[Puck]

I'm not going to stop Inktober as it's not the actual problem. It's not the first time I'm doing it and I know from experience that it benefits me a lot. I also actually enjoy the community aspect of it. I'm trying to focus on developing my ability to come up with new interesting concepts on the spot and I'm really enjoying it, as well as interacting with people online.

The part I am not enjoying is that my brain insists on comparing myself to her. I know that logically, I shouldn't, as we're not working from the same time frame and mindset to begin with. At the same time, my brain is like, yeah, stop looking for excuses.

Another part I am not enjoying is the conversation we've had a couple of times in the span of a week already, and that is that she thinks people aren't being creative enough. She's told me twice now outright that a certain interpreration bored her, and both times I said, well, enjoy yet another boring image, then. She then backpedalled saying, well, the prompts are boring this year. Which is nonsense, the prompts are on the same level each year. I told her to take it up with the guy who makes them. At the same time I can't help but notice that she is using boring interpretations as well, but in a more interesting artwork.

More importantly, I want the feeling of the whole thing feeling like a pity party to stop. I know she means well. She's been rapidly gaining followers and she wants to help me achieve the same. And like it or not, nowadays that does make a difference. Bit aside from the fact that I suspect we may be catering to different audiences, my brain just goes into complete overdrive when these two things come together, especially since we've been influenced by the same works to begin with.

I don't want to sound complainy. I just feel drained from feeling inadequate compared to ONE person, not in the grander scheme of things, where I have a much better understanding of where I stand.

I am not fishing for complinents. I just need a place to talk outside of my immediate social circle because I am too afraid of the reactions if I were to say what I feel.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to reply I feel like in the end, I will come our of this better equipped to deal with this kind of stress, but as these things go, it'll take time.

This post has been edited by Puck: 08 October 2019 - 08:26 AM

[Aptorian]

Okay, so ignorant question on my part then. Since you've obviously gone over this in your own head what you need to do, Puck why don't you just say "Sorry, the work load is getting over my head, you go ahead with your project but I'm going to do this at my pace".

If you're friends she'll understand. If not, fuck her.

[Puck]

Because I'very done that. I said I don't want to hear any more social media talk. But I understand why it keeps seeping in anyway.

It's not the workload that's getting over my head, it's my own head that's fucking me over. And I don't have the luxury of waiting two months for a therapy appointment to talk it over.

I wish these things would work logically. To put it more bluntly, it's not my place to ask her to comply with issues that are in my own head. I just needed a place to talk.

This post has been edited by Puck: 08 October 2019 - 08:40 AM

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

You're right, it's not always necessarily logical but it is valid to both accept it's not for the other person to manage your issues, but to also need and have a safe space for you to be able to get those off your chest.

I find the "not creative enough" a bit off as well, although I don't know the person. It feels very judgy and that won't be helping at all.

[Gorefest]

worry, on 07 October 2019 - 07:16 PM, said:

Gorefest, on 07 October 2019 - 12:21 PM, said:

Been there, sailed past. You haven't even scratched the surface yet. I found my first grey pube over the weekend.

Better than needing a toupee.

They do groin toupees? Modern life never ceases to baffle me.

[Tiste Simeon]

Puck - seems that this is something without a solution and that it's just something you'll have to sort out in your own head. But venting about it on here will definitely help with that. For now let me just say I personally love your art so keep it up.

[Puck]

Yeah, as I said, I needed a space to vent. I am pretty sure in regards to what to do, but at some point I had to verbalize my issues, and not to the person in question, because among other things it's a conversation that has been had before to a degree and I know there's no point in rehashing something the way she is focused on her "mission" right now.

[Abyss]

Gorefest, on 08 October 2019 - 08:58 AM, said:

worry, on 07 October 2019 - 07:16 PM, said:

Gorefest, on 07 October 2019 - 12:21 PM, said:

Been there, sailed past. You haven't even scratched the surface yet. I found my first grey pube over the weekend.

Better than needing a toupee.

They do groin toupees? Modern life never ceases to baffle me.

Google 'merkin'.

Wait, no, don't.

[Gorefest]

Abyss, on 08 October 2019 - 02:02 PM, said:

Google 'merkin'.

Wait, no, don't.

Aaaah. I thought Tsundoku was asking me if I was American. I already thought it a strange query

On a related note: WTF.

[amphibian]

Puck, on 08 October 2019 - 11:01 AM, said:

Yeah, as I said, I needed a space to vent. I am pretty sure in regards to what to do, but at some point I had to verbalize my issues, and not to the person in question, because among other things it's a conversation that has been had before to a degree and I know there's no point in rehashing something the way she is focused on her "mission" right now.

I get this. I also think your boundaries aren't being respected much by this person - which isn't a friendly thing to be doing. So... that may be something to keep an eye on and make decisions accordingly.

[Lady Bliss]

Gorefest, on 08 October 2019 - 08:58 AM, said:

worry, on 07 October 2019 - 07:16 PM, said:

Gorefest, on 07 October 2019 - 12:21 PM, said:

Been there, sailed past. You haven't even scratched the surface yet. I found my first grey pube over the weekend.

Better than needing a toupee.

They do groin toupees? Modern life never ceases to baffle me.

No no no! Manscape.

[Abyss]

Abyss, on 07 October 2019 - 05:22 PM, said:

That second bowl of vindaloo may have been a bad idea.

Leftovers.


Argh.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 09 October 2019 - 05:01 PM, said:

Abyss, on 07 October 2019 - 05:22 PM, said:

That second bowl of vindaloo may have been a bad idea.

Leftovers.


Argh.

*begins singing "The Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash*

[Mezla PigDog]

Hey Puck - I think you might be beating yourself up too hard about your reaction. It's totally normal to feel rubbish when it seems that someone close is doing better than you at a shared interest. Even after you have rationalized it to yourself as being nobodies fault. It feels a bit deflating, right? Like "I'm working my ass off but not getting the same reward". I had a housemate at uni who was one of my best friends. We were on the same course and no matter what he always did better than me. And then he would try to help me or share bits of work with me and I would feel like a charity case. And I couldn't get away from it as we shared a house! At the time I felt like a loser and had to try hard not to hate him at bit but we had different circumstances and he worked himself so hard he got sick!

You will get through it. Right now just do what you need to protect yourself but also be kind to yourself. It is nice to see friends succeed in something but when it is something you also do and they seem to be doing it better, it can suck too. You just can't tell them it sucks Don't overthink your feelings on it - I find I get most anxious when I am trying to change my own reaction to something when actually my reaction is perfectly valid.

[Abyss]

Puck, is ambushing your friend and eating her brains completely out of the question?

...maybe just eat her brains a little bit....?






...what? STOP STARING AT MEEEEE.

[Puck]

Mezla PigDog, on 09 October 2019 - 07:09 PM, said:

Hey Puck - I think you might be beating yourself up too hard about your reaction. It's totally normal to feel rubbish when it seems that someone close is doing better than you at a shared interest. Even after you have rationalized it to yourself as being nobodies fault. It feels a bit deflating, right? Like "I'm working my ass off but not getting the same reward". I had a housemate at uni who was one of my best friends. We were on the same course and no matter what he always did better than me. And then he would try to help me or share bits of work with me and I would feel like a charity case. And I couldn't get away from it as we shared a house! At the time I felt like a loser and had to try hard not to hate him at bit but we had different circumstances and he worked himself so hard he got sick!

You will get through it. Right now just do what you need to protect yourself but also be kind to yourself. It is nice to see friends succeed in something but when it is something you also do and they seem to be doing it better, it can suck too. You just can't tell them it sucks Don't overthink your feelings on it - I find I get most anxious when I am trying to change my own reaction to something when actually my reaction is perfectly valid.

Thank you. I really needed that.

[Lady Bliss]

So I’ve been pretty bummed. I either fainted or had a seizure Sunday, and I know it was stupid, but I didn’t want to go to the hospital when the emts said my vitals were fine because I am still looking for another job. I think I fainted from not sleeping or eating personally. BUT Monday my arm is aching so I go to urgent care. They pulled blood and X-rayed my arm, said there was a probable fracture and I went to the orthopedic doctor yesterday. Luckily there, he says it’s a millimeter fracture, and I wear a sling for 2 weeks, then hopefully no surgery.
The bloodwork came back though with my white blood cell count going through the roof. Urgent care just said for me to get it rechecked in a week or 2.
I’m freaked by this, but I did talk to my psychiatrist today, who told me that stress can absolutely do this.

I really hope this is all it is. I haven’t lost crazy weight or felt bad other than being depressed about not having a job.

Sorry I’m rambling... I just needed to vent my fears about surgery and a full right arm cast, and whatever the hell else is wrong with me. Just started taking antidepressants again which I am sure will help.

[Puck]

With due respect, BK, but depressed and depressed does not equal a magical cure.

That said, Bliss, I hope you'll feel better soon

[Lady Bliss]

Puck, on 10 October 2019 - 03:00 AM, said:

With due respect, BK, but depressed and depressed does not equal a magical cure.

That said, Bliss, I hope you'll feel better soon

*hugs*. Thanks Puck and you too!

This post has been edited by Lady Bliss: 10 October 2019 - 03:44 AM

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Hope you feel better soon LB, and fingers crossed for the two weeks in a sling and no cast outcome!