[Raraku]

And one more

Conversation over dinner:

WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with
pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Oh Shit.

[Raraku]

And some more

A customer called our airline's reservation office to pay for his ticket
with a credit card. My co-worker asked him, "Would you please spell the
name as it appears on the card, sir?" The customer replied, "V-I-S-A."


By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally
found inner peace ...

The article read:

"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've
started."

So I looked around the house to see all the things that I started and
hadn't finished ... and before coming to work this morning I finished
off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey's, Kahlua and
Tia Maria, my Prozac, a couple of valiums, three cigars and a box of
chocolates.

You have no idea how freakin good I feel!


My brother was driving down the road that leads to you "Country Estate", all twenty acres of it. He saw a young person wearing a tee shirt and jeans walking along the side of the road and, as is to be expected in the rural areas of a few years past, offered this person a lift. The kid got in the car. Now, this was a bright, sunshinny day and my brother got a good look at the kid he picked up. He said "You live down this way, son?" The kid looked at my 50-year-old brother and asked "What's the matter, pops? Forget what a girl looks like?"


ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: ADAM
ATOMIC MASS:
Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg.
OCCURRENCE:
Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface normally covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity to gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:

1. Highly ornamental.
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens don't come
into contact with each other.

Thats enough for now
i ll save some for later

[Slum]

Q: How is sex a lot like air?

A: Because it’s not a big deal unless you’re not getting any.

[Flawed]

Ahem.....

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Tracey just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, relieved that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager,

"won't it knock my teeth out?"

[Grumble]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.... but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.


Alright girls. Forward this on if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it on.

Men, forward this on this because you have balls

[Raraku]

And some more


A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"


Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."

1st Man: "No, it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

2nd Man: "Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:

"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."


A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?

The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"



An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.

"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

[Flawed]

Ahem..........

One day a mother was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. Finally she asked him, "Well, what shall we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said,

"Well I don't think you should spank him."

[bubba]

The Funeral
One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one.

"My wife," the man replied.

"I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?"

"My dog bit her and she died."

Dave was taken aback. "And who's in the second hearse?"

"My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well."

Dave asked,"Can I borrow your dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

[Slum]

A guy stops to visit his friend, who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, “My feet are cold. Would you get my sneakers for me?”

The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend’s two gorgeous daughters. He says, “Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to have sex with you.”

The first daughter says, “That’s not true.”

He says, “I’ll prove it.”

He yells down the stairs, “Both of them?”

His friend yells back, “Of course, both of them.”

[Flawed]

Ahem......

Thor and Odin are up in Valhalla and Thor turns to Odin and says, "It's great being a god and everything but I haven't had sex in a millennium." Odin says, "Well, what you need to do is go down to earth and find what they call a lady of the night and treat her." So Thor goes down to earth and the next day returns with a smile from ear to ear. Odin says, "It was good, then?" "Good?" replies Thor. "It was great! We did it twenty-seven times in one night." Odin is horrified. "Twenty-seven times?!? Mere mortals can't handle that! Go back to earth and apologize," he tells Thor. So Thor goes back and finds the woman and says, "Sorry about last night, see, I'm Thor..." The woman replies,

"YOU'RE Thor? I can't even pith!"

[Flawed]

Ahem............

A young lady asks her boyfriend to come over one Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic as he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the chemist to get some advice and condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a three-pack, a ten-pack or a family pack. "I'm REALLY going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist. "I intend to plug every orifice in her body at least twice!" The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents' house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents," she says. "Come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table, where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after twenty minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,"I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back,

"I had no idea your father was a bloody pharmacist."

[cerveza_fiesta]

nice one

[bubba]

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk,

"I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
She replies, "I guess about 29."

"Nope, I'm 47."

Now, she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but, thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure ! way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says: "Okay, ...how old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"No," she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

[Flawed]

Ahem.....

God said unto Adam, "Cross yonder river, climb the hill on the other side, cross over the ridge at the top and you will find a cave." And Adam said unto God, "God, what is a cave?" So God explained unto Adam exactly what a cave was. Then God said unto Adam, "Cross yonder river, climb the hill on the other side, cross over the ridge at the top and in the cave you will find a woman called Eve." And Adam said unto God, "God, what is a woman called Eve?" So God explained unto Adam exactly what a woman called Eve was. The God said unto Adam "Cross yonder river, climb the hill on the other side, cross over the ridge at the top, and in the cave you will find a woman called Eve. Go and fornicate with her in order to reproduce." And Adam said unto God, "God, what is fornicate and reproduce?" So God explained very patiently unto Adam exactly what fornicate and reproduce were. Then God commanded Adam, "Cross yonder river, climb the hill on the other side, cross over the ridge at the top and in the cave you will find a woman called Eve, now go and fornicate and reproduce with her". So off went Adam, across the river, up the hill, over the ridge and into the cave and met the woman called Eve. Five minutes later he was back. And Adam said unto God,

"God, what is a headache?"

[bubba]

Celebrities Say the Darndest Things
Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Dustin Hoffman

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
Rod Stewart

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
Tiger Woods

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
Sharon Stone

My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading.
Steve Jobs

[Raraku]

Sorry for the break was on vacation
anyway here s some more



One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,"
he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fuckin' beautiful!'"


Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved
from across the bar.
"Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her
spread out on my
sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a
doughnut."



I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen,
they don't come in when you call, they like
to stay out all night, come home and expect
to be fed and stroked, then want to be left
alone and sleep. In other words, every quality
that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.



Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter-pounder with cheese.



A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny . So she said , "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants." said the Little Johnny.

[Raraku]

And some more


A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."

The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"


A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?" The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel." The captain said, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain's quarters. The captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."



A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."



A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"

"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"


There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

[Flawed]

Ahem........

The manager of Liverpool FC sends scouts out round the World looking for a new striker to hopefully win Liverpool the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So the manager flies to Iraq to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only twenty minutes left, and Liverpool's manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on. The lad is a sensation, scores five goals in twenty minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for twenty minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored five and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players and the media, they all love me." "Great," says his Mum, "now let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time." The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry". "Sorry?!?" says his Mum.

"It's your fucking fault that we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"

[Raraku]

And some more


What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?

Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch...


One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the most important and I
should be in charge."

The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick
anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important
and I should be in charge."

The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for
the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to move
anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in
charge."

Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge."

All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't do
anything! You're not important! You can't be in charge."

So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the legs were all
wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky,
the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy.

They all agreed that they couldn't take any more of this and
agreed to put the rectum in charge.

Today's lesson: You don't have to be the most important to be
in charge, just an a - - hole.



How do you know when the barmaid is really pissed off?

When you find a string in your bloody mary.


NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been
using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to
complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated.

We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly
express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With
this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of
code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in
an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive
brethren.

Old Phrase New Phrase
1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible
2. Your fucking joking Really
3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................
4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project
5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late
6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem
7. Eat shit and die You don't say
8. Eat shit and die motherfucker You don't say, Sir
9. Kiss my arse So you would like me to help you
10. He's a fucking prick He is somewhat insensitive
11. That's fucking bullshit I find that hard to believe
12. You haven't got a fucking clue You could benefit from more training
13. This place is fucked We are a little disorganised today
14. What sort of fucker are you You're new here aren't you?
15. Fuck off shit head Well there you go
16. You're a fucking wanker You're my manager and I respect you
17. Ha! Fuck you I wasn't there that day
18. This is bollocks We need to look into this some more
19. I aint got no cunt I am rather short of labour
20. Fuck off I'll look into that and get back to you




A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.
He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance.

"Would you like to dance with me?"he asked.

She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her,"BIG NOSE!"

[Slum]

Some Jokes....

A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum.

“That looks nasty,” says the doctor.

“Nasty?” the man says. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do girls and rocks have in common?

A: Everyone skips the flat ones.

-------------------------------------------------

A Texan, a New Yorker, and a Bostonian are sitting together in a bar in the Yukon. The Texan tosses back his shot of tequila, throws the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it to pieces. The other two, shocked, just stare at the Texan. He explains, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila."

The New Yorker, not to be outdone, finishes his glass of wine, tosses the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it apart. "Where I come from," he explains, "we have plenty of fine wine."

The Boston guy slowly drinks the last drop of his beer, tosses the empty bottle in the air, pulls out a gun, and shoots the New Yorker between the eyes. He then catches the bottle on the way down. "Where I come from," he says slowly, "we never waste booze—and we have plenty of New Yorkers."

------------------------------------------


Three men are arguing in a bar. The first says, “God must be a mechanical engineer—just look at the joints in the human body.”

The second says, “God is an electrical engineer—look at the nervous system.”

The third says, “God has to be a civil engineer—who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?”