[Macros]

Sounds like a real Jive Turkey

[QuickTidal]

He is.

[Cause]

 QuickTidal, on 28 January 2026 - 12:30 PM, said:

Thanks all for the advice, sound stuff. I'll probably take that advice and keep it as civil and ignored as I can.

 Macros, on 28 January 2026 - 07:46 AM, said:

He doesn't pay??
What kind of bulkshit is that???


Ive never understood that 'their money my money' in a marriage or long term relationship.

Its a partnership, one pot of money

Yeah, the dynamics of their relationship is so strange...he treats his money like his money and when she asks for money to buy groceries or things for the kids he grumbles about it. She makes money but not anywhere near as much as he does. But of course when he wants to buys toys he's allowed (he bought a plane; crashed it [not his fault, but still], he bought a boat and assumed the place he paid to keep it over the winter would tell him he needed to winterize it [he did not, the boat is a write off now as it's destroyed])...so she's paid for the last few trips with her inheritance money from my MIL, and he's paid nothing.

And yeah, I'm with you, my wife and I have a shared pot as the marriage is a shared thing so we just pool all our money and larger purchases we discuss, I can still buy books without worrying and she can still buy skincare without worrying. I cannot fathom us having separate money and trying to manage a household...

When I tell you none of us understand how she ended up with such a selfish person...he doesn't contribute to cooking or cleaning up when we have family dinners at my father in laws...he just sits and drinks scotch. I usually cook, and almost always clean up (or help clean up) and he thinks me "girly" for doing it...so yeah my sister in law married a guy from the 1940's? I dunno. He's insufferable.

As someone who is not a fan of his ex-brother-in-law and likely future brother-in-law again I can commiserate but sadly have no constructive advice. Its painful when you feel you have a clear eyed perspective from the outside and your siter blinded by love or habit cant see the damage this person has wrought or forgives him for it. My ex-brother in law seems to have turned around quite a bit and even so I am not ready to trust him yet.

I guess I do have one piece of advice, whatever happens support your sister and make sure she knows its HIM not them. Thats a difficult line to walk of course.

This post has been edited by Cause: 29 January 2026 - 04:38 PM

[QuickTidal]

 Cause, on 29 January 2026 - 04:10 PM, said:

As someone who is not a fan of his ex-brother-in-law and likely future brother-in-law I can commiserate but sadly have no constructive advice. Its painful when you feel you have a clear eyed perspective from the outside and your siter blinded by love or habit cant see the damage this person has wrought or forgives him for it. My ex-brother in law seems to have turned around quite a bit and even so I am not ready to trust him yet.

I guess I do have one piece of advice, whatever happens support your sister and make sure she knows its HIM not them. Thats a difficult line to walk of course.

Thanks man, yeah it's a tightrope walk...especially since the only time you can ALMOST criticize him is when she's mad at him, but even then she finds defences for him....which I assume are more for her than for him so she can maintain the facade that he's a good partner. A funny offshoot here is that she refuses to be confrontational with him cause he's a huge prick when she's done it...so she's meek about most things around him...but with ME...if we get into an argument she absolutely UNLOADS on me...and I realized long ago that I'm like the pressure release valve she can't use with him...so I bear the brunt of her old strong personality that she can't unleash on him. I don't like this, but I've come to accept it.

My wife and her sister are tight (or at least they think the are tight...in reality it's a deeply lopsided relationship where the sister does far more taking and my wife the unending giving, but never mind) so when we were filling out personal Wills and the kids had to "go to someone if we both unexpectedly passed" the sister expected she would be the one, but my wife and I discussed that I want my kids NOWHERE near her husband to raise them...and we put her brother and his wife instead...and the sister was PISSED for like a month at her...she kept bringing it up to try to get us to change our minds, and eventually I was forced to say "It's not you, it's your husband." and she finally backed off. That was years ago but I doubt she's forgotten. So we've walked this line before with her.

[Cause]

Had a job interview today. I honestly think its a perfect fit for me. I have the right technical background, company is the right size, its a European company which I think is a positive. I think i have made it past the HR screen and into the next round, she said as much in the interview. The recruiter thinks I am 1 of 5 candidates currently.

I just do not want to get too excited. It impossible to say how things will go but at the same time I would love to get the offer from this company in particular.

[Cause]

Lucky me, I have been randomly chosen for Massachusetts RESEA program. It stands for Reemployment Services and Eligibility Assessment. Amongst other things they will confirm that I am actively looking for work. looking for the right work, someone will review my resume. They have asked me to review my skills and think if amongst others my English and math ability are strong enough to find work.

I understand why this exists, I understand its one size fits all but this will not aid me in anyway. Its literally just a burden on my time to jump through hoops. I am lucky in that the offices I will have to visit are located a short walk from where I live. Otherwise it would be a even greater burden on my finances and time as well.

[QuickTidal]

Went out for my birthday for dinner to the Japanese place in town...there is only one. I've had it once before, but I had the Chicken Katsu, which I admit is hard to screw up so I recall it being fine but nothing special.

This time I went for a staple, Chicken Teriyaki. Seems hard to mess up yeah? Well, it came out on a hot plate, the chicken (I feel like it was half a breast, no more...which would have been fine...but stay tuned) was on top drizzled with sauce, but below it where in most places you find veggies, and bean sprouts ect...some flat pieces of cabbage (perhaps 5 or 6 little pieces), a single small floret of broccoli, two half inch pieces of bell pepper, and two half size green beans...that's it. That was the whole dish. So yeah if you're serving a half breast of chicken, that's fine, but then at least lay some veggies down on the plate? Like when I describe how many pieces of small veg I'm not kidding. They brought me what was perhaps the smallest bowl of steamed rice I've ever seen (like about half the size of one of those cup-sized Miso soup bowls)...like why are you nickel and dimming me rice, at the same time as sending out no veg? The chicken was fine, but if the sauce was not on it, it would have been bland as hell...meal came with miso which was fine, and a small salad (also fine, but DROWNING in dressing). Wife had udon beef bowls which she said was fine, kids had edamame and rice bowls (same tiny size as mine) and a small order of app Katsu. The whole meal came to like $95 before tax...and I'm sitting there thinking, none of this was worth that much.

Just disappointing for a birthday night out. No one's fault but mine, as I chose the place.

For reference, when we lived in the city we frequented an upscale Teppanyaki place in Yorkville (went every year on both our birthdays) and you'd get a plate FULL of whatever meat you chose, full of veggies (all sorts), bean sprouts, a salad, regular sized steamed rice bowl, clear onion broth soup, AND I would get an order of Kappa Maki (6 rolls), and we would pay MAYBE $20 more than we did at this local place in our small town...and the meal was always delicious, and exquisitely made. The difference was staggering.

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 03 February 2026 - 01:31 PM, said:

Went out for my birthday for dinner to the Japanese place in town...there is only one. ...

As a preliminary point HAPPY BIRTHDAY, may all your dreams manifest in the coming year but not in a weird semi-sentient trying to eat your soul and replace you sort of way.

I adore Japanese food, but smaller markets just seem to default to what youre describing. TO, Mtl, no problem, spoiled for choice. Ottawa? ...dinner for four is $150+++ for mall food quality. There's some great sushi in town but forget teppanyaki or even a decent teriyaki anything. I get it, times are hard for restaurants, but they're not going to last rolling out plates like you're describing. Who cheaps out on rice???

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Abyss, on 03 February 2026 - 04:06 PM, said:

As a preliminary point HAPPY BIRTHDAY, may all your dreams manifest in the coming year but not in a weird semi-sentient trying to eat your soul and replace you sort of way.

I adore Japanese food, but smaller markets just seem to default to what youre describing. TO, Mtl, no problem, spoiled for choice. Ottawa? ...dinner for four is $150+++ for mall food quality. There's some great sushi in town but forget teppanyaki or even a decent teriyaki anything. I get it, times are hard for restaurants, but they're not going to last rolling out plates like you're describing. Who cheaps out on rice???

Not defending them at all, but a common assumption seems to be that most people in small towns populated primarily by white people don't care about most vegetables (with the exception of fried potatos) or white rice. Or anything except slathering on sweet sauce and deep frying.

Condolences QT. Guess delivery isn't an option, since you could have traveled somewhere within delivery distance? Unless it's more about not having or not wanting to spend the time to travel... but then a lot of people do care about actually going to a full service restaurant. (Wonder whether anyone has tried combining delivery with full service---you still have waiters take your order, brush the crumbs off the table, and entertain you a little with brief conversation and their knowledge of (and genuine-seeming (if not Oscar-worthy) appreciation for) the menu---and its special additions. Like The Bear, but all the food gets delivered from other restaurants, instead of

Spoiler

just... what was it, a piece of deep dish pizza or something?)

Or have the whole family put on AR goggles to transform your home into almost whatever visuals you want (perhaps from any era of Japanese history, any style), or transform yourselves (through your looking glasses) into fantasy characters (or perhaps only your clothes and face, and the bodies of other people, to avoid potentially disorienting dysphoria).

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 03 February 2026 - 04:58 PM

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 03 February 2026 - 04:06 PM, said:

Who cheaps out on rice???

Right? My thoughts exactly. I can't ever recall getting Japanese food (Or Korean food for that matter) where the rice wasn't abundant since it's bought in such massive restaurant level amounts.

Azath Vitr (D, on 03 February 2026 - 04:56 PM, said:

Not defending them at all, but a common assumption seems to be that most people in small towns populated primarily by white people don't care about most vegetables (with the exception of fried potatos) or white rice. Or anything except slathering on sweet sauce and deep frying.

This would be a valid comment, but I live near the largest south asian diaspora in the entirety of my province.

Azath Vitr (D, on 03 February 2026 - 04:56 PM, said:

Condolences QT. Guess delivery isn't an option, since you could have traveled somewhere within delivery distance?

Oh, we very much could have ordered in (would have cost the same and been the same food) but my wife suggested we have a nice night out, and there are other places in various places around us that are a short jaunt away. As I said, it was my decision to eat there as it was local and I liked the Katsu I had there before enough...so entirely on me. Next time we will go to one of the other Japanese places a little further afield and try them out.

I'm also the last person to complain about restaurants and food. I'm super forgiving of most places...but man this just stood out a mile to me as overpriced and bland.

[Cause]

I couldn't be whiter and I couldn't love white rice more. Is that really a thing? I hate all the additives. Freaks me out when the rice is yellow or brown.

_________________________________________________

I don't want to come across as cold here but maybe the people who phone the pharmacy/dermatology expecting urgent medical attention can just be allowed to die rather than me having to hear 'if this is an emergency hang up and dial 911' ten times while navigating an automated phone tree.

What even is a life threatening emergency that requires a dermatologist?

[Macros]

Brown rice is naturally brown?

[Tsundoku]

We had a leak in the aircon wall unit of the split system and water went onto one of the bookshelves under it. A bunch of books ended up with water damage and black mould so we had to bin them.
Including my Last Legionary Quartet omnibus by Douglas Hill. Pure 80s YA scifi fun in an edition I've never seen ever again. A bunch of Peter F Hamilton Books including A Second Chance at Eden collection of short stories. I think it had the short story that ended up in Love, Death and Robots. Also, the Arabesk Trilogy omnibus edition by John Courtney Grimwood. There was a few others but those are the ones I'm most upset about. I know they're only things, but damn.
The Mrs lost all her Kate Forsyth books and the first 3 Outlander books in an omnibus edition plus a few others.

As you may have guessed, we have ours in alphabetical order and the F,G and H section is what copped it.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 04 February 2026 - 10:16 AM

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Cause, on 03 February 2026 - 06:15 PM, said:

I couldn't be whiter and I couldn't love white rice more. Is that really a thing? I hate all the additives. Freaks me out when the rice is yellow or brown.

Almost every day for about the last four years my dinner has been just a small bowl of plain white rice. It's the only time I break my strict low glycemic index diet.

Why? First, I was influenced by watching Pachinko. The way they treated plain white rice as a delicacy to be savored shocked me. Especially since I'd always considered brown rice more flavorful (as well as healthier). So I was a little intrigued, but it wasn't allowed on my diet.

Then I read about a study which showed that eating white rice (without any fat or anything added to it) about three hours before bed helped with sleep onset (while, unlike alcohol, actually improving sleep quality).

I'd had trouble getting to sleep for many years, and I'd tried a bunch of different things (the usual medical suggestions, along with tart cherry juice and melatonin patches). But white rice three hours before bed seems to work better for me. So I stopped doing all of those, and I've been consistently clunking out at the scheduled time.

Obviously my otherwise strict low glycemic index diet probably enhances the effect.

Also, when I slowly savor plain white rice, I really do enjoy it.

Macros, on 04 February 2026 - 09:57 AM, said:

Brown rice is naturally brown?

Yeah, it's the least processed and restaurants will often serve it plain.

Technically the "yellow" rice Cause is thinking of is actually white rice that has been cooked with additives to change its color. It's still technically white rice.

Perhaps he was thinking of brown spices that are commonly added to white rice---like cumin, cinnamon, cloves, brown mustard seeds, nutmeg, etc.

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 04 February 2026 - 12:43 PM

[QuickTidal]

Tsundoku, on 04 February 2026 - 10:15 AM, said:

We had a leak in the aircon wall unit of the split system and water went onto one of the bookshelves under it. A bunch of books ended up with water damage and black mould so we had to bin them.
Including my Last Legionary Quartet omnibus by Douglas Hill. Pure 80s YA scifi fun in an edition I've never seen ever again. A bunch of Peter F Hamilton Books including A Second Chance at Eden collection of short stories. I think it had the short story that ended up in Love, Death and Robots. Also, the Arabesk Trilogy omnibus edition by John Courtney Grimwood. There was a few others but those are the ones I'm most upset about. I know they're only things, but damn.
The Mrs lost all her Kate Forsyth books and the first 3 Outlander books in an omnibus edition plus a few others.

As you may have guessed, we have ours in alphabetical order and the F,G and H section is what copped it.

Brutal! I've been there, many years ago....bottom rack of a shelf where a leak/flood occurred and enough water touched the shelf to mould everything on it, including a bunch of expensive HedKandi double albums I spent a mint on when I was a poor 20-year old.

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Tsundoku, on 04 February 2026 - 10:15 AM, said:

We had a leak in the aircon wall unit of the split system and water went onto one of the bookshelves under it. A bunch of books ended up with water damage and black mould so we had to bin them.
Including my Last Legionary Quartet omnibus by Douglas Hill. Pure 80s YA scifi fun in an edition I've never seen ever again. A bunch of Peter F Hamilton Books including A Second Chance at Eden collection of short stories. I think it had the short story that ended up in Love, Death and Robots. Also, the Arabesk Trilogy omnibus edition by John Courtney Grimwood. There was a few others but those are the ones I'm most upset about. I know they're only things, but damn.
The Mrs lost all her Kate Forsyth books and the first 3 Outlander books in an omnibus edition plus a few others.

As you may have guessed, we have ours in alphabetical order and the F,G and H section is what copped it.

Little floods got some of my old books a while ago so now I store all my (non-e)books in clear plastic bins, arranged so that I can see the spines or covers of almost all of them, and I've also saved a searchable list of which is in which.

Obviously protective inserts or other padding can be used to minimize the risk of books damaging each other if you pick up the bin.

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 04 February 2026 - 01:15 PM

[worry]

Sorry man, that's a punch in the gut!

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

One important thing to remember with storing books in plastic bins is that if the seal on the lids in airtight there's a risk of moisture getting trapped inside and eventually leading to mold. So it's generally best to use bins that aren't airtight, even though there's still some risk of flood damage if there's enough water. Alternatively if you're using airtight lids can try to make sure you're in a dry environment and use silica gel dessicant packets.

PVC and some other plastics have the risk of off-gassing which can lead to yellowing or brittle pages, so go for polypropylene or polyethylene bins instead.

And keep them out of direct sunlight so the books don't get sunburn damaged by UV exposure.

[QuickTidal]

The Birthday Cake Incident; Kids are Ridiculous: a tale of my household

So on my actual birthday, my wife bought a small cake to have, between the four of us. I was full from dinner so I chose to not have a piece right away. The kids did, and my wife did. That's fine. The next night my kids wanted more of the cake for dessert, so did my wife, which again was fine, but once again I was full from dinner and didn't feel like having any.

Now we are up to last night. There is the equivalent of 2 small pieces left. And I had a small enough dinner to accommodate having a slice...but I was sitting downstairs and my daughter comes up and asks if she can have cake. I said, "I'm pretty sure that there's only really two pieces left, and I think one is for me, and one is for you mother"...she kind of moaned about that and spent the next 15 minutes trying to wheedle a piece of cake out of the scenario, and when I basically stood firm on no and said "If we give you one of the pieces then your brother is going to want one too, and it would be unfair not to let him have one...which would leave us with no cake", she then went to my wife in a different room...now it gets interesting....wife tells her that if she wants to she can split the piece she was going to have of the two pieces in two and give one half to her brother and one half for herself, leaving the final piece for me.

So my daughter, went and cut out the piece of cake and divided it...poorly...with one half of the piece being larger (which she grabbed)....summoned my son from upstairs, who came down and promptly told her that she had cut it badly and was getting more than him. He then came to me crying that he was not getting the same amount of cake.

It was at this point that I basically said "Forget it, I don't need a piece of cake." I said "take my piece and your sister can have the other piece and I just won't have any"...

Well, this was the wrong tactic because kids put a LOT of stock into birthday cake. So they both computed that I would not be getting a piece of cake from my own birthday cake...and it upset them both.

But my wife had had enough of the whining and wheedling and arguing and so she took everyone's cake pieces (including mine) and tossed them all in the garbage.

Well this created an even worse uproar. My 9 year old started SOBBING uncontrollably that I would not get a piece of my own cake now and my 7 year old son opened his mouth and screamed at my wife with a demonic voice how evil she was for the fact that I would not get a piece of my own cake.

I came upstairs again at this point and tried to explain that it didn't matter to me, and cake is not as important to me as it must be to them...but both demanded my wife now buy me a NEW cake so that I could have a piece.

There was a tentative agreement that something would happen, but nothing concrete. I don't know if another cake will be bought.

I don't even really want any cake...I'm not a huge cake person. I'll eat it occasionally, but I don't mind not having any. I was happy the initial night to not have any and watch everyone else enjoy...the only reason I said no on the third night was so my kids didn't eat sugary cake three nights running.

What a complete and total shitshow. LOL

eDIT: Also if you have more than one kid, you will FOREVER being dividing things, getting everyone the same thing, getting equivalent shit to be "fair"....FOREVER in every instance or everything that they get. And gods help you if you get them slightly DIFFERENT versions of the same thing...

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 05 February 2026 - 02:17 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

Try having twins QT haha literally everything is split but it matters not. Sometimes we get two of the same thing to pre-empt any arguments but nope that's not good enough they both want the same one despite the fact that each one is identical to the other.

I feel your pain !