fad. If you ignore it, eventually it will go away. Once all five movies have come and gone, that is.

For anyone whose SO wants them to be more like Edward, just find a vagrant, kill him and leave him at her doorstep with a note that says 'you're my own personal heroine so you're safe.'. That should cover it.

- Abyss, also notes you could use the movie to justify any time you spend playing baseball.

THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT THERE IS A
'VIEW NEW CONTENT' BUTTON THAT
ALLOWS YOU TO VIEW NEW CONTENT

#23 MTS

Fourth Investiture

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 02:27 PM

Mushroom, on May 14 2009, 12:11 AM, said:

Really? even Book of the New Sun ..?

Dump Her.

She is Immature.

Or you can do what Mezla said, stick to your guns. Eventually she will realise what an immature ~~piece of shit~~ brat she is and come to here senses with the Twilight crap.

Nah, I'm batting way out of my league already, why tempt fate?

Eh, she'll get over it. I'm tempted to just Wikipedia it and hope that works.

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.

Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades.

#24 Eddie Dean

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 02:32 PM

These types of books and movies that portray men as "romantic" are essentially porn for women. They create unrealistic expectations for couples that in no way is good. I know how you feel though, Map. Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet. Hey, I was forced to watch 3 freaking Jane Austin movies (each over 5 hours long). It was a sad, sad week for me.

Uva Uvam Vivendo Varia Fit

#25 Illuyankas

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 02:44 PM

Did someone say Twilight?

Why_you_should_never_read_Twilight.jpg (165.33K)
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Twilight_Troll_1.jpg (72.18K)
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twilight1.png (35.29K)
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twilight6.png (35.64K)
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twilight7.png (18.89K)
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Because I think I heard someone say Twilight.

Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.

#26 Eddie Dean

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 02:50 PM

You have made my day.

Uva Uvam Vivendo Varia Fit

#27 bwgan

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 02:51 PM

You do realise part of the reason I come on here is to get away from Twilight? My daughter is obsessed with that rubbish...I don't even care that it's got her reading again. I NEVER want to hear about bleepin Bella and terrible Ted again. (It really winds her up when I call him that.

)

Normally I would not get so irritated without trying to read a bit of it to see for myself...but when my daughter talks about the story I get this sudden irrational urge to lock her in her room...don't know why...other than that stupid dreamy look and the fact that she NEVER shuts up about it.

Edit: Illy you are brilliant...I am going to drag her to my laptop to see that...much hilarity (for me anyway) should ensue.

This post has been edited by bwgan: 13 May 2009 - 02:56 PM

'Tell me, Tool, what dominates your thoughts?'
The Imass shrugged before replying. 'I think of Mafia, Adjunct.'
'Do all Imass think about Mafia?'
'No. Few think at all.'
'Why is that?'
The Imass leaned his head to one side and regarded her. 'Because, Adjunct, they are sheeple.'

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" ... and then it hits me.

#28 Cause

Elder God

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 02:55 PM

Sex is worth lying for. Wiki the plot, skim it pass her test. Giveher a right good roggering. Than tell her you reckon bella is better in bed and leave her.

Is twilight really such a fad. I have seen crowds of girls, that is thirteen or younger, surrounding its shelf at the bookstore. Yes it has its own shelf. Not seen much more madness than that and a few Face book statuses. Im kinda tempted to read some of it now. In the bookstore of course.

#29 bwgan

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 03:03 PM

I just made her read Illy's bit...she wasn't amused...but I WAS! :innocent:

I don't think she is going to speak to me the rest of the evening.....YEAH!

#30 MTS

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 03:10 PM

You are a good parent, bwgan.

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.

Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades.

#31 Bhurnae

Close to the hedge.........

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 03:31 PM

Mappo..........I'm old...I had never even heard of Twilight. I shall never forgive you.

Mezla PigDog, on 28 September 2009 - 09:34 PM, said:

I have been entertaining tourists for many years now.... A girls gotta make a living.

#32 Darkwatch

A Strange Human

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 04:09 PM

Mezla PigDog, on May 13 2009, 09:54 AM, said:

Stick to your guns. Women like a stubborn man really (you just have to pick the right things to be stubborn about). If she dumps you because you won't read Twilight, then she's not really long term material

Give her the gift of meat.

You see this Mappo?
This is advice given to you by a woman.
You have been granted liscence to kill.

If it should fail, just tell her that if she's willing to hold off sex for any reason then she's a controlling freak and you want nothing more to do with her.

The Pub is Always Open

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Cursed Summer returns. The Lady Now Sleeps.

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RodeoRanch said:

You're a rock.
A non-touching itself rock.

#33 Aptorian

How 'bout a hug?

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 04:25 PM

Dump her. Some things are just inexcusable. What kind of a monster would force her loved ones to read Twillight?

#34 Darkwatch

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 04:31 PM

There's also the Cracked. com synopsis of each book. If you're trying to get past without reading them I suggest it.

Cracked on Twilight

And to add to the anti twilight picture fest:

Posted Image

Attached File(s)

Terror_Poster_by_SagashiIndustries.jpg (126.08K)
Number of downloads: 11

RodeoRanch said:

You're a rock.
A non-touching itself rock.

#35 KeithF

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 07:53 PM

I read the first book a while ago because it was on special offer and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. I just found it bland, to be honest. I don't really understand the reason for all the obsession (what's so uber-romantic about it?) or, conversely, the venomous hate - I don't think it's bad enough to cause vomiting, for example. Maybe the later books are worse, I've certainly heard some insane things about Breaking Dawn. Anyway, I guess the hate is at least partly prompted by the crazy fans who hold it up as some kind of deity in book form.

I think malazan is a pretty cool guy. eh kills well-loved characters and doesn't afraid of anything.

#36 Assail

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 07:58 PM

Lmfao. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard between the /b/ story and the Twitard post. Jesus Christ man, I'm now just regaining my breath after a good 10 mins.

I still heart Goodkind.

#37 HoosierDaddy

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 08:30 PM

Lie. Lie lie lie. And call Ed Cedric or Diggory.

Trouble arrives when the opponents to such a system institute its extreme opposite, where individualism becomes godlike and sacrosanct, and no greater service to any other ideal (including community) is possible. In such a system rapacious greed thrives behind the guise of freedom, and the worst aspects of human nature come to the fore....

#38 Mentalist

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 10:32 PM

what is twilight?

Mentalist, oblivious to the world...

The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard
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Jump Around, on 23 October 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

And I want to state that Ment has out-weaseled me by far in this game.

#39 HoosierDaddy

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 10:34 PM

It's that time, right after sunset (I think) when Vampires are especially sparkly and women are even more likely to be come over by romantical romancing of the deadly monster type.