[Dragonstar]

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis.
Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.
Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis.
The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"
The Jamaican replied, "No, Mr. that says Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day".
*****************************************************************
Plane Conversation
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?"
*******************************************************************
Naughty naughty

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong dearest??" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???" "Well," replied the man... "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"
******************************************************************
Anatomy
A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath...

"Mama" he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered: "Not yet"...
******************************************************************
Together again...

A lady gets married and has 17 children.

Then her husband dies.

She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband.

Then he dies.

A while later, she passes away.

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together."

A guy sitting in the front row says, Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"

The priest replies, "I mean her legs."

[Aptorian]

These jokes are written on a bathroomstall at our faculty:

Two antennas meet and fall in love.
The wedding was ok... but the reception was great.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?
An amish drive-by shooting

[Tremolo]

Good thing those Amish ppl don´t use the Internet, eh. Else you would be in trouble right now

[Illuyankas]

Just throw some caltrops in the street, they'd be helpless.

[bwgan]

Get ready to groan...or throw something....

What goes hahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaplop?

Someone laughing their head off!

[Orfantal]

Wails with pained laughter

[Sir Thursday]

I happen to know the worst joke in the world, and I'd tell it to you, but it doesn't translate very well to written form. It relies upon a captive audience and the ability to perform rigourous hand motions...I'm sure I have a video of myself performing it somewhere, but it isn't the same if you can skip through it.


Sir Thursday

[bwgan]

@Orfantal - Right...I wasn't going to do this, but you have been asking for it!


The English army is marching into Wales in an attempt to conquer that wild and wonderful paradise (that last bit wasn't originally in the joke, but I feel it adds great depth...).

Anyway, they approach the mountains of that marvellous land with some trepidation, but then see a lone Welshman waving at them from the summit.
"Come on," he calls, "send up your best champion."
Well after a little debate a lone knight rides up the slope. As he does so the Welshman disappears over the top. The brave, if somewhat foolhardy, knight follows and a couple of seconds later the Welshman reappears.
"Is that the best you've got?" he jeers, "Send up two this time."
So two gallant knights ride up and agin the Welshman retreats over the top and the knights follow. There is a little muffled noise and then less than a minute later the Welshman is again at the summit, laughing and mocking.
"They were useless," he says,"send up a gang this time."
Well this goes on for some time until eventually the king sends up half his army. There is the noise of a fierce battle raging over the other side of the mountian and suddenly the soldiers see one of their comrades staggering over the hill. He is bloodied and torn and can barely walk, but using the last of his energy he calls out, "Get away from here lads...it's a trap...there are two of the b*******!" :eek:

[Orfantal]

Baaah! Good evans! .. resorting to stealing old jokes and nationalising them .. no wonder the labour party's so popular in the valleys Heard that so many times and with so many national or team variations

I see you set it in the Middle Ages .. is that cos it was the last time the Welsh won a battle .. or anything for that matter

[Raymond Luxury Yacht]

These four nuns die in a car accident and all go to heaven, where they see St. Peter sitting outside the gates, with a bucket of holy water sitting next to him. He says to them "I know you have all lived good lives. If you confess your worst sin, and atone for it, you can go into heaven."

So they line up and the first nun says "Well, once I looked at a penis." St. Peter shakes his head and replies "Wash your eyes from this bucket of holy water and you will be forgiven." She splashes some of the water in her eyes and proceeds through the gates into heaven.

The second nun confesses "Once I touched a penis with one finger." St. Peter shakes his head again and tells her "Just wash your finger in this bucket of holy water and all will be forgiven." She dips her finger in the water and goes on into heaven.

At this point the last nun pushes past the third nun and stomps up to St. Peter. He looks at her surprised and asks "What is the hurry Sister? Why did you jump in front of the other nun?

She looks at him and yells "If you think I'm going to rinse my mouth out with that water after she dips her a** in it you are crazy!!!!!!"

[Illuyankas]

Hmm, Bwgan, if the Welsh 'army' was that good, then why wasn't it the Welsh Empire? Oh well

While we're on the subject...

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Wales? A community centre.

An Englishman and a Welshman are walking down a road together (strange, I know) when the Englishman spots a deceased pigeon on the pavement. "What a pity about that dead bird, eh?" he says. "What? Where?" replies the Welshman, scanning the skies.


I'll stop there, it's unfair to our Empire-deprived subjects :ehh:

[RodeoRanch]

Women's rights.

























Oh gawd, that one has gotten me smacked by drunk chicks so many times.

[Darkwatch]

That's an old one, but still funny.

Notice the yellow sign in the back. (I do not condone his attitude, but I do condone his joke)

[Illuyankas]

Only drunk chicks?

[RodeoRanch]

Well, sober ones too. But there's more vocal outrage rather than physical abuse. Drunk chicks go right to the violence.


Another gem is "What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? The back of my hand."

Yeah, I'm all smooth with the ladiez!

[Darkwatch]

Well there's some pretty offensive ones I know, but i'm afraid to get banned.

[Illuyankas]

Reminds me of the old classics -

Why do women have small feet? To get closer to the sink.
Why do women marry in white? All kitchen appliances come in white...
How do you know when your wife is dead? Sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up.
Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares, why's she out of the kitchen?


Ha ha ha... I'm going to die cold and alone.

But seriously (not really serious), you can consider yourself to treat women equally or better if, in a slanging match with a woman, you run out of bad and/or nasty jokes about the opposite sex first.

(This post is 100% true. Trust me, I'm a doctor.)

[Rich the Great]

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't already said twice.

[Orfantal]

Hm.. getting fairly offensive there! Although ....

How do you know when your wife is dead? Sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up. LMFAO!!

[Aptorian]

Blonde Jokes now:
Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
But if they had: "Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money."

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.