[Gust Hubb]

Yeah, I haven't been drinking to drunk or blackout. More maintaining a long term tipsy and numbing, and yesterday that was about 4-5 shots and a glass of wine over about 3 hours, which is a lot for me. I tonight I probably won't drink, and generally I don't bother with alcohol. It has just been too many days of anxiety and downness, and I am trying to break the buildup before it overwhelms me. But if I get to the point I am drinking every day for weeks, then I will be very concerned.

[Aptorian]

Gust. As a doctor, you should probably step back and read what you just wrote and ask yourself how concerned you'd be if a patient gave you the explanation you just did. You're creating habits and finding escape in alcohol. You're self medicating.

How far are you going to go down this path to try and keep your relationship going and at what point is it time to start thinking about your own life and your health?

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 25 July 2020 - 04:14 AM

[Gust Hubb]

Aptorian, on 25 July 2020 - 04:13 AM, said:

Gust. As a doctor, you should probably step back and read what you just wrote and ask yourself how concerned you'd be if a patient gave you the explanation you just did. You're creating habits and finding escape in alcohol. You're self medicating.

How far are you going to go down this path to try and keep your relationship going and at what point is it time to start thinking about your own life and your health?

Thank you for the advice. Yeah, I know I am self-medicating and I know that as a rule, alcohol treating the emotions resulting from larger problems is not the answer. Posting here serves at least two purposes:

First, it is cathartic release of pressures that, in the face-to-face world, I have few I can talk to. My sister is very helpful hearing me out, but I am always afraid of burning her out, And of course, my wife can be helpful, but that is dependent on her state of mind, which has been more miss than hit of late. I sincerely appreciate people here letting me air out my struggles, and your support is one of pillars keeping me up.

Second, posting here is reaching out for help and tracking behaviors or events I fear will worsen. I rarely have been drunk in my life and drinking has been typically a social activity for me. I am pretty sure I am not an alcoholic. I have been drinking more often, usually coincident with surges of bad days. That most recent day I was drinking, I was alarmed how much I had consumed and how the alcohol helped less in numbing the overwhelming feelings. That was a bit of a wake up call that I should not pursue upping the dose, but I was also sussing out this opinion on thread to see if people would scoff at what I considered excessive.

This year so far is awful, as those of you following my posts have seen (and as I know most of you are probably experiencing yourselves). I was on track towards suicide a few months ago, though not the closest I have ever been. I immediately got help through counseling and prescriptions. I am no longer employed and my career path is likely dead as I cannot stand medicine as a practice any more. Considering the 7 years of post grad training to get there and the hundreds of thousands of dollars in student debt, this is a big deal for me. Things with my wife have been up and down, fortunately more up the last few weeks, which gives me hope. But I also recognize I strongly considered ending our relationship not more than a month prior.


tl;dr :

I am trying to watch the direction of things, including alcohol, and reaching out for accountability from people like you. I really appreciate you caring and watching out for me.

[Traveller]

It's often underestimated just how cathartic a post on here can be. You're sure to get the piss taken pretty quick, but you also find people who are outside your circle and family who can give you support and a clearer view on things.

[Darkwatch]

Insomnia

[Gust Hubb]

20 Days of Sheep, on 27 July 2020 - 09:16 PM, said:

I’m disgusted with what I witnessed out of mostly curiosity today. I shouldn’t have agreed to do it so I’m not blameless.

?

[Abyss]

This is a trucksex thing, isn't it.

[Abyss]

Trucksex thing confirmed.

[Maark Abbott]

Gym reopened. Sore all over. Dying.

[Tsundoku]

That'd be the COVID/leprosy crossover.

Ignore it, I'm sure you'll be fine.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 28 July 2020 - 08:40 AM

[Maark Abbott]

Honestly it's dire. Not due to train upper body again until Thursday but my god, it's supremely stiff two days on. Can hardly lift my arms up. Hot baths can only do so much.

[Tsundoku]

Can you afford remedial massage from one of those places that doesn't have a red light out the front?

[Aptorian]

Maark Abbott, on 28 July 2020 - 11:51 AM, said:

Honestly it's dire. Not due to train upper body again until Thursday but my god, it's supremely stiff two days on. Can hardly lift my arms up. Hot baths can only do so much.

Have you tried rolling around on fresh legos.

[QuickTidal]

Aptorian, on 28 July 2020 - 02:14 PM, said:

Maark Abbott, on 28 July 2020 - 11:51 AM, said:

Honestly it's dire. Not due to train upper body again until Thursday but my god, it's supremely stiff two days on. Can hardly lift my arms up. Hot baths can only do so much.

Have you tried rolling around on fresh legos.

Apropos of nothing...what the hell are UNfresh (Stale?) legos Apt?

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 28 July 2020 - 02:33 PM

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 28 July 2020 - 02:32 PM, said:

Aptorian, on 28 July 2020 - 02:14 PM, said:

Maark Abbott, on 28 July 2020 - 11:51 AM, said:

Honestly it's dire. Not due to train upper body again until Thursday but my god, it's supremely stiff two days on. Can hardly lift my arms up. Hot baths can only do so much.

Have you tried rolling around on fresh legos.

Apropos of nothing...what the hell are UNfresh (Stale?) legos Apt?

Less sticky.

[Aptorian]

Fresh lego cuts through flesh and bone.

[Malankazooie]

Cryotherapy. Freeze your berries, they will stay fresh longer.

[Cause]

So my new job is in sales. Different world for me. But I am doing okay. Because half the month was training and only half work we arranged a deal that if I hit half my monthly goal I’d get half my month bonus. Well it seems a lock. I needed five qualified demos. Five already happened and I was told 4 were a lock. Now they caged their mind and tell me only 3 count. I still have two demos scheduled for the month but I have gone from supremely confident I’d get my bonus to now being very uncertain. It really sucks. The bonus is half my salary again so it a big deal.

[Abyss]

Malankazooie, on 28 July 2020 - 05:17 PM, said:

Cryotherapy. Freeze your berries, they will stay fresh longer.

or break off.

[Aptorian]

Cause, on 28 July 2020 - 10:36 PM, said:

So my new job is in sales. Different world for me. But I am doing okay. Because half the month was training and only half work we arranged a deal that if I hit half my monthly goal I’d get half my month bonus. Well it seems a lock. I needed five qualified demos. Five already happened and I was told 4 were a lock. Now they caged their mind and tell me only 3 count. I still have two demos scheduled for the month but I have gone from supremely confident I’d get my bonus to now being very uncertain. It really sucks. The bonus is half my salary again so it a big deal.

It's hard to tell what the exact circumstances are of these performance markers you mention but I would be careful about this. It sounds like they made a deal with you and are going back on that deal or moving the goal posts. That's unacceptable if it's a matter of your salary. Doesn't matter if it's 1% or 50%.

The cynic in me thinks you've got a middle manager that's trying to figure out if he can get away with denying you your bonus because you're new, to get a better bottom line to report to his superiors end of month/quarter, what ever.

Don't let that become a habit just because you're new and afraid they'll fire you.