[Cause]

In the empire we have Doctors of Medicine, Biochemistry and physics. We have a man whose drunken powers of insight are legendary and an evil cat who has fed on so many brains he must have learnt something. But can we solve this riddle. Can te women on our research team even work out this madness?

Here is the story.

Quick History:
There was a girl. I liked her. We were sort of friends I flirted with her alot. I asked her to a ball I had to go to and after asked if she would like to have dinner another night see where things went. A date! She said no. Fine. Our friendship declined a little, alot of my interest was obviously in getting a date, and months passed. Round new years she asked me to a party she was throwing and I said no I had other plans. I did. During new years she messaged me said she was upset I was not there and was sad she never got to kiss me. We spoke did not really want to pursue this since I had asked her out before,f lirted with her before and it came to nothing. Did not want to ask again and get rejected in some wierd game. But long story short we got toghether. Dated for 4 months. Everything seemed fine.

Than on sat 2nd May she asked me to go to a friends 21st with her seemed a bit distant 3rd May she had asked me a while ago to go see cricket with her and we went to that. Later that night she sent me a message after I had gone home asking to chat. Said she would be at my varsity mon morning. I went to see her she broke it off.

The break up:
Dont ask me to explain this one I cant really do it. She cried a little. Said she felt that being a girlfriend was a commitment and it takes time and she felt like she never really had it and it was unfair to me... Said she felt all this pressure about being my girlfriend. WTF!

I tried to speak to her. No avail. Asked where all this was coming from. She had never said or indicated anything before. Said she had to leave and we parted ways. Later I sent her a message said Ithought her reasons were nonesense, phrased a bi better. Her reply

'Thanks for your message. I cant tell you how horrible i felt yesterday after we'd spoken. Im sorry that i wasnt able to tell you on sunday night what i needed to see you about, i really wrestled with how to approach the whole thing. I felt awful that this came out of nowhere for you but i cant think of how to ease into these things, i reckon its impossible. What i said to you was very badly expressed, and im afraid i cant even word things very well in writing. The only way i can put it is that i had started to feel like it just wasnt the best thing for me to be a girlfriend. It probably sounds ridiculous, but its the truth.' Cause' you are one of the most important people in my life, and i so enjoy all the things we do together. Dating you was fun and honestly im flattered that you considered me girlfriend material. Youre probably the 1st normal boy that has ever liked me. The thing is that all the other things that demand time from me demand my physical time, where a relationship demands a different kind of emotional energy. And u really always did respect my needs to study etc. The pressure i spoke about was coming from me. I know it must sound really weird, but i hope u can appreciate that u did nothing wrong, and u make me very happy. I just feel that its not fair to stay in a relationship when you feel you cant give the best of yourself to it. I dont suppose that explains it any better...i really really sincerely hope that we can eventually be friends, i realise that thats probably the last thing i should be saying, but its definitely what im feeling...'

Am I crazy or is my inability to feel she is telling the truth here accurate. I cant help but think she must have been unhapp with the relationship. Not that she never had the time. Its the cliche its not you its me line.

The riddle:
While we were an item she recieved a invitation to a party with a plus one. Thats was meant to be. She recently smsed me about it and said she would really like me to go with her. WTF! Why would she ask this. WHy would she expect me to go?

My immediate reactions:
Say no its no longer appropriate, its not our social contract
Saying no will doom any friendship we might ever had making all subsequent meeting awkward
Say yes see if I can get her back
Wont happen
She wants it all, she wants to be just friends but she will want me to go as her date to things like this. Take me to her university ball etc. Ask me to plays etc. Excpects me to go out of my way for her as I did when we were dating. Not realising I did so to make tings work.

So your thoughts?

This post has been edited by Cause: 16 May 2009 - 11:34 PM

[Illuyankas]

Womens. They are crazy.

Also go but demand that she pay your entire way. Who knows, it might be a chance for her to tell you whatever actual reason she had for breaking up with you in a way that makes more sense. Just keep it on the friends level until you determine whether her supply of insanity has run out.

[Slum]

Quote

The riddle:
While we were an item she recieved a invitation to a party with a plus one. Thats was meant to be. She recently smsed me about it and said she would really like me to go with her. WTF! Why would she ask this. WHy would she expect me to go?

Girls just like to know they have control over men. Even if she won't sleep with you anymore, she still wants to know if the prospect of sex with her will still entice you to go out on a date with her.

And I bet you will go. Cuz you are a man, and women are our kryptonite.

This post has been edited by Slumgullion Spitteler: 17 May 2009 - 12:25 AM

[Thelomen Toblerone]

I'd say no and tell her you feel like she's messed you around and it's unreasonable on her part to expect you to just act as if everything is fine. She seems to want both worlds - you to be there for her whenever she wants (and the reassuring knowledge that you like her/fancy her - women are generally very insecure), but without having to commit to you or offer anything in return. She's essentially, as we used to say in the old days, taking liberties, and using you as a fallback. Dont stand for that shit.

Women seem to have an annoying habit of being very confusing. Once a girl made it painfully apparent to me that she liked me. Over the course of a couple of weeks she flirted with me incessantly, told my friends she liked me, and so on. So I asked her out, and she said no. I was so amazed I think I said something like "Im sorry, what?" To this day, I dont know what the fuck was going on. Bizarre.

[D'rek]

There is a certain population of the world that (foolishly) have certain ideas of what a relationship should be. For whatever reasons, they believe that it is impossible to have a relationship that does not match their profile of what a relationship is, and they are inable to adapt that profile to a different definition of what a relationship can be. All that in itself is not the worst thing, but many of these folk also seem to have the misguided notion that one is either in a relationship or not, and there can be no pursuit of a stable in-between.

I think this girl is one of those. She has an idea of what a relationship entails and does not feel that she has the available time or energy to commit to it, but is also unable to conceive of having a relationship that is not as demanding, to her such a thing does not exist. And thus she believes that she cannot live up to the one and only standard of relationships and, in believing that she will fail to meet said standard, she has decided to end it.

Complete and utter shite imo, but everybody has their own unique and crazy relationship ideas that don't mesh with the rest of the world, and unlike Tehol I'm hardly the exception to my own rule.

Advice: drag her on to the forum and show her this thread and see if any of the crazy responses from doctors and drunk norwegians gives her an epiphany...

[Eddie Dean]

Thelomen Toblerone, on May 16 2009, 07:34 PM, said:

I'd say no and tell her you feel like she's messed you around and it's unreasonable on her part to expect you to just act as if everything is fine. She seems to want both worlds - you to be there for her whenever she wants (and the reassuring knowledge that you like her/fancy her - women are generally very insecure), but without having to commit to you or offer anything in return. She's essentially, as we used to say in the old days, taking liberties, and using you as a fallback. Dont stand for that shit.

I second all of this.

[teholbeddict]

Hmm this is an interesting one Cause, my initial reaction to her explanation was "bullshit"! I don't think my being a doctor is going to be of help here, but my female instincts are saying she is just using that as a cover. I would assume she had doubts about the relationship or just wasn't feeling it for some reason or other. So she did the classic it's not you it's me thing and then went on to extoll your virtues, in an attempt to soften the blow. I am not sure what she means by you being a "normal guy" either. Listen this girl isn't stupid she know's that relationships take time, this can't be the first relationship she's been in. Unless you wre putting major demands on her time (which it doesn't sound like you were) the explanation is purely an excuse. Futhermore people can compromise and you guys could have worked out some way to slow things down or give her a bit more time for whatever she needed to do. Judging by the description of this from the outset, I would say this girl has been playing games with you. Some women like to know they are in a positoin of power in a relationship and this sounds like it might be one of those cases. I would say no to the invitation because if you don't this kind of confusing behaviour on her part is bound to continue. I would almost wonder if she has found someone else or was interested in someone else and having a hard time choosing between the two of you. It could just be that she has a problem with commitment, that may be why she initially turned you down. She may have second guessed herself after the initial rejection and decided to give it a go, but later panicked again when things started getting serious. Either way she had doubts of some sort for whatever reason and this whole thing about her not having the time to be a real gf is crap.

I don't know her or enough of the situation to know exactly what was going on in her head, but just say no to the invite and then move on.

[Cause]

Yes I also dont buy her reason for breaking it off.

That said I actually was her first boy friend.

[teholbeddict]

Cause, on May 16 2009, 08:08 PM, said:

Yes I also dont buy her reason for breaking it off.

That said I actually was her first boy friend.

Well just don't let her jerk you around any longer, she's done it more than enough already. There are plenty of girls out there my dear, who are far more worth your time than this one!

[Bent]

50 bucks theres another guy she likes and he showed interest, so you had to go. Happens. Sorry Cause, but truly do you really want to stay with a chick that goes nuts every few months?

[Shinrei]

I agree with what people are saying. You can't be at her beck and call. In doing so, you are just letting her keep this power over you.

[MTS]

I'd say no. Like others have said, seems like she wants the best of both worlds. If you're worried about losing her friendship by saying no - if she decides she doesn't want to be your friend anymore because you refused to take her to a party after she dumped you, then I don't really think her desire to be friends is that strong, and having a friend who doesn't really want to be in that position is never fun.

This post has been edited by Mappo's Travelling Sack: 17 May 2009 - 01:57 AM

[Wry]

I spent half an hour writing p a big long post explaining why she was acting the way she was, but really it boils down to "she doesn't love you as much as she knows she should".


Then I realised that probably says more about my relationships than your own.

My advice, going to this thing will only perpetuate a bad situation. It either needs to end cleanly or she needs to come back to yo and earn your trust again. Anything else will just leave you a mess of confusion

[HoosierDaddy]

Well, if it meant sex I'd go. But I'm on quite the dry spell so I'm incredibly biased.

[Tsundoku]

Mate, she was fucking with you, and not in the fun way.

You may have been her first "official" boyfriend, but I'll lay money on the fact that she likes shagging bastards. When they dump her, she needs a pick-me-up and goes to you - Mr Rebound. But unlike the no strings sex she was getting being with you has obligations, plus you're probably too decent a bloke, because she has fucked up Daddy issues and has a deep seated need to be treated like a bitch.

So when Mr Bastard comes back, or a clone of him turns up, her hormones go "Woooo!" and you get cut from the team.

However for public functions, her fuck buddies don't make the list, so she wants you to be the one she shows off so all her friends don't realise she is a shallow fucked up bitch. Once your usefulness is over you go back on the shelf. Until next time she needs a nice lad.

All that talk about "oh I don't think I'm a girlfriend type yet" or whatever shit she was dribbling is - at best - a sign of her mental and/or emotional instability. At worst she is playing games with you to boost her self esteem (which is a perpetual rollercoaster) and using you as a placeholder for other guys.

The NICE option:
Tell her to get some consistency. I know this is pushing shit uphill, but get her to do the best she can. Because it's not cool to mess with other people like she has been doing.

The NASTY option:
Kick the bitch to the kerb and don't even bother telling her. Don't reply to emails/calls/sms etc. Don't waste a single iota of energy on her. Because life is too short to be collateral damage in someone elses' train wreck.

Cheers,

La Sombra, "Eject! Abort!"

This post has been edited by Sombra: 17 May 2009 - 02:09 AM

[Wry]

Ha, I'm having flashbacks to the cheating thread years ago and arguing with Sombra.





... I was right btw

[Tsundoku]

Wry, on May 17 2009, 11:13 AM, said:

Ha, I'm having flashbacks to the cheating thread years ago and arguing with Sombra.





... I was right btw

Whatever pea helps you sleep at night, Princess.

Cheers,

La Sombra, prefers SeXyTiMeS and/or Mersyndol ...

[Wry]

I got called princess by a solider, now i know what boot camp will be like for Assail

[Tsundoku]

Wry, on May 17 2009, 11:28 AM, said:

I got called princess by a solider, now i know what boot camp will be like for Assail

Actually he's joining the Marines, who have their own fun game aboard ship called "Dodge the Todger".

But anyhoo ...

Cheers,

La Sombra, back to righteous indignation mode

[D'rek]

Wow, you guys scorned her pretty harshly. I was trying to be all optimistic and lighthearted because we don't no squat about her. That being said, the most negative opinions here are more likely the correct ones...


-D'rek. Because it's not you, it's me. Me being sick and tired of you...