[Abyss]

BfuckinK, on 02 October 2019 - 06:12 PM, said:

Most certainly still a very grumpy BK rather then old jolly BK. Issues unresolved as of yet.

You STILL haven't passed the viagra out of your system yet???

[Mezla PigDog]

The sprog has chickenpox. I feel so sorry for him. His balls look like they must be on fire!

[Tsundoku]

Keep him cool.

Cool (not cold) baths that he can sit and chill (literally) in for ages. I very dimly recall that period of my life (1980 I think) but the most vivid memory is the heat/itching and sitting in a cool bath neing the best method of relief.
I also recall munching on cups full of ice, but your lad may be a wee bit young for that.

Of course there may be drugs or creams now to assist with heat/itching but the above worked pretty well. Just have to keep an eye on the lad in the bath though in case he slips or falls asleep.

I also had measles around then and the same tactic helped.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 04 October 2019 - 06:01 PM

[Mentalist]

The weather. It's that weird transition from summer to fall when it can't make up its mind whether it should be hot or cool.

My previously-dislocated-and-not-healed-quite-right elbow's giving off occasional pings of discomfort. Probably arthritis or somesuch.

It's not really painful. Just annoying.

[Tsundoku]

Uh oh, sounds like the "Prostate Dream". You need to go get it checked. Exteremely thoroughly.

[worry]

Losing Rip Torn and Rip Taylor in the same year, I can only say one thing... I hope they both Rest In Tranquility.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Trawling through pages about emotional abuse to give to my dad, because that's the third time recently we've almost fallen out because he's belittled it, blamed it on "you can't pick men" or tried to normalise it by claiming "everyone argues" or some such, or taken sly digs at my mum in the process (they're divorced 13+ years, guess which one of them is still bitter about it?)

This isn't easy stuff to read and mark up, but he has at least agreed to read it. I find it too difficult to talk about to sit and rationalise to him why he's being an arse and completely missing the point, but I hope this gets through because otherwise I can see us falling out hard and permanently if he doesn't stop it.

I accepted long ago that some mutual friends/acquaintances would be lost in the process and would cut you off rather than consider your side of the story. You don't really expect one of the difficult people to be your own dad. Mostly, I'm just alternately furious and sad that three and a half years out of the relationship and fifteen months out of treatment, I'm still having to justify this nonsense.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 07 October 2019 - 05:43 AM

[worry]

That's heartbreaking to hear and I hope it finally clicks for him. In general, it's frustrating enough when someone tries to rewrite your own experiences back to you (not to mention, when they weren't even witness), but when it's experiences these intimate and abusive, the stakes are understandably that much higher. Not that you asked for advice, but the only thing I can think of in addition to the information you've gathered is to explain in no uncertain (but it's your pop, so at this point still bridge-building) terms what he's doing to you when he gaslights/minimizes your own experiences back to you and how it feels. Maybe with analogues to his own life? Hopefully that + what you gave him to read will relay the gravity of it all.

Anyway, whatever the case, wishing you the best results.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

worry, on 07 October 2019 - 06:23 AM, said:

That's heartbreaking to hear and I hope it finally clicks for him. In general, it's frustrating enough when someone tries to rewrite your own experiences back to you (not to mention, when they weren't even witness), but when it's experiences these intimate and abusive, the stakes are understandably that much higher. Not that you asked for advice, but the only thing I can think of in addition to the information you've gathered is to explain in no uncertain (but it's your pop, so at this point still bridge-building) terms what he's doing to you when he gaslights/minimizes your own experiences back to you and how it feels. Maybe with analogues to his own life? Hopefully that + what you gave him to read will relay the gravity of it all.

Anyway, whatever the case, wishing you the best results.

That's really good advice Worry, thank you

[Tsundoku]

On a truly shallow note: it's the end of a three day weekend the night before going back to work (which is depressing enough on it's own). I'm looking at myself in the mirror and while trying to keep dinner down at the sight I'm pretty sure the salt has finally overtaken the pepper in my semi-manly stubble.



It can't be the age, it must be my family and job. Yeah, that sounds about right.

[Gorefest]

Been there, sailed past. You haven't even scratched the surface yet. I found my first grey pube over the weekend.

[Mentalist]

How much is a fractured toe supposed to hurt?

Got my right foot kicked in yesterday, and 4 of my toes were hurtign and difficult to step on. Only the big toe's swollen and bruised though. I can still flex it all right, but bearing weight is difficult unless I curl it in, and I've got a very pronounced limp.

All this wouldn't be much of an issue (since I don't really think anything's broken) still, except the elevator at our office building remains busted, and climbing up to the 4th floor and back is more of a hassle. On a bright side, my next game's not until the 20th since we get the upcoming weekend off for my birthday Thanksgiving.

[Cause]

I wanted to be in america around the 15th. I realised todays the 7th and I havent organised a farewell. Seems a silly thing to have done and dont know where the time went but now Im thinking may delay my departure by one week. id hate not to say goodbye to people

[Abyss]

That second bowl of vindaloo may have been a bad idea.

[amphibian]

Mentalist, on 07 October 2019 - 03:24 PM, said:

How much is a fractured toe supposed to hurt?

Got my right foot kicked in yesterday, and 4 of my toes were hurtign and difficult to step on. Only the big toe's swollen and bruised though. I can still flex it all right, but bearing weight is difficult unless I curl it in, and I've got a very pronounced limp.

All this wouldn't be much of an issue (since I don't really think anything's broken) still, except the elevator at our office building remains busted, and climbing up to the 4th floor and back is more of a hassle. On a bright side, my next game's not until the 20th since we get the upcoming weekend off for my birthday Thanksgiving.

I've broken or dislocated four toes. What usually happens is the experiencing of a stabbing sort of pain a day or so later, which is more painful than the usual "bruised" type pain. It doesn't get better as fast as a bruise.

What they do for dislocated toes is to buddy tape it to the next toe. If for cosmetic reasons, you need to reset the toe, get the doc to do that because doing it yourself can make it worse. I luckily didn't have to reset either of the pinky toes I dislocated, so they healed just a bit more crooked than they were before. The other toes were just "try to stay off it as much as possible, while remaining somewhat active so things heal up quickly". Playing a game with a broken toe is doable, but if it's badly broken, I wouldn't - because the possible permanent damage much outweighs the game and any results.

[worry]

Gorefest, on 07 October 2019 - 12:21 PM, said:

Been there, sailed past. You haven't even scratched the surface yet. I found my first grey pube over the weekend.

Better than needing a toupee.

[Mentalist]

amphibian, on 07 October 2019 - 07:00 PM, said:

Mentalist, on 07 October 2019 - 03:24 PM, said:

How much is a fractured toe supposed to hurt?

Got my right foot kicked in yesterday, and 4 of my toes were hurtign and difficult to step on. Only the big toe's swollen and bruised though. I can still flex it all right, but bearing weight is difficult unless I curl it in, and I've got a very pronounced limp.

All this wouldn't be much of an issue (since I don't really think anything's broken) still, except the elevator at our office building remains busted, and climbing up to the 4th floor and back is more of a hassle. On a bright side, my next game's not until the 20th since we get the upcoming weekend off for my birthday Thanksgiving.

I've broken or dislocated four toes. What usually happens is the experiencing of a stabbing sort of pain a day or so later, which is more painful than the usual "bruised" type pain. It doesn't get better as fast as a bruise.

What they do for dislocated toes is to buddy tape it to the next toe. If for cosmetic reasons, you need to reset the toe, get the doc to do that because doing it yourself can make it worse. I luckily didn't have to reset either of the pinky toes I dislocated, so they healed just a bit more crooked than they were before. The other toes were just "try to stay off it as much as possible, while remaining somewhat active so things heal up quickly". Playing a game with a broken toe is doable, but if it's badly broken, I wouldn't - because the possible permanent damage much outweighs the game and any results.

nah, this isn't stabbing. Dull, like a bone bruise. I'm not actually sure if the guy kicked the ball under my toes or rolled over the ball and stepped on them. The pain is mostly localized on top of the main joint of the big toe (makes sense, cuz there was a mark there), and when I bear weight + flex, on the bottom, down to the ball of the toe. Not getting any of the crackling pain I associate with bone injuries.

I ended up taping them during the game (it happened in 1st half, so I did that at half-time), and it's was all right in terms of running. Walking today its launching off the toes into the next step that's a challenge, cuz that's when they are most flexed (I'm used to long strides when walking).
Funnily enough, I have no real problem handling stairs by comparison, though that was a problem yesterday at home.

[Puck]

I'm so sorry, but I need to vent somewhere and thus forum is the only place I know where it won't have consequences I'm trying to avoid. I'm having one of my worst anxiety attacks yet, so I'll stick spoiler tags around it and if you don't want to find out what kind of an asshole I can be, just ignore it, please.

Spoiler

So, I have a friend. She's my best friend and I love her but for the past month, something she's been doing has been sending me into one anxiety attack after another, and I rationally know it's stupid and she's only trying to help, but I just spent some time trying not to puke from anxiety.


Right now it's Inktober, so basically a thing artists (used to) do to get better at creativity and inking/drawing. The idea is that you have a list of official prompts and you do a drawing each day according to one prompt. The idea is to get into the habit of not only doing it daily, but to think quickly. Naturally, people turned it into a competition by starting to prepare art as far in advance as a month. I, in theory, understand why.

The problem is that my friend is one of them. She's been doing a GIANT push on her social media accounts with stuff she's been preparing in advance. Which, again, is fine and none of my damn business.

Except she's been roping me into it since she knew I would also be doing Inktober. Except I don't have the luxury or time and funds to spend all this time preparing. I've been doing my part each day between work and trying to catch some sleep. But since the push seems to be working for her, she's been all over it and constantly talking to me about it and also trying to push my work along hers.

Except I don't actually want that. Don't get me wrong, I think her art is amazing and she deserves the attention she is getting. But compared to that, what I can manage each evening is nothing and I can't help comparing. I would not care as much, because logically I know what I am capable of and that I am putting much less work into it than she does. I simply have different goals in participating than she does. And because of that, I feel like I am being dragged along at a pace that I cannot keep up with. I can't help feeling like I am being pitied every time she shills my work in her instagram stories. I KNOW this is not her intention. I KNOW she is trying to help. But at the end of the day, I am the one who cannot sleep and has anxiety attack every evening, and knowing she only means well makes me feel like such an asshole.

I know that at this moment, I cannot produce anything on the same level she does. I just want to find my own voice again. I have not felt this inspired and willing to draw in YEARS, but I feel like I am drowning in this rush to measure up to her and the other people she is in the company of. And right now, I cannot do that. But I am so afraid to say anything because I don't want her to misunderstand. We actually argued yesterday.

She was saying how disappointed she was with the lack of creativity people were showing with the prompts, to which I snapped that not everyone has the luxury of preparing half a month in advance. I know I should not have spoken like that, but I just can't anymore. She KNOWS this kind of stuff causes my anxiety, and I'very outight asked her to done down the social media talk. The thing is, I realise that I need it if I want to achieve my goals, but I cannot do it like that. I don't want to feel like I am being pitied. I want to feel like I am building my own audience with my own ideas and at my own pace, even if these ideas aren't as creative as hers.

Again, I know for sure none of this is her intention. Which is why I have no idea how to deal with the situation. I do not want to hurt her by telling her to back off and "stop helping me". But I also cannot keep up with comparing myself to her.

I know that it is so difficult for me BECAUSE she is my best friend. I am generally confident enough to not compare myself to others. But we studied together and we have been inspired by the same things, so I see in her work the same influence I had, but much better. Which is why I am trying to focus on finding a voice that is mine. But I can't keep up right now.

I am so sorry for the long rant. I haven't slept at all last night and it's 3am again and I have to be up for work at 7 and I can't sleep.

This post has been edited by Puck: 08 October 2019 - 01:08 AM

[Andorion]

Puck, on 08 October 2019 - 01:06 AM, said:

I'm so sorry, but I need to vent somewhere and thus forum is the only place I know where it won't have consequences I'm trying to avoid. I'm having one of my worst anxiety attacks yet, so I'll stick spoiler tags around it and if you don't want to find out what kind of an asshole I can be, just ignore it, please.

Spoiler

So, I have a friend. She's my best friend and I love her but for the past month, something she's been doing has been sending me into one anxiety attack after another, and I rationally know it's stupid and she's only trying to help, but I just spent some time trying not to puke from anxiety.


Right now it's Inktober, so basically a thing artists (used to) do to get better at creativity and inking/drawing. The idea is that you have a list of official prompts and you do a drawing each day according to one prompt. The idea is to get into the habit of not only doing it daily, but to think quickly. Naturally, people turned it into a competition by starting to prepare art as far in advance as a month. I, in theory, understand why.

The problem is that my friend is one of them. She's been doing a GIANT push on her social media accounts with stuff she's been preparing in advance. Which, again, is fine and none of my damn business.

Except she's been roping me into it since she knew I would also be doing Inktober. Except I don't have the luxury or time and funds to spend all this time preparing. I've been doing my part each day between work and trying to catch some sleep. But since the push seems to be working for her, she's been all over it and constantly talking to me about it and also trying to push my work along hers.

Except I don't actually want that. Don't get me wrong, I think her art is amazing and she deserves the attention she is getting. But compared to that, what I can manage each evening is nothing and I can't help comparing. I would not care as much, because logically I know what I am capable of and that I am putting much less work into it than she does. I simply have different goals in participating than she does. And because of that, I feel like I am being dragged along at a pace that I cannot keep up with. I can't help feeling like I am being pitied every time she shills my work in her instagram stories. I KNOW this is not her intention. I KNOW she is trying to help. But at the end of the day, I am the one who cannot sleep and has anxiety attack every evening, and knowing she only means well makes me feel like such an asshole.

I know that at this moment, I cannot produce anything on the same level she does. I just want to find my own voice again. I have not felt this inspired and willing to draw in YEARS, but I feel like I am drowning in this rush to measure up to her and the other people she is in the company of. And right now, I cannot do that. But I am so afraid to say anything because I don't want her to misunderstand. We actually argued yesterday.

She was saying how disappointed she was with the lack of creativity people were showing with the prompts, to which I snapped that not everyone has the luxury of preparing half a month in advance. I know I should not have spoken like that, but I just can't anymore. She KNOWS this kind of stuff causes my anxiety, and I'very outight asked her to done down the social media talk. The thing is, I realise that I need it if I want to achieve my goals, but I cannot do it like that. I don't want to feel like I am being pitied. I want to feel like I am building my own audience with my own ideas and at my own pace, even if these ideas aren't as creative as hers.

Again, I know for sure none of this is her intention. Which is why I have no idea how to deal with the situation. I do not want to hurt her by telling her to back off and "stop helping me". But I also cannot keep up with comparing myself to her.

I know that it is so difficult for me BECAUSE she is my best friend. I am generally confident enough to not compare myself to others. But we studied together and we have been inspired by the same things, so I see in her work the same influence I had, but much better. Which is why I am trying to focus on finding a voice that is mine. But I can't keep up right now.

I am so sorry for the long rant. I haven't slept at all last night and it's 3am again and I have to be up for work at 7 and I can't sleep.

I get how that feels Puck. At least some of it.
I hate it when I want to do something because I love it and then other people turn it into a huge rushing competition and take all the fun out of it. I have left groups before because of something like this.

Look, I don't really know that much about art, but is art really about keeping up with people? Art is basically creativity made manifest. But also art is hard labour because it does not just take shape through magic. It requires actual physical work.

So given that, and given your own situation, its basically a difference in circumstances. I mean if you could work on this full time, it would be something entirely different. I have seen your art, I know.

So, why don't you lean back, relax and just chuck the concept of Inktober out the window? One month for art is a rather silly idea any way. I take it that this is not a paid commission. So do your own thing, in your own time. And then produce something wonderful at maybe New Year or something.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Sorry to read that Puck.

To pick up on Andorion's point, do you think stopping Inktober and framing the problem to your friend as that being the source of pressure might ease it for now, and then you could possibly explain it in further detail to her later when things are calmer and it's not all going on at the same time?