[Shiara]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw&eurl=

Cannot stress enough - WASH YOUR HANDS!

[Loki]

'What is blue and white and sits in a tree?'

A fridge in a denim jacket.

'What knocked the boy off his bike?'

A falling fridge.

...

'What is yellow and looks like a bucket?'

A yellow bucket.

'What's red and looks like a bucket?'

A yellow bucket in disguise.

...

I am full of bad jokes like these

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

Why is a wagonload of bowling balls harder to unload than a wagonload of dead babies? You can't use a pitchfork on the bowling balls.

Ahhhh, nothing like a dead baby joke.

[Aptorian]

Whats pink, liquid and goes Whhhiiirrrrhh!

A baby in a blender!

Two can play at this game, allthough it's funnier in danish.

[Aptorian]

Two gay guys are out driving, when one of them says:
"Pull over I have to get something in the trunk..."

[Aptorian]

Three guys find a magical well in the middle of the forest.

They all get to make a wish and then jump into the well, what ever they wish for they'll get.

The First Guy jumps and yells: Money! And he landed in money.

The Second Guy jumps and yells: Naked women! And he landed in naked women.

The Third Guy got up on the ledge, but trips and falls head first, and exclaims: Oh, Sh*t!

[Hume]

Trailer trash

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

Your Junior/Senior prom had a daycare.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

Ya' can't git married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a dang law against it.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

[Hume]

George Bush meets with the Queen of England.

He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround your self with intelligent people."

Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle. "

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?" The Queen smiles "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Bush goes back home to ask Dick Cheney, his vice president, the same question. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Cheney, "let me get back to you on that one."

Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer.

Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Cheney shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me?

Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

Cheney smiles, and says, "Thanks!"

Then, Cheney goes back to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

[Darkwatch]

There are two couples on their way to Las Vegas. A gay couple and a lesbian couple. Which couple gets there first?

The lesbians since they're doing 69 all the way.
As for the gay couple well they're still packing sh*t.

[bwgan]

Chap goes into a hardware shop, "I'd like to buy a bucket please."
"Steel one?"
"No it's ok, I'll pay for it!"


Edit: When do I get the award for the worst joke? Because I have more and I will keep posting them!

[Rich the Great]

bwgan;122024 said:

Chap goes into a hardware shop, "I'd like to buy a bucket please."
"Steel one?"
"No it's ok, I'll pay for it!"


Edit: When do I get the award for the worst joke? Because I have more and I will keep posting them!

Haha, thats fantastic.

A man walks into a Butcher's and says to the butcher, "I bet you 50 quid that you can't reach that meat on the top shelf."
"No," he says. "The stakes are too high."

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

If this is turning into a bad joke competition......

Three guys are headed down the street and walked into a bar. The fourth guy ducked under it.

Or the old classic......A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

[Darkwatch]

Good-Bad-Worse

Bad: You can't find your vibrator Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other
Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism Worse: As a sacrifice
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce Worse: She's a lawyer
Bad: Your wife's leaving you Worse: For another woman
Good: Hot outdoor sex Bad: You're arrested Worse: By your husband
Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually Worse: He's gay
Good: You came home for a quickie Bad: Your wife walks in
Good: You get a three-day weekend Bad: You get the flu on Friday
Good: You get tickets to the theatre Bad: It's performance art
Good: You go to see a strip show Bad: Your daughter's the headliner
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes
Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right". Bad: Your son, that is
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill Bad: She's eleven
Good: Your son's doing extra credit work Bad: Making a sex ed video
Good: Your wife bought a porn video Bad: Your daughter's the star
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex Bad: You live downtown
Good: Your wife's kinky Bad: With the neighbors Worse: All of them

[Tremolo]

Which type of person are you?

[Valgard]

Here are soem bad ones

What did the leper say to the hooker?

Keep the tip.

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the accelerator

How do you get a leper out of the bath?

With a shovel.

[Rich the Great]

Here are a couple I read today on t'internet.

Interviewer: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: I owe everything to my wife.
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire."

Or,

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it.

She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had requested. The men went to carve it in, but being the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long.

They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

[caladanbrood]

Tremolo;122345 said:

Which type of person are you?

Thats hilarious:D

[Tremolo]

I don't have to guess what sort of person you are, mate

[Sir Thursday]

A man from Stereotypically Stupid Country X walks down the street carrying a bag of chicken wings. On the way, he bumps into another man from Stereotypically Stupid Country X.

The second man asks: Ooh, can I have a chicken wing?

So the first one says: If you can guess how many are in this bag, you can have both of them.

Naturally, the second man replies: 3!

--------------------------------------------

What's red and goes up and down and up and down?*

Spoiler

A tomato in a lift

*NB If you have heard the Worst Joke in the World before then this seemingly innocuous question takes on a whole new dimension.


Sir Thursday

[caladanbrood]

Tremolo;122437 said:

I don't have to guess what sort of person you are, mate

Get away from my spade:p