[Malankazooie]

It's miscalculations like this that really messes up a guy's prep check list. Gonna have to put the giddy up on it now.

Alternate reading of Mayan calendar suggests end of the world is next week

[Tsundoku]

Man injures penis, blames hot Twitch gamer girls.

I kid you not.

https://forum.malaza...ost__p__1409852

Yes I originally posted in the videogames thread.

[Malankazooie]

I mean, about five pints in and a couple of shots for good measure, Simon is going to look at his mate Harry and say, "well go ahead then, you gobshite tosser, have a wee on it and see what happens".

[Tsundoku]

The concept of "light-bringer" may be Greek, but Lucifer is Latin you attention-whoring twats.

https://www.news.com...9a34396bf6b5fc5

UK couple win bid to name son Lucifer
The UK couple had a hellish time naming their four-month-old so and were told he “wouldn’t succeed in life” with their controversial choice.

A UK couple have won a battle to name their son Lucifer, revealing the hellish time they had trying to use the banned name.

Dan and Mandy Sheldon tried to register their four-month-old son’s name at their local council office in Derbyshire last week, which had reopened to the public after being shut due to coronavirus.

But they were dismayed when a council official told them they could not use the name, with Mr Sheldon lodging an official complaint over their treatment.

He told The Sun the council employee had said their son “wouldn’t succeed in life” with the name Lucifer, which is name given to the devil when he is an angel before his fall from grace, according to Christianity.

“We were really excited to go and get him registered but the woman looked at us in utter disgust,” Mr Sheldon said.

“She told us he would never be able to get a job, and that teachers wouldn’t want to teach him.

“I tried to explain that we are not religious people, and Lucifer in Greek means ‘light-bringer’ and ‘morning’ but she wouldn’t listen.”

Eventually “through gritted teeth" the official agreed to let them register their son’s name as Lucifer, Mr Sheldon said.

“Honestly, we just thought it was a nice name … a unique one. We didn’t expect to get so much grief about it,” he said.

In response to their complaint Derbyshire Country Council apologised but said it was the job of registrars “to advise” on the meaning of names.

“Sometimes people are not aware of certain meanings or associations around certain names,” a spokesperson said.

Rules on what you can and can’t call your baby vary from country to country.

In Australia, parents cannot name their children anything that could be deemed offensive, creates confusion, contains an official title or rank, contains symbols, is an acronym, could insult, confuse or offend a person or group.

Names previously banned in Australia include Anzac, Australia, Dame, God, Messiah and Satan — but Lucifer isn’t on the list.

In the UK there are less rules, however, if they are considered obscene, too long or contain numbers they are likely to be rejected.

New Zealand’s rules are stricter, with a couple banned from naming their son Lucifer in 2013.

Other names Kiwi officials have blocked parents from giving their children include 4Real, Juztice and Anal — yes, really.

[Tiste Simeon]

Ugh. Cretins.

[Darkwatch]

Apparently they make car taillights in the form of vulvae (apparently that is the plural according to autocorrect)

https://jalopnik.com...r-to-1844766158

[Malankazooie]

The details that are coming out about Jerry Falwell Jr. sound like the plot to every other porno. Pool boy, wife, husband watches.

The other popular porno scenarios being when the pizza boy shows up with a large pizza with extra sausage. Oh, and mustn't overlook the smattering that begin when a plumber cumz to unclog the drain.

No links provided, it's all over the place, so just go to your favorite news feed and enjoy, or not.

[Malankazooie]

So this happened earlier. Eh, probably more a feat of engineering than mystic David Blaine conquering our concepts of human limitations. Besides it was done before back in the 1980s by a pycho who was purely a do it yourself hobbyist. Cept he hooked up to a lawn chair.

Holding 52 helium balloons, magician David Blaine floats over Arizona desert <<< vid in link is long, ff to about 2hr mark to see liftoff)



Letterman interviewing the nutter who did it in the 80s.

[Tiste Simeon]

So here's something that is causing a lot of amusement locally, but also some people are criticising the decision.

I live on the Isle of Man which is currently Covid free. We have shut the borders and while residents can go across to the UK, they have to apply for permission to return and must go into 2 weeks self-isolation upon return (and notify the relevant people where they're staying etc) so far this is working and people are getting arrested for breaching self-isolation rules.

Then this past week a dude got on a freaking JET SKI from Scotland and travelled across the seas to visit his girlfriend. He did this to circumvent the locked borders (he's not a resident so would be denied entry) and he did not go into isolation when he arrived.

He's gone to jail for 4 weeks. There's been a bunch of memes and jokes etc but there's also been "he did this for love, this is so harsh!"

My opinion is that for crying out loud, how do some people not get it yet! We're one of the few places in the world that has pretty much all of society back to normal - pubs, restaurants, shops all open and with no restrictions or social distancing rules. Yes it's an amusing story but if he'd brought Covid back, people would have been up in arms...

Anyway, here's a BBC link. I think it's made national and even international media outlets so if this link doesn't work I'm sure others will:

https://www.bbc.co.u...of-man-55310647

What do you guys think?

[Aptorian]

Shoot him and hang his body from a lamppost till the corpse rots.

What?

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 17 December 2020 - 08:07 PM

[Tsundoku]

Maybe not that severe but definitely throw a very big book at him. Selfish turd.

So Simmo, did you get to kick his door in and smash his face into the floor? Did you get the truncheon and phone book out?
Not that the Isle of Man phone book would be that thick, mind ...

[Malankazooie]

Nightmare fuel ahead. If you are pregnant or have a preexisting heart condition, do not click. You've been warned.

[Tsundoku]

Who the hell still has VHS???

https://www.news.com...ed90d990c079e99

Son, 42, wins lawsuit against his parents for throwing away his $25,000 porn collection

A judge has awarded damages to a man who moved back into his parents’ house only to discover they had thrown away his porn collection.

Debbie White
DECEMBER 19, 202011:48AM

A judge has awarded damages to a man, 42, who moved back into his parents’ house only to discover they had thrown away his porn collection – which he claims was worth $25,000.
A divorced bloke has won a lawsuit against his parents for throwing out his $25,000 stash of porn and sex toys.

District Judge Paul Maloney ruled in favour of David Werking, 42, who said his parents had no right to get rid of his X-rated collection, The Sun reports.

The porn addict was left fuming at discovering 12 boxes of his prized stash had been tossed out, including his beloved flicks ‘Frisky Business’ and ‘Big Bad Grannys’.

But David Werking’s mum and dad were shocked by the depictions of sexual assault, slavery, incestuous relationships and sex with minors, writes The Holland Sentinel in Michigan.

A list of the haul revealed he had collected 1,605 porn DVDs and VHS tapes, plus about 50 sex toys and paraphernalia.

His disgusted dad, Paul Werking, ranted: “That you would buy and watch films depicting such violence is beyond the pale.

“I have no words to express the depth of my shock and disappointment.

“One reason I destroyed your porn was for your own mental and emotional health. I would have done the same if I had found a kilo of crack cocaine.”

His son’s win in western Michigan means the porn fanatic can also seek compensation for his missing collection.

His attorney, Miles Greengard, said, “we have asked the court for treble damages, which we believe are warranted given the wanton destruction.

“This was a collection of often irreplaceable items and property.”

Werking had been living at his folks’ Grand Haven home for ten months after a divorce, before moving to Muncie, Indiana.

But tempers flared when he discovered that boxes of his explicit films and mags worth an estimated $25,000 were missing.

When he asked his parents where the dozen boxes had gone, his dad replied in an email: “Frankly, David, I did you a big favour getting rid of all this stuff,“ reports MLive.

Werking replied: “I would like it back, along with the sex toys … [and] one long container of smutty magazines.”

The judge in Kalamazoo called it a “trove of pornography and an array of sex toys”.

“There is no question that the destroyed property was David’s property,” Judge Maloney said on Monday.

He added that the “defendants [had] repeatedly admitted they destroyed the property”.

In their defence, Beth and Paul Werking were adamant they had a right to act as his landlords and get rid of the offensive material.

But this was rejected by the judge who said there was a lack of case law to support their reasoning that “landlords can destroy property that they dislike”.

His parents had laid down the rules before he returned home to temporarily live with them after his divorce, telling him his porn stash was banned.

They also warned him it would be destroyed if it was stored in their home.

The court also heard that the family had clashed in 2017, with cops called over a mystery ‘incident’, when Werking was asked to leave.

According to MLive, his parents were so concerned about the legality of some of the hardcore material – deemed the “worst of the worst” – that they locked it up in a safety deposit box.

However, when the Ottawa County Sheriff‘s Department checked the porn, the cops found no child abuse videos.

Maloney told both sides to file briefs on the financial value of the collection.

They have until mid-February to file written submissions on damages.

[Tsundoku]

More 'Straya:

"Yeah mate, could you just drop me off a bit further down on the left? Cheers."

https://www.news.com...58696e834aa5dc9

[Tsundoku]

This guy really is a cat person.

https://www.bbc.com/...tralia-55667023

Australia: Man held after armed raid in search of cat
The man demanded to know where the cats were kept, the court heard (File photo)
A man accused of raiding a Melbourne animal shelter at gunpoint was trying to find his cat, a court has heard.

Tony Wittman allegedly stormed the shelter on Monday in full camouflage gear and pointed an assault rifle at a female worker.

Police say the victim and her colleagues are traumatised by the incident.

Mr Wittman, 44, faces charges including kidnapping, false imprisonment, armed robbery and firearm offences.

Police say he called the Lost Dogs' Home shelter on Monday but was told he would have to wait until the following morning to claim the lost cat.

He allegedly went to the shelter later that day dressed in full camouflage and tied up a woman, demanding to know where the cats were kept.

Mr Wittman allegedly told the woman: "If you do as I say and listen to me, I won't shoot you."

Police say he told the female staffer to count to 100 before calling police.

He then reportedly left the shelter and buried his clothes and weapons near his home.

No animals were taken or harmed during the raid, according to local media.

The court heard Mr Wittman returned to the shelter the next day to reclaim the animal.

He was arrested later on Tuesday and admitted to the raid, police say.

He reportedly told police that the cat had on multiple occasions "brought me back from the brink".

Detective Senior Constable Jo MacDonald told the court: "On this occasion, he's acted to get back possession of a cat, which he was only going to be without for possibly 10 hours."

She said Mr Wittman had been in the army but was discharged for "failing to render efficient service".

Mr Wittman's lawyer says he is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.

He was denied bail and is set to appear in court in April.

[Tsundoku]

PETA once again showing how utterly retarded and so out of touch they are, they must all be trust fund kiddies or something. You can tell they have waaaaaay too much time on their hands:

https://www.news.com...ae31b49e23a729f

PETA roasted for suggesting people drop animal names from insults
The animal rights organisation is being roasted online after it suggested people changed the way they insult others.

JANUARY 29, 20212:13PM

Has vegan activism gone too far?

Animal rights organisation PETA has been roasted on social media after it called on people to stop using animals names to insult one another.

PETA, which stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, regularly draws the ire of the internet for its controversial campaigns in support of animals.

Taking to Twitter earlier this week, PETA said using animal names to insult people “reinforces the myth that humans are superior to other animals and justified in violating them”.

The organisation listed a number of optional ways to insult humans, including calling someone a “coward” instead of a “chicken” and calling someone “repulsive” instead of a “pig”.

Words can create a more inclusive world, or perpetuate oppression.

Calling someone an animal as an insult reinforces the myth that humans are superior to other animals & justified in violating them.

Stand up for justice by rejecting supremacist language.

— PETA (@peta) January 26, 2021
The animal rights organisation said using animal names as slurs “isn’t just harmful, but also inaccurate”.

“Pigs, for instance, are intelligent, lead complex social lives, and show empathy for other pigs in distress. Snakes are clever, have family relationships, and prefer to associate with their relatives,” PETA said.

“Anti-animal slurs degrade animals by applying negative human traits to certain species.

“Perpetuating the idea that animals are sly, dirty, or heartless desensitises the public and normalises violence against other animals.”

While offering optional insults, PETA did remind people to “always be kind and consider not using insults at all”.

“PETA urges everyone who believes in equality and justice to take a look at their personal beliefs and the language they use, and break free of this outdated mindset that denigrates other animals,” they said.

The latest idea from PETA has been roasted online, with thousands of people piling on the organisation’s tweet.

Controversial Republican Senator Ted Cruz labelled the idea “bullsh*t” while author Michelle Elman brought up a previous animal insult PETA itself had used.

You must be forgetting the time you compared fat women to whales.

— Michelle Elman (@ScarredNtScared) January 27, 2021
Author Mark Dice said PETA’s latest campaign cemented the group as a “parody”.

“PETA is a parody of an animal rights group. They must be,” he wrote.

“Your name is offensive to pets because it reinforces the myth that all pets are ludicrously woke imbeciles,” columnist Piers Morgan added.

Others who supported PETA even called out their latest tweet.

If you believe in equality and justice, it isn’t hard to see how calling someone an animal as an insult can further animal suffering. All the horror inflicted upon animals is rooted in the false idea that they are less than us and not deserving of respect.

— PETA (@peta) January 28, 2021
PETA is not backing down on its call to change the insults, even calling on dictionary companies Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com to update their definitions.

“PETA is calling on Merriam Webster, Dictionary.com and others to help combat speciesism and reduce animal abuse by removing derogatory definitions of pigs, snakes, and dogs,” the organisation wrote.

In two particular examples, dog is defined as a “despicable man or youth” and a pig as a “dirty, gluttonous or repulsive person”.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 29 January 2021 - 10:31 AM

[Tsundoku]

Achievement unlocked: Raging Fucktard.

https://www.news.com...0e46d35de1010a3

Rapper Lil Uzi Vert gets a $31 million pink diamond implanted in the middle of his forehead
Rapper Lil Uzi Vert just got a pink diamond implanted on his head, however fans have voiced their concerns about the diamond being off-centre.

Bianca Mastroianni
FEBRUARY 4, 20216:14PM

NEWS.COM.AU0:50
Rapper gets $31m diamond pierced into forehead
Rapper Lil Uzi Vert got a huge pink diamond worth $A31 million pierced into his forehead.
Recently, the most outrageous thing rappers have done to their appearance is get face tattoos … but Lil Uzi Vert just took it up a level with his bold new look.

The rapper has displayed a huge $A31 million pink diamond that has been implanted in the middle of his forehead, according to Fader.

Uzi shared a close-up of the wildly expensive new accessory on Instagram, with fans immediately voicing their concern about it.

Some fans questioned whether or not the diamond was properly centred, with others wondering why on earth the rapper would do this at all.

“It’s actually in the middle,” Lil Uzi Vert shared on Instagram Stories. “When the swelling goes down I’ll get a short bar so it won’t move. Y’all keep talking ‘bout it’s off ‘cause of the long bar in it so it can move, cause of the swelling.”

Fader reports the star originally posted about his new look on January 30.

“I’ve been paying for a natural pink diamond from Elliot for years now,” he wrote. “This one Stone cost so much I’ve been paying for it since 2017. That was the first time I saw a real natural pink diamond. Diamond suit. A lot of M’s in my face.”

The rapper says that he secured the rare diamond from celebrity jeweller Elliot Eliantte, claiming it’s worth $A31 million.

He says it is more than “all my cars together, plus home”.

Some fans asked the star if it was his most expensive purchase, with him responding, “Yes I will never do it again”. He also confirmed it’s “10 almost 11 carats” and “yes I do have insurance”.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 04 February 2021 - 08:35 PM

[Aptorian]

... how does this clown have that much money?

[worry]

Scientists Achieve Real-Time Communication With Lucid Dreamers In Breakthrough
International scientists have unlocked a new and exciting avenue to explore the world of dreams.

Quote

Roughly 18 percent of the trials resulted in this level of clear and accurate communication from the dreamer; 17 percent produced indecipherable answers, 3 percent ended with incorrect responses, and 60 percent did not provoke any response at all.

“It's amazing to sit in the lab and ask a bunch of questions, and then somebody might actually answer one,” Konkoly said. “It's such an immediately rewarding type of experiment to do. You don't have to wait to analyze your data or anything like that. You can see it right there while they're still sleeping.”

What’s more, many participants were able to recall the interactions with the researchers after they woke up, with individuals reporting that the prompts sounded like a voiceover narrator or a radio speaker that was clearly coming from outside of their dream.

[Aptorian]

This is one of those things where I expect the Scientists to accidentally punch a hole through reality and let dream cthulhu into our realm.