[Tsundoku]

Welcome to dense urban life in America. Where my right to do whatever the fuck I want trumps (deliberate choice of word) your rights. Especially to peace, quiet, safety etc.

Because "freedom" is somehow conflated with being a stupid, selfish arsehole.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

This Dominic Cummings debacle in the UK is just depressing.

[Puck]

People need to get their asses back into office asap. This home office thing leaves them with way too much time on their hands to meddle and think up guidelines no one needs.

Also, had a job interview yesterday and having thought it over, I am not quite sure whether I was interviewed for a job or a sect. I originally really wanted the job but now I'm leaning towards "please don't call me back, 'kay, thnx". Also, the incompetence of posting one job description online, then wondering why people qualified for that are sending in resumees because you actually have a very different vacancy to fill. People, sometimes.

[QuickTidal]

Having an issue with my sister (older by 3 years).

The beginning of the story is that I was speaking with my mom over Skype (she likes to see the kids during Quarantine), and she said that her and my stepdad (both of whom are comprised enough that getting COVID would be bad) were going to come down and visit my sister. I said that's probably nt a good idea. My mom said "we're fine, We feel fine, I know we are breaking the rules, but I'm tired of all this"...to which I re-described Asymptomatic to her, but to no avail. She seemed intent on going. Now, my mom often oversells her "visits" to me, and undersells them to my sister (tells her they are "stopping by" rather than coming for a visit)...so I assumed this is what was happening.

A day or so later I was talking to my dad (parents are divorced) and mentioned that I was bothered mom was going and putting herself and others at risk...and wondered about her underselling it to my sister. I didn't call my sister to ask because...well shit, she's 46 with grown children...and I'm not the family social distancing police. I just shrugged and let it be. I din't talk to anyone else about it.

In the interim, my dad called my sister to chat and mentioned how she "got in trouble for breaking the rules"...by me. This didn't really occur as I said I never spoke to my sister one way or the other. I was mainly bothered about my mom's choices. And I know better than to try to tell my headstrong sister something she's doing it wrong...so I didn't.

I then got a text from my sister severing our relationship. She went on a long rant about how I'm such an asshole, and nosey, and how dare I not bother to talk to her, and that "You'll be glad to know mom isn't coming anymore, so you can tell whoever else in your life you haven't yet told"...called me a douchebag, told me she has enough problems with our parents (she has baggage from their divorce in 1989 that she never has dealt with and can't seem to bring herself to come to terms with; either through therapy or talking to either parent) without me making it harder. I'm unsure how me being annoyed with my mom going for a visit , and telling both my mom and dad so...translates as me "making her life with our parents harder", but here we are.

She then told me "Don't contact me...ever again"

Now, I replied explaining my side of the whole thing...

but am I wrong in wondering how on earth me being wary of a visit my mom was going to make to my sister during a pandemic due to spread/infection worries and telling my dad about it (even so far as describing to him it was probably my mom underselling her visit to my sister).. .but otherwise letting it be and letting them be adults....results in my sister being mad enough at me as to sever our relationship? Like I'm quite bewildered.

Now, my sister is Epileptic and is on meds for it that mess a BIT with her emotions...but she'd been steady on them for a decade...so I doubt it's that.

It should be noted this is not the first time my sister has gone overboard at me. She's done this, just not to the "never speak to me again" extent, before....and apologized later.

She also gets a bit of a hot collar because we never spend Christmas dinner with them and eat there, we have multiple families to go see during the day so we visit for 4hours or so midday and then who to my in-laws (MIL is terminally ill). She gets upppity about "family" but never calls us (we used to call her so the kids could see her, but she never reciprocated so we stopped)...she also never cals my dad or mom...they always call her...but she gets on my case about not being family oriented enough?

I dunno. As the youngest I've been the whipping boy all my life. My sister used to always blame shit she did wrong as a kid on me, and made it stick (parents believed her)...somehtign she laughs about to this day.

SO I don't know what's going on, but it's REALLY strange. Any comments or insight would be helpful.

We have mild mental health stuff in our family (my mom went through bouts of depression), so I don't know if she's exhibiting something on that front....dunno. Lost really.

[Aptorian]

You replied back. The balls in her court now. Let them eat Corona virus.

To your other issue. I'm that socially distant family member that never calls. Of course I don't really want social interaction do there's that.

It's not your problem that they feel left out. If they complain, explain that you feel they're not doing their part. If she has a temper tantrum then tell her to go fuck herself in a loving kind of way.

Enjoy all that extra time you have for yourself instead of being near an emotional black hole.

[Mezla PigDog]

I think it depends how much you know about the different ways you guys experienced your childhood and parental split and relationships with them now. My sister and I have radically different ways of handling our upbringing and crazily different feelings about events we both experienced with our folks. The whole cancellation of your mums visit could have triggered a whole tonne of under the surface issues. I sometimes say the most banal thing about my mum and it triggers a huge issue with my sister and I'm just like "WTF". And then it depends how much you can be arsed being the bigger person. She's in lockdown too I guess and it affects people really differently.

[QuickTidal]

 Aptorian, on 26 May 2020 - 07:56 PM, said:

You replied back. The balls in her court now. Let them eat Corona virus.

To your other issue. I'm that socially distant family member that never calls. Of course I don't really want social interaction do there's that.

It's not your problem that they feel left out. If they complain, explain that you feel they're not doing their part. If she has a temper tantrum then tell her to go fuck herself in a loving kind of way.

Enjoy all that extra time you have for yourself instead of being near an emotional black hole.

Emotional black hole. That's a surprisingly Apt way to put it Apt. Thanks for the comment. I agree it's on her now to say something or not.

 Mezla PigDog, on 26 May 2020 - 09:27 PM, said:

I think it depends how much you know about the different ways you guys experienced your childhood and parental split and relationships with them now. My sister and I have radically different ways of handling our upbringing and crazily different feelings about events we both experienced with our folks. The whole cancellation of your mums visit could have triggered a whole tonne of under the surface issues. I sometimes say the most banal thing about my mum and it triggers a huge issue with my sister and I'm just like "WTF". And then it depends how much you can be arsed being the bigger person. She's in lockdown too I guess and it affects people really differently.

Yeah, that's probably a big part of it. The inclusion of the "my relationship with them is hard enough without you making it harder" leads me to believe some of this lashing out is her baggage with them, not me...

Anyways, thanks for the input all. I'm just blowing off some steam. Thanks for the sounding board.

[Slow Ben]

Jesus. That sucks QT.

Hope all the crap in your life eases up soon.

[Abyss]

@QT, short version: you were right to flag concern, pandemic has everyone strung out, give it time.

[Cyphon]

My brother has been sent for urgent neurological tests and consultations... in 'rona times. He lives with random housemates so is a bit isolated and been very careful as he has asthma. If it's a bad result we're not certain how his long term and lockdown created long distance girlfriend will take it.

I dont know whether I can be there to hug him if the results are bad. At best I could stand outside the hospital and see him when he comes out.

And I only know this because my unflappable mum called me crying about it to tell me, as they hadnt as we've been dealing with the arrival of our first baby. Having enough knowledge to have a dangerous amount my mum is expecting a bad outcome.

[QuickTidal]

That's awful, but the silver lining is that he's having the tests. With Neuro stuff it's better to have the diagnosis to deal with, than not know.

I've noted before how my MIL has a neurodegenerative disease that is terminal, but it exhibited in a right hand that didn't work for about 2 years before she bothered to get it checked out (she assumed it was a pinched nerve), and the disease gives 7-10 years of life expectancy that she lost 2 years of by being afraid to get checked out (with her illness the sooner you know that it is what it is, the sooner you can treat the symptoms and extend your life that way).

So take solace in the fact that he's getting checked out, that's the best thing to do in these situations. I hope the results are not bad, and we are here for support if they are.

[Cause]

What the fuck is wrong with me neighbors! How self absorbed and selfish do you have to be to play your music at max volume at one in the morning!

Starting on Memorial Day they have become such a problem. I can here there music clear as a bell in my bedroom

Edit- also not to sound like a grandfather or anything but rap or at least whatever shit they are listening to is not music. I’d say the quality of the music declines proportionally with the number of niggers per minute used in the lyrics. It’s just so violent and angry. I don’t get the appeal at all. Personal taste and all that though I guess.

Omg as I’m typing this it god louder

This post has been edited by Cause: 30 May 2020 - 05:10 AM

[Aptorian]

This is the second time I've seen you complain about this. Call the cops and call/write to your landlord or what ever powers that be that run or oversee your building. Ask your neighbours to do the same. Do it again and again.

Or kill your neighbours. Being rude and inconsiderate should not be tolerated.

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 30 May 2020 - 06:16 AM

[Tsundoku]

 Cause, on 30 May 2020 - 05:02 AM, said:

What the fuck is wrong with me neighbors! How self absorbed and selfish do you have to be to play your music at max volume at one in the morning! Starting on Memorial Day they have become such a problem. I can here there music clear as a bell in my bedroomEdit- also not to sound like a grandfather or anything but rap or at least whatever shit they are listening to is not music. I’d say the quality of the music declines proportionally with the number of niggers per minute used in the lyrics. It’s just so violent and angry. I don’t get the appeal at all. Personal taste and all that though I guess. Omg as I’m typing this it god louder

Yeah you can hear the same crowd over here blasting that shite from their car stereos. You can usually hear and feel the bass long before anything else. It's so funny when it's suburban whiter-than-white guys. Pathetic losers.

 Aptorian, on 30 May 2020 - 06:16 AM, said:

This is the second time I've seen you complain about this. Call the cops and call/write to your landlord or what ever powers that be that run or oversee your building. Ask your neighbours to do the same. Do it again and again.Or kill your neighbours. Being rude and inconsiderate should not be tolerated.

Indeed, it would be positively UN-American if you didn't take your AR-15 next door to defend your freedom.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 30 May 2020 - 01:22 PM

[Cause]

I have tried a noise complaint to no avail. The cops always report back that they checked it out but can’t find the disturbance and so took no action. Which pissed me off because they clearly just are not taking it seriously if they tell me that. Last night I took video as proof. I’m wondering if it’s worth making a complaint to the police about how they handled it because I’m not making up that’s it loud. I wish I could share the video.

It went on passed 4 am last night

[Aptorian]

Make more complaints. Make your neighbours do it so the management know it's not just one nut job. Then make MORE complaints. Upload the video and send them the link. Call the police and repeat the specific address and offer to guide them there. Stick your head out of the window and scream "I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE". Cut letters out of magazines and newspapers and create a collage threatening to kill your neighbours if they don't turn down their music and transfer 10.000.000 USD in crypto currency to this account XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX.

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 30 May 2020 - 03:31 PM

[Malankazooie]

This is more of a "be safe" message for Americans on this board.

I think our country might be at an inflection point, and a trajectory towards a new and hopefully better future has begun, but getting there is will be rough going, difficult, confusing, and scary. If you are going out tonight (and days and nights ahead), be safe, stay aware and support one another. Let peace and love prevail.

[Aptorian]

And what ever you do, keep the noise down.

[Cause]

Bit dissapointing. I have been trying to get out of pure research but the covid diagnostic job opportunity was a great one but they have turned me down. never know whether to believe everything they say but they tell me it was a tough call between me and one other and in the end they chose him because he lives in Boston and is america. Which if true really sucks.

Got a few other job interview processes at the moment. Final round yesterday and today and a wierd not sure what 3rd/final round on friday with a tech tsartup so hopefully someone makes me an offer but still sucks to lose

[Gust Hubb]

I wish this heavy feeling, like unswallowed food caught at the bottom of your throat, would go away.