[Slow Ben]

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2016 - 02:46 PM, said:

Babymaking sex on the other hand is not fun for either party. Which is odd. But you're like concentrated on too many things to make it as enjoyable as the above-noted freestyle sex. I'm not even sure why this is, but both my wife and I were too preoccupied with what we were doing and why we were doing it to make it as enjoyable as sex should be. You're on a schedule, you have ovulation times to worry about, and you HAVE to do it whether you feel up to it or not, which means not eating a heavy dinner beforehand, or not having a pulled muscle or any of the myriad of things that might stop you on a normal day from getting it on. And even if you do have those things going on...you just have to do it anyways. We thought we were weird, until she noted this fact to her sister who said "Yep, babymaking sex is not fun."

This. I can count on one hand the times the ole lady and i have had really "bad" sex. And they were all when we were trying, especialy since it took awhile for the 2nd and she was freaking out that something might be wrong.

The 2nd worst sex is "first time after delivery" sex. Which is completely understandable, since she just pushed a 9 lb human out of there.

On the other hand, one of the best types of sex is when she's finally comfortable after the few exploritory sessions. Whoa mama!

[amphibian]

Morgoth, on 06 January 2016 - 12:26 PM, said:

Well, over the last year I have learned that my ex was perfectly mediocre in bed. The sex we had was much better than anything I had previously experienced, but I was 19 at the time and clearly didn't know any better.

In that regard I suppose I have been lucky in a strange way. It would have been sad to go through life without ever having experienced the kind of sex that simply blows your mind. Although, I guess I wouldn't have known what I was missing.

I have also learned that it's incredibly easy to be above average in bed. Just paying some attention to what a girl likes and taking ones time seems to be much more than what most men are capable of doing. Also making noises seems to be key. A lot of men stay entierly silent? People are weird.

A while back, I learned that one of my exes made intimate relations much harder/less enjoyable than it had to be by kind of refusing to admit she was horny/not wanting to go beyond vanilla missionary despite enjoying the whole experience. It seemed like cultural hang-ups or concern of what other people would say if they learned she was doing these things twisted things for us.

I'm glad that I dated her and she's a good person, but we weren't right for each other - even when the sex was good. Later relationships have shown me how fun things are when both partners are both less inhibited before the fact and more into enjoying what we're doing.

[QuickTidal]

Communication of likes and dislikes in bed seems to be the MOST important thing in intimate relationships...that SO many people are too embarrassed to do.

You can learn so much by just having a frank conversation about what you like and what they like, what turns you both on ect.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 06 January 2016 - 04:23 PM

[amphibian]

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2016 - 04:23 PM, said:

Communication of likes and dislikes in bed seems to be the MOST important thing in intimate relationships...that SO many people are too embarrassed to do.

You can learn so much by just having a frank conversation about what you like and what they like, what turns you both on ect.

Sometimes it's really difficult for a person to engage in that conversation. In my anecdotal experience, people from certain culturally conservative family backgrounds get really freaked out talking about this stuff and sometimes tell me what they think I want to hear, rather than what they actually want. Vulnerability is a concern and I understand that.

I didn't really know how to draw my ex-partner out on these things in a comfortable-for-her way back when we were together. Now, by listening, paying attention more, respecting boundaries, and reading lots of pieces/books by women (who aren't paid by magazines to twist things up horribly), I know a little bit more of how to start that kind of conversation and to be a cool enough person for the other person to share the real answers.

[Andorion]

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2016 - 02:46 PM, said:

I've learned something interesting I didn't know before in the last year.

Sex with ones spouse is excellent, especially eager, tear those clothes off sex when they return from a trip or some such or if it's been a few weeks. I call this freestyle sex, just doing it for doing its' sake. It's great because you know each other so well AND you get to experiment. No awkwardness, just bumpin' and grindin'.

Babymaking sex on the other hand is not fun for either party. Which is odd. But you're like concentrated on too many things to make it as enjoyable as the above-noted freestyle sex. I'm not even sure why this is, but both my wife and I were too preoccupied with what we were doing and why we were doing it to make it as enjoyable as sex should be. You're on a schedule, you have ovulation times to worry about, and you HAVE to do it whether you feel up to it or not, which means not eating a heavy dinner beforehand, or not having a pulled muscle or any of the myriad of things that might stop you on a normal day from getting it on. And even if you do have those things going on...you just have to do it anyways. We thought we were weird, until she noted this fact to her sister who said "Yep, babymaking sex is not fun."

Anyways. That's what I learned in my 38th year, about sex. I guess you never stop learning.

Go on.... (furiously takes notes)

[Andorion]

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2016 - 04:23 PM, said:

Communication of likes and dislikes in bed seems to be the MOST important thing in intimate relationships...that SO many people are too embarrassed to do.

You can learn so much by just having a frank conversation about what you like and what they like, what turns you both on ect.

amphibian, on 06 January 2016 - 04:45 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2016 - 04:23 PM, said:

Communication of likes and dislikes in bed seems to be the MOST important thing in intimate relationships...that SO many people are too embarrassed to do.

You can learn so much by just having a frank conversation about what you like and what they like, what turns you both on ect.

Sometimes it's really difficult for a person to engage in that conversation. In my anecdotal experience, people from certain culturally conservative family backgrounds get really freaked out talking about this stuff and sometimes tell me what they think I want to hear, rather than what they actually want. Vulnerability is a concern and I understand that.

I didn't really know how to draw my ex-partner out on these things in a comfortable-for-her way back when we were together. Now, by listening, paying attention more, respecting boundaries, and reading lots of pieces/books by women (who aren't paid by magazines to twist things up horribly), I know a little bit more of how to start that kind of conversation and to be a cool enough person for the other person to share the real answers.

This is so very very important. When my GF and I first got together, there was almost zero communication about sex. I had no idea how she felt and she kept on getting frustrated. It took us a few months to work through the issues. As it turned out she was coming off a relationship with a very.... abusive? Neglectful? ex and had developed a lot of sexual hangups including the idea that telling me about her preferences would cause me to leave her. After we got that issue settled things became much more pleasant and mutually satisfactory.

Also, we have recently concluded that while super-passionate sex is awesome, what really works for us in the long term is sex followed with a lot of cuddling. We both have very busy lives and frankly that stuff works like a battery recharger for the mind.

[Mezla PigDog]

Hate. This. Thread. But. Can't. Look. Away.

[Traveller]

Macros, on 06 January 2016 - 11:17 AM, said:

It would not be a good thing

Point proved?

This post has been edited by Traveller: 06 January 2016 - 08:51 PM

[amphibian]

I think blaming mediocre sex on one partner in particular in a relationship had earlier in adult life is not a good idea. It takes two (or more) to tango and since we're young and it's a surprisingly complex set of things to navigate, mediocre sex in the early relationships is mostly the norm. Getting to not-mediocre sex is an achievement and I'm glad a good chunk of people make that development over time.

That's what I was trying to say - not that I have better sex than anyone else and have all the DJ Khaled keys to hand out to others whether they want those keys or not.

[Gust Hubb]

amphibian, on 06 January 2016 - 10:02 PM, said:

I think blaming mediocre sex on one partner in particular in a relationship had earlier in adult life is not a good idea. It takes two (or more) to tango and since we're young and it's a surprisingly complex set of things to navigate, mediocre sex in the early relationships is mostly the norm. Getting to not-mediocre sex is an achievement and I'm glad a good chunk of people make that development over time.

That's what I was trying to say - not that I have better sex than anyone else and have all the DJ Khaled keys to hand out to others whether they want those keys or not.

If your wife is lesbian, I'd beg to differ.

[Grief]

This thread obviously has potential to be a touchy subject so keep it civil and appropriate for the DB please.

-Grief.

[amphibian]

Gust Hubb, on 06 January 2016 - 11:11 PM, said:

If your wife is lesbian, I'd beg to differ.

Yep, the haphazard process of figuring out one's sexuality will do that too. I'm sorry it took years and lots of investment of time/effort/emotion/starting of a family for you two to get to this point.

[Gust Hubb]

Is what it is. Np. Just being morosely cheeky as usual.

[Primateus]

Gust Hubb, on 07 January 2016 - 01:17 AM, said:

Is what it is. Np. Just being morosely cheeky as usual.

Really? That sucks, you have my sympathies mate. Not sure what else I can say to that.

Also, King? Why not use women instead of females?

[QuickTidal]

Also, no one can successfully pull off "ladies" without sounding like sleezy Larry from THREE'S COMPANY.

[Aptorian]

Primateus, on 07 January 2016 - 05:48 PM, said:

Gust Hubb, on 07 January 2016 - 01:17 AM, said:

Is what it is. Np. Just being morosely cheeky as usual.

Really? That sucks, you have my sympathies mate. Not sure what else I can say to that.

Also, King? Why not use women instead of females?

Because it is important when discussing sexual reproduction in connection to the homo sapiens species, to specify what the gender of the primate is. This has direct correlation between the mating habits we have observed and the inter-species relationships in their primate social groups

[Primateus]

Apt, on 07 January 2016 - 06:29 PM, said:

Primateus, on 07 January 2016 - 05:48 PM, said:

Gust Hubb, on 07 January 2016 - 01:17 AM, said:

Is what it is. Np. Just being morosely cheeky as usual.

Really? That sucks, you have my sympathies mate. Not sure what else I can say to that.

Also, King? Why not use women instead of females?

Because it is important when discussing sexual reproduction in connection to the homo sapiens species, to specify what the gender of the primate is. This has direct correlation between the mating habits we have observed and the inter-species relationships in their primate social groups

Ahh, got it!

[QuickTidal]

Apt, I need to know if you INTENTIONALLY used the word Primate twice when replying to Primateus, or if it was a happy accident?

[Aptorian]

What ever makes me look more clever.

[Mezla PigDog]

I hope my snark didn't kill off the thread. Please carry on.