[Macros]

Bullet dodged.
Did she ever even offer to pay?

You are indeed not a credit card

[Cause]

Macros, on 29 January 2017 - 07:45 AM, said:

Bullet dodged.
Did she ever even offer to pay?

You are indeed not a credit card

On the first date she offered but I insisted. Same on the second. By the third when I would have accepted she never offered and never again. I didn't love that part. Especially since she knew I'm undergoing my PhD examination and am therefore no longer getting scholarships but also unemployed. Still I liked her and I'm by no means broke so not a deal ender.

Still to suddenly hear that everything I did was somehow a mistake. The movie for example I thought was me making a good gesture. I should have taken her for dinner as well.

It's just so amazing to me to realize that there were two relationships. The one I saw and the one she saw and they were apparently worlds apart

By no means the first break up I have ever been through but this one bothers me. Can't force a relationship but I feel hard done by in this instance

This post has been edited by Cause: 29 January 2017 - 10:10 AM

[amphibian]

You may have made the insistence on paying a too forceful thing. Listening to people is hard, especially when observing what effect your actions and words have on them.

[Cause]

amphibian, on 29 January 2017 - 02:53 PM, said:

You may have made the insistence on paying a too forceful thing. Listening to people is hard, especially when observing what effect your actions and words have on them.

Even if so I don't think not paying once should have caused the end of the world. She actually said she expected it and maybe when younger it would have been okay but not anymore. If I took her on a date fine, but she asked me to a farewell party for a friend of hers. I drove her, a sister and a friend to the party. I dont think within 1 month of dating I should be on the hook for every cost incurred while we are in the same room together.

[amphibian]

I re read everything you wrote. It really sounds like she was terrible at communicating what she wanted - and you were not good at picking this up and adjusting accordingly.

What I mean by the forceful thing is that if the dynamic shifts from "OK, let's split this" to "I'll let him pick up the check every time" within three dates, it could be she's a gold digger or she felt you had a huge stake in picking up the check. Given how you two missed each other's signals and how she behaved at the dinner party, I think it's a combination.

Yeah, you dodged a bullet (seriously). Better luck next time.

This post has been edited by amphibian: 29 January 2017 - 10:11 PM

[Una]

All of that is weird, except for the Ryan Gosling crush. All that proves is that she is female, which I assume is what you were going for. For the rest of it, someone who expects you to be a mind reader is bad news. Girls who expect you to pay for every single date after 15 dates are not that common these days. That hasn't been the social norm for at least a decade. It's not wrong, but it's a courtship standard very specific to only a few cultural groups, none of which a mainstream Westerner is going to have an easy time getting along with.

I agree with the above posters. Bullet dodged.

[Loki]

Una, on 29 January 2017 - 09:24 PM, said:

All of that is weird, except for the Ryan Gosling crush. All that proves is that she is female, which I assume is what you were going for. For the rest of it, someone who expects you to be a mind reader is bad news. Girls who expect you to pay for every single date after 15 dates are not that common these days. That hasn't been the social norm for at least a decade. It's not wrong, but it's a courtship standard very specific to only a few cultural groups, none of which a mainstream Westerner is going to have an easy time getting along with.

I agree with the above posters. Bullet dodged.

All of that is weird, except for the Ryan Gosling crush. All that proves is that she is female

I take exception to that statement.

[amphibian]

The answer, post Crazy Stupid Love, is clearly to Ryan.

[Macros]

Given Lokis taste in music and books, this revelation does not surprise me in the least. I fully expect her now to say the most handsomest man in the world is in fact weird Al Yankovich.

But the answer is always to Ryan

[Loki]

Macros, on 30 January 2017 - 06:09 AM, said:

I fully expect her now to say the most handsomest man in the world is in fact weird Al Yankovich.

Actually, it's Sean Bean. Followed closely by Idris Elba.

But that's only because Paul Newman and Steve McQueen are dead.

I honestly don't understand the Gosling love. I mean, he seems like a nice enough guy and all but he doesn't make my ovaries swoon.

This post has been edited by Loki: 30 January 2017 - 06:42 AM

[Macros]

Well Sean bean is a totally understandable one. I'm a huge Sharpe fan after all.
The two Ryan's are handsome men though

[LadyMTL]

Quote

Actually, it's Sean Bean. Followed closely by Idris Elba.

But that's only because Paul Newman and Steve McQueen are dead.

I honestly don't understand the Gosling love. I mean, he seems like a nice enough guy and all but he doesn't make my ovaries swoon.

As a woman myself I also don't understand the Gosling love, I never have. (Neither Ryan does it for me in any way).
You're 100% on the mark about Idris Elba, though. He's right up there on my "hot damn" list, lol.

And Cause, I think you really did dodge a bullet there. If a man I was dating actually went so far as to find a movie starring my favorite actor for us to watch (and I didn't even have to ask him to do it!) I would be thrilled.

This post has been edited by Maia Irraz: 30 January 2017 - 01:05 PM

[MTS]

With my partner it's all about Ryan Reynolds. She was super disappointed in Deadpool because you hardly ever saw his face. My reply was along the lines of: 'he's in a tight spandex suit that shows off his ass, what more do you want?!'

[Loki]

MTS, on 30 January 2017 - 01:19 PM, said:

With my partner it's all about Ryan Reynolds. She was super disappointed in Deadpool because you hardly ever saw his face. My reply was along the lines of: 'he's in a tight spandex suit that shows off his ass, what more do you want?!'

Karl Urban in Dredd was so drool-worthy and you never saw his face at all.

[Andorion]

My SO is all for Chris Pratt and Cumberbatch. She went into a week long sulk when Cumberbatch announced he was getting married!

[Mentalist]

No work, because our network crashed and I can't access the server, which has all the client databases, and basically everything I've been working on.

Waiting for the IT guy to come by, and dying of boredom.

Can't YouTube, b/c my phone's close to hitting the datacap, and I got another week and a half to go before reset.

[CowboyYojimbo]

My girlfriend is coming back from a 21 day treatment program for alcohol abuse related to anxiety. I'm terrified because if she drinks again, that's a very deliberate choice and I may have to leave the woman that I'd otherwise want to be with forever.
Also the job I applied for, that seems to be my only option and will allow me to go buy myself a house, is taking a real long time with their other interviews and decisions.

So I may have dream girl, house, and gainful employment.
OR
Unemployed and heartbroken

"Stay Tuned!" said life.

[worry]

I'm not gonna tell you to sacrifice everything you have forever to save this lady, but I do advise you not to make it a "last chance" ultimatum type deal (expressed overtly or not), if you have marriage-type feelings for her. The "choice" to relapse isn't as cut and dry as you may think, and addicts slip up sometimes. Recovery is hard work, relapses happen, and they're not necessarily a sign of hopelessness or giving up. I know there are energy-sucking elements to this for you as well -- anger, sadness, frustration, all that -- I'm just saying if you love her like that, then do your best and maybe do more than you thought was your best, cuz it could be worth it. Good luck to both of you.

[CowboyYojimbo]

death rattle, on 30 January 2017 - 09:40 PM, said:

I'm not gonna tell you to sacrifice everything you have forever to save this lady, but I do advise you not to make it a "last chance" ultimatum type deal (expressed overtly or not), if you have marriage-type feelings for her. The "choice" to relapse isn't as cut and dry as you may think, and addicts slip up sometimes. Recovery is hard work, relapses happen, and they're not necessarily a sign of hopelessness or giving up. I know there are energy-sucking elements to this for you as well -- anger, sadness, frustration, all that -- I'm just saying if you love her like that, then do your best and maybe do more than you thought was your best, cuz it could be worth it. Good luck to both of you.

Thank you very much.
I haven't delivered an ultimatum yet, I'm just afraid that there will never be a future. No trust, no kid, more lies and sneaking. If I keep forgiving, she may keep doing it. How long does one wait on this.
I guess time will tell if theres improvements. Longer bouts and what not.
Thank you for the advice and luck!

This post has been edited by CowboyYojimbo: 30 January 2017 - 09:49 PM

[Macros]

Everytime I think I'm getting my finances together and almost to a point where I don't need to be thinking how much money do I have, how long to pay day?
Then kapow.
Right in the wallet. It's like everyone conspires together to land me with expenses all at once. Just had to shell out for two stag weekends and found out proposed accommodation for march has went up in price.

STOP TAKING ALL MY MONEY DAMN YOU