[masan's saddle]

Cocoreturns, on Mar 19 2009, 11:19 PM, said:

your knee doesn't hurt anymore.
you have no legs.

you do have x-ray vision.
you can't turn it off and so give both yourself and all your close friends severe radiation poisoning.

I wish I had a faster computer.

You have a faster computer, it becomes sentient, brain fucks your neighbour who eats your face.

I wish my farts didn't smell of rancid death.

[frookenhauer]

your farts stop smelling of rancid death, but unfortunately your breath begins to do so, and people start calling you fart breath. Now normally you'd just ignore people and tell them to go to hell, but your condition worsens and you start crapping out your mouth, which lets face it is pretty gross...and now you have to carry bog roll with you everywhere and have been banned from curryhouses by your wife who cut off her nose so she could live with you....Now that's sacrifice.

I wish for mo' money.

[Slow Ben]

You get Mo money only to realize its a vhs version of the shitty movie starring damon wayans from the 90's.

I wish ice cream was good for me.

[Mentalist]

A magician makes it so.
in exchange, he makes all forms of sex feel horrible.

I wish days would be longer (i.e, have more hours)

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Wish granted...but there is twice the work.

I wish I had some more of that delicious cake.

[frookenhauer]

You get more of that delicious cake, but what you don't realise that it is a special kind of poison that only takes effect once you consume just so much...Anyway the poison is burning you up some so you go to the doctor and he tells you you're going to die unless you eat100 raw pig testicles over the next 7 days and also take 1 of these pills a day for the next seven. So you go ahead and do it...After 7 days youre as fit as a fiddle and you go backk to the doctor to thank him for saving your life...he satrts laughing and pulls off his latex mask to real me, dude! you only needed the pills.

I wish for women around the world to remain in a heightened state of horniness for three quarters of the year.

[Mentalist]

they now do.

unfortunately, their period (and related irritability) last the remaining quarter. and it comes first, so you don't get to live long enough to experience what you wished for.

I wish I had a vending machine in my house.

[Sixty]

You do; it vends tampons.

I wish I had a day off monday.

[Mentalist]

you do, but you have to go to school all weekend.
I wish I would never run out of tea.

[frookenhauer]

It happens and you are amazed but you eventually discover that it is slowly starting to taste like pee...so baudin...whats it taste like?

I wish for my application to be tehols gigolo to get approved

[Mentalist]

i'm not gonna go there, :

[frookenhauer]

never figured you for a chicken...come on anyone got the balls to play the poser above?

[Mentalist]

all right, fine

your application's approved.
unfortunately,on your way over, your private plane's hijacked by terorists who then steer it onto a deserted island in the Pacific, populated by a male-only indigenous society. they show keen interest in your professed occupation.

I wish days would get warmer...

This post has been edited by Mentalist: 20 March 2009 - 07:14 PM

[lokiman]

Well your wish is granted, but your now the leading cause of global warming and heat stroke!

I wish I had more time to be able to play a game of Mafia.

[Sixty]

You do, because you got fired and/or expelled from school.

I wish I could force myself to write and not fail miserably at the self-encouragement.

[Abyss]

Your wish is granted and you have a long fulfilling career writing paranormal romance for Harlequin's 'make the sex with vampires' line at an industry record setting salary of $10k and a box of tissue/year.


I wish I could decisively prove to the world that Goodkind is an atrocious writer who makes people bleed from their eyes.

- Abyss, waits to see how you deal with THAT...

[Stradivarius]

you suceed only to find goodkind is a flesh eating alien that was only kept in check with his writing. he then goes on a world wide feast!

i wish i could live forever

[frookenhauer]

Good one strad...

You do indeed live forever...but only at the cost of freezing yourself for billions of years and having a quick look see and refreezing. You eventually get bored of it all and set the timer to infinity at which point you wake up and realise that you miss Big Macs.

I wish for corroborating evidence with regards to my owning of my man card

[Sixty]

You get your "man card"...only to have it stolen by a quadriplegic male hooker (had to re-use this, x-posted with you on the previous one ).

I wish Comcast didn't throttle my internet.

[Slow Ben]

Comcast no longer throttles your internet, the unfortunate result is the only links now accessible are gay porn.

I wish my gf would get naked.