Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots Laugh while you cry
#342
Posted 29 August 2019 - 09:44 AM
Azath Vitr (D, on 27 August 2019 - 01:42 PM, said:
'Peppered with complaints from farmers fed up with President Trump’s trade war, Sonny Perdue found his patience wearing thin. Mr. Perdue, the agriculture secretary and the guest of honor at the annual Farmfest gathering in southern Minnesota this month, tried to break the ice with a joke.
“What do you call two farmers in a basement?” Mr. Perdue asked near the end of a testy hourlong town-hall-style event. “A whine cellar.”
A cascade of boos ricocheted around the room.'
https://www.nytimes....0OaGlU62_rGhlJ0
“What do you call two farmers in a basement?” Mr. Perdue asked near the end of a testy hourlong town-hall-style event. “A whine cellar.”
A cascade of boos ricocheted around the room.'
https://www.nytimes....0OaGlU62_rGhlJ0
Incredible! Practically the only joke he should not have said out loud and he said it.
#343
Posted 31 August 2019 - 11:53 PM
Trump sings Señorita:
https://www.youtube....h?v=m7SlTS8R2I0
Piano version:
https://www.youtube....h?v=QoKAEiGMVPw
https://www.youtube....h?v=m7SlTS8R2I0
Piano version:
https://www.youtube....h?v=QoKAEiGMVPw
#344
Posted 05 September 2019 - 07:13 PM
Beware.
Spoiler
They came with white hands and left with red hands.
#345
Posted 05 September 2019 - 07:45 PM
The lizard people left the clone out of the tank too long.
#348
Posted 08 September 2019 - 10:51 PM
'[Trump] continued his obsession with the forecasts for Hurricane Dorian by sharing a bizarre cat video late Saturday night. The video makes it seem like it is Trump who is holding a laser pointer and distracting a cat labeled CNN in front of a Hurricane Dorian forecast map. Oh and Yakety Sax is playing in the background.'
https://slate.com/ne...ane-dorian.html
https://slate.com/ne...ane-dorian.html
#349
Posted 12 September 2019 - 08:59 PM
'Trump discourages black college students from becoming astronauts in bizarre anti-science rant'
https://www.rawstory...i-science-rant/
'“I don’t know about the astronaut,” he added, breaking from prepared remarks. “I don’t want to be an astronaut.”
Trump then polled the audience: “Does anybody want to be an astronaut?"'
https://www.rawstory...i-science-rant/
'“I don’t know about the astronaut,” he added, breaking from prepared remarks. “I don’t want to be an astronaut.”
Trump then polled the audience: “Does anybody want to be an astronaut?"'
This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 12 September 2019 - 09:05 PM
#350
Posted 12 September 2019 - 09:15 PM
Azath Vitr (D, on 12 September 2019 - 08:59 PM, said:
'Trump discourages black college students from becoming astronauts in bizarre anti-science rant'
https://www.rawstory...i-science-rant/
'“I don’t know about the astronaut,” he added, breaking from prepared remarks. “I don’t want to be an astronaut.”
Trump then polled the audience: “Does anybody want to be an astronaut?"'
https://www.rawstory...i-science-rant/
'“I don’t know about the astronaut,” he added, breaking from prepared remarks. “I don’t want to be an astronaut.”
Trump then polled the audience: “Does anybody want to be an astronaut?"'
I watched the video, and I don't think this was anti-science or anti-astronaut. Trump has done and said terrible anti-science things; this is not one of them.
#351
Posted 14 September 2019 - 06:01 PM
'Lou Dobbs wants his viewers to thank President Donald Trump for their weekend. At the end of his show on Friday, the Fox Business Network host signed off by reminding his viewers to “Have a great weekend,” adding, “The president makes such a thing possible for us all.” Dobbs did not explain why Trump was responsible for making great weekends possible.'
https://www.thedaily...us-all?ref=home
https://www.thedaily...us-all?ref=home
#352
Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:13 PM
Trump at a rally in New Mexico:
'He happens to be Hispanic, but I've never quite figured it out, because he looks more like a WASP than I do [...]
But I tell you what, there is nobody that loves his country more, or his-Panic more, than Steve Cortes.
Nobody loves the Hispanics more. Who do you like more, the country or the Hispanics?
He says the country? I don't know. I may have to go for the Hispanics, to be honest with you. We got a lotta Hispanics. We love our Hispanics. Get out, and vote.
[...] And Steve I want to think you very much by the way, and you were incredible on CNN, and now you'll get a real job, okay?'
Video:
https://slate.com/ne...eo-adviser.html
Also notice the Fox News chyron in the video: 'TRUMP: NY TIMES DESTROYED ITS VIRTUE'
Same speech:
'Hispanic-Americans [...] they want the wall! They want the wall!'
https://www.indy100....r-wall-yKgLRkgh
'He happens to be Hispanic, but I've never quite figured it out, because he looks more like a WASP than I do [...]
But I tell you what, there is nobody that loves his country more, or his-Panic more, than Steve Cortes.
Nobody loves the Hispanics more. Who do you like more, the country or the Hispanics?
He says the country? I don't know. I may have to go for the Hispanics, to be honest with you. We got a lotta Hispanics. We love our Hispanics. Get out, and vote.
[...] And Steve I want to think you very much by the way, and you were incredible on CNN, and now you'll get a real job, okay?'
Video:
https://slate.com/ne...eo-adviser.html
Also notice the Fox News chyron in the video: 'TRUMP: NY TIMES DESTROYED ITS VIRTUE'
Same speech:
'Hispanic-Americans [...] they want the wall! They want the wall!'
https://www.indy100....r-wall-yKgLRkgh
This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 17 September 2019 - 03:14 PM
#353
Posted 18 September 2019 - 05:49 PM
'Man Who Threatened to Eat Professor Alive Pleads Guilty
"I will bite through your eyeballs while you're still alive, and I will laugh while you scream," the Trump supporter wrote.'
https://www.thedaily...guilty?ref=home
Trump's influence seems evident in his literary style: 'you should be Murdered in cold blood.'
Also:
'Trump suggests U.S. could back Saudi Arabia in a war with Iran because the kingdom "pays cash"'
'They spend $400 billion in our country over the last number of years. Four hundred billion dollars. That's a million and a half jobs. And they're not ones that, unlike some countries, where they want terms; they want terms and conditions. They want to say, "Can we borrow the money at zero percent for the next 400 years?" No. No. Saudi Arabia pays cash.'
'the actual amount is nowhere near $400 billion (which would be more than half the Pentagon's annual budget). But this transaction is not an act of generosity for hard-pressed American arms manufacturers. The Saudis are being given access to advanced arms that many countries would love to have. [...] What makes Trump's logic so peculiar is that it turns the mechanism through which the alliance works into its rationale. We used to sell weapons to Saudia Arabia because we needed to secure their oil. Now we supposedly need to defend them because they buy our weapons.
The largest mystery hovering over Trump's reversal is not how much the Saudis are paying the United States, but how much they're paying Trump personally. The Saudis spend extravagant sums of money at his hotels in Washington and New York. Earlier this summer, a Saudi entourage of more than two dozen stayed at Trump's resort in Scotland. These are just some details that have leaked out piecemeal. The overall scope of Trump's financial ties to the kingdom are opaque, because Trump, with the support of the conservative movement and Republicans in Congress, refuses to disclose basic financial information.'
http://nymag.com/int...corruption.html
"I will bite through your eyeballs while you're still alive, and I will laugh while you scream," the Trump supporter wrote.'
https://www.thedaily...guilty?ref=home
Trump's influence seems evident in his literary style: 'you should be Murdered in cold blood.'
Also:
'Trump suggests U.S. could back Saudi Arabia in a war with Iran because the kingdom "pays cash"'
'They spend $400 billion in our country over the last number of years. Four hundred billion dollars. That's a million and a half jobs. And they're not ones that, unlike some countries, where they want terms; they want terms and conditions. They want to say, "Can we borrow the money at zero percent for the next 400 years?" No. No. Saudi Arabia pays cash.'
'the actual amount is nowhere near $400 billion (which would be more than half the Pentagon's annual budget). But this transaction is not an act of generosity for hard-pressed American arms manufacturers. The Saudis are being given access to advanced arms that many countries would love to have. [...] What makes Trump's logic so peculiar is that it turns the mechanism through which the alliance works into its rationale. We used to sell weapons to Saudia Arabia because we needed to secure their oil. Now we supposedly need to defend them because they buy our weapons.
The largest mystery hovering over Trump's reversal is not how much the Saudis are paying the United States, but how much they're paying Trump personally. The Saudis spend extravagant sums of money at his hotels in Washington and New York. Earlier this summer, a Saudi entourage of more than two dozen stayed at Trump's resort in Scotland. These are just some details that have leaked out piecemeal. The overall scope of Trump's financial ties to the kingdom are opaque, because Trump, with the support of the conservative movement and Republicans in Congress, refuses to disclose basic financial information.'
http://nymag.com/int...corruption.html
This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 18 September 2019 - 05:59 PM
#354
Posted 19 September 2019 - 06:44 PM
Aw, it's ok buddy. You can write your memoir and appear on the next season of Celebrity Big Brother or Dancing with the Stars.
#357
Posted 23 September 2019 - 10:39 PM
Trump: 'If a Republican ever did what Joe Biden did, if a Republican ever said what Joe Biden said, they’d be getting the electric chair by right now'
https://www.thedaily...en-did?ref=home
Bill Weld, Trump's Republican primary challenger: '“Talk about pressuring a foreign country to interfere with and control a U.S. election. That’s not just undermining democratic institutions. That is treason. It’s treason pure and simple, and the penalty for treason under the U.S. code is death. That’s the only penalty,” Weld said on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” on Monday.'
https://americanmili...ty-for-treason/
Too bad Trump refuses to debate him....
https://www.thedaily...en-did?ref=home
Bill Weld, Trump's Republican primary challenger: '“Talk about pressuring a foreign country to interfere with and control a U.S. election. That’s not just undermining democratic institutions. That is treason. It’s treason pure and simple, and the penalty for treason under the U.S. code is death. That’s the only penalty,” Weld said on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” on Monday.'
https://americanmili...ty-for-treason/
Too bad Trump refuses to debate him....
#358
Posted 25 September 2019 - 02:37 PM
'Britain Trump' gives a speech to the UN General Assembly. Standard transcripts don't do justice to his dramatic pauses, so I've transcribed it as verse:
'A future Alexa
will pretend
to take orders,
but this Alexa will be watching you,
clucking her tongue
and stamping her foot. [pounds on podium to act this out] [...]
your MATTRESS
will monitor your nightmares,
your fridge will beep for more cheese [...]
some great cloud of data
that lowers
ever more oppressively
over the human race.
A giant, dark
thundercloud
waiting to burst
and we have no
control
over how and when
the precipitation will take place. [...]
Are we doomed to a cold and heartless future
in which computer says Yes
or computer says No
with the grim
finality
of an Emperor
in the arena?
[...]
And how do we know
that the machines have not been insidiously
programmed
to fool us
or even
to CHEAT us?
[...]
The digital authoritarianism is not, alas, the stuff
of dystopian fantasy,
but of an emerging reality.
[...]
AI
what will it mean?
Helpful robots
washing and caring
for an aging population or
pink-eyed terminators sent back from the future
to cull
the human race.
What will synthetic biology stand for
restoring our livers and our eyes
with miracle
regeneration of the tissues
like some fantastic
hangover cure,
or will it bring terrifying limbless chickens
to our tables
will nanotechnology help us to beat disease,
or will it live, leave
tiny robots
to replicate in our souls?
It is a trope
as old as
literature
that any scientific advance
is punished
by
the GODS.
When Prometheus
brought fire
to mankind,
in a tube
of fennel, as you may remember,
with his brother Epimetheus
ZEUS
punished him
by chaining him to a Tartarean crag
while his liver
was PECKED OUT
[pauses to mime pecking out liver by bobbing his head like a chicken]
I talked about a hangover cure
his liver was PECKED OUT by an evil, an eagle,
and every time his liver regrew
the eagle came back and PECKED IT again
and this went on forever
a bit like the experience of
Brexit [the Youtube subtitles rendered this as "Wretched"] [...]
In fact it was a standard
poetic practice
[starts declaiming in iambic tetrametre] To curse the protos heuretes
the person responsible
for any scientific or technical breakthrough
if only they had never invented the ship then Jason
would never have sailed to Colchis
and all sorts of disasters
would never have happened'
https://www.youtube....Eyh7erE&t=2m27s
'A future Alexa
will pretend
to take orders,
but this Alexa will be watching you,
clucking her tongue
and stamping her foot. [pounds on podium to act this out] [...]
your MATTRESS
will monitor your nightmares,
your fridge will beep for more cheese [...]
some great cloud of data
that lowers
ever more oppressively
over the human race.
A giant, dark
thundercloud
waiting to burst
and we have no
control
over how and when
the precipitation will take place. [...]
Are we doomed to a cold and heartless future
in which computer says Yes
or computer says No
with the grim
finality
of an Emperor
in the arena?
[...]
And how do we know
that the machines have not been insidiously
programmed
to fool us
or even
to CHEAT us?
[...]
The digital authoritarianism is not, alas, the stuff
of dystopian fantasy,
but of an emerging reality.
[...]
AI
what will it mean?
Helpful robots
washing and caring
for an aging population or
pink-eyed terminators sent back from the future
to cull
the human race.
What will synthetic biology stand for
restoring our livers and our eyes
with miracle
regeneration of the tissues
like some fantastic
hangover cure,
or will it bring terrifying limbless chickens
to our tables
will nanotechnology help us to beat disease,
or will it live, leave
tiny robots
to replicate in our souls?
It is a trope
as old as
literature
that any scientific advance
is punished
by
the GODS.
When Prometheus
brought fire
to mankind,
in a tube
of fennel, as you may remember,
with his brother Epimetheus
ZEUS
punished him
by chaining him to a Tartarean crag
while his liver
was PECKED OUT
[pauses to mime pecking out liver by bobbing his head like a chicken]
I talked about a hangover cure
his liver was PECKED OUT by an evil, an eagle,
and every time his liver regrew
the eagle came back and PECKED IT again
and this went on forever
a bit like the experience of
Brexit [the Youtube subtitles rendered this as "Wretched"] [...]
In fact it was a standard
poetic practice
[starts declaiming in iambic tetrametre] To curse the protos heuretes
the person responsible
for any scientific or technical breakthrough
if only they had never invented the ship then Jason
would never have sailed to Colchis
and all sorts of disasters
would never have happened'
https://www.youtube....Eyh7erE&t=2m27s
This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 25 September 2019 - 04:23 PM
#359
Posted 26 September 2019 - 06:05 PM
Trump 'jokes' about executing the whistle-blower: '"I want to know who's the person, who's the person who gave the whistleblower the information? Because that's close to a spy," he continued. "You know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart? Right? The spies and treason, we used to handle it a little differently than we do now."
"You know, these animals in the press," Trump went on. "They're animals, some of the worst human beings you'll ever meet."
Someone in the room shouted out "Fake news!" egging the president on.
"They're scum," Trump continued.'
https://www.latimes....ts-almost-a-spy
'Meanwhile in Canada: Green Party Admits Photoshopping Disposable Cup Out of Leader's Photo'
... while Trump's campaign is selling 'Trump-branded' red plastic straws with his name on them (in all caps, of course...).
https://slate.com/ne...-cup-photo.html
[Just after I wrote that, I saw this:
'Panicky Trump deletes desperate ALL-CAPS tweet and threatens whistleblower as damning impeachment evidence piles up
The all-caps format left little doubt that Trump is deeply rattled by the mushrooming evidence of impeachable offenses.
By late morning, the panicky tweet had been removed from Trump's Twitter account.'
https://www.nydailyn...QR0v7BID4I7otCI
]
"You know, these animals in the press," Trump went on. "They're animals, some of the worst human beings you'll ever meet."
Someone in the room shouted out "Fake news!" egging the president on.
"They're scum," Trump continued.'
https://www.latimes....ts-almost-a-spy
'Meanwhile in Canada: Green Party Admits Photoshopping Disposable Cup Out of Leader's Photo'
... while Trump's campaign is selling 'Trump-branded' red plastic straws with his name on them (in all caps, of course...).
https://slate.com/ne...-cup-photo.html
[Just after I wrote that, I saw this:
'Panicky Trump deletes desperate ALL-CAPS tweet and threatens whistleblower as damning impeachment evidence piles up
The all-caps format left little doubt that Trump is deeply rattled by the mushrooming evidence of impeachable offenses.
By late morning, the panicky tweet had been removed from Trump's Twitter account.'
https://www.nydailyn...QR0v7BID4I7otCI
]
This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 26 September 2019 - 06:17 PM
#360
Posted 27 September 2019 - 03:35 AM
Oh my sweet lord above.
They came with white hands and left with red hands.