Malazan Empire: Mezla PigDog - Viewing Profile - Malazan Empire

 Mezla PigDog, on 15 March 2023 - 07:36 AM, said:

A friend of mine has hit this point with her job too. Their first child was 2 yesterday and they are trying to plan timing wise for a second. She's a solicitor and last time we talked I think she's considering leaving law altogether because she feels so punished for having a family in terms of current progression and likelihood of it in future. Success seems to be measured by having no life outside of work and the hours you work reflecting such. Another left academia altogether because she said there was no point trying to remain in it once she'd had two rounds of maternity leave when all they'll do is pay fresh PHD students less than her to do the role. I've really had my eyes opened the last few years by friends with children to just how punitive having a family can be on a career, I confess I wildly underestimated it.

I really hope you can find a solution where you get the credit you deserve (and curse his name in as many tongues as possible in the meantime!).

I have been hosting a friend on my couch initially, then got a guest bedroom set up for him - for 5 months. I have not and would not ask for rent, utilities, help with chores etc.

I asked him to figure out a departure with a month's notice and to take his things he's stored here. Days of silence, he texted my brother who is his roommate upstairs to protest. My brother generally agrees with me, thinks that I could be nicer (I was blunt, although not rude bc this friend has ducked conversation on this topic for a couple months now), and mostly stays out of this.

Today, the friend walks downstairs and starts talking to me while I'm in the middle of a work meeting. I was luckily muted on the meeting and tell him to come back in a few. The conversation he chooses to have later consisted of "You've swept my feet out from under me, I'm this close to buying a house, I have 3k saved up, and now I am going to have to put that all into an apartment, this is out of character for you, there's no empathy in your eyes etc".

I stayed firm, told him he has a month to figure things out, that I've not asked him for rent or contributions, that I wasn't going to get in the details on why I want him out (he's a constant blunt smoker and puts his ashes everywhere, constantly borrows my stuff and doesn't return for days until I ask - things like my nail clippers, is lazy about cleaning, does laundry constantly for 2-3 pieces of clothes, brings his kid and partner over to use my TV/games stuff multiple days of the week, it was economically affordable, yet he is more expensive in terms of utilities and house time than my brother and I put together), and that this was final.

He's probably going to go to our mutual friends and complain.

He has the 3k and the unlikely wherewithal to buy a house because I put him up for 5+ months and will go a 6th.

Change the relationship, sheesh.