So, let's talk about sex

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So, let's talk about sex I'm having a crisis of thought...

#601 Mezla PigDog

Malazan Yo Yo Champion 2009

Group: Mezla's Thought Police
Posts: 2,721
Joined: 03-September 04

Posted 26 August 2018 - 06:29 PM

I do a lot of work on STI testing - people testing you won't think twice if you say you had a lapse of common sense and need a test. It's what they do for a living. You can also look online for FDA cleared home tests - you can take a sample and send it in the post or do the whole test yourself for some things.

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#602 worry

Master of the Deck

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 14,791
Joined: 24-February 10
Location:the buried west

Posted 29 August 2018 - 09:44 PM

Amazon sells male chastity belts/cages.

They came with white hands and left with red hands.

#603 Tsundoku

A what?

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 4,941
Joined: 06-January 03
Location:Maison de merde

Posted 30 August 2018 - 08:08 AM

Maybe attach a little bell to your bell end to warn of imminent ... activity. Like the shops used to have on their doors.

"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker

#604 Cause

Elder God

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Location:NYC

Posted 30 August 2018 - 09:07 AM

PARADISE is here bitches, on 29 August 2018 - 09:12 PM, said:

Gonna be a long 2 day wait for this pee and blood results to come in. Grr

Stop being an idiot Tanner.

Why are you so confident she had an STD?

Also penicillin is now your god!

#605 Aptorian

How 'bout a hug?

Group: The Wheelchairs of War
Posts: 24,785
Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 30 August 2018 - 09:39 AM

It's well known that all girls have cooties.

#606 Cause

Elder God

Group: Malaz Regular
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Joined: 25-December 03
Location:NYC

Posted 30 August 2018 - 10:16 AM

Alternative Goose, on 30 August 2018 - 09:39 AM, said:

It's well known that all girls have cooties.

It is known

#607 Messremb

Honorary Symp of High House Mafia

Group: High House Mafia
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Joined: 26-July 02
Location:Essex
High Artificer of Team Quick Ben

Posted 30 August 2018 - 02:03 PM

PARADISE is here bitches, on 29 August 2018 - 09:12 PM, said:

Gonna be a long 2 day wait for this pee and blood results to come in. Grr

Stop being an idiot Tanner.

Please tell me this is from your D&D orgy

"see that stranger's arm crushing the life from him - do you understand? Not an eternal prison for Messremb"

#608 Abyss

abyssus abyssum invocat

Group: Administrators
Posts: 22,347
Joined: 22-May 03
Location:The call is coming from inside the house!!!!
Interests:Interesting.

Posted 30 August 2018 - 05:33 PM

PARADISE is here bitches, on 29 August 2018 - 09:12 PM, said:

Gonna be a long 2 day wait for this pee and blood results to come in. Grr

Stop being an idiot Tanner.

‘No glove, no love’.
‘No jacket, just whack it’.
‘No dome, go home’.

THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT THERE IS A
'VIEW NEW CONTENT' BUTTON THAT
ALLOWS YOU TO VIEW NEW CONTENT

#609 Primateus

E Pluribus Anus

Group: Malaz Regular
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Location:A bigger town, but still small.
Interests:Stuff, lots of stuff!

Posted 30 August 2018 - 06:36 PM

Abyss, on 30 August 2018 - 05:33 PM, said:

PARADISE is here bitches, on 29 August 2018 - 09:12 PM, said:

Gonna be a long 2 day wait for this pee and blood results to come in. Grr

Stop being an idiot Tanner.

'No glove, no love'.
'No jacket, just whack it'.
'No dome, go home'.

'Don't be a fool!'
'Wrap yo tool!'

Screw you all, and have a nice day!

#610 Maark Abbott

Part Time Catgirl

Group: Malaz Regular
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Location:Lether, apparently...
Interests:Redacted

Posted 31 August 2018 - 07:04 AM

"Don't give her womb a spookin', block that hadouken"

Debut novel 'Incarnate' now available on Kindle

#611 Tiste Simeon

Faith, Heavy Metal & Bacon

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 12,323
Joined: 08-October 04
Location:T'North

Posted 31 August 2018 - 08:06 AM

Oi! Bellend! Cover up your... Umm... Bellend!

A Haunting Poem
I Scream
You Scream
We all Scream
For I Scream.

#612 worry

Master of the Deck

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 14,791
Joined: 24-February 10
Location:the buried west

Posted 31 August 2018 - 07:52 PM

That's why you should give up metal for hip-hop. Your rhymes just flow!

They came with white hands and left with red hands.

#613 Tiste Simeon

Faith, Heavy Metal & Bacon

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 12,323
Joined: 08-October 04
Location:T'North

Posted 31 August 2018 - 08:55 PM

I'm a poet and I'm well aware of that fact!

A Haunting Poem
I Scream
You Scream
We all Scream
For I Scream.

#614 LinearPhilosopher

House Knight

Group: Malaz Regular
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Location:Ivory Tower
Interests:Everything.

Posted 31 August 2018 - 09:04 PM

Primateus, on 30 August 2018 - 06:36 PM, said:

Abyss, on 30 August 2018 - 05:33 PM, said:

PARADISE is here bitches, on 29 August 2018 - 09:12 PM, said:

Gonna be a long 2 day wait for this pee and blood results to come in. Grr

Stop being an idiot Tanner.

'No glove, no love'.
'No jacket, just whack it'.
'No dome, go home'.

'Don't be a fool!'
'Wrap yo tool!'

Don't be silly
Wrap your Willy

#615 Slow Ben

Ranger

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 4,764
Joined: 29-September 08
Location:Southern Illinois

Posted 31 August 2018 - 09:46 PM

LinearPhilosopher, on 31 August 2018 - 09:04 PM, said:

Primateus, on 30 August 2018 - 06:36 PM, said:

Abyss, on 30 August 2018 - 05:33 PM, said:

PARADISE is here bitches, on 29 August 2018 - 09:12 PM, said:

Gonna be a long 2 day wait for this pee and blood results to come in. Grr

Stop being an idiot Tanner.

'No glove, no love'.
'No jacket, just whack it'.
'No dome, go home'.

'Don't be a fool!'
'Wrap yo tool!'

Don't be silly
Wrap your Willy

Before you hump
Cover your stump

I've always been crazy but its kept me from going insane.

#616 worry

Master of the Deck

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 14,791
Joined: 24-February 10
Location:the buried west

Posted 31 August 2018 - 11:16 PM

Congrats on your future episode of Mystery Diagnosis.

They came with white hands and left with red hands.

#617 Tsundoku

A what?

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 4,941
Joined: 06-January 03
Location:Maison de merde

Posted 31 August 2018 - 11:58 PM

Let's hope he doesn't end up on Embarrassing Bodies.

Well, except for that ... other thing. You know.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 31 August 2018 - 11:58 PM

#618 Mezla PigDog

Malazan Yo Yo Champion 2009

Group: Mezla's Thought Police
Posts: 2,721
Joined: 03-September 04

Posted 01 September 2018 - 06:28 AM

PARADISE is here bitches, on 31 August 2018 - 10:45 PM, said:

Welllll guess my 2 day wait turns into a 5 day wait. Never got a call today.

Probably a good sign. They usually prioritise calling people with positive results.

Also

If you're gonna get funky
Cover that monkey

This post has been edited by Mezla PigDog: 01 September 2018 - 06:29 AM

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#619 Slow Ben

Ranger

Group: Malaz Regular
Posts: 4,764
Joined: 29-September 08
Location:Southern Illinois

Posted 01 September 2018 - 01:27 PM

Fun Fact!

The average hot dog machine will have 545,700 wieners in it and catch 4,277 gallons of juice in its trap during its lifetime.

Just like one of BK's dates.

I've always been crazy but its kept me from going insane.