Malazan Empire: The "Post what ever the hell" you want thread - Malazan Empire

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The "Post what ever the hell" you want thread (Within the limits of the Code of Conduct, you perverts)

#1 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 04:10 PM

In the quest to make the forum ever more sterile and conformist organised and easily navigated I thought we could use one of these threads.

This thread is for what ever the hell you want to post or talk about. It's not quite the Awesome/Weird/funny/Arse threads and it's not quite the Watching Trickster Pub or the Weird News Story thread. It is for everything that falls in between.

I guess this is a new iteration of the old "Cool Internet Stuff" thread or what ever it was called.

Found a weird article you want to discuss but don't want to make a thread about? Post it here.

Found a picture or video or game that you want to share and discuss but don't want to derail the picture and video threads? Post it here.

Just feel like going on a ramble and you don't want to steal Rodeos thunder? Post it here.

Basically you can do what ever the hell you want in here with out having to worry about the Pedantic Bears bitching about going offtopic or derailing an otherwise orderly thread.

To start things off, here is Mr T's wikipedia article, I had no idea Mr T was actually this bad ass before he became a TV celebrity:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._T

Quote

Early life
Mr. T was born in Chicago, Illinois, the youngest son in a family with twelve children. His father, Nathaniel Tureaud Sr., was a minister.[2] Tureaud, with his four sisters and seven brothers, grew up in a three-room apartment in one of the city's housing projects, the Robert Taylor Homes, in a poorly constructed building, in an area with high levels of environmental pollutants and the largest concentration of poverty in America.[3] His mother received a welfare check of $87/month.[citation needed] While growing up Tureaud regularly witnessed murder, rape, and other crimes, but attributes his survival and later success to his will to do well and his mother's love.[4]

Tureaud attended Dunbar Vocational High School,[5] where he played football, wrestled, and studied martial arts. While at Dunbar he became the city-wide wrestling champion two years in a row. He won a football scholarship to Prairie View A&M University, where he majored in mathematics, but was expelled after his first year.[6] He then enlisted in the United States Army and served in the Military Police Corps. In July 1976 Tureaud's platoon sergeant punished him by giving him the detail of chopping down trees during training camp at Fort McCoy in Wisconsin, but the sergeant did not tell how many trees to stop at, and so Tureaud had single-handedly chopped down over seventy trees from 6:30am to 10:00am until a higher ranking major in shock relieved him, superseding the sergeant's orders.[7] In November 1975 Tureaud was awarded a letter of recommendation by his drill sergeant and in a cycle of six thousand troops Tureaud was elected "Top Trainee of the Cycle" and was also promoted to Squad Leader.[8] After his discharge, he tried out for the Green Bay Packers of the National Football League, but failed to make the team due to a knee injury.[6]

Tureaud next worked as a bouncer. It was at this time that he created the persona of Mr. T.[9] His wearing of gold neck chains and other jewelry was the result of customers losing the items or leaving them behind at the night club after a fight. A customer, who may have been banned from the club or trying to avoid another confrontation, would not have to re-enter the club if Mr. T wore their jewelry as he stood out front. When a customer returned to claim the item, it was readily visible and available with no further confrontations required. Along with controlling the violence as a doorman, Tureaud was mainly hired to keep out drug dealers and users.[10] During his bouncing days Tureaud was in over 200 fights and was sued a number of times[vague] but won each case.[11] "I have been in and out of the courts as a result of my beating up somebody. I have been sued by customers whom I threw out that claimed that I viciously attacked them without just cause and/or I caused them great bodily harm as a result of a beating I supposedly gave them," Mr. T once remarked.[12]

He eventually parlayed his job as a bouncer into a career as a bodyguard that lasted almost ten years. During these years he protected, among others, sixteen prostitutes, nine welfare recipients, five preachers, eight bankers, ten school teachers, and four store owners.[13] As his reputation improved, however, he was contracted to guard, among others, David Fricker, seven clothes designers, five models, seven judges, three politicians, six athletes, and forty-two millionaires.[13] He protected well-known personalities like Muhammad Ali, Steve McQueen, Michael Jackson, Leon Spinks, Joe Frazier and Diana Ross, charging $3,000/day.[14] with the highest charge of $10,000 per day depending on the clientele's risk-rate and traveling locations. With his reputation as "Mr.T", Tureaud attracted strange offers and was frequently approached with odd commissions, which included: assassination, tracking runaway teenagers, locating missing persons, and large firms asking him to collect past-due payments by force.[15] Tureaud was once anonymously offered $75,000 to assassinate a target and received in the mail a file of the hit and an advance of $5,000, but he refused it.[16] "He offered me $75,000 to kill his friend. The last envelope and letter contained a round-trip airline ticket, first class, United. Plus there was $5,000 wrapped in a little package, fifty and hundred dollar bills. I tell you the honest truth, when I saw that money I didn't believe it was real." -Mr. T.[16] Tureaud states that he tried to warn the victim but it was too late and the man died of a car accident. In accepting a client for Tureaud there were two rules: 1) A client cannot lie to him. 2) All potential clients are required to shop around the field of security before coming to him.[17] He also made it clear to the client beforehand that he could not promise them their lives, "I did everything except guarantee people's lives, but I guarantee you that I will give my life protecting yours".[18] He carried a .357 magnum and a .38 caliber snubnose pistol.[19] He weighed an average of 255 pounds.[20]

While he was in his late twenties, Tureaud won two tough-man competitions consecutively.[21] The first aired as "Sunday Games" on NBC-TV under the contest of "America's Toughest Bouncer" which included throwing a 150 lb stuntman, and breaking through a four-inch wooden door.[22] For the first event Tureaud came in third place. For the end, two finalists squared off in a boxing ring for a two minute round to declare the champion. Making it to the ring as a finalist, his opponent was a 280 pound Honolulu bouncer, Tutefano Tufi.[23] Within twenty seconds "Mr. T" gave the six foot five competitor a bloody nose, and later a bloody mouth. He won the match and thus the competition.[24] The second competition was aired under the new name "Games People Play" on NBC-TV. When interviewed by Bryant Gumbel before the final boxing match, Mr T. said, "I just feel sorry for the guy who I have to box. I just feel real sorry for him."[25] For this second competition the final event of the fight was scheduled to last three rounds but Mr. T finished the fight in less than 54 seconds. When Sylvester Stallone spotted Mr.T in this second airing it is strongly believed that the interview with Bryant Gumbel was worked into the scene of the Rocky movie that originated his famous line "I don't hate him but...I pity the fool."[citation needed]


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#2 User is offline   caladanbrood 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 04:12 PM

Pedantic Bear wants to point out that you got the closing speech-mark in the title in the wrong place :)

This post has been edited by caladanbrood: 06 April 2011 - 04:12 PM

O xein', angellein Lakedaimoniois hoti têde; keimetha tois keinon rhémasi peithomenoi.
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#3 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 04:17 PM

I WILL MAKE MY TITLES HOW EVER THE HELL I WANT! :)
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#4 User is offline   HiddenOne 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 04:38 PM

Thanks for this refuge from organization and its unacceptable demands.

I like cheeseburgers and coffee and cigarettes, sometimes all at once. Whiskey is evil, but I miss it.

Boobs are cool.

Why can't I get paid $100K a year to sit on my couch, stay up all night playing games & guitars while watching TV

And, my job sucks dead elephant balls with mossy hog crap on the side


Thanks, Apt, Battle Platypus, I needed that moment of escape.

Back to sanity

This post has been edited by HiddenOne: 07 April 2011 - 12:01 PM

HiddenOne. You son of a bitch. You slimy, skulking, low-posting scumbag. You knew it would come to this. Roundabout, maybe. Tortuous, certainly. But here we are, you and me again. I started the train on you so many many hours ago, and now I'm going to finish it. Die HO. Die. This is for last time, and this is for this game too. This is for all the people who died to your backstabbing, treacherous, "I sure don't know what's going on around here" filthy lying, deceitful ways. You son of a bitch. Whatever happens, this is justice. For me, this is justice. Vote HiddenOne Finally, I am at peace.
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#5 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 05:00 PM

Look at my avatar. Now click this. Give it a few secs and then look at my avatar again: Witness!



This post has been edited by Battle Plaptypus: 06 April 2011 - 05:01 PM

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#6 User is offline   Jade-Green Pig-Hog Swine-Beast 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 05:40 PM

WELL BUTTER MY BISCUIT!
The love I bear thee can afford no better term than this: thou art a villain.

"Perhaps we think up our own destinies and so, in a sense, deserve whatever happens to us, for not having had the wit to imagine something better." Iain Banks
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#7 User is offline   tiam 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 05:59 PM

Ive wanted to post boobs for a while now, ever since the Hawt girls thread got closed. Seen as this is now a post whatever you want I suppose we're allowed.
































BOOBS!
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#8 User is offline   Abyss 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 06:14 PM

I just re-editted Apt's OP because i can.

...or DID i?????!!!!!!!
PUST: Go forth, Hounds of Life! Go forth and do my bidding!
CHASE: (quietly) I dunno pups... he seems to be bidding us to hurt a bunch of people.
MARSHALL: So? I mauled Mayor Humdinger's face and set him on fire that one time and he was totally fine the next week.
CHASE: Good point. (louder) OK pups, Paw Patrol is on a roll!
PUST: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???
-The Malazan Book of the Paw Patrol
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#9 User is offline   Tiste Simeon 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 06:24 PM

So this thread could basically be renamed "Twitter"
A Haunting Poem
I Scream
You Scream
We all Scream
For I Scream.
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#10 User is offline   KingTeholBeddict 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 06:47 PM

L:jk;sldhjf;lsdjkhfkjsdhfhjxcuivhjkhkljhsdfjkxcyhjkvsdfhsdhjsf;l;sjfl;jsdkl;fjsdl;fjl;sdjl;sdf;lasdhlxcklhbjvlcblsdfafjl;krhjkwetbnerm,ntbejkyn
mbrtubnmvtyv8ijkthfklsdjflhxcukighbncvbnoxidjfsktbnrme,tbmker,btykjhf;klofjlsdkfciovbnycukxjsklfjl;asdnbfm,erbytm,nerbfgl;jkfldhsl;ghb
nksjkhfs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
















Yes, I needed to get some frustration out...

This post has been edited by KingTeholBeddict: 06 April 2011 - 06:47 PM

"I'm having one of those things... A headache with pictures." An Idea? "Yeah, that's it!"
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#11 User is offline   RodeoRanch 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 06:51 PM

Potatoes.
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#12 User is offline   Obdigore 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 07:13 PM

In the war between pie and cake, the cheesecake is the obvious winner. A bastard-child of the families if you will.

Although it has 'cake' in the name, it does not rise when cooked, unlike cake, making it therefore a pie. Name of cake, type of pie.

All delicious, all day. It goes will with nearly any fruit topping, as well as whipped cream or even chocolate sauce.

The best dessert humankind has created, there is nothing wrong with a good cheesecake, and it should, nay MUST, be embraced as the world-wide dessert of choice.
Monster Hunter World: It's like hunting monsters, but on crack
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#13 User is offline   Ceda Cicero 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 07:16 PM

This thread, for whatever reason, reminds me of this scene.

View PostIlluyankas, on 07 April 2011 - 08:37 PM, said:

How do you rape a cave? Do you ask, "You want to fuck, yes?" hear the echo come back, "Yes... es... es..." and get your barnacle-gouged groove on?

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#14 User is offline   Loki 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 07:19 PM

Cardinal Virtues


* Prudence - able to judge between actions with regard to appropriate actions at a given time
* Justice - proper moderation between self-interest and the rights and needs of others
* Restraint or Temperance - practicing self-control, abstention, and moderation
* Courage or Fortitude - forbearance, endurance, and ability to confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation

Wry, on 29 February 2012 - 10:50 AM, said:

And you're not complaining, you're criticizing. It's a side-effect of being better than everyone else, I get it sometimes too.

~TQB~
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#15 User is offline   QuickTidal 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 07:24 PM

Antidisestablishmentarianism

Boobs

Sour Apple

Giggety
"When the last tree has fallen, and the rivers are poisoned, you cannot eat money, oh no." ~Aurora
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#16 User is offline   Tapper 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 07:25 PM

Abyss wins.
Everyone is entitled to his own wrong opinion. - Lizrad
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#17 User is online   BfuckinK 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 07:33 PM

Sex

Im addicted to it.
Drive by bye bye king on my dumb horse
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#18 User is offline   QuickTidal 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 07:34 PM

How about "Battleypus" ....too much?
"When the last tree has fallen, and the rivers are poisoned, you cannot eat money, oh no." ~Aurora
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#19 User is offline   Loki 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 08:06 PM

View PostQuickTidal, on 06 April 2011 - 07:24 PM, said:

Antidisestablishmentarianism



NeoAntidisestablishmentarianism - I win ;)

Wry, on 29 February 2012 - 10:50 AM, said:

And you're not complaining, you're criticizing. It's a side-effect of being better than everyone else, I get it sometimes too.

~TQB~
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#20 User is offline   Guest 

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 08:29 PM

Used to always get the Schott's Almanac Day Calendar. It sucks they discontinued after 2009. Anyway, I keep some of the interesting days at my desk. Here is one titled Swords and Their Wielders


Excalibur...................................................................King Authur
Waske.......................................................................Iring
Naegling, Hrunting.................................................Beowulf
Sanglamore............................................................Braggadochio
Arondight.................................................................Lancelot
Balisard...................................................................Ruggiero
Curtana....................................................................Edward the Confessor
Greysteel.................................................................Koll the Thrall
Tizona......................................................................El Cid
Mimung...................................................................Wittich
Angervadil..............................................................Frithiof
Ascalon..................................................................St. George
Morglay...................................................................Sir Bevis
Joyeuse.................................................................Charlemagne
Zulflagar................................................................Ali
Cortana................................................................Ogier the Dane
Baptism, Florence.............................................Strong-'o-the-Arm
Nothung...............................................................Siegfried
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