[Macros]

Sounds like a real Jive Turkey

[QuickTidal]

He is.

[Cause]

QuickTidal, on 28 January 2026 - 12:30 PM, said:

Thanks all for the advice, sound stuff. I'll probably take that advice and keep it as civil and ignored as I can.

Macros, on 28 January 2026 - 07:46 AM, said:

He doesn't pay??
What kind of bulkshit is that???


Ive never understood that 'their money my money' in a marriage or long term relationship.

Its a partnership, one pot of money

Yeah, the dynamics of their relationship is so strange...he treats his money like his money and when she asks for money to buy groceries or things for the kids he grumbles about it. She makes money but not anywhere near as much as he does. But of course when he wants to buys toys he's allowed (he bought a plane; crashed it [not his fault, but still], he bought a boat and assumed the place he paid to keep it over the winter would tell him he needed to winterize it [he did not, the boat is a write off now as it's destroyed])...so she's paid for the last few trips with her inheritance money from my MIL, and he's paid nothing.

And yeah, I'm with you, my wife and I have a shared pot as the marriage is a shared thing so we just pool all our money and larger purchases we discuss, I can still buy books without worrying and she can still buy skincare without worrying. I cannot fathom us having separate money and trying to manage a household...

When I tell you none of us understand how she ended up with such a selfish person...he doesn't contribute to cooking or cleaning up when we have family dinners at my father in laws...he just sits and drinks scotch. I usually cook, and almost always clean up (or help clean up) and he thinks me "girly" for doing it...so yeah my sister in law married a guy from the 1940's? I dunno. He's insufferable.

As someone who is not a fan of his ex-brother-in-law and likely future brother-in-law again I can commiserate but sadly have no constructive advice. Its painful when you feel you have a clear eyed perspective from the outside and your siter blinded by love or habit cant see the damage this person has wrought or forgives him for it. My ex-brother in law seems to have turned around quite a bit and even so I am not ready to trust him yet.

I guess I do have one piece of advice, whatever happens support your sister and make sure she knows its HIM not them. Thats a difficult line to walk of course.

This post has been edited by Cause: Today, 04:38 PM

[QuickTidal]

Cause, on 29 January 2026 - 04:10 PM, said:

As someone who is not a fan of his ex-brother-in-law and likely future brother-in-law I can commiserate but sadly have no constructive advice. Its painful when you feel you have a clear eyed perspective from the outside and your siter blinded by love or habit cant see the damage this person has wrought or forgives him for it. My ex-brother in law seems to have turned around quite a bit and even so I am not ready to trust him yet.

I guess I do have one piece of advice, whatever happens support your sister and make sure she knows its HIM not them. Thats a difficult line to walk of course.

Thanks man, yeah it's a tightrope walk...especially since the only time you can ALMOST criticize him is when she's mad at him, but even then she finds defences for him....which I assume are more for her than for him so she can maintain the facade that he's a good partner. A funny offshoot here is that she refuses to be confrontational with him cause he's a huge prick when she's done it...so she's meek about most things around him...but with ME...if we get into an argument she absolutely UNLOADS on me...and I realized long ago that I'm like the pressure release valve she can't use with him...so I bear the brunt of her old strong personality that she can't unleash on him. I don't like this, but I've come to accept it.

My wife and her sister are tight (or at least they think the are tight...in reality it's a deeply lopsided relationship where the sister does far more taking and my wife the unending giving, but never mind) so when we were filling out personal Wills and the kids had to "go to someone if we both unexpectedly passed" the sister expected she would be the one, but my wife and I discussed that I want my kids NOWHERE near her husband to raise them...and we put her brother and his wife instead...and the sister was PISSED for like a month at her...she kept bringing it up to try to get us to change our minds, and eventually I was forced to say "It's not you, it's your husband." and she finally backed off. That was years ago but I doubt she's forgotten. So we've walked this line before with her.