[Lancelot]

Girls Diary Vs Blokes Diary
-------------------------------------------------------------

GIRL'S DIARY
Sunday 26th June 2007.
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went
shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so
I thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I
suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and
didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I
just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I
wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed.
I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half
shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of
silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him
and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad
sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was
surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and
I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found
someone else.
I cried myself to sleep.













BLOKES DIARY
Sunday 26th June 2007.
My football team was relegated today. Gutted. Got a shag though.

[Bottle]

The Universe walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, 'Pint of Guinness?'
The Universe replies, 'No thanks. I'm more inter-Stella'

[stone monkey]

And here is the most pointless joke I know....


Q:What do you get if you cross a sheep with a goat?
A:The modulus of the sheep times the modulus of the goat times the sine of the angle between them...


And yes, I do know that the majority of the people who even get that will tell me how unfunny it is.

[chill]

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson went camping. After an exhausting day, they went to sleep.
Somewhere around midnight, Sherlock wakes Watson.
"Tell me, Watson, what do you see?"
"Well, I see the stars."
"And, what do you conclude?"
"That we are but small dots in the vastness of the universe, bound to this little rock called Earth, always striving to overcome our boundaries, yet never able to do so. We are mere mortals, for whom the outer reaches of the galaxy are untouchable, and-"
"No, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent."

[caladanbrood]

stone monkey;196985 said:

And yes, I do know that the majority of the people who even get that will tell me how unfunny it is.

Oyee...

[Tiste Simeon]

stone monkey said:

And here is the most pointless joke I know....


Q:What do you get if you cross a sheep with a goat?
A:The modulus of the sheep times the modulus of the goat times the sine of the angle between them...


And yes, I do know that the majority of the people who even get that will tell me how unfunny it is.

My brother will love that joke...

[Thelomen Toblerone]

Two monkeys are sitting in the bath.

One turns and says to the other "Oooh-ooh-AAH-AAH-AAH!!! (monkey screechy noises)"

To which the other one replies "Well run some bloody cold in then!"


--------

Works better when you say it I guess.

[Grumble]

What's yellow and smells of banana's .................... Monkey Puke ! :eek:

[tiam]

Grumble;199963 said:

What's yellow and smells of banana's ....................

Your dicks like that aswell. I went for some cream but things just arent the same

[Flawed]

Q: What do you call the best butter on the farm?
A: A Goat

[Tiste Simeon]

Two sausages in a frying pan. One turns to the other says "Is it me or is it hot in here?" The other replies "Wow! A Talking sausage!"

[Flawed]

Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail?


He became a Small Medium At Large.

[Flawed]

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Bat mobile?
.
.
" Get in the Bat Mobile Robin "




Guffaw!

[roibeard]

I love bad jokes

Two Fish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and says : You man the guns I'll drive!

And if you think thats bad?

Guy A) Have you seen the new tractor movie?
Guy No but I've seen the trailers......

- Please don't kill me , even if I deserve it

[Squint]

here's one, dunno if it's been posted yet but it's funny
A doctor, lawyer, and priest were on the Titanic as it was sinking.
The doctor says "Save the children!"
The lawyer says "F*ck the children!"
The priest says "Good idea, but we don't have time!"

[Flawed]

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work." The daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Justin loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said, "What's for dinner?"

[Flawed]

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBreast will cost £499 to £599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

I have loads of bad jokes..........

[SiriusL]

This is probably really old, but I just heard it the other day.

Did you hear about snail who was mugged by a turtle? When the police asked him to describe what happened, he said,

"I don't know--it all happened too fast!"

[Grumble]

Breaking News .....

Argentina declare war on Ireland ..... they have removed the key from the corn beef tins !

[Flawed]

This mornings Bad joke:


What do you give a sick budgie?

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