[The Crow]

Recently, I've actually started playing with the idea of reading these books.
Preferably I should arrange it as some sort of bet with one of my many girl-friends (not girlfriends, thankfully) who adore the series, so I can get something back from the work that must be put into reading them.

My main concern is for the possible fact that I might actually like them.
Considering the enormous amounts of IRL-flaming I've done over these books, my ego might never recover if I had to admit that I liked them.



Luckily, the chance of this possibility ever becoming reality seems somewhat slim.

[Darkwatch]

Those friends of yours are going to have to commit some substantial wagers to make reading that series even close to worth it.

[The Crow]

Darkwatch, on Aug 10 2009, 10:56 PM, said:

Those friends of yours are going to have to commit some substantial wagers to make reading that series even close to worth it.

Shouldn't be too hard to fix. 15 minutes of manipulation and I'll most likely have been able to make them come up with the idea themself. I mean, they like the Twilight Saga. Not much in terms of perception going on there.

Also, this rewritten movie script is awesome!

Quote

ROBERT PATTINSON

Don't be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It's like being Spider-Man, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.

KRISTEN STEWART

So that's why why your family moved here, because it's always overcast!

ROBERT PATTINSON

That's right everyone, this whole movie is a two-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.

This post has been edited by The Crow: 10 August 2009 - 11:19 PM

[Ain't_It_Just_]

The Crow, on Aug 11 2009, 09:09 AM, said:

I mean, they like the Twilight Saga. Not much in terms of perception going on there.

Killer insult opportunity!

Well, good luck...and make sure you don't lose your mind.

[The Crow]

Ain't_It_Just_, on Aug 11 2009, 07:48 AM, said:

Killer insult opportunity!

Well, good luck...and make sure you don't lose your mind.

Thanks, I'll give it my best.

[Darkwatch]

Be sure to tell us what they offered in exchange.

[HoosierDaddy]

Nothing less than souls and or "favors" should suffice.

[Darkwatch]

HoosierDaddy, on Aug 11 2009, 11:14 PM, said:

Nothing less than souls and or "favors" should suffice.

"Favours" from such people would be very dangerous since they're crazy.
And they have no souls to wager having sold them to Satan when they decided to like Twilight.

I was thinking a long the lines of "favours" from saner friends and the collected contents of all their bank accounts and those of their parents.

[HoosierDaddy]

Crazy oftentimes means better... in this instance, DW. Speaking from experience, here. Psycho's have a + side.

[Darkwatch]

I agree HD, but I'm also thinking what would happen after the sex.
Crazy women tend to get crazy, the band kind, after the sex.

[Shiara]

Wait. So you're telling us that in exchange for reading this masterbatory fantasy directed at squealy teenage girls, these women would ply you with sexual favours?

HOW, in ANY sense of the word, would anyone find a man reading Twilight SEXY???

On top of that, you are more likely than not going to hate it, and bitch about it to them while reading it, which will annoy them to no end cause you were supposed to become one of them, not find more fuel for your derision.

I sense this will end with loss of thinkymeats due to mass brain cell suicide (the only way for them to escape this drivel), and the added minus of lady friends who renege on your unofficial pre-reading terms of agreement.

But best of luck in any case!

[MTS]

Shiara, on Aug 13 2009, 01:18 PM, said:

Wait. So you're telling us that in exchange for reading this masterbatory fantasy directed at squealy teenage girls, these women would ply you with sexual favours?

HOW, in ANY sense of the word, would anyone find a man reading Twilight SEXY???

It's not the fact that they find it sexy - like you said, they want him to become one of them by reading it. His price for ripping his soul into a million, sparkling pieces? Sex. I would say it's almost worth the numerous brain haemorrhages that will result from those words reaching your brain. I'm of course assuming the sex will be crazy good, not that she will want you to act like Edward and rape her/beat her to a pulp, in which case it's not worth it (unless your into that kinda thing...)

Shiara said:

But best of luck in any case!

This is all we can do. I expect a prodigious fail.

This post has been edited by Mappo's Travelling Sack: 13 August 2009 - 05:44 AM

[Ain't_It_Just_]

I dunno about it not being sexy. The whole sparkly, ravenous werewolf thing quickens your breath....

....or so I've, uh, heard.

Tell them the sex better be good-it'll help cut off any schemes they've concocted.

[alt146]

Shiara, on Aug 13 2009, 05:18 AM, said:

Wait. So you're telling us that in exchange for reading this masterbatory fantasy directed at squealy teenage girls, these women would ply you with sexual favours?

HOW, in ANY sense of the word, would anyone find a man reading Twilight SEXY???

On top of that, you are more likely than not going to hate it, and bitch about it to them while reading it, which will annoy them to no end cause you were supposed to become one of them, not find more fuel for your derision.

I sense this will end with loss of thinkymeats due to mass brain cell suicide (the only way for them to escape this drivel), and the added minus of lady friends who renege on your unofficial pre-reading terms of agreement.

But best of luck in any case!

He should maybe arrange for payment before reading, just in case Or on a chapter by chapter basis.

[D'rek]

Maybe he'll lie about liking it to the twitards, and then when they're romping in the hay just at the brink of climax he'll shout "I lied, I hated Twilight" and then try to hold on like a rodeo as the twitard squirms and tries to escape... there's something similar on urban dictionary but with STDs sinstead of Twilight or something like that.

Though I am still a bit puzzled, as aren't most twitards like 13 years old? Don't let the cops find out about your deal!

[MTS]

D'rek, on Aug 13 2009, 11:03 PM, said:

Maybe he'll lie about liking it to the twitards, and then when they're romping in the hay just at the brink of climax he'll shout "I lied, I hated Twilight" and then try to hold on like a rodeo as the twitard squirms and tries to escape... there's something similar on urban dictionary but with STDs sinstead of Twilight or something like that.

Though I am still a bit puzzled, as aren't most twitards like 13 years old? Don't let the cops find out about your deal!

How wrong you are.

Attached File(s)

•  Twifans1.jpg (54K)
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[Obdigore]

Ate bad hot wings. Threw up 14 times in two hours. Popped blood vessels in both my eyes.

Would do that every day rather than read Twilight.

NO SEX IS WORTH THAT YOU FOOL.

[Abyss]

The Crow, on Aug 10 2009, 06:53 PM, said:

Recently, I've actually started playing with the idea of reading these books.
Preferably I should arrange it as some sort of bet with one of my many girl-friends (not girlfriends, thankfully) who adore the series, so I can get something back from the work that must be put into reading them.

My main concern is for the possible fact that I might actually like them.
Considering the enormous amounts of IRL-flaming I've done over these books, my ego might never recover if I had to admit that I liked them.

Luckily, the chance of this possibility ever becoming reality seems somewhat slim.

I haven't read them and have no intention of doing so, but i have to voice agreement with the general feeling that you should be getting sex for this regardless of whether you like the books.

Shiara, on Aug 12 2009, 11:18 PM, said:

Wait. So you're telling us that in exchange for reading this masterbatory fantasy directed at squealy teenage girls, these women would ply you with sexual favours?

HOW, in ANY sense of the word, would anyone find a man reading Twilight SEXY???

The trick is in turning the reading of the book into an opportunity to engage in extended conversations about romantic vampire pr0n with members of the opposite sex, thus subliminally stimulating certain brain partz that may lead them to feelings of emotional connection, and/or the horny.

Quote

On top of that, you are more likely than not going to hate it, and bitch about it to them while reading it, which will annoy them to no end cause you were supposed to become one of them, not find more fuel for your derision.

I sense this will end with loss of thinkymeats due to mass brain cell suicide (the only way for them to escape this drivel), and the added minus of lady friends who renege on your unofficial pre-reading terms of agreement.

But best of luck in any case!

It's not whether he hates it, it's how he pretends to hate it and turn that hate to love. Also, tight t-shirts and body glitter.

Look, chances are, anyone who who states, in seriousness 'yes, i will knock boots with you after you deliver an extended oral book report on the Twilight Slaga' is probably a) no one you want to be veering naked with anyways or, is actually into you and using this as an excuse, in which case you just read all that teenage vamp agnst pr0n for no good reason and wasted time that could have been spent sweaty.

But y'know what? Thousands of people are reading these books for no intelligent reason at all, and doing so for sex automatically raises your life status above all of them except the really rich ones.

D'rek, on Aug 13 2009, 09:03 AM, said:

Maybe he'll lie about liking it to the twitards, and then when they're romping in the hay just at the brink of climax he'll shout "I lied, I hated Twilight" and then try to hold on like a rodeo as the twitard squirms and tries to escape... there's something similar on urban dictionary but with STDs sinstead of Twilight or something like that.

It's the '8-second rodeo', Twilight style... we need a name for this... 'the 8-second Edward'?

Quote

Though I am still a bit puzzled, as aren't most twitards like 13 years old? Don't let the cops find out about your deal!

Considering the age difference between Ed and Bella, you could always blame the books.


- Abyss, ...yes your honour, stephanie meyer made me do it...

[Ain't_It_Just_]

D'rek, on Aug 13 2009, 11:03 PM, said:

Maybe he'll lie about liking it to the twitards, and then when they're romping in the hay just at the brink of climax he'll shout "I lied, I hated Twilight" and then try to hold on like a rodeo as the twitard squirms and tries to escape... there's something similar on urban dictionary but with STDs sinstead of Twilight or something like that.

Actually in that case I imagine an Indiana Jones-style chase, followed by crusades against local bookstores.

[The Crow]

Even if I end up not getting the deal, the replies you guys just wrote made me laugh to the extent of almost crying, so I guess this alone would justify reading the books...well, I guess not.

Anyway, I am humbled by the amount of amusement these few posts brought me.
*Bows in gratitude*