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Weird News Story Du Jour One thread to bring them all and in the darkness ... wtf?

#1 User is offline   Tsundoku 

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Posted 25 March 2009 - 10:42 AM

Since we're all so good at finding odd news stories - showing what lovely and screwed up news junkies we are - I thought that maybe we could amalgamate them all and just keep posting them in the one thread rather than creating new threads for each one. Kind of like the birthday thread, or the Hawt girls thread. Without the girls, or the birthdays, for that matter.

So, leading off:

-----------------------------------------------------------------

http://www.news.com.au/business/story/0,27...6-31037,00.html

Sperm bank offers stimulus deals

FROM correspondents in Washington

Agence France-Presse

March 25, 2009 08:14am

A US sperm bank is holding a 'clearance sale' of sperm from prolific donors.

Sperm bank Xytex International is offering up to $US200 ($282) off a vial of sperm to clients wishing to start or add to their family, but need a little help.

"We're all feeling the effects of the economy and, especially for families seeking reproductive options, every dollar counts," Xytex spokeswoman Danielle Moores said.

So, Xytex is offering deals on vials from "select" donors, who come a bit cheaper than the usual "standard" donor.

"Select donors are a new level of donor which we introduced to try to help our clients who are interested in third-party reproduction but, with the tough economy, are having a little bit of trouble purchasing a regular donor," Ms Moores said.

Select donors, explained Ms Moores, are men from whom Xytex has "many, many vials because they're very successful donors or able to stop in several times a week or -- for whatever reason, we have a huge inventory," and it is being made available in a sort of clearance sale.
Related Coverage

"Select donors haven't reached the end of their shelf-life, they're just over-produced," Ms Moores said.

Select donor units run between $US250 and $US350, representing a savings of between $US135 and $US235 on comparable vials from a standard Xytex donor, which start at $US385 and go up to $US585.

------------------------------------------------------

A lot more fun than donating blood, eh? But you just have no say in the end user. Awkward moments at the UN?

Cheers,

La Sombra, awkward moments at the local supermarket ever since Singles Tuesday was moved to Wednesdays and replaced with Bible Study Tuesday ...

This post has been edited by Sombra: 25 March 2009 - 10:43 AM

"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#2 User is offline   Raymond Luxury Yacht 

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Posted 25 March 2009 - 05:24 PM

This thread is a great idea doomed to fail. It's been attempted several times in the past. It will live for a while, then people will forget to post in it and it will slip to the dreaded second page, never to be heard of again. Maybe this time will be different though. Good luck. I'll see if I come across anything funny i nthe news today.
Error: Signature not valid
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#3 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 26 March 2009 - 10:30 AM

Check this out...those Frenchies are going all righteous on us!

Sacked French workers take to boss-napping.
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


0

#4 User is offline   Tsundoku 

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Posted 26 March 2009 - 10:39 AM

@AIJ
It would be all the more shocking if some of those French workers had actually WORKED for a living, instead of living off EU subsidies ... or is that just farmers? :)

---------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....5-13762,00.html

Japan develops odour-free underwear for astronaut to test in space

By Irene Klotz

Reuters

March 25, 2009 09:28am

JAPAN'S scientists believe they may have made a breakthrough in odour-free underwear and casual clothing.

Koichi Wakata, the first Japanese astronaut to live on the International Space Station, is testing the clothes, called J-ware and created by textile experts at Japan Women's University in Tokyo.

"He can wear his trunks (underwear) more than a week," said Koji Yanagawa, an official with the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency.

Wakata's clothes, developed by researcher Yoshiko Taya, are designed to kill bacteria, absorb water, insulate the body and dry quickly.

They also are flame-resistant and anti-static, not to mention comfortable and stylish.

Japanese astronaut Takao Doi gave the clothes a trial run during a shuttle mission last year.

Even after a vigorous workout, Mr Doi's clothes stayed dry.

"The other astronauts become very sweaty, but he doesn't have any sweat. He didn't need to hang his clothes to dry," Mr Yanagawa said.
Related Coverage

J-ware should reduce the amount of clothing that needs to be sent to the space station, which has no laundry facilities.

Toting cargo into orbit is expensive, so having clothes that stay fresh for weeks at a time should result in significant savings.

The Japanese space agency plans to make the clothes available to NASA and its other space station partners once development is complete.

A commercial line also is in the offing.

Wakata, who arrived at the station last week for a three-month stay, said on Sunday that the clothes appear to be working.

"Nobody has complained, so I think it's so far, so good," Wakata said.

---------------------------------------------------

The biggest test will be to eradicate the evil of skidmarks for all time.

Add to that the miracle that is 6-day Reg Grundies, and I just might be able to make a hell of a lot more room in my ... uhh ... drawers ...? :)

Cheers,

La Sombra, wonder if they have Looney Tunes novelty pants

This post has been edited by Sombra: 26 March 2009 - 10:42 AM

"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#5 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 27 March 2009 - 11:31 AM

It is here...the burger to end all burgerslife.

4800-calorie burger made
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#6 User is offline   Tsundoku 

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Posted 27 March 2009 - 11:46 AM

View PostAin't_It_Just_, on Mar 27 2009, 08:31 PM, said:

It is here...the burger to end all burgerslife.

4800-calorie burger made


I dub thee "The Presleynator". :ball:

Cheers,

La Sombra, also considered "Elvinator", but didn't want comparisons with Kelvinator fridges ... :ball:
La Sombra's arteries hardened just a little while reading that story
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#7 User is offline   Tsundoku 

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Posted 02 April 2009 - 09:22 AM

OK, this is just ... sad. ;)

-------------------------------------

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story...5007192,00.html

New dating service asks singles to wear identification badge

By Alison Stephenson

NEWS.com.au

April 02, 2009 12:05pm

Singles
In case you were wondering ... Yes I am Single founder, Evan Diacopolous, is asking singles to buy and wear an identification badge / Picture: Charles Brewer

Yes, I am single
Would you be brave enough to wear a badge that identifies you as 'single'?

IT'S the age-old dilemma in the search for love - how do you know that special someone is single without embarrassing yourself by asking?

Evan Diacopolous is the romantic behind Yes I Am Single, a service which allows the lovelorn to purchase a “singles identification badge” to let potential partners know they're available and looking for love.

The 35-year-old says the badge – which says yis.com.au on it - is a “subtle and unobtrusive tool” that will hopefully encourage other singles to make a move.

"It's a sign saying, 'Hey I’m single, I’m looking for romance, don’t be afraid to come up and talk to me,' because the most attractive, gorgeous person could be single, and someone might be too scared to actually talk to them,” Diacopolous told news.com.au

“This is a prompt for someone to pluck up the courage to approach them for a drink."
Your Say

How many married people are gonna buy one of these.. and wear it when their partner isnt around ????

For a cost of $22.95 singles get the badge plus access to online forums to join hobby groups and organise social events such as wine tasting or walking groups with other yis.com.au members.

IT worker Diacopolous says it’s a concept that turns back the clock on the world of dating.

"Lots of my friends are disgruntled with online dating. I've actually tried online dating myself and have found it quite expensive,” he said.

“Expectations are built up and up through a series of emails and photographs that might be ten years old, and then they meet someone in real life to find out they're not what they envisaged. It can be all very anti-climactic, so I wanted to produce something that would allow people to meet the old-fashioned way."

He says we’re currently looking for partners in the wrong places, and the best environments to meet people are not bars, but what he calls "everyday settings."

"Potentially on the train, going to work, everyone's pretty glum in the mornings. I think they're probably waiting for someone to cheer up their day! Perhaps in the supermarket as well, at the beach, at church, on the ferry?"

"The idea is that people can wear the badge at appropriate times to identify themselves as single. As the mood strikes them, they can take the badge on and off, say for 10 minutes when they go down to the supermarket," he said.

While Diacopolous hasn't had many people sign themselves up as yet, the dating entrepreneur says he has big dreams for the dating service.

"Hopefully in two or three years time, we'll have a quarter of single people wearing the badge."

-------------------------------------------

I can see this being bad in so many ways. Full credit to someone with the guts to do it though. Check out the comments.

Cheers,

La Sombra, yes I'm single (wow, big surprise ...) :)

This post has been edited by Sombra: 02 April 2009 - 09:23 AM

"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#8 User is offline   Bhurnae 

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Posted 02 April 2009 - 09:30 AM

and for an extra charge the TShirt................Please Fuck Me Please Please Please

 Mezla PigDog, on 28 September 2009 - 09:34 PM, said:

I have been entertaining tourists for many years now.... A girls gotta make a living.
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#9 User is offline   Tsundoku 

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Posted 02 April 2009 - 10:04 AM

In a completely different story, here was one readers' post on the subject of "does this make my bum look big". Pure gold. :p

---------------------------------------------

http://blogs.news.com.au/bossy/index.php/n...oo_fat_for_sex/

Pheasant Plucker replied to Mahhrat
Thu 02 Apr 09 (08:50am)

I still don’t know the definitive answer to “Does my bum look big in...”. Can anyone help with the below?

Possible answers and resulting reactions:

1. “No dear” - “You’re not even looking”

2. “I think you look great” - “You’re just saying that to make me feel better”

3. “I think your bum looks hot” - “Quit focussing on my arse, you have such a one-track mind”

4. “Why don’t you try on these instead?” - “So you do think my bum looks big in this?”

5. “I think I preferred the last one you had on” - “You’re just trying to hurry me up so we can leave. I want an honest opinion”

6. “It looks fine” - “What do you mean by ‘fine’?”

7. “I think you look awesome and I want to ravish you” - “You’re just saying that so I’ll give you sex you liar”

8. “It’s not as flattering as the other one” - “I knew it! You think my arse is huge! No sex for you until 2034”

9. “I’m not answering that on the grounds that you either won’t accept or won’t believe any answer I give” - “That’s such a copout. You’re just trying to avoid telling me my arse is humungonourmous you bastard”

10. “Jesus son of God is that your arse? I thought someone had parked a pair of VWs under a tarpaulin” - *Sound of gunfire*

There has to be a correct answer somewhere.

------------------------------------------------

Cheers,

La Sombra, always tells them from the start "ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," or "don't ask questions you may not like the answers to," :)

PS - of course, I've also copped out with: "If there are 2 possible replies to this question and one of them will make you sad, hurt and angry with me - then I meant the other one." Discretion after all, IS the better part of valour. Especially if you want sexytimes ;)
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#10 User is offline   Bhurnae 

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Posted 02 April 2009 - 12:07 PM

That question was cited in my divorce papers.............................

 Mezla PigDog, on 28 September 2009 - 09:34 PM, said:

I have been entertaining tourists for many years now.... A girls gotta make a living.
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#11 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 03 April 2009 - 12:13 PM

Lol, poor Bhurnae...women are too picky.

Check this out....it's Frankenfrog.

Injured frog receives artificial leg bone
JOHANNESBURG, South Africa, March 31 (UPI) -- A South African woman said her pet, Brullie the giant bullfrog, has become the first frog in the world to be outfitted with an artificial leg bone.

Anne Mearns, 62, said she adopted the 25-year-old Brullie after he was injured by a dog near her home outside of Johannesburg in 1984, The Daily Telegraph reported Tuesday.

"Frogs are famous for their legs, so the thought of Brullie being left lame broke my heart. I knew without surgery he would never move again, so I to rushed to the vet and begged him to operate," said Mearns, a wildlife expert who prepares educational materials for schools. "The vet was more used to saving cats and dogs and couldn't understand why I was so worried about a frog, but he eventually agreed."

She said the veterinarian, who operated free of charge, cut open Brullie's leg and inserted a tiny steel rod over the snapped right leg bone.

"It was a nervous few hours while we waited for him to come around after the op, but he's healing up now and hobbling about the garden. The x-rays suggest he'll be as good as new," Mearns said. She said she believes her frog is the first to ever receive such an operation.


© 2009 United Press International, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#12 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 03 April 2009 - 04:29 PM

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/04/02/...in4912859.shtml

Quote

"Superkid," 3, Moves Furniture, Weights

(CBS) A three-year-old Michigan boy is super-strong.

He can move furniture, hold five-pound weights, and do sit-ups with ease.

But Liam Hoekstra, of Roosevelt Park, appears to have a rare genetic condition -- one that presents special challenges to him and his parents, Early Show Medical Correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton said Thursday.

Ironically, learning more about it could lead to treatments for other muscle afflictions, researchers say.

Liam likely has a condition called myostatin-related muscle hypertrophy, which means his body has very little fat and enlarged muscle fibers that make him really strong, Ashton says.

The first human case was documented in 2000 in a German boy.

As a toddler, Liam had very defined muscles, but now he doesn't look much different from any other normal child his age. He's actually a bit smaller, but much stronger, Ashton points out.

It was first believed that since the heart is a muscle, it could be affected by this condition. But we know now that's not the case, she says.

Because of his fast metabolism, Liam needs to eats constantly, as many as six meals a day to avoid a caloric deficit.

And, Ashton has been told, because he's so strong -- he falls, for instance, without getting hurt -- Liam's not learning the appropriate fear judgment of a child testing his or her limits.

But scientists actually hope to figure out how to mimic his condition, she adds, to help treat people suffering from muscle-wasting diseases such as cancer, heart failure and HIV:


....

Back when I was really into weightlifting "the myostatin project" was one of the hottest topics among weightlifters and steroid users. The idea of injecting this myostation (anti?)gene and gaining ridiculous musculature and weightloss with little to no effort was a dream come true. I wonder how far they'e come yet. I know you could buy research samples for extreme prices 5 years ago that probably did nothing or just made you really sick.

Here's a Myostatin Cow, thing is scary:

Posted Image
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#13 User is offline   RodeoRanch 

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Posted 03 April 2009 - 06:05 PM

So basically that kid is from Krypton.
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#14 User is offline   Zanth13 

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Posted 03 April 2009 - 09:58 PM

To bad you cant catch that from sex, that would be the most awesome std ever... sigh life is unfair...
You can't find me because I'm lost in the music
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#15 User is offline   Tsundoku 

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Posted 04 April 2009 - 09:53 AM

Socially acceptable pr0n:

-----------------------------------

http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,...5014239,00.html

PG porn video made by Gilmore Girls star

By Alex Dobuzinskis in Los Angeles

Reuters

October 09, 2008 03:10pm

PG Porn
Satirical smooch ... Nathan Fillion and Aria Giovanni in PG Porn / Supplied
IT started when three brothers joked about making pornography for fans of the genre who happen to be offended by on-screen sex. Out of that joke came an idea for a web series, and they called it PG Porn.

In creating pornography that appeals to viewers who want their titillation toned down, brothers James, Sean and Brian Gunn are banking on web-surfers' growing acceptance of porn.

Sean starred in the television show Gilmore Girls and James wrote the screenplay for the 2002 movie Scooby-Doo.

Their latest production, a short spoof called "Nailing Your Wife", premiered this week on Spike.com. The clip received 50,000 hits within about the first twelve hours, according to James Gunn.

With pornography all over the internet and the video store, the Gunn brothers rely on viewers' familiarity with all its conventions — the goofy acting, the bad music, the lace-thin plots — to create movies that look like the real thing but skirt nudity. Comedy substitutes for hard-core sex.

The actor in "Nailing Your Wife" is Nathan Fillion, who appeared in Firefly and Desperate Housewives, and his castmate is porn star Aria Giovanni. PG Porn will feature similar pairings in the future.

"This is a place where the porn and the mainstream film industries meet and get to have some understanding of each other," said James Gunn, a writer, director and producer.

"We like to pretend that we're miles and miles away from pornography, but we're not," he said.
Parental guidance not advised

Pornography's size as an industry is often overstated, but web-based porn generates at least $US2 billion a year ($3 billion), said Frederick Lane, the author of Obscene Profits: The Entrepreneurs of Pornography in the Cyber Age.

"People are getting more blase about porn, I don't think there's any question about that," Lane said.

"I think the internet has played a huge role in that, it sort of lowers everybody's threshold."

PG Porn will also sell its content elsewhere under the direction of Disaster Movie producer Peter Safran.

The principals behind PG Porn take the name "PG" from the rating "Parental Guidance Suggested" given to movies largely free of objectionable content. But they do not expect viewers to watch their webisodes with their parents.

Instead, they said they expect men to visit the site in greater numbers than women — at least initially — and they assume most men see plenty of porn.

Their site features racy photos of porn stars Aria Giovanni, Belladonna and Sasha Gray. PG Porn's creators recruited them, asking porn fans about their favourite stars.

Bob Peters, president of New York-based Morality in Media, said PG Porn is not as bad as regular porn sites, but he worries viewers will move on to the real thing.

"In the real world of pornography, if you want to get your start in pornography you start in the gutter," he said.

"So real people are abused in the production of pornography."

--------------------------------------

It's like an entertaining oxymoron.

Is Bob Peters right - will people start with the "soft" acceptable stuff and move on to the "hard" stuff? Do we care?

I'll bet all the browncoats out there will have already downloaded this and discussed it ad nauseum on their fansites. ;)

Cheers,

La Sombra, probably shouldn't have used the term "browncoats" in a post about pr0n ...
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#16 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 04 April 2009 - 10:15 AM

View PostAptorian, on Apr 4 2009, 03:29 AM, said:

Posted Image


Christ....look at that thing's penis! Not that i was looking at it like that, um, er.

And in this case, familial disputes are reaching new highs (lows?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Man tries to kill mother-in-law with anti-tank missile

A MAN tried to kill his mother-in-law with an anti-tank missile launcher after claiming she had turned his wife against him.

Bosnian man Miroslav Miljici wanted revenge after blaming his wife's mum for the break-up of his marriage.

After his mother-in-law survived the rocket attack on her home, he tried to finish her off with a machine gun, a Bosinian court was told.

The tough-as-nails mother-in-law survived both attacks with barely a scratch, judges heard.

In defence Miljici - who was jailed for six years for attempted murder - told the court he could no longer take his mother-in-law's nagging.

This post has been edited by Ain't_It_Just_: 04 April 2009 - 10:16 AM

Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#17 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 04 April 2009 - 01:12 PM

Posted Image
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#18 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 04 April 2009 - 01:20 PM

http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/9...or-being-honest

Quote

STUDENT ARRESTED...FOR BEING HONEST



AN HONEST student who handed in a mobile phone he found was stunned when police arrested him for theft.

Paul Leicester, 18, played the Good Samaritan when he discovered the handset lying in the street.

He rang the last number dialled and told a friend of the owner he would leave the phone at a nearby police station. But officers arrested him for “theft by finding”, held him for four hours and took a DNA sample.

Yesterday Paul said: “I thought I was doing the right thing and had it thrown back in my face. I wouldn’t go to the police in future. All I was doing was the honest thing. It was a shocking experience.”

The A-level student at Southport College, Merseyside, had been out celebrating his 18th birthday last month when he found the phone.

Paul added: “Being arrested isn’t a good way to celebrate your birthday. What are you supposed to do when you find a phone?”

Merseyside Police dropped the case but Paul’s father Vinnie, 37, of Seaforth, Merseyside, is still angry over his arrest.

He said: “It should never have happened. Paul’s mum and I brought him up the right way. They should give him an apology.”

Chief Superintendent Ian Pilling said: “We are reviewing the circumstances of the arrest.”



Somebody then wrote the below sketch lampooning it. Hilarious.


Quote

I think it's all a Monty Python sketch.

"I'd like to return this cell phone."

"Markenson's, two doors down, thank you."

"No, no. I didn't buy it, I found it."

"Best of luck getting a refund then, thank you. Good day."

"No, you don't seem to understand. I'm turning it in to you."

"If Markenson's won't give you a refund, why should we?"

"No! You're the police! I found this cell phone and I want to return it to its original owner."

"Oh, I see. Harry, have any of the boys reported a lost cell phone?"

"Don't think so, Grimm."

"Sorry, it's not ours. Perhaps someone at Markenson's lost it. Good day."

"Damn it all! I know who the owner is! I called them on this very phone! They're coming here

to collect it as we speak!"

"Why would they be coming here? We don't have it."

"Of course you don't, you git! I have it! It's right bleedin' here!"

(shows the officer the phone)

"So the owner of that phone..."

"Yes."

"is coming here..."

"Yes."

"to pick it up."

"Exactly!"

"And what, pray tell, are you doing with it?"

"I found it!!"

"Oh, did you?"

"Yes, I did."

"And how did you find it?"

"It was just laying there."

"Was it?"

"Yes."

"Alright, you're going to have to come with me, Mr. Findy Fingers."

"What for???"

"Are you or are you not the owner of that phone there in your hand?"

"I'm not!"

"So you admit it!"

"This is insane! I found it! It was just laying there!"

"That's what they all say. Come now, let's have a DNA sample."

"Oh, bollocks!"

"No, sir, we just swab your cheek. That's a good chap. Come along."

"This is ridiculous! I merely found this phone and turned it in out of a sense of civic duty! I

didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition!

(looks at door)

"I said, 'I didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition!'"

"Yes, we heard you, sir, didn't we, Harry?"

"Loud and clear, Grimm."

"But I thought..."

"Obviously."

"Then this isn't...?"

"Afraid not."

"I see."

"Quite."

"So you'll be wanting my DNA then?"

"There's a good chap. Has anyone ever told you you look like Michael Palin?"

"I get that a lot."

(The door opens. An Eric-Idle-looking fellow comes in.)

"Can I help you, sir?"

"Ah, yes, I'm here for a phone?"

"Markenson's, two doors down, thank you."

1

#19 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 06 April 2009 - 12:06 PM

View PostAptorian, on Apr 4 2009, 11:12 PM, said:

Posted Image


Epic. Win. Kudos, Apt.

And how's this; kids are even more obnoxious.

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/stor...5012895,00.html
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

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#20 User is offline   Darkwatch 

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Posted 06 April 2009 - 05:49 PM

View PostAin't_It_Just_, on Apr 4 2009, 06:15 AM, said:

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Man tries to kill mother-in-law with anti-tank missile

A MAN tried to kill his mother-in-law with an anti-tank missile launcher after claiming she had turned his wife against him.

Bosnian man Miroslav Miljici wanted revenge after blaming his wife's mum for the break-up of his marriage.

After his mother-in-law survived the rocket attack on her home, he tried to finish her off with a machine gun, a Bosinian court was told.

The tough-as-nails mother-in-law survived both attacks with barely a scratch, judges heard.

In defence Miljici - who was jailed for six years for attempted murder - told the court he could no longer take his mother-in-law's nagging.


I'm sorry, how could the court convict him? He used an ANTI-TANK missile against his mother in law and tried to finish her off with a machine gun.
I've heard very few more awesome things. Not only that but she's not even injured, it's win win!
The Pub is Always Open

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Cursed Summer returns. The Lady Now Sleeps.

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RodeoRanch said:

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A non-touching itself rock.
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