Warning: Parody that is funny because it's true.
https://theshovel.co...o-donald-trump/
Thanksgiving Turkey Pardoned After Making $100 Mil Bribe to Donald Trump
As part of a timeless American tradition, a Thanksgiving turkey has received a pardon from the US President this week, following an unrelated $100 million bribe it made to one of Trump’s businesses.
In a pre-Thanksgiving ceremony to kick off the festive spirit, it’s become customary for the President to pardon a literal turkey. This year however, the ritual hit a snag when Trump began asking what he was getting out of the transaction.
“My people came to me and told me I was pardoning a bird, but I wasn’t even getting a gift out of it. Well I wasn’t having that,” Trump told press. “You scratch my back, I scratch yours. That’s just the first rule of forgiveness.”
After tense negotiations between the US Government and Gobble the turkey, the bird was encouraged to make a generous “donation” to the Trump administration, in order to be worthy of a pardon.
“It took ages to decide what type of bribe to actually give Trump, given there are so many ways you can do it nowadays,” shared Gobble the broad-breasted white turkey.
“At first I was gonna get him a Boeing 747, but then I thought a donation to the White House renovation would be classier. In the end I went with a crypto investment into one of his dipshit son’s companies.”
Following the bribe, Trump not only gave Gobble an unconditional pardon, but also made him head of the Department of Agriculture, as well as the new US ambassador to Türkiye.
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes
"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys
"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker