[Cause]

A friend of mine said something to me recently that took me by surprise. She cried before going to bed, work stress and a general sense of anxiety.
I didn’t expect to hear it.

Also I have cried twice in the last twenty years. When I knew my dad would die and when I was picked up at school at 13 and told my families domestic worker had died. She had worked in my home from at least the day I was born

However this is not me suppressing my emotions because men don’t cry or something like that. The urge to cry doesn’t come for me. Google tells me women cry on average 30-65 times a year and men between 5-17 and this genuinely surprises me. I didn’t cry when my grandfather died because I think it came along gradually enough and sure enough that I processed it over a long time.

So I am just curious, how often do you cry. I didn’t think my behavior was that unusual till now.

Edit: actually I shed a single tear at the conclusion of the chain of dogs when they made it to Arren only to die feet away from safety. I guess I was 16-17

[Maark Abbott]

Not often, but when it happens it's pretty spectacular.

It's happened a few times over the last few weeks, most notably when my wife got sectioned - nearly a full on grief response.

[Imperial Historian]

I'd guess I cry to some extent or another at least a few times a month due to a variety of factors whether that's due to a sad film or book, personal circumstances where something sad has happened, or I just feel the need to cry.

If I'm sad I will deliberately read or watch something sad so I cry as I find this cathartic.

full on crying for extended periods is more common.

I don't even understand how you could go 20 years only crying twice, googles figures seem entirely reasonable to me.

Edit also man the error bars on that average times they cry a year are huge

[Aptorian]

I'm a relatively stoic human being that very rarely gets sad about real life events. I think I suffer from that typically male inability to adress or process difficult emotions. However I'm fairly easily moved to tears when reading a book or watching TV where something sad og joyful happens.

Just this morning I was reading A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers. I first read a chapter where a young monk seeks a new vocation that she struggles to come to grip with. Then in the next chapter several years had past and she'd become experienced and sure of her own skill. The description of how she helped people with their problems and how they appreciated her now was oddly moving, in a happy sort of way. Got all misty eyed and got the sniffles.

[Lady Bliss]

I cry frequently when happy or sad. I’ve wondered if there was something wrong with me honestly for how easily I get choked up.

[Mezla PigDog]

I cry at least once a week. Usually due to something in a book, tv or movie. Sad, happy, other people being sad or happy. I cry to the extent it is pretty embarrassing. Like, I can catch a movie half way through and something sentimental will happen within 20mins of me watching it and I'll weep even though I'm not sad or happy but because it is supposed to be sad or happy. Case in point, last night I missed the first 45 minutes of The Day After Tomorrow. I watched the rest and wept when Jake Gylenhall's dad finds him at the end. I've seen that movie more than 10 times. I cry on makeover shows when people like the end result. I cried at the end of Christmas Chronicles the other day even though I've seen it 3 or 4 times. End of Chain of Dogs I think I was sobbing.

It's a real problem at the cinema, it gets embarrassing. People who know me find it very surprising when they first see it happen.

This post has been edited by Mezla PigDog: 29 December 2022 - 07:03 PM

[worry]

Very often. I would say if averaged out I get teary eyed well over once per day.

[Tiste Simeon]

I do cry. Not often but I think certainly more than I used to.

Sometimes it's at pretty dumb stuff (the end of S2 of Detectorists always gets me haha) but I'm definitely more sensitive to stuff than I was.

Also, when you're getting up for the 5th time in a night for a sick child the only thing you can do is cry!

[Cyphon]

I think since having a child I probably cry more, but probably only at the point of a few times a year now. Beyond the stressful elements, parenting just requires more emotional attunement than I used before, and puts a different spin on peril than it did before. So I suspect parenthood has just made me more emotional open and responsive. Tearing up is much more regular now (a few times a month) depending on what I'm reading or watching. The BBC's Ghosts Christmas special got me this week...

This post has been edited by Cyphon: 29 December 2022 - 10:00 PM

[Slow Ben]

Yep. Seems like a couple times a month something random will trigger a few tears. I think its just a release of all the constant pressure of life and being a dad/husband.


I also always cry when i watch Its a Wonderful LIfe and when i listen to Thats My Job, by Conway Twitty. They both just open the right gates and i tear up something fierce.

[Tsundoku]

As far as I can recall, no tears shed since my dog died in 1991. I went away to Uni that year and came back for Easter (calendar year schools, remember) and my parents told me she had passed away not long after I left and they didn't want to upset me when I was living away from home for the first time. I'd had her since 1974, when I was 2. Still get a lump in my throat when I think about her.

Have occasionally had lumps in the throat since then. Eg:
When my favourite uncle died a couple of years ago. A man I greatly respected. A man who defined for me what it was to be a quiet, decent, honest, kind, stoic, respectful man.
At the funeral of a work colleague's stillborn child.
When my last grandparent died in 1998 (Nan).
When my boy was in absolute tears earlier this year after his sister came and took her dog back as she was moving north, as we had been taking care of the dog for her pretty much since the start of covid.

But the thing that also brings a slight lump to the throat every single time?

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Tiste Simeon, on 29 December 2022 - 09:05 PM, said:

Sometimes it's at pretty dumb stuff (the end of S2 of Detectorists always gets me haha) but I'm definitely more sensitive to stuff than I was.

That gets me every single time without fail.

Very regular crier. Usually at wholesome stuff more often than sad (see above, things like The Repair Shop etc). The running affectionate joke in the family is that I can't see anyone else crying without feeling the need to join in - I do often react most strongly to seeing someone else visibly upset.

Tsundoku - there are several moments throughout the LOTR films which are nailed on for me crying (a couple really get Mr Not a Blacksmith too - most notably Sam talking about what they're fighting for at the end of Two Towers, "There's some good in the world Mr Frodo" etc) - but that scene is chief among them for me. It's so brilliant.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 03 January 2023 - 09:28 AM

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Teary eyed---probably a few times a week, either in response to media or when thinking about my dead cat. Thinking about her again I feel my tear ducts tingling, and now my eyes are starting to water....

Full on crying, with visible droplets rolling down---more rarely, usually in response to media or the recent death of someone close to me (as in, my cat...). I cried a bit when I read this:

'As a deadly and historic blizzard barreled through Erie County [...] stranded in howling snow with nowhere to go, their cars dwindling in gas supply with police unable to come to the rescue[...]

[...] ventured out to help a trapped friend, but instead got caught in the snow himself.

[...] saw a young man named Mike walking in sneakers and wrapped in a light jacket. He told Mike to hop in the truck to escape the cold.

[...] "I'm trying to dig myself out, but the snow is coming down just as fast as I'm shoveling," [...]

[...] began knocking on the doors of houses lining the street to see if anyone would give them shelter.

[...] he went to 10 households, offering each $500 to spend the night on their floor. All of them turned him away. "I plead with them, 'Please, please can I sleep on the floor, I'm in fear for my life,' and they say, 'No I'm sorry'," he said.

Feeling defeated, Withey tried to walk back to his truck, but became lost in the blustery wind and thick snow.

"My vision is getting foggy, my body is cramping up, and I'm fearing for my life," [...]

At around 11 p.m., he heard a knock at the car window and opened the door to find Mary, an elderly woman who said she had been stuck in her car since 4 p.m. and needed help. He told her to get in the truck, too.

[...] By the next morning, Withey's truck had run out of gas, leaving the trio to huddle in Mary's van, which was also running low on fuel.

Eventually, Mary needed to use the bathroom. It was then that Withey, [...] looked at his phone's GPS and noticed that a school – EDGE Academy – was nearby[...]

"I say, 'I'm going to that school, and I'm going to break into that school, because I know they have heat and a bathroom,'" [...]

[...] smashed through a window of the school so he could open the front door and let Mike and Mary in, with the security alarm blaring.

"I walk outside in the immediate area and there are a lot of older people that are stranded in their cars," [...] "One person had a dog, and I get them all into the school. At this point, I have about 10 people in the school." [...]

[...] One man who turned him away saw Withey snow blowing the cars and approached him in tears to apologize, saying he couldn't sleep that night knowing he had denied Withey shelter.

Withey stayed at the school until 8 p.m. on Christmas. "I didn't leave until I made sure everyone was okay,"'

'I had to do it to save everyone': Man breaks into school and shelters nearly a dozen people from blizzard

[champ]

Last time I really cried/sobbed was 6, nearly 7 year ago I guess during the Bipolar breakdown and when I found out my partner at the time was cheating on me... that was tough and nearly tipped me over the edge.

I well-up / get teary eyed all the time but living with Bipolar you deal with a lot of raw emotion. It can be over all types of stupid shit but generally when I see someone else get emotional then I do too.

I've always lived with my heart on my sleeve though...

[QuickTidal]

Oh man, I cry quite a bit, and always have. I've never had any compunction about not expressing my feelings or grief in tears.

TV and movies get me all the time, as do real life things.

I'm like TRB, a "regular crier" for sure.

[bubba]

Lady Bliss, on 29 December 2022 - 04:27 PM, said:

I cry frequently when happy or sad. I've wondered if there was something wrong with me honestly for how easily I get choked up.

Same....

[Cause]

I seem to be more unusual than I thought. I never really see anyone else cry either so didn’t think it happened all that much. Last person I saw cry was my sister when I immigrated 3 years ago.

[Lady Bliss]

Cause, on 04 January 2023 - 12:13 AM, said:

I seem to be more unusual than I thought. I never really see anyone else cry either so didn’t think it happened all that much. Last person I saw cry was my sister when I immigrated 3 years ago.

You know, I wonder if that behavior tends to run in families less like hugging. I didn’t grow up in a very huggy family so I feel a bit uncomfortable with it. I try to do it for people that I know it’s important to, but it’s a bit of a stretch for me.

[Tsundoku]

Very, very close.

Trigger warning: bittersweet AF. But so well done.



The artists's website:

https://jenny-jinya.com/

Always loved this one as well, can't recall if it was previously posted elsethread here.

https://www.devianta...-2010-141108997

[LinearPhilosopher]

oh yeah big crier here... Therapy helped a fair bit with figuring out why.


A lot of it has to do with how emotional and how sensitive an individual is (two different things). There's also a learned component to it. For example met a lady that frequently cries in soap operas and the like. Despite the fact in her real life she never cries and my god she had a lot going on. There's a degree to which if you're taught it's not okay to cry you find other avenues to do it through.