[amphibian]

The advice above is really good. I would also avoid making her feel like the happiness/future of you two is contingent solely upon her staying clean. That's a lot of pressure to put on immediately after rehab, especially with someone who deals with anxiety.

Be happy yourself (good luck with the job), make room for her, make it easier for her to not drink, and find ways to be together. Best wishes to you both.

This post has been edited by amphibian: 31 January 2017 - 05:48 AM

[Slow Ben]

Big fucking banks.

I swear to shit, what should be a simple transaction turns into a shitstorm of bullshit when you're dealing with larger banks.

EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

[Loki]

The advice above is good but know that it's totally okay to decide that you don't want to gamble your future on a person who may not ever be able to give you what you want.

Alcoholism is a horribly insidious addiction that can tainted and destroy every aspect of a person's life. Double so when that person has a partner or children etc.

I'm on the fence about ultimatums. On one hand, it's adding pressure to an already stressful situation. On the otherhand, you should be up front about your feelings and where you are at in the relationship.

Also, after years of playing 'parent' to an alcoholic parent (and by default my siblings) the thing that finally got my mum to go sober was my telling her that if she ever had another drink I would totally cut myself off from her for the rest of my life. She was in treatment that night and then never touched alcohol again for the rest of her life (about 15 years).
So sometimes, whether the other person steps up or not, I think ultimatums are necessary for people to find the strength to do what they need to do - whether that's get help or leaving the situation.

This is a shitty situation but know that it's okay for you to say enough is enough and that you don't have to take on all the hurt and pain and betrayal that can come from being with an alcoholic.

[Mezla PigDog]

And of course you can give an ultimatum and they "choose" drink over you and you feel like shit. It's totally ok to walk away.

[LadyMTL]

I'm still rattled by the shooting that happened at a mosque here in QC on Sunday night.
My father and stepfamily are Muslim (he converted) and, though I know the likelihood of anything happening to them is slim to none, I can't help but be afraid for them. Honestly, I know it's super naive of me but I just wish people could get along. I've never had a disagreement with anyone in my family over religion, my dad doesn't try to convert me, my stepmom doesn't hint that I should cover my hair...nothing like that. I love my family and they love me, and we respect one another and our different beliefs.

Now, I don't want to make this political, and at the end of the day we don't yet know the motive behind the shooting, but why is this still freaking happening? Gah.

This post has been edited by Maia Irraz: 31 January 2017 - 01:08 PM

[Loki]

It's still happening because large parts of society keep legitimising it. :S

[Abyss]

If you mean it's being legitimised culturally, sadly i agree w you on a global scale, but not here.
Canada is fairly harsh on hate speech and it doesn't get a pass under freedom of expression or free speech.
Also, less guns.

This was a flat out hate crime and all the more jarring for where and when it happened. Quebec City has its foibles, and its share, or more than its share, of small town/minds racism, but not at this level.

[worry]

I'll politicize it, since we do know his motivations. He was a white nationalist/alt-right true believer, inspired by Le Pen, (yes) Trump, and it seems, the pits of hell that are channer board /pol/ culture. Like most radicalization, you have sociopaths manipulating (& over time, brainwashing) susceptible young people to do violence for their cause. The chan and post-reddit boards absolutely foster these cultures -- they aren't necessarily pyramid shaped like cults, since there's multiple sociopaths and a pretense of "peers" egging each other on, but there's also proportionately more follower types, many of whom, for one reason or another, live the bulk of their social lives online.

This quick Tweetstorm spells it out on point: https://twitter.com/...210834649079808
"We need to talk about these 'lone wolf' white terrorists who turn out to belong to online white supremacist & MRA communities."

[Garak]

So after numerous protests against the amnesty law (which my government claims would ease the crowding in prisons but which would also - actually mostly - wipe away the accusations of corruption of a ton of politicians) our corrupt as hell government passed the law. In the middle of the night, hoping no one would notice. They even published it officially in the middle of the night like the bunch of crooks they are. People went into the street again, asking for the government to resign but I'm not going to hold my breath on it. Now the leader of the PSD (Socialist Democrat Party originally formed out of members of the Communist Party after the revolution, a bunch of thieves and the main source of corruption in this country), is going to be able to run for the job of Prime Minister since this new law will wipe away the accusations of corruption he's facing. Fucking hell!

Ad they keep getting people to vote for them by promising (and sometimes actually doing it) of raising salaries and pensions while dropping taxes - and then of course not giving enough money to the health and education sectors because they ran out of money (after voting for more benefits for themselves of course). It's shit like this that sees people like Trump get elected (who then prove to be no better or worse because we can't have nice things on this planet).

[Mezla PigDog]

The baby slept 11hrs through the night from 2 months old. He's decided to quit that now at 8 months. Soooo not prepared. I was already mainlining caffeine. Where do you go from there?

[QuickTidal]

Mez, that's probably the 8month Sleep Regression. Sounds like he skipped the 4 Month Regression. But yeah, this is him adjusting to sleeping like an adult, as opposed to a newborn. The 8Month is all about the developmental milestones of that age. Stolen from a Sleep Regression site: At this stage, most babies are making great strides physically – learning to crawl, to pull up, to cruise, etc. There’s also a lot of brain development happening at this stage. Your baby is absorbing language like crazy! Finally, most babies are cutting at least a few teeth during this season. Add it all up, and you get more night waking, shorter (or even skipped) naps, and one cranky baby on your hands.

And the reason I know about this AND the reason I'm in the groove thread this morning?

My wife and I are in the throws of about day five of the 4 Month Sleep Regression (though she's just over 5 months). Our little monkey was a great sleeper till a few days ago....then all of the sudden, she's up every 45min to 2hrs...all...night. My wife is getting very little sleep, as she wakes up every 1.5hrs to 2 and feeds for only a minute or so, and then falls back asleep. I do what I can to help, which is obviously little. I've told her to pump and I'll bottle feed her back to sleep...but she doesn't think that will work as the baby is VERY used to falling asleep at mommy's breast. We shall see.

Anyways, you have my support Mez...we appear to be going through sleep regressions at different months of our kids development.

[Mezla PigDog]

Yeah I don't believe in all this "sleep regression" and "developmental leaps" stuff. Babies be babies. Shit happens to them all the time and sometimes it affects their eating/sleeping/whatever and sometimes it doesn't. The labels that get put on it is people trying to shift books/generate web traffic/cling on to reasons for why they are going insane.

Either way I'm fucked.

[Slow Ben]

Mwahhaaahhhhhhaaaaahhhaaaaaaaaa.

Thats not a mean laugh, thats a sympathetic dad with circles under his eyes laugh.





Oh, and in before the advice on sleep training.

[MTS]

Garak, on 01 February 2017 - 07:49 AM, said:

So after numerous protests against the amnesty law (which my government claims would ease the crowding in prisons but which would also - actually mostly - wipe away the accusations of corruption of a ton of politicians) our corrupt as hell government passed the law. In the middle of the night, hoping no one would notice. They even published it officially in the middle of the night like the bunch of crooks they are. People went into the street again, asking for the government to resign but I'm not going to hold my breath on it. Now the leader of the PSD (Socialist Democrat Party originally formed out of members of the Communist Party after the revolution, a bunch of thieves and the main source of corruption in this country), is going to be able to run for the job of Prime Minister since this new law will wipe away the accusations of corruption he's facing. Fucking hell!

Ad they keep getting people to vote for them by promising (and sometimes actually doing it) of raising salaries and pensions while dropping taxes - and then of course not giving enough money to the health and education sectors because they ran out of money (after voting for more benefits for themselves of course). It's shit like this that sees people like Trump get elected (who then prove to be no better or worse because we can't have nice things on this planet).

It's quite sad, as I know they do a lot of good (and in fact that's why this affects me so much), but I can't remember the last time I saw something achieved by government that really reinforced my faith in how they work. It seems most stories everywhere are of regressions in tolerance, respect for people and institutions, making decisions based on evidence and not ideology, putting others first...

I mean, for the last ten years, my government has imprisoned thousands of men, women and children indefinitely, in quite literally torturous conditions, despite public and international outcry and tens of billions of wasted money. I mean, China actually criticised our human rights record, and with good reason! Most of our opposition politicians are too terrified of looking 'weak' to voters that they mostly choose to ignore it (in fact, our left-wing opposition leader actually uttered the phrase 'Australia First' yesterday), and our Treasurer was telling people on radio the other day that the rest of the world was finally 'catching up' to us on refugee policy, like it's a fucking good thing! Meanwhile, I just bet however few refugees America does decide to take from our detention centres, our Prime Minister will go on television saying the whole fucking system works, take credit from Islamophobes and we'll condemn thousands more people to awful torment just so we can feel safe in our callous bubble. All because we're too selfish to do the Christian thing and extend our hands out to people suffering from problems that we can't admit we're responsible for. Meanwhile we have the gall to claim we're an example to the rest of the world. It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to think that kind of activity is perpetrated in my name.

[Garak]

The thing with the refugees is that (from what I've read) during WWI Europe got flooded with them (naturally as large swaths of countryside became images from hell). And while at first, these refugees were welcomed and all that but after awhile countries soured on them and started treated them as we are doing now. So every time I hear someone yell that accepting refugees is going to mean Islam that and Islam this so we should keep them far away, I keep thinking "Yeah and if they were Christians you'd yell the same BS and tell us how they aren't Christian enough or some crap."

Times like this I feel like moving to Mars or something. The ammount of hate and bigotry in the world is just sad. Though I'm afraid of when all the various things reach boiling point and something big blows.

[Loki]

I'm with Mez. We covered sleep regression in my early childhood development class and even then I found it problematic.

My son has slept straight through the night since three weeks old, he is four in May and hasn't regressed once. The only issue we've had is trying to convince him that it is bedtime even though 'it's still very bright outside'. We explained about seasons and that seemed to fix it.

[Abyss]

Mezla PigDog, on 01 February 2017 - 01:25 PM, said:

...Either way I'm fucked.

Bottom line is bottom line.

Loki, on 01 February 2017 - 03:32 PM, said:

I'm with Mez. We covered sleep regression in my early childhood development class and even then I found it problematic.

My son has slept straight through the night since three weeks old, he is four in May and hasn't regressed once. The only issue we've had is trying to convince him that it is bedtime even though 'it's still very bright outside'. We explained about seasons and that seemed to fix it.

He's saving up. Just wait.

[QuickTidal]

Since I was told by our GP about sleep regression issues (teething, growth spurts, ect. causing sleep changes) with regards to our little one, I'm inclined to believe her. But that's probably a debate we shouldn't have since you both seem to be against that term.

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 01 February 2017 - 05:07 PM, said:

Since I was told by our GP about sleep regression issues (teething, growth spurts, ect. causing sleep changes) with regards to our little one, I'm inclined to believe her. But that's probably a debate we shouldn't have since you both seem to be against that term.

The term does get thrown around a lot by 'sleep consultants' and authors trying to sell books to semi-conscious parents, but sleep regression is absolutely a thing. The questions is which thing. As with many things baby, some get it, some don't, and there are a whole mess of other things that are similar/unrelated and equally frustrating/disruptive. Also, the term gets different uses from different places/professionals, from an actual age/stage/phase to a reaction to anything else like teething, milestoning, growth, daylight savings time, astral plane shifts, small trolls trying to drink their souls until a protective cat swats them into a fan blade, etc.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 01 February 2017 - 05:20 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 01 February 2017 - 05:07 PM, said:

Since I was told by our GP about sleep regression issues (teething, growth spurts, ect. causing sleep changes) with regards to our little one, I'm inclined to believe her. But that's probably a debate we shouldn't have since you both seem to be against that term.

The term does get thrown around a lot by 'sleep consultants' and authors trying to sell books to semi-conscious parents, but sleep regression is absolutely a thing. The questions is which thing. As with many things baby, some get it, some don't, and there are a whole mess of other things that are similar/unrelated and equally frustrating/disruptive. Also, the term gets different uses from different places/professionals, from an actual age/stage/phase to a reaction to anything else like teething, milestoning, growth, daylight savings time, astral plane shifts, small trolls trying to drink their souls until a protective cat swats them into a fan blade, etc.

Consider me disappointed that "milestoning" wasn't what it sounds like (picking up mile-marker stones from Mediaeval European roadways, and heaving them a distance for reward gold).