Malazan Empire: Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots - Malazan Empire

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Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots Laugh while you cry

#341 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 28 August 2019 - 07:47 PM



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#342 User is offline   Cause 

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Posted 29 August 2019 - 09:44 AM

View PostAzath Vitr (D, on 27 August 2019 - 01:42 PM, said:

'Peppered with complaints from farmers fed up with President Trump’s trade war, Sonny Perdue found his patience wearing thin. Mr. Perdue, the agriculture secretary and the guest of honor at the annual Farmfest gathering in southern Minnesota this month, tried to break the ice with a joke.

“What do you call two farmers in a basement?” Mr. Perdue asked near the end of a testy hourlong town-hall-style event. “A whine cellar.”

A cascade of boos ricocheted around the room.'

https://www.nytimes....0OaGlU62_rGhlJ0


Incredible! Practically the only joke he should not have said out loud and he said it.
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#343 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 31 August 2019 - 11:53 PM

Trump sings Señorita:

https://www.youtube....h?v=m7SlTS8R2I0

Piano version:

https://www.youtube....h?v=QoKAEiGMVPw
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#344 User is online   worry 

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Posted 05 September 2019 - 07:13 PM

Beware.
Spoiler

They came with white hands and left with red hands.
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#345 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 05 September 2019 - 07:45 PM

The lizard people left the clone out of the tank too long.
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#346 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 06 September 2019 - 05:17 AM

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#347 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 06 September 2019 - 07:55 PM

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#348 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 08 September 2019 - 10:51 PM

'[Trump] continued his obsession with the forecasts for Hurricane Dorian by sharing a bizarre cat video late Saturday night. The video makes it seem like it is Trump who is holding a laser pointer and distracting a cat labeled CNN in front of a Hurricane Dorian forecast map. Oh and Yakety Sax is playing in the background.'

https://slate.com/ne...ane-dorian.html


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#349 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 12 September 2019 - 08:59 PM

'Trump discourages black college students from becoming astronauts in bizarre anti-science rant'

https://www.rawstory...i-science-rant/

'“I don’t know about the astronaut,” he added, breaking from prepared remarks. “I don’t want to be an astronaut.”

Trump then polled the audience: “Does anybody want to be an astronaut?"'

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 12 September 2019 - 09:05 PM

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#350 User is offline   Whisperzzzzzzz 

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Posted 12 September 2019 - 09:15 PM

View PostAzath Vitr (D, on 12 September 2019 - 08:59 PM, said:

'Trump discourages black college students from becoming astronauts in bizarre anti-science rant'

https://www.rawstory...i-science-rant/

'“I don’t know about the astronaut,” he added, breaking from prepared remarks. “I don’t want to be an astronaut.”

Trump then polled the audience: “Does anybody want to be an astronaut?"'


I watched the video, and I don't think this was anti-science or anti-astronaut. Trump has done and said terrible anti-science things; this is not one of them.
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#351 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 14 September 2019 - 06:01 PM

'Lou Dobbs wants his viewers to thank President Donald Trump for their weekend. At the end of his show on Friday, the Fox Business Network host signed off by reminding his viewers to “Have a great weekend,” adding, “The president makes such a thing possible for us all.” Dobbs did not explain why Trump was responsible for making great weekends possible.'

https://www.thedaily...us-all?ref=home
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#352 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:13 PM

Trump at a rally in New Mexico:

'He happens to be Hispanic, but I've never quite figured it out, because he looks more like a WASP than I do [...]

But I tell you what, there is nobody that loves his country more, or his-Panic more, than Steve Cortes.

Nobody loves the Hispanics more. Who do you like more, the country or the Hispanics?
He says the country? I don't know. I may have to go for the Hispanics, to be honest with you. We got a lotta Hispanics. We love our Hispanics. Get out, and vote.

[...] And Steve I want to think you very much by the way, and you were incredible on CNN, and now you'll get a real job, okay?'

Video:

https://slate.com/ne...eo-adviser.html

Also notice the Fox News chyron in the video: 'TRUMP: NY TIMES DESTROYED ITS VIRTUE'

Same speech:

'Hispanic-Americans [...] they want the wall! They want the wall!'

https://www.indy100....r-wall-yKgLRkgh

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 17 September 2019 - 03:14 PM

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#353 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 18 September 2019 - 05:49 PM

'Man Who Threatened to Eat Professor Alive Pleads Guilty
"I will bite through your eyeballs while you're still alive, and I will laugh while you scream," the Trump supporter wrote.'

https://www.thedaily...guilty?ref=home

Trump's influence seems evident in his literary style: 'you should be Murdered in cold blood.'

Also:

'Trump suggests U.S. could back Saudi Arabia in a war with Iran because the kingdom "pays cash"'

'They spend $400 billion in our country over the last number of years. Four hundred billion dollars. That's a million and a half jobs. And they're not ones that, unlike some countries, where they want terms; they want terms and conditions. They want to say, "Can we borrow the money at zero percent for the next 400 years?" No. No. Saudi Arabia pays cash.'

'the actual amount is nowhere near $400 billion (which would be more than half the Pentagon's annual budget). But this transaction is not an act of generosity for hard-pressed American arms manufacturers. The Saudis are being given access to advanced arms that many countries would love to have. [...] What makes Trump's logic so peculiar is that it turns the mechanism through which the alliance works into its rationale. We used to sell weapons to Saudia Arabia because we needed to secure their oil. Now we supposedly need to defend them because they buy our weapons.

The largest mystery hovering over Trump's reversal is not how much the Saudis are paying the United States, but how much they're paying Trump personally. The Saudis spend extravagant sums of money at his hotels in Washington and New York. Earlier this summer, a Saudi entourage of more than two dozen stayed at Trump's resort in Scotland. These are just some details that have leaked out piecemeal. The overall scope of Trump's financial ties to the kingdom are opaque, because Trump, with the support of the conservative movement and Republicans in Congress, refuses to disclose basic financial information.'

http://nymag.com/int...corruption.html

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 18 September 2019 - 05:59 PM

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#354 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 19 September 2019 - 06:44 PM

Aw, it's ok buddy. You can write your memoir and appear on the next season of Celebrity Big Brother or Dancing with the Stars.
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#355 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 20 September 2019 - 02:11 PM

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#356 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 22 September 2019 - 04:16 AM

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#357 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 23 September 2019 - 10:39 PM

Trump: 'If a Republican ever did what Joe Biden did, if a Republican ever said what Joe Biden said, they’d be getting the electric chair by right now'

https://www.thedaily...en-did?ref=home

Bill Weld, Trump's Republican primary challenger: '“Talk about pressuring a foreign country to interfere with and control a U.S. election. That’s not just undermining democratic institutions. That is treason. It’s treason pure and simple, and the penalty for treason under the U.S. code is death. That’s the only penalty,” Weld said on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” on Monday.'

https://americanmili...ty-for-treason/

Too bad Trump refuses to debate him....
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#358 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 25 September 2019 - 02:37 PM

'Britain Trump' gives a speech to the UN General Assembly. Standard transcripts don't do justice to his dramatic pauses, so I've transcribed it as verse:

'A future Alexa

will pretend

to take orders,

but this Alexa will be watching you,

clucking her tongue

and stamping her foot. [pounds on podium to act this out] [...]


your MATTRESS

will monitor your nightmares,

your fridge will beep for more cheese [...]


some great cloud of data

that lowers

ever more oppressively

over the human race.

A giant, dark

thundercloud

waiting to burst

and we have no

control

over how and when

the precipitation will take place. [...]


Are we doomed to a cold and heartless future

in which computer says Yes

or computer says No

with the grim

finality

of an Emperor

in the arena?

[...]
And how do we know

that the machines have not been insidiously

programmed

to fool us

or even

to CHEAT us?


[...]
The digital authoritarianism is not, alas, the stuff

of dystopian fantasy,

but of an emerging reality.

[...]

AI

what will it mean?

Helpful robots

washing and caring

for an aging population or

pink-eyed terminators sent back from the future

to cull

the human race.


What will synthetic biology stand for

restoring our livers and our eyes

with miracle

regeneration of the tissues

like some fantastic

hangover cure,

or will it bring terrifying limbless chickens

to our tables


will nanotechnology help us to beat disease,

or will it live, leave

tiny robots

to replicate in our souls?


It is a trope

as old as

literature

that any scientific advance

is punished

by

the GODS.


When Prometheus

brought fire

to mankind,

in a tube

of fennel, as you may remember,

with his brother Epimetheus

ZEUS

punished him

by chaining him to a Tartarean crag

while his liver

was PECKED OUT

[pauses to mime pecking out liver by bobbing his head like a chicken]

I talked about a hangover cure

his liver was PECKED OUT by an evil, an eagle,

and every time his liver regrew

the eagle came back and PECKED IT again

and this went on forever

a bit like the experience of

Brexit [the Youtube subtitles rendered this as "Wretched"] [...]


In fact it was a standard

poetic practice

[starts declaiming in iambic tetrametre] To curse the protos heuretes

the person responsible

for any scientific or technical breakthrough

if only they had never invented the ship then Jason

would never have sailed to Colchis

and all sorts of disasters

would never have happened'

https://www.youtube....Eyh7erE&t=2m27s

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 25 September 2019 - 04:23 PM

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#359 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 26 September 2019 - 06:05 PM

Trump 'jokes' about executing the whistle-blower: '"I want to know who's the person, who's the person who gave the whistleblower the information? Because that's close to a spy," he continued. "You know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart? Right? The spies and treason, we used to handle it a little differently than we do now."

"You know, these animals in the press," Trump went on. "They're animals, some of the worst human beings you'll ever meet."

Someone in the room shouted out "Fake news!" egging the president on.

"They're scum," Trump continued.'

https://www.latimes....ts-almost-a-spy

'Meanwhile in Canada: Green Party Admits Photoshopping Disposable Cup Out of Leader's Photo'

... while Trump's campaign is selling 'Trump-branded' red plastic straws with his name on them (in all caps, of course...).

https://slate.com/ne...-cup-photo.html

[Just after I wrote that, I saw this:

'Panicky Trump deletes desperate ALL-CAPS tweet and threatens whistleblower as damning impeachment evidence piles up

Posted Image

The all-caps format left little doubt that Trump is deeply rattled by the mushrooming evidence of impeachable offenses.

By late morning, the panicky tweet had been removed from Trump's Twitter account.'

https://www.nydailyn...QR0v7BID4I7otCI
]

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 26 September 2019 - 06:17 PM

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#360 User is online   worry 

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Posted 27 September 2019 - 03:35 AM

Oh my sweet lord above.


They came with white hands and left with red hands.
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