Malazan Empire: funniest parts of the series - Malazan Empire

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funniest parts of the series if there's a saddest thread, why not a funniest! Rate Topic: -----

#1 User is offline   cleantoe 

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Posted 02 March 2010 - 10:51 PM

I just read the saddest thread in the series thread, and well it was a bit sad. So I figure since I couldn't find a thread for the funniest parts in the series, I thought I'd start one.

--Any part where Iskaral Pust is thinking out loud...which is basically any part that has Iskaral Pust in it. I always find myself trying to mimic him in RL life just to get the mannerisms down to what I'd imagine them to be. lol

--Iskaral Pust...err....charging his "warmule" against Kruppe. Oh man I was laughing so hard at that part.

--At the end of the first book, where Kruppe says: "Then the story begins, as always, with Kruppe..."

--When Bugg first brings the chickens into Tehol's house, and he was staring down from the roof in "unmitigated horror".

--And finally...well I'll just quote it since I have it on hand:

'That's better. Now, I must now seek reassurance from my staff on three distinct issues. Chancellor, are you content with everything pertaining to outfitting the Adjunct's forces?'

'I am, sire,' said Bugg.

'Excellent. Royal Treasurer, are you confident that the Malazans have sufficient funds for this enterprise?'

'So I am assured, sire,' said Bugg.

'Good. Ceda, do you concur that the departure of the Malazans will hasten the healing that has befallen the city?'

'I do, sire,' said Bugg.

'Consensus at last! How delightful! Now what should we do?'
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#2 User is offline   WhiskeyJackDaniels 

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Posted 02 March 2010 - 11:24 PM

 cleantoe, on 02 March 2010 - 11:01 PM, said:

For instance, you can't really quote the entire warmule scene.


Eh...I've seen it happen.

This post has been edited by WhiskeyJackDaniels: 02 March 2010 - 11:24 PM

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#3 User is offline   worry 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 12:12 AM

Karsa telling Samar he will split her in half.
They came with white hands and left with red hands.
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#4 User is offline   Sinisdar Toste 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 12:41 AM

in RG after puddy dies and he almost gets her to go with it, damn that was funny.
rough paraphrase:
"Then it is for us to laugh, to remember him."
"Dammit Karsa, you almost had me there."

as an aside, glad to see the uproar and calamity of your first thread hasn't turned you off of us, cleantoe. i swear, for the vast majority of the time, we're a highly respectful bunch.
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#5 User is offline   knight of shadows 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 02:06 AM

hedge getting sexually assaulted by Detoran
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#6 User is offline   Happy Shaman 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 02:06 AM

First, Cleantoe, I do the same thing whenever I read Pust.

I always find the Marines to be hilarious, especially the old guard, like Fid and Hedge, in a beautifully, cynical way.

The moment that always makes me laugh, just to think about it, is in MoI, when Brood gets so frustrated with Kruppe that he freaks out and smashes the ground with his hammer, reshaping the landscape. When the dust clears and Kruppe and his mule are just standing there, looking at Brood as if to say, "Are you quite finished?" I have to admit that the first time I read that scene, I peed a little and I am not ashamed to say so :veryangry:


Also, hurrah for me and my first post...

...Hmm, what a lame thing for me to say...
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#7 User is offline   Uli 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 09:38 AM

voyeur soup. I think its in RG and is one of the real laughing out loud scenes with Tehol, Bugg, Janath and of course Ublala :veryangry:
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#8 User is offline   Lister of Smeg 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 10:38 AM

Ublala: "I've met gods before. They collect chickens."
Draconus: "We move in mysterious ways indeed."
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#9 User is offline   Abyss 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 03:11 PM

All the above, plus... (with heavy paraphrasing...)

GotM:
WJ to Kalam: When will Quick Ben wake up?
Kalam looks at QB carefully, then smacks him hard.
Kalam: Now.
QB: Asshole!

DG:
Mappo: where is the room?
Pust: Take seven steps left, turn right, twelve steps, turn right again, sixteen steps... etc etc.
Mappo: Or ten steps right.
Pust: That too.

MoI:
Gruntle to Rath'Trake: We'll call that a hobby.

HoC:
When Onrack tells the Liosan he's going to fight them just for something to do.

MT:
Virtually any dialogue between Tehol and Bugg or involving Ublala.

TB:
Curdle and Telorast in their mini-chicken-dinosaur skeletons, jump forward and hiss, and the Hounds of Shadow recoil in fear.

RG:
"Fucking dragon!" hands down.

RCG:
Nait to the Moranth: So does the armour come off?

TtH:
The warmule scene.

DoD:
The best ones are ref'd upthread. While perhaps not as hilarious, i have to add...

Withal (to himself, out loud): Mother Dark you bitch, hasn't Sandalath suffered enough?
Mother Dark: Yes.

...yes Withal, the creator of the universe just heard you call her a bitch...

- Abyss, ...works on the inside voice thing...
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#10 User is offline   cleantoe 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 03:36 PM

Quote

as an aside, glad to see the uproar and calamity of your first thread hasn't turned you off of us, cleantoe. i swear, for the vast majority of the time, we're a highly respectful bunch.


Well I was close, but got an insite message explaining how everyone else is pretty level-headed. :veryangry:

Ah Abyss you just reminded me of a hilarious scene with Gruntle and the Rath'Trake.

When he said something along the lines of: "something something, The Great Whiskered One."

And then the Rath'Trake's reaction to him saying that. i lol'd at that!

This post has been edited by cleantoe: 03 March 2010 - 03:38 PM

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#11 User is offline   alt146 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 04:42 PM

There's lots, but the one that comes to mind (because I just read it :veryangry:) is when Kruppe meets Crone for the first time near the beginning of MoI:

Kruppe: You should have been a parrot.
Crone: A parrot?
Kruppe: Exactly
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#12 User is offline   Telorast Mad 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 09:47 PM

 worrywort, on 03 March 2010 - 12:12 AM, said:

Karsa telling Samar he will split her in half.


:veryangry: they had great foreplay!
"I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and - if you're not careful - those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book." -Lightsong, Warbreaker by: Brandon Sanderson
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#13 User is offline   Telorast Mad 

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 09:53 PM

Telorast & Curdle!

"...and was it not essential among carnivores to indulge in blubber on occasion? It must be so, for some scholar had said it once, somewhere. In any case, he had been delicious!"

I actually keep these quotes in my journal.. gotta love the comic relief amongst all the philosophy :veryangry:
"I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and - if you're not careful - those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book." -Lightsong, Warbreaker by: Brandon Sanderson
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#14 User is offline   Gathras 

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Posted 04 March 2010 - 08:09 AM

Well everything with Tehol and Bugg in it, but I think all those parts have been posted somewhere.

I loved the scene in RotCG when the Crimson Guard arrives in Cawn and are told that it will take lots of compensation for what they need. Skinners reaction is just great: "It will take what?"

Also the scene with Fid, Quick Ben and Bottle ind DoD when they are discussing the situation in the Wastelands after Gesler and Stormy were kidnapped. Haven't got my books at hand but something along the lines of:

Fid: "KCCM, T'lan Imass and what else? Jaghut?
Bottle and QB simultanously: "...still miles away."

Just awesome
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#15 User is offline   D'rek 

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Posted 04 March 2010 - 03:17 PM

Early in RotCG when Storo's squad is invading the Cynosure, after Rell cuts down four guards who were just standing there with their backs to him:

Shaky: "I thought you had a code against killing unarmed people."
Rell: "They were armed, just slow."

View Postworrywort, on 14 September 2012 - 08:07 PM, said:

I kinda love it when D'rek unleashes her nerd wrath, as I knew she would here. Sorry innocent bystanders, but someone's gotta be the kindling.
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#16 User is offline   WhiskeyJackDaniels 

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Posted 04 March 2010 - 04:51 PM

Staying with this RotCG streak, the captain defending Li Heng after the betrayal that gets the besieging forces inside the first wall and almost the second as well.

"So this is what it's like fighting the Old Guard...Terrifying."
So, you're the historian who survived the Chain of Dogs.
Actually, I didn't.

It seems you stand alone.
It was ever thus.
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#17 User is offline   Soultaken 

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Posted 04 March 2010 - 06:20 PM

Hellian, corporal(s) Touchy Breathless with two voices, taking over Letheras by one village tavern a time

In RG though, she was mostly irritating in DoD

This post has been edited by Soultaken: 04 March 2010 - 06:22 PM

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#18 User is offline   Uli 

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Posted 05 March 2010 - 08:12 PM

"There's a man out there, oh, yes, and I'll find him one day and I'll put him in shackles and lock him in my room and I'll reduce him to a pathetic wreck. Then we'll get married."
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#19 User is offline   Sinisdar Toste 

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Posted 06 March 2010 - 04:27 AM

oh man, totally forgot how funny faint and that other chick were in TtH
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#20 User is offline   Panador 

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Posted 08 March 2010 - 09:05 AM

Can't really pick THE funniest moment, pretty much every scene with Tehol&Bugg, Kruppe, Iskaral Pust.
The Iskaral Pust & Kruppe scene was nice, but somewhat lacking imo, two of the weirdest, talkative characters get physical after a, for them, relatively short conversation.

I'd LOVE a conversation between Kruppe & Tehol & Bugg (& Iskaral Pust), I can't even properly express the sheer awesomeness this would be. :band:

Also, Kruppe meeting his daughters would be great I guess (haven't finished DoD yet, so I'm still holding out hope it'll happen in this book).

Kindly & Pores are also great, Telorast and Curdle as well.

Hellian.. phew.... she's also very nice, but I'm going back and forth between "hehe" and "get sober for once ffs!" with her.

Come to think of it, SE has got some of the funniest/weirdest characters I've ever known, in book as well as in television, games, whatever. I love ASoIaF as well but in that department MBotF beats it hands down.

This post has been edited by Panador: 08 March 2010 - 09:08 AM

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