[Puck]

Mezla PigDog, on 21 August 2021 - 09:22 PM, said:

Hugs, Puck. Getting your own place is friggin awesome. Sure there's always a lot to sort out and a level of income to keep up but you have so much more control over your own life, it is totally worth it.

And the vaccine thing - you did the right thing. You can't control how other people react to that. It's on her.

Thanks! And it's honestly just my anxiety (and laziness) speaking. I could keep up with my own place with my current income and I'm getting a small income bump soon since I won't be paying the higher taxes associated with having two jobs here in Germany. I don't need much space. But without my half of the rent my mom wouldn't be able to keep the apartment, it's a whole lot of stuff that needs to happen at once for me to move away (like finding HER a new place as well, 'cause I sure as hell won't be able to also pay prt of that so she can stay here).

I never had any doubts about the vaccine because I've been following what I consider credible sources during its development. My mom's viciously anti-vax (whichever of her friends introduced her to Youtube needs to be throttled, there, I said it) and we had agreed about simply not talking about it at all. As I've mentioned, that was the moment I stopped caring since it's not just her not wanting to get vaccinated, she also has been keeping up with her social life all this time without any thought towards Corona, completely disregarding the fact that she's been putting me at risk as well (I've got asthma), even though she was screaming about being SOOO worried about my well-being further on with possible (bleh) vaccine side-effects earlier tonight, blaming my migraines (which I've had for the past 20 years) on it. It's honestly a miracle she hasn't had Corona yet. She can piss right off with her concern.

Tiste Simeon, on 21 August 2021 - 09:23 PM, said:

Man every time Puck pops up in this thread with a story about her mum it's a wild ride!

Getting your own place is scary but it's also a wonderful thing and, in your case I think, absolutely necessary...

I'm sorry if it seems like I only pop in here whenever I have something to complain about! Life has been very busy in the past year for me and since I mostly shook off my depression I've been busy catching up with life! But this forum has been my go to to get sensible advice and friendly words for so long!

And yeah. I had been saving up for a driver's license but I'm considering putting that towards a different cause now...

[worry]

Mezla and Tiste are right about getting your own place. And I think a sense of relief will supplant any fears much faster than you imagine. Even the responsibilities of independent living may feel good rather than burdensome.

Quick, potentially too cold question, but in the interest of you getting out ASAP: if you don’t care if she gets Corona, what do you care if she can afford rent, or needs to find a new place and handle all that process on her own?

This post has been edited by worry: 21 August 2021 - 11:31 PM

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

worry, on 21 August 2021 - 11:31 PM, said:

Mezla and Tiste are right about getting your own place. And I think a sense of relief will supplant any fears much faster than you imagine. Even the responsibilities of independent living may feel good rather than burdensome.

Quick, potentially too cold question, but in the interest of you getting out ASAP: if you don't care if she gets Corona, what do you care if she can afford rent, or needs to find a new place and handle all that process on her own?

Especially in a country like Germany with a robust social safety net and a legal 'right to housing'... assuming she's not one of those conspiracy theory types who would refuse government assistance and choose to be homeless. The risk to her from COVID-19---even a mild case---seems much worse....

[amphibian]

You would flourish in a new place. It would be your space in a way that you've not had and you wouldn't dread coming home.

You are not responsible for your mother getting a new place to live. Pack your things, store the important ones at a friend's, then give her a month's notice before you leave.

If she's breaking things and yelling abuse at you for this perceived betrayal, I would not give her the address of where you'll be moving to for a few months at the very least. The storage of the important things (electronics, medicine, and papers) off-site is going to prevent hostage taking or demolition.

Congrats for getting to this spot. You are a strong person and you don't need to suffer the abuse forever. You are not responsible for her storming off or risking herself. Those are her choices and unfortunately, due to living situation, she's adept at making you feel responsibility and guilt when you should have none.

[Tiste Simeon]

Puck, on 21 August 2021 - 10:44 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 21 August 2021 - 09:23 PM, said:

Man every time Puck pops up in this thread with a story about her mum it's a wild ride!

Getting your own place is scary but it's also a wonderful thing and, in your case I think, absolutely necessary...

I'm sorry if it seems like I only pop in here whenever I have something to complain about! Life has been very busy in the past year for me and since I mostly shook off my depression I've been busy catching up with life! But this forum has been my go to to get sensible advice and friendly words for so long!

And yeah. I had been saving up for a driver's license but I'm considering putting that towards a different cause now...

Ooh no I wasn't complaining or anything you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about! Apologies if it came across that way! It was more a sardonic observation about how the stories about your mum are pretty bonkers! FWIW I don't think we get enough Puck around here!

I'd like to echo Amph as well. When you do get out, do it quickly and cleanly , don't get broiled down in guilt games that your mum will definitely try to play and certainly don't tell her your address. From everything you've told us you seem to be victim of a form of domestic abuse and having some space to yourself will help but if she knows where you live that will just start it all over again, albeit in a different way.

[Mezla PigDog]

Puck, on 21 August 2021 - 10:44 PM, said:

Thanks! And it's honestly just my anxiety (and laziness) speaking. I could keep up with my own place with my current income and I'm getting a small income bump soon since I won't be paying the higher taxes associated with having two jobs here in Germany. I don't need much space. But without my half of the rent my mom wouldn't be able to keep the apartment, it's a whole lot of stuff that needs to happen at once for me to move away (like finding HER a new place as well, 'cause I sure as hell won't be able to also pay prt of that so she can stay here).

If your mum is going to be giving you shit anyway then it may as well be for this, right?

[Lady Bliss]

I’m excited about a Puck’s place! I think you will really enjoy it. So sorry your mom did that, but you were right wanting to protect yourself

[Tiste Simeon]

Party at Pucks place? Everyone coming?

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

I wish you all the luck in finding a new place Puck - living alone for the frist time is a scary prospect, but when I did it for the first time (four and a half years ago now) I found exactly what others said, the overwhelming positives of a space being wholly your own vastly outweigh any anxiety about it.

I would also reiterate what others have said - you are not responsible for your mother's behaviour, nor are you responsible for sorting her out with somewhere to live. She is a grown adult - however much it sounds like she refuses to behave like one.

[Morgoth]

Tiste Simeon, on 22 August 2021 - 06:52 PM, said:

Party at Pucks place? Everyone coming?

I'll bring the Akevitt!

[Mentalist]

Had a solid time camping with the family this weekend. Unfortinately, sometime between 9 AM and 2PM whilst we were packing, my phone decided to break. Half the screen is scrambled, and even though it's responding to touch input, I can't see what I'm doing, which is pretty inconvenient.

I've got an older phone that's got some screen damage, but pretty minimal compared to this; so now I've got to migrate all my data and apps to the older phone (which amy dad's been using to listen to podcasts on our house wi-fi for the past few years; so I've gotta wipe that one first; )

Unrelatedly, it also turned out that I PC in broke the wireless adapter on my PC; we've got like 3 or 4 older ones lying around since every tower PC in the house used to have one (until my parents switched to laptops with built-in wi-fi) ; but naturally, no one's got any idea where they might be.

I feel in the middle of a cascade of failing technology. It's pretty minor stuff, but still annoying.

[Macros]

Morgoth, on 23 August 2021 - 05:54 AM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 22 August 2021 - 06:52 PM, said:

Party at Pucks place? Everyone coming?

I'll bring the Akevitt!

No, that's a bad Martin!

[Maark Abbott]

Something dicey going on up the road. Not sure what yet.

[Tsundoku]

Maark Abbott, on 24 August 2021 - 07:41 AM, said:

Something dicey going on up the road. Not sure what yet.

That'll be the Akevitt.

[Maark Abbott]

Tsundoku, on 24 August 2021 - 11:09 AM, said:

Maark Abbott, on 24 August 2021 - 07:41 AM, said:

Something dicey going on up the road. Not sure what yet.

That'll be the Akevitt.

Field got broken into and you can probably see where this is going

[Malankazooie]

Oh damn, Charlie Watts, drummer for The Rolling Stones has died. Man what an iconic drummer. His smooth, nonchalant, jazz form/technique was unmistakable.

This post has been edited by Malankazooie: 24 August 2021 - 05:21 PM

[worry]

Breaking into a field? What's next, hot-wiring a horse?

[Mezla PigDog]

You all know what "Sunday night feeling" is, right? What do you think it means if your job never gave you Sunday night feelings but then it starts to?

[Puck]

Alright, sorry for disappearing for a few days again, big thanks to everyone who chimed in and thank you all for the encouraging words!

Here an update:

1. I am looking for my own place. Carefully for now, since I have not signed my new contract at work yet (though that should happen next week at the latest and I know it will happen, since I'm officially starting full-time there next week). I just want to know my exact budget instead of the vague idea I do have now.

2. My mom apologized, but not before more drama and poems about dying mothers and viral on social media fake news. It's a thing with her. She claimed she was not so much angry because of the vaccine but because I kept it from her, on which I call bullshit since I had stated my unshakeable intention to get vaccinated over two months ago to her and had not told her the exact point it happened because I suspected how she would react. That did shut her up. Crocodile tears followed as well as her asking me to take back her bank card which I had deposited on her desk and which has been in my possession for the past couple of years because she can't be arsed to deal with the bank.

3. So we're back to peace now, not sure for how long. I told her I'm moving as soon as I find a place and any further outbursts like that one might just make me go no contact. We'll see.

4. As for why I still kind of am attached to her emotionally, well, she's my mom and while she's not the best mom out there, she was the one who would sit beside me half the night back when my despression was at its worst and I had mental breakdown every other night. She does mean well, but both through her personality (some of which I inherited, mind you) and never having learned some other things (there was always someone beside her to take care of the things she does not want to deal with) she is difficult to deal with at times. I believe that physical space between us will allow me to pull back whenever she has one of "those" moments, but honestly, I do not actually want to go full on no contact.

5. Looking for a place is scary!

6. If she catches Corona, it's her own fault. Told her so. I'm tired of the bullshit.

Time will tell!

worry, on 21 August 2021 - 11:31 PM, said:

Quick, potentially too cold question, but in the interest of you getting out ASAP: if you don’t care if she gets Corona, what do you care if she can afford rent, or needs to find a new place and handle all that process on her own?

Honestly, I'd never considered that. Habit, I guess. When she split from her ex I kind of took over the duty of taking care of stuff for her and not doing so just never occured to me.

Azath Vitr (D, on 22 August 2021 - 12:08 AM, said:

Especially in a country like Germany with a robust social safety net and a legal 'right to housing'... assuming she's not one of those conspiracy theory types who would refuse government assistance and choose to be homeless. The risk to her from COVID-19---even a mild case---seems much worse....

She's totally fine with governement assistance. But she still thinks the governement wants to harm her. It is what it is, she's not going to change her mind, I'm afraid.

Tiste Simeon, on 22 August 2021 - 07:34 AM, said:

Ooh no I wasn't complaining or anything you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about! Apologies if it came across that way! It was more a sardonic observation about how the stories about your mum are pretty bonkers! FWIW I don't think we get enough Puck around here!

Haha, don't worry, it came across as you meant it! I was just making an observation about myself, lol. Life's been very busy, I really need to be dropping by here more often!

Morgoth, on 23 August 2021 - 05:54 AM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 22 August 2021 - 06:52 PM, said:

Party at Pucks place? Everyone coming?

I'll bring the Akevitt!

O dear, I still remember that one. Also vaguely remember actually liking it, lol!

This post has been edited by Puck: 24 August 2021 - 10:13 PM

[Cause]

My neighbor invited me to her birthday this weekend but I’m supposed to bring something wierd and red and a balloon. I feel like I have homework. I just want to enjoy a nice party.