[foolio]

Morgora-"what would you do if i said I was pregnant?"
Pust "I would kill the mule."

[Garak]

Pust's duel with Kruppe. That whole thing had me in stitches.

[a Perfect Rake]

foolio, on 09 April 2010 - 04:13 PM, said:

Morgora-"what would you do if i said I was pregnant?"
Pust "I would kill the mule."

Easily the most memorable funny scene for me. I've laughed really hard just talking about that scene with some people I know who also read Malaz.

[rannald]

this isnt my favorite funny scene but it's one that occured to me just there, and i cant find my book to get it exactly right
but when toc died and hes talking too hood
and it was somthing like "so if im dead why dosnt my eye work"
hood just turns to him and says "i dont know"
"fcking wolves"

[Use Of Weapons]

In DoD, Hellian has some classic lines.

"Hey, you corporal, get over here. You too, Probbly."
"It's Maybe."
"No, I've made up my mind."

[Ozymandiac]

High Marshalls stealing dung in MoI.

[Furion]

" 'My worshippers! Of course! You! Yes, you! Gather your kin and attack the fat fool! Attack! Your god commands you! Attack!'

'Mlawhlaoblossblayowblagmilebbingoblaiblblafblablallblayarblablabnablahblallblah!'

'What?'

'Bla?'

'Bla?'

'Yarb?'

'Bah! You're stupid and useless and ugly!'

'Blabluablablablahllalalabala, too!'

Iskaral Pust Scowled at it. The bhokaral scowled back.


The moment I realized Pust had a conversation with a bhokarala, I could hardly breathe I was laughing so hard.

[Theotendo]

DoD

Gooseneck.

[Ulrik]

HoC (after surviving Morant munition attack)

Lying on the smoking edge of the crater, sprayed in horseflesh and deafened by the blast, Jorrude groaned. He was a mass of bruises, his head ached, and he wanted to throw up—but not until he pried the helm from his head.

Nearby in the rubble, Brother Enias coughed. Then said, 'Brother Jorrude?'

'Yes?'

'I want to go home.'

Jorrude said nothing. It would not do, after all, to utter a hasty, heartfelt agreement, despite their present circumstance. 'Check on the others, Brother Enias.'

'Were those truly the ones who rode that ship through our realm?'

'They were,' Jorrude answered as he fumbled with the helm's straps. 'And I have been thinking. I suspect they were ignorant of Liosan laws when they travelled through our realm. True, ignorance is an insufficient defence. But one must consider the notion of innocent momentum.'

From off to one side, Malachar grunted. 'Innocent momentum?'

'Indeed. Were not these trespassers but pulled along—beyond their will—in the wake of the draconian T'lan Imass bonecaster? If an enemy we must hunt, then should it not be that dragon?'

'Wise words,' Malachar observed.

'A brief stay in our realm,' Jorrude continued, 'to resupply and requisition new horses, along with repairs and such, seems to reasonably obtain in this instance.'

'Truly judged, brother.'

From the other side of the crater sounded another cough.

At least, Jorrude dourly reflected, they were all still alive.

It's all the dragon's fault, in fact. Who would refute that?

This post has been edited by Ulrik: 18 April 2010 - 11:24 AM

[Seras]

"Everything stinks Sergeant. Feel this cloth - its oily"

"That's what keeps 'em waterproof-"

"Not this stuff. This stuff smells like a lizard's armpit."

Fiddler stared at Bottle, wondering when the fool last jammed his nose into a lizard's armpit, then decided that some questions just should never be asked.

a short while later...

"Dragon"

"Do dragons smell like rhizan armpits?"

"How the Hood should I know?" Bottle demanded

"Calm down, sorry I asked"

"Look at her"

"What about her?"

"Reminds me of my other."

Gesler's hands twitched, closed into fists. "Don't even think it, Stormy."

"Can't help it. She does-"

"No she doesn't. Your mother had red hair-"

"Not the point. Around her eyes, see it? You should know, Ges, you went and bedded her enough times-"

"That was an accident-"

"A what?"

"I mean, how did I know she went around seducing your friends?"

"She didn't. Just you."

"But you said-"

"So I lied! I was trying to make you feel better! No, fuck that, I was trying to make you feel like you're nobody important - your head's swelled up bad
enough as it is. Anyway, it don't matter any more, does it? Forget it. I forgave you, remember-"

"You were drunk and we'd just thrashed in an alley trying to kill each other-"

"Then I forgave you. Forget it, I said."

"I wish I could! Now you go and say this one looks like-"

"But she does!"

"I know she does! Now just shut the fuck up! We ain't - we ain't-"

"Yes were are. You know it, Ges. You don't like it, but you know it. We been cut loose. We got us a destiny. Right here. Right now. She's Destriant and
you're Shield Anvil and I'm Mortal Sword."

"Wrong away around" Gesler snarled "I'm the Mortal Sword."

"Good. Glad we got that settled. Now get her to cook us something-"

"Oh, is that what Destriants do, then? Cook for us?"

"I'm hungry and I got no food!"

"Then ask her. Politely."

Stormy scowled at Kalyth

"Trader tongue." Gesler said.

Instead, Stormy pointed at his mouth and then patted his stomach.

Kalyth said "You eat."

"Hungry, aye."

"Food" she said, nodding, and then pointed to a small leather satchel to one side.

Gesler laughed.

Kalyth then rose. "They come."

"Who come?" Gesler asked.

"K'Chain Che'Malle. Army. Soon...war."

At that moment Gesler felt the trembling ground underfoot. Stormy did the same and as one they both turned to face north.

Fener's holy crotch.

[M'ichael]

Deadhouse Gates, nobody has seen the captain of the sappers and finally Coltaine "promotes" him to seargent.

Something like this: Coltaine: "You are now seargeant" Soldier: "Sir, this was our Captain" or so...

This post has been edited by M'ichael: 19 April 2010 - 10:34 AM

[Chairsaurus]

There are a number of scenes that have made me put down the boook and laugh out loud, even if i'm by myself. A few Bugg / Tehol scenes come to mind... However, the one that made me laugh harder than any other involves Master Quell's Trade Guild Troupe. It is the scene from the perspective of the driver (drawing a blank on his name right now). The initial focus is his inability to see, and his technique for avoiding this defect in his ability to handle the team of horses... and ends up with a detailed description of the horses gracefully leaping over a rock wall... one which his bench seat was not able to clear.

Hallarious.

I honestly thought i was crying the first time i read it.

[worry]

From a Bauchelain and Korbal Broach novella:

There's a scene in Blood Follows where Emancipoor Reese is drunk, goes into B&KB's hotel where a bowl is set out in worship of D'rek, and he peeks into it. It's filled with white worms who are now pink after dining on blood, which triggers his gag reflex, causing him to vomit directly into the bowl. Finally the innkeeper comes in and is angry to see a drunk, to which Reese replies he just gave D'rek a quick offering. It's vile and hilarious.

[haroos]

i liked the part where the rath'treak from MoI demands that gruntle acts as mortal swords, he tells him that war is his buisness, and gruntly says
that it isn't, so the priest asks him what it is to him and gruntle says :

"a hobby" and the priest is shocked "a... a hobby ?"

also from GotM when dujek walks into the building occupied by WJ and troop and the first things he says :
"fiddler, is that your sword ... in a puddle ??"
(which is even funnier later in the book when WJ thinks about hedge and fiddler as terrible soldiers.

This post has been edited by haroos: 12 May 2010 - 08:42 PM

[foolio]

two parts that i have recently come across.

1 in MT When Bugg and tehol are having shoe sole soup, straight guy Brys comes along and they get him so discombobulated that he agrees to a half bowl of it for himslef, Bugg and tehol exchange pleased glances over his shoulder....



2 in RG I think it is Throatslitter obseving a discussion in Brullygs palace, mentally commenting on what everyone is doing finally he gets to Skorgen"the pretty" and Skorgen(or is it korgen) pulls out a huge finger full of gunk out of his ear and eats it.....next time we get a POV in that group it is shurq saying she had to send her first mate back to the ship.

[worry]

This thread has a disturbing lack of Greyfrog.

[Defiance]

In TtH, when Shadowthrone and Cotillion meet Tulas Shorne.

"Saw his head off, Cotillion. I hate him already."

[Daeghrefn]

The Tehol/Ublala comedic team has been mentioned, but I found this gem in MT today:

Quote

'Ublala, these women require a bodyguard. I assume you accepted the offer from Shand-'
'I thought it was just her.'
'And that makes a difference?'
'Makes it harder.'

It's nice to know that Erikson, for all his philosophical rambling, isn't above a nice double entendre.

[GruntlesTigerFangs]

Ublala Pung is always a fantastic character to follow around.
When he finally remembers what Karsa told him to do (the army) ...."'A big one!' shouted Ublal,as is unaware that the conversation in the throne room had moved on. 'I want Captain Shurq Elalle. because she's friendly and she likes sex. Oh, and I need money for food and chickens, too. and boot polish to make an army. Can I get All that?'"...

To many funny parts and the greatest ones have pretty much been said...Love these books

[onehitwunder]

In DoD when the emlava cubs run from onrac cause they think he doesn't want them to hunt. When really he doesn't give a shit. Don't know why but that seemed really funny to me

Edit: nvm there grown up now

This post has been edited by onehitwunder: 09 June 2010 - 05:52 AM