Malazan Empire: funniest parts of the series - Malazan Empire

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funniest parts of the series if there's a saddest thread, why not a funniest! Rate Topic: -----

#61 User is offline   rhulad 

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 09:34 PM

All the parts with Tehol and bugg discussing what they were going to eat.
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#62 User is offline   Vučina 

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 09:14 AM

Karsa at the end of TtH, funny just because it shows for the first time insecurities and a lack of confidence. Also Samar's comfort arround him is contrasted to how seriously everyone else takes him.
Meeting his daughters
Samar Dev-'I've not seen you speak with them. What are you waiting for?'
Karsa-'I am waiting... for when i can think of something to say'

Meeting Picker with a message from Hood
Samar Dev-'Let me guess. "Keep up the good work, yours truly".'
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#63 User is offline   SilenceYourTongueAndWitness 

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 08:30 PM

one of my favorites and im not sure which book it was in but when crump lights a fuse to early and they all start running and fiddlers yelling out loud the countdown, when it gets to like 5 it blows up, after they all shake the rubble off, the guy looks over to fiddler and says you counted wrong and fiddler shrugs and says had to give you a little hope didnt i lol
"Think you got a spine, Corporal?"
"Spine? I'm a f-f-f-fucking tree, and you ain't the wind to b-b-b-blow me down. " (Master Sgt Pores to Corporal Tarr)
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#64 User is offline   onehitwunder 

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 11:14 PM

That's in the bonehunters. Its cuttle talking to bottle
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#65 User is offline   SilenceYourTongueAndWitness 

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 09:47 AM

View Postonehitwunder, on 10 June 2010 - 11:14 PM, said:

That's in the bonehunters. Its cuttle talking to bottle


thx lol
"Think you got a spine, Corporal?"
"Spine? I'm a f-f-f-fucking tree, and you ain't the wind to b-b-b-blow me down. " (Master Sgt Pores to Corporal Tarr)
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#66 User is offline   hmqb 

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Posted 15 June 2010 - 12:36 AM

Hmm lets see I'm gonna post some stuff from Toll the hounds.
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Amby: 'The storm's got a new voice. you here that, Jula?'

Jula: 'I hear that and I hear you, Amby. I hear that in this ear and I hear you in that ear, and they come together in the middle and make my head ache, so if you shut up then one ear's open so the sound from the other can go right though and sink into that wall over there and that wall can have it, 'cause I don't.'

Amby: 'You don't - hey, where'd everyone go?'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Magus of Shadow - gods below - was sitting on the floor in the altar chamber, sharpening knives. A dozen such weapons were scattered around him, each one of a different design. '... tonight,' he was muttering, 'they all die! Cut throats, cleaved hearts, pierced eyeballs, paredback fingernails. Mayhem and slaughter. Clippings-' and then he glanced up, started guiltily, licked his lips once and suddenly smiled.

A SHORT TIME LATER

The bhokarala rushed in. Each stole a knife and then, with shrieks, they races away clutching their prizes.
Iskaral pust stared agape, and then pulled at the two snarls of hair above his ears. 'Evil!' he screamed. 'They knew! They knew all my plans! How? How?'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He then realized he was still clutching the dead cat, and so he went up to the Jaghut and thrust the ghastly thing into most welcoming arms.
'I shall call it Tufty,' said Raest.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This post has been edited by High Mage Quick Ben: 16 June 2010 - 12:45 AM

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#67 User is offline   Lucky Revenant 

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Posted 15 June 2010 - 03:59 AM

Pretty much any dialogue between Tehol and Bugg ever. Especially in MT.

The court scene with Tehol and Bugg and Brys in DoD was pretty hilarious. I think that someone already mentioned part of it. I just remember Brys suggesting a plan, I think it was to go with the Malazans, and Tehol consulting everyone, including Brys, to ask if it was a good plan.

There's a short conversation between some Bridgeburners in MoI about upside-down trees or something that always gets a chuckle out of me.

There's also a bit in TBH, I think, where Iskarul Pust says something like "women have breasts, which just invite conversation, but men have penises, and penises are very good at punctuating them" that makes me laugh whenever I read it. I guess it's slightly sexist, but it's still funny.

Also, pretty much every scene involving Shadowthrone.
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#68 User is offline   Ceda Cicero 

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Posted 15 June 2010 - 05:59 PM

I mentioned this in another thread, but for some reason I could NOT stop laughing during the scene in DoD where Bottle is snooping around Smiles' bunk looking for a booby trap, then Corabb comes in. He tells Corabb to open the lockbox, and then Corabb does with no trouble and says "Was that practice?" Bottle is confused, and Corabb tells him "That's Cuttle's box. You're at Cuttle's bunk, Bottle. Smiles' is over there."

"That explains the codpiece." - Bottle
"Does it?" - Corabb

View PostIlluyankas, on 07 April 2011 - 08:37 PM, said:

How do you rape a cave? Do you ask, "You want to fuck, yes?" hear the echo come back, "Yes... es... es..." and get your barnacle-gouged groove on?

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#69 User is offline   SilenceYourTongueAndWitness 

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Posted 15 June 2010 - 06:01 PM

ooooh and of course, my sig :thumbsup:
"Think you got a spine, Corporal?"
"Spine? I'm a f-f-f-fucking tree, and you ain't the wind to b-b-b-blow me down. " (Master Sgt Pores to Corporal Tarr)
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#70 User is offline   Snow in May 

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Posted 16 June 2010 - 06:37 PM

the scene with Blend, Picker and Antsy in Darujistan where the gals convince Antsy certain poisons kill the person next to the one who took it. I laughed so hard I snorted.
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#71 User is offline   Blueiron 

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Posted 31 October 2010 - 05:46 AM

Gothos & Kallor

also "Brother Jorrude, I am comming dangerously close to losing my faith."
QBFTW!
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#72 User is offline   Otataral Toblakai 

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Posted 31 October 2010 - 10:26 AM

Tehol/Bugg moments - all of them. The best funny scenes - I used to wait for them impatiently. And then Iskaral Pust's scenes.
Disclaimer: The Toblakai in my nick is in no way Karsa but the spawn of a Thelomen Toblakai and the Otataral Dragon.
Disclaimer to the disclaimer: Thinks about his signature and wonders how on earth would a Toblakai and the Otataral Dragon...create offspring?
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#73 User is offline   zig zag 

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Posted 01 November 2010 - 02:59 PM

Hood: You two are worse than advocates. And you don't want to know what I do with the souls of advocates.
Menandore: Shadowthrone, what are advocates?
ST: A profession devoted to the subversion of laws for profit. When I was Emporer I considered butchering them all.
Menandore: So why didn't you?
ST: The Royal Advocate said it'd be a terrible mistake.
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#74 User is offline   Soma 

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Posted 02 August 2013 - 10:42 AM

View Postworry, on 07 June 2010 - 08:12 PM, said:

This thread has a disturbing lack of Greyfrog.


Quoted for truth.
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#75 User is offline   Soletaken Toblakai 

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Posted 29 October 2013 - 10:55 AM

Haha, anything between Tehol, Ublala and Bugg, lol especially when he was asked about the buildings, I think it was "yes, the royal engineers are very furious, and yes I am the the royal engineers, all of them" lol, and of course Kruppe, Iskaral and most of the heavies
By the blood of the Eleint... Witness...
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#76 User is offline   Soletaken Toblakai 

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 12:06 PM

Gooseneck!
By the blood of the Eleint... Witness...
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#77 User is offline   Stralin 

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Posted 04 July 2014 - 10:06 PM

What moment I think is not mentioned, forgive me if it is, I skipped 1 page, are the hallucinations of Corabb, when for instance he eats a scorpion (I think) and everyone starts to become a bird, or when he finds that huge helm in Y'Ghatan and his head slowly boils in it. The humor of the second part is of course partly sad if you consider Corabb's situation at the moment.
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#78 User is offline   anuj92 

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Posted 04 November 2014 - 11:10 PM

Anything with tehol and queen janath! I find it absolutely hilarious.
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#79 User is offline   TheRetiredBridgeburner 

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Posted 05 November 2014 - 12:55 PM

One of my favourites is the scene I read for the Youtube channel revolving around the Akrynnai "gift" - took several attempts to record sans giggling.

Also, notable mention must go to (spoilered because it's in TCG I think)
Spoiler

- Wyrd bið ful aræd -
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#80 User is offline   Wolfdrop 

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Posted 10 November 2014 - 07:08 PM

Think the part I laughed at more than any other was in TTH, when Fisher paralyzed Seba Krafar (I think, definitely a member of the Guild) with a grip on a pressure point causing him to shit himself.

Said assassin then had to waddle away from the alley trying to preserve his trousers.
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