[QuickTidal]

Gredfallan Ale, on 01 March 2016 - 03:35 PM, said:

Zoolanderis Derake, on 01 March 2016 - 09:25 AM, said:

http://katu.com/news...evil-11-19-2015

A sword-wielding High Elf attacked a woman's car in Oregon.

That is weird.

LOL. That guy is ready to inhabit S. M. Stirling's Emberverse series and become one of Astrid and Eilir's Dunedain Rangers...and he's even in the same part of the US as they are. It's a perfect fit. All he needs now is an apocalypse.

[Nevyn]

Spoilsport Stonny, on 06 June 2013 - 04:43 PM, said:

Lunch, anyone?

Quote

Can Sperm Act as a Natural Superfood?
Jun 4, 2013 07:00 PM ET // by Jennifer Viegas

Certain females consume male ejaculate and sperm as if they were food, using the nutrients to fuel their own bodies as well as their eggs, according to new research.

The study, published in the journal Biology Letters, adds yet another dimension to the battle between the sexes.

"If males have their sperm consumed, rather than used for egg fertilization, they will lose that reproductive opportunity. Therefore, it is in the male's best interests to try to ensure at least some of his sperm reaches the female's eggs," lead author Benjamin Wegener, a researcher at Monash University's School of Biological Sciences, explained to Discovery News.

Wegener said that ejaculate consumption is well documented among numerous species. Humans are included in that group, but the behavior is not a standard part of our reproductive process.

According to Columbia Health, human male ejaculate contains fructose sugar, water, ascorbic acid (aka Vitamin C), citric acid, enzymes, protein, zinc and more. It reads like the ingredients list of a protein-infused sports drink.

Sperm consumption -- as opposed to just ejaculate swallowing -- in the animal kingdom "is far less common," according to Wegener. Species that exhibit this include carrion flies, picture wing flies, a strange marine invertebrate known as Spadella cephaloptera, a type of leech, a marine nudibranch and the southern bottletail squid Sepiadarium austrinum.

Humans, again, may swallow sperm, but it's not standard behavior during reproduction.

It appears to happen a lot among squid, the focus of the new study. Wegener and his team discovered the behavior and tracked how the nutrients were utilized after consumption. It is the first time that the phenomenon has been observed in a female with external fertilization.

"This is an important distinction, as even if the female consumes some of the ejaculate in those internal fertilizers, at least some of the sperm remains inside in the reproductive tract," he said. "For an external fertilizer with short-term sperm storage, if the female doesn't lay eggs in time, the male loses his chance to fertilize the eggs."

To help combat this problem, squid sperm and the sperm of many other animals may contain manipulative compounds that stimulate female reproduction. So far, over 80 proteins have been identified in other types of sperm that could do the following: decrease female receptivity to further matings, encourage her to lay eggs sooner, stimulate ovulation and egg production, affect how long females store sperm and affect egg fertility.

Females, on the other hand, can control whether or not they will consume the sperm or ejaculate.

This raises numerous questions, such as whether females sometimes use males as a food source, if females sample sperm to determine its quality and if they eat it to allow other sperm to fertilize eggs.

Tom Tregenza, a professor of evolutionary ecology at the University of Exeter and director of research for CLES Cornwall, told Discovery News that it's been known for some time that insects get nutritional benefits from eating male sperm packets (squid, certain insects and other species encase sperm in a membrane sealed spring-loaded package), "but this finding of exactly the same sort of thing having evolved completely independently in such a distantly related group is really fascinating."

He agrees that the behavior can put pressure on males, which have to balance providing enough sperm for fertilization, but perhaps not so much that females start to rely upon it as a regular "tempting meal."

"As the authors point out," Tregenza added, "she might even choose to eat the sperm packets from less attractive males and use the sperm from more attractive ones for fertilizing her eggs."

http://news.discover...ood-1306041.htm

[Tsundoku]

If they had this in my Human Development classes, I may have paid attention.

Teaching kids about sexual consent. There's some ... imaginative ... people out there.

http://www.news.com....1fbb5e6d4f4dd8d

[Tsundoku]

I guess this is where they get the term "Gonzo Porn" from?

http://www.news.com....15a1184e9e3cb7d

The Muppets theme song is actually from a porn movie
MARCH 17, 20168:47PM

Staff writers
news.com.au
WE all know it, and once you’ve read this, you probably won’t be able to get it out of your head for the rest of the day (sorry).
But did you know that iconic — yes, slightly irritating — Muppets theme song didn’t actually originate with Jim Henson’s puppet-filled TV show?
Muppets theme

‘Mah Nà Mah Nà’, as it is called, was written by Piero Umilani and made its first appearance in the 1968 film Svezia, inferno e paradiso (Sweden: Heaven and Hell).
The film is a ‘softcore mondo’, a Swedish term for ‘exploitation documentary’, a movie genre in which softcore pornography is dressed up as a documentary to give it a faint air of respectability.

The song soundtracks a scene some 50 minutes into the film, which “shows contraceptives for teen girls, lesbian nightclubs, wife swapping, porno movies, biker gangs, and Walpurgis Night celebrations. It also examines Sweden’s purported drug, drinking and suicide problems.”
And yet, there might even be a use of the song even more offensive to Muppets fans than its appearance in a dodgy Swedish skin flick.
In 1997, a sample of the song formed the basis of the debut single by British girl group Vanilla, titled No Way No Way.
Long-rumoured to be the result of a bet by rival record company heads about who could get the worst song into the charts, the song frequently appears on lists of the worst singles and worst music videos of all time.

-----------------------------------------

And yes, the song is awesome in it's shittiness.

[Tsundoku]

I've seen "documentaries" that start like this.

And it's called p-r-o-s-t-i-u-t-i-o-n. You're welcome.

------------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....ea4f629eb39efee

My yoni massage experience: I paid an expert to massage my vagina
MARCH 19, 20162:35PM

Sexologist and yoga teacher Vanessa Muradian has waited years to have a yoni massage, and she’s sharing all the details.

news.com.au
IT’S taken me about two years to say ‘yes’ to receiving a yoni massage from a professional, and honestly I still can’t actually believe I just paid an expert (a professional Tantric practitioner) to come into my room and ‘massage’ my vagina.
Hold on, keep calm, let me explain. I am a sexologist, so aside from the deep interest in this form of healing, I also feel it’s my duty to explore these alternative therapies so that I can report back to you.
So hear it goes, I suggest grabbing yourself a cosy seat, a cup of tea (or some red wine…), this is some serious and sensual business.
First things first, yoni is the Sanskrit word for sacred cave/vagina. Yoni Massage, similar to a massage anywhere else in the body, releases tension. However because the yoni is one of the most intimate and powerful parts of the body it’s important that the massage follows certain guidelines — a ritual if you will.
Yoni massage is profound work. A Tantric tradition studied deeply and thoroughly. Professional practitioners should have years of experience and have studied with reputable organisations. A person interested in yoni massage should get a recommendation from someone who has received one, first hand. Do not go blindly into a consultation.
A few other important factors that make a yoni massage different from sex:
• No sex! The massage therapist is only there to give to the recipient. It is all about the person receiving the massage (it is rare for women to purely receive).
• There’s a strong focus on healing and holding space for whatever emotions come up so these can be felt and experienced.
• The intention of the massage is for healing, awakening and transformation.
• Clear intentions for both the receiver and the giver.
• Clear communication about boundaries and sensation.
• The space is set up as sacred.
So, I convinced myself that having this massage was the right thing for me to do for many reasons; as a society we’ve been suppressing the power of women’s sexuality for a long time. No more, I say.
It’s important that we heal and shift the traumas and experiences stored in our yonis, so we can make way for the flow of creativity and confidence.
The night before the massage I dreamt that we had started the yoni experience and got interrupted by an intense ocean storm. So I woke up feeling like I needed to have it.

So, finally there I was, opening my door (literally and metaphorically) to Tantric practitioner Mangala Holland from Mystic Sex.
Mangala set up the room, with a few candles and some sheets on the bed.
We talked about my intentions, anything I thought was blocking my sexuality, where I thought I needed healing (in what areas of my life), how my orgasms were or were not.
Then we did an undressing ritual. I took an item of clothing off and with each piece I dropped to the floor I said out loud something I wanted to let go of.
We then meditated together.
The massage always starts with a full-body oil massage. There is no touching of the genitalia until you are fully relaxed.
Then we had an intermission if you will. A toilet break, a little visit to the snack bar (kidding). When I came back from the bathroom, we changed positions and she sat between my legs, while I wrapped them around her.
Mangala then asked if she could touch my yoni (externally). I agreed.
Then after some external massage she asked permission to enter my yoni or something similar. I agreed.
From here Mangala used certain techniques to stimulate and massage my yoni, she felt for tension like any other trained massage therapist and from there with my full permission she worked into these areas, asking me to breath and make sound accordingly.
For a lot women big change and liberation lies in connecting to breath and sound. We hold back so much in our day to day lives that just this as part of the ritual is transforming. For me, I practice making sound as much as I can throughout the day. And even still I found myself not fully able to let go.
At times, I felt sad, at times I felt orgasmic energy through my whole body, at times my whole arms went numb, at times I felt like I was meditating.
The people who I’ve told, generally want to know if I had some mind-blowing orgasm.
This practice for me ended up being one that was quite Tantric; essentially I worked on bringing the orgasmic energy up through my body, to revitalise my energetic body (my chakras) and to connect to my heart.
Afterwards I felt reassured. I felt like I understood my body, my vagina and my sexual fingerprint more than ever (I know too that the growth won’t stop here) and there were points where I know I could of let go more … maybe in the future.
The following day after the massage, I felt emotional. All day. I even felt weird about the experience. The whole experience seemed quite unbelievable and surreal.
I think this work is really important. I think there is a special type of person that can offer this work and hold this space. I think we all deserve to feel pleasure and that we need to also teach our youth about the value of pleasure and self-respect.
We’ve got a long way to go, but times are changing and we know that the change starts with the self.

------------------------------------------------

What a pile of new age "wank".

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 20 March 2016 - 12:25 AM

[Tsundoku]

Appropriate jail name.

Got to admire that sort of dedication and stamina too.

----------------------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....4b72c947e137d18

Man masturbates on bus for ‘up to three hours’
APRIL 13, 20163:28AM

Telly Shadell Corey was caught masturbating in front of a terrified female passenger.
Staff writers
news.com.au
THIS story takes the term “wanker” to a whole new level.
A passenger on one of the US’ most popular bus companies has defended himself against police reports that he masturbated on the transport service for “up to three hours”.
While admitting to Iowa police he had exposed himself to a female passenger during the ordeal, Telly Shadell Corey, 41, claimed he continued pleasuring himself because he “thought the victim was enjoying it”.
Iowa police were called to a bus station in Coralville, in the state’s southwest, to meet Mr Corey upon departure of the bus line.
According to the criminal complaint, Mr Corey was “still masturbating” upon police arrival and that the female passenger was “terrified” when she saw his exposed penis.

“The ensuing investigation showed that the defendant played with his penis in his sweatpants, and ended up exposing his penis and masturbating for up to three hours because he thought the victim was enjoying it,” the statement reads.
Mr Corey eventually “admitted to the fact as he thought since the victim didn’t say anything to him she was enjoying it”.
He was arrested under charges of indecent exposure and was being held in Johnson County Jail on a $2500 bond.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 12 April 2016 - 10:31 PM

[Nevyn]

If you are part of a 39 person identity theft conspiracy and rap group, you probably shouldn't make a song about it.
My link

[worry]

Lol it sounds like Cornholio is doing the background vocals on that song.

[worry]

A jade giant made it to Southern California last night: http://www.sandiegou...aks-across-sky/

[Tsundoku]

"Spider-man" just took on a whole new meaning.

http://www.news.com....8c57dfcb7f76d61

The Madagascan Darwin bark spider gives oral up to 100 times during sex with female mate
MAY 4, 2016
4:24PM

It might seem nice, but it’s a matter of life and death. Picture: M. Gregorič

Matthew Dunn
news.com.au

IT’S not often we think of spiders as superior to humans, but one particular species puts us males to shame.
The Madagascan Darwin’s bark spider is not only known for its extreme web sizes and producing the world’s toughest biomaterial, but it is a total stud in the bedroom.
A new study entitled ‘spider behaviours include oral sexual encounters’ discovered the species has a “rich sexual repertoire” and is keen to engage in marathon cunnilingus sessions with its female counterparts.
At first, this may not seem like strangest thing in the world, however scientists were quick to point out oral sex is an infrequent occurrence in the animal kingdom.
While mammals such as lemurs, lions, dolphins and bats are known to partake in such pleasures, the behaviour in spiders is exceedingly rare — only seen in widows.
Lead researcher Matjaz Gregoric said a two week study of the spiders discovered that the male species — who are 14 times lighter and 2.3 times smaller than the females — routinely took oral sex past foreplay.
“Oral sexual contact seems to be an obligate sexual behaviour in this species as all males did it before, in between, and after copulation, even up to 100 times,” he said in a statement.
Despite acting selflessly towards their lady lovers, things aren’t great for the lads with researchers observing they often fall prey to “sexual cannibalism” from the females.
Unfortunately, if the males can avoid being eaten after doing the deed, they are also known for engaging in “post-mating emasculation”, which means they bite off a portion of their reproductive organs within 24 hours of intercourse.

It’s not all bad news, with researchers discovering some males taking extra precautions and engaging in “mate binding” — the act of binding the giant female spider in silk to prevent her from gobbling up her lover during sex.
Uncertain with the exact reason why the spiders are so liberal with their bulk oral offerings, researchers first thought it may have been a function to avoid falling victim to cannibalism.
However, they were quick to disparage this hypothesis.
“This seems an unlikely function of oral sexual contact because males perform it with all females regardless of their aggressiveness, including the defenceless teneral ones,” the researchers wrote inScience Reports.
After much deliberation the researchers came up with two likely reasons for the behaviour, although they admit more research will be needed to provide proof.
“Oral sexual contact may signal male quality. This would imply the existence of cryptic female choice mechanisms, where females may bias paternity in favour of better quality males,” researchers wrote.
“Additionally, enzymes in the saliva could provide physiological advantage to the donor’s over rival’s sperm. This would be an adaptation for lowering sperm competition, and would function analogously to seminal toxins and aggressive sperm known in insects.”
Oh and if you were wondering what oral sex with spiders might look like, there is a lovely YouTube clip of arachnid porn below, which should totally be safe for work.

-------------------------------------

Bow chicka wow wow ...

[Aptorian]

Quote

Oh and if you were wondering what oral sex with spiders might look like, there is a lovely YouTube clip of arachnid porn below, which should totally be safe for work.

Oh I know what I will be watching later...

[Tsundoku]

Apt, on 04 May 2016 - 07:56 AM, said:

Quote

Oh and if you were wondering what oral sex with spiders might look like, there is a lovely YouTube clip of arachnid porn below, which should totally be safe for work.

Oh I know what I will be watching later...

God bless rain. Awww yeah.

[HiddenOne]

That spider pr0n is kinda messing with my mind

That's also the most metal thing I've heard all day, that would make a good song

[Tsundoku]

This is what happens when Welsh boys get frustrated and slip their victims a roofie.

---------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....8691341cac45270

‘Stoned’ sheep go on ‘psychotic rampage’ after eating Marijuana dumped in Welsh village
MAY 26, 20165:37PM

Michael Morrow and Agency
News Corp Australia Network
STONED sheep have apparently gone on a rampage after eating marijuana plants which were dumped on the side of a country road.
It’s believed the drugs were offloaded after a drug bust in the Welsh town of Rhydypandy and locals fear the sheep have been munching on the plants.
County councillor Ioan Richard raised the alarm.
“There is already a flock of sheep roaming the village causing a nuisance,” Richard told the South Wales Evening Post.

“They are getting in people’s gardens and one even entered a bungalow and left a mess in the bedroom.”
He warned of the dangers of the rest of the flock discovering the remains of the cannabis.
“I dread to think what will happen if they eat what could well be cannabis plants — we could have an outbreak out of psychotic sheep rampaging through the village.”

He added that there had been a number of sheep killed in the village after wandering dazed and confused onto the road.
“I told the council officers to make sure it was reported to the police before removing any evidence of what looks like the dumped remains of a cannabis growing establishment.”
A Council spokesman said it acted swiftly to clear the cannabis remains, but could not confirm if any sheep had eaten the plants.

------------------------------

I like how he calls the sheep 'dazed and confused' ... have you ever seen a sheep that wasn't?

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 26 May 2016 - 09:11 AM

[QuickTidal]

Baby you can have all my NOPES!

[worry]

Tsundoku, on 26 May 2016 - 09:09 AM, said:

I like how he calls the sheep 'dazed and confused' ... have you ever seen a sheep that wasn't?

Spoiler

[Tsundoku]

What can possibly go wrong?

http://www.news.com....c04c1a0b398432c

Outrage as Kalashnikov opens airport shop selling replica AK-47s
AUGUST 24, 20162:06PM

Corey Charlton
The Sun
OVER the past two years a new generation of machine gun wielding “lone wolf” jihadis have sparked terror across Europe’s airports and train stations.
Incredibly, AK-47 manufacturers have ignored this and decided to open a store in Moscow airport selling life-size imitation machine guns to passengers, The Sun reports.
The bizarre shop also offers customers the opportunity to bag an AK-47 key ring, umbrella or “I love AK” T-shirt.
Its opening comes as airport security gets stricter and stricter after Islamic State terrorists used AK-47s and bombs during the November Paris attacks and Brussels bombings.
The iconic weapon — famed for its durability and reliability during the usually harsh war environment — has armed Russian forces for 70 years.

It is also the preferred weapon of terrorists, insurgents and murderous groups not aligned with a state.
The store opened at Moscow’s Sheremetyevo airport, Russia’s largest flight hub. More than 30 million people passed through the airport last year.
An airport official said the shop, offering novelties including pens, umbrellas, bags, hats, camouflage gear and “I love AK” T-shirts, would be situated in the rail-link section of the airport complex.
The model guns — automatic pistols and rifles — would very clearly be imitations and would pose no security problems, he added.
Vladimir Dmitriev, head of the company’s marketing, said: “Kalashnikov is one of the most popular brands that come to mind for most people in the world when they hear about Russia.
“So, we are pleased to provide the opportunity for everyone to take away from Russia a souvenir with our company brand.”

The AK-47, the first rifle the firm produced, was introduced in 1948, armed the whole of the Soviet Union and eastern Europe in communist times and served largely pro-Soviet rebel forces across Africa and Asia.
Also produced under licence beyond Russian frontiers, it remains one of the most popular assault rifles in the world.
Many, however, noted the absurdity in selling imitation firearms in an airport. Reactions on Twitter varied between outrage and disbelief.
One person wrote: “Thank god for that! Kalashnikov have opened a shop at Moscow Airport. Because that’s what the world needs right now.”
Another said: “There is now a Kalashnikov booth at the Moscow airport from where you can buy gun replicas. Peak Russia right there.”

[QuickTidal]

This story bakes my melon trying to sort out....Ergot poisoning or low level carbon dioxide poisoning would account for it....but it would have to have been prolonged exposure...

http://www.bbc.com/n...tralia-37293494

[Tsundoku]

Apparently this girl is too fat to be in a beauty pageant.

http://www.news.com....ff4676d9511f433

I think the word the Thai lady was actually looking for was "stunning".

[Tsundoku]

Meanwhile, in Tasmania ...

http://www.news.com....8b9c8fd9363c67b