[bubba]

Bill Murry hits woman with golf ball

I have to wonder if he did it for the town he was playing in......

[Aptorian]

"They'll never believe you"

[Ain't_It_Just_]

The Force is, apparently, strong. With nerds.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police list Jedi as their official religion

THE Force is strong with a group of police officers - who officially state that they are Jedis.

Bizarrely, they do not carry light sabres and nor do they routinely rush off on inter-stellar jaunts.

But the ways of the Jedi, they do know.

Gallery: Star Wars nerds

The eight officers based in Glasgow, Scotland officially follow the Jedi faith according to voluntary diversity forms.

The details were obtained in a Freedom of Information request by Jane's Police Review, reports the BBC.

Jane's Police Review editor Chris Herbert, who requested the information, said: "The Force appears to be strong in Strathclyde Police with their Jedi police officers and staff.

"Far from living a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, some members of the noble Jedi order have now chosen Glasgow and its surrounding streets as their home."

[Tsundoku]

and going further into the previous post ...

http://www.news.com....1-13762,00.html

Star Wars cop claims to use Jedi mind tricks on suspects

By staff writers

NEWS.com.au

April 24, 2009 08:00am

A POLICE officer in Scotland has confessed to following the Jedi faith beloved of Star Wars film fans, respected policing analysis group Jane's reports.

Pam Fleming, a 45-year-old beat officer in Glasgow for Strathclyde Police, said that she thought all police officers "should be Jedis," when interviewed by Jane's Police Review.

"For me, it is not a joke," she said. "Being a Jedi is a way of life.

"I love the Star Wars films and the concept of being a Jedi, that the faith is not divisive."

Ms Fleming said she knew of other Jedis in Strathclyde Police - the force apparently has eight in total.

She told The Sun she uses Jedi mind tricks to get the truth out of suspects during interviews.

However, Ms Fleming said she does not use her powers to influence what suspects say or do.

“I have even started calling my probationer as a joke my Padawan (Jedi apprentice),” she said, “although I am not sure he likes that.”
Your Say

According to Britain's Office for National Statistics, a total of 390,000 people in England and Wales listed their religion as Jedi in the most recent census in 2001.

Scotland has a reported 14,000 followers.

But it noted that this may have been largely due to an internet campaign launched in the run-up to the census. Jedi followers are grouped under atheist.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Nerds with guns. And authority. Could this be heaven ... or hell?

What if they fall to the Dark Side?

Cheers,

Darth Sombra, technically has powers of arrest and detention in this country

[Ain't_It_Just_]

If nerds went to the Dark Side...the INTERNETZ would evolve and duel with real life, a la Terminator.

And in this story...the birds have gone to the Dark Side!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Smoking bird burns down $500,000 shop
A SPARROW with a fondness for cigarettes has been blamed for a fire that caused $500,000 worth of damage to a shop when he flew in with a lit fag.

Paul Sheriff, 48, who runs Crescent Stores in Leasingham, Britain was initially at a loss as to what caused the blaze, reports Metro.co.uk

But six weeks on, insurance investigators have told him that they discovered 35 cigarette ends in the roof.

Their conclusion was a sparrow must have picked up a smouldering butt to feather its nest in the roof's eaves, causing the blaze.

Mr Sheriff, a non-smoker, said: "The shop was a total mess. All the suspended ceilings came down, all the electrics were down, all the fridges were broken, it was horrendous."

A spokesman for his insurance company AXA said: "We believe it's the first case of its kind we've ever had to deal with. We had to bring in a specialist to investigate.

'I've certainly never come across this sort of thing before. It's strange to think how such a little bird armed with such a small object could cause such chaos."

[Tsundoku]

I just love the title of this one. Finally, active targets you don't have to feel bad about shooting!

-----------------------------------------------------------

http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,...5014239,00.html

Flying robotic penguins unveiled by Festo Bionic

By staff writers

NEWS.com.au

April 27, 2009 09:00am

SCIENTISTS have created robotic penguins that can swim backwards, use sonar, and fly.

Life-sized "AquaPenguins", recently unveiled at the Hannover Messe Trade Exhibition in Germany, use a flexible fibreglass frame to mimic the animal's swimming movements.

Tiny motors move the head around to control direction, while a sonar-like system allows the AquaPenguins to swim autonomously.

The robot's maker, Festo Bionic, has filled similar robots with helium to make them fly around a large space like a blimp.

These "AirPenguins" are controlled by ultrasonic transmitters which define the space they can fly within.

Technology used in the robots’ design is based on fish fins and has also been used to develop a new type of claw system.
Related Coverage

The bionic fin system offers "new possibilities in assembly and handling technology", according to Festo, and has even been adapted to create interactive walls that move when people are near.

Festo scientists have also been working on a 3D printer and a modular robot as part of a university collaboration program.

EDIT: hehe, here's one of the readers' comments

Pete of Bored @ work - Adelaide Posted at 1:09pm today

I, for one, welcome our new penguin overlords.

-----------------------------------------------

"Pull!" (heh, sounds like the Contest thread ...)

BLAM!

"And THAT'S for Happy Feet!"

Cheers,

La Sombra, viva la TerminatOrca

This post has been edited by Sombra: 27 April 2009 - 08:20 AM

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Now we're fucked...robotic penguins are too much win.

[Assail]

http://failblog.org/.../double-fail-2/

Oh GOD.

[Tsundoku]

Aussie special forces.

http://www.news.com....4-13762,00.html

Bandit still on the run in Chittenango

By staff writers

NEWS.com.au

May 08, 2009 10:20am

Elusive ... the wallaroo has at least been captured on film.

POLICE in New York state are on the hunt for a missing wallaroo which has been on the run for the past month.

According to the online newspaper The Oneida Daily, the one-metre tall roo escaped his cage in the town of Chittenango, some 400km west of Manhattan, in April and has been on the loose ever since.

The animal was spotted yesterday by several motorists in the neighbouring town of Canastota but a police search failed to turn up the critter.

Motorists and residents have been reporting regular sightings of the kangaroo-like animal, but it took local student Rebekah Janson to capture evidence of the wallaroo on video.

Rebekah said her friends were a bit skeptical about the wallaroo, so the next time she spotted the animal, she made a video of it.

The wallaroo’s name is Bandit, and he escaped from his owner Jeff Taylor II, who had planned on making him a star in his Wild Animal Experience when it opens late next year.
Related Coverage

He was required to apply for a US Department of Agriculture permit to own the animal.

Even though Bandit was not dangerous, authorities have urged citizens not to approach the wallaroo, which has become a minor celebrity in the town.

"Every corner I turn, every red light, I'm constantly looking for a three foot wallaroo," Sherrill resident Deliah Porter told a local news website.

"And I'm gonna wear my helmet and my seatbelt and take precaution."

State police thought they had the wallaroo cornered on Wednesday, but admit they were misinformed.

"This time it's the kangaroo," a Madison County 911 dispatcher told syracuse.com.

"Yesterday someone thought it was the kangaroo, but it was a whitetail deer that was sitting down."

-------------------------------------

It's like the opening scenes from Signs.

Cheers,

La Sombra, they seek him here, they seek him there ...

[Ain't_It_Just_]

See what happens when you don't pay off your mortgage?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greek man comes home...to find it stolen
ATHENS - Police in Greece say robbers near Athens have got away with everything including the kitchen sink, lifting a prefabricated home off its foundation and spiriting it away.

Police say the owner went to visit his 70-square meter vacation home on Monday in the coastal area of Rafina, 25 kilometres east of Athens, and discovered it was missing, along with its contents.

Police said on Wednesday they think the thieves used a crane to load the structure onto a trailer. They have been unable to locate the missing building.

Thousands of Athenians, including Greece's prime minister, Caskets Karamanlis, have vacation properties in Rafina.

[Tsundoku]

^^^ "Honey, our house was burgled."
"*Gasp* What did they take?"
"You're not listening to me ..."

This one makes me larf too.

----------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....1-23109,00.html

Poms replacing lawn mowers with wallabies

From correspondents in London

AAP

May 11, 2009 06:51pm

WALLABIES are replacing lawnmowers in some British country gardens as the latest way to keep large lawns and fields well clipped.
Breeders are reporting a surge in demand for the Australian marsupials, which happily munch away on grass and sell for up to £1000 ($1970) each.

Landowner Richard Sheepshanks is one of many people on a waiting list for a pair of wallabies, which he hopes can help maintain his four hectares of land in Suffolk, England.

"I have a wife, four children under the age of five, and we already have a menagerie with seven dogs, five sheep and four peacocks," he told The Times.

"I could use sheep to keep down the grass but they are messy and stupid.

"We have a walled garden separated from the main house which has a 25-foot (7.6m) outer and 10-foot (3.05m) inner wall but it's a bit wild and the grass needs keeping down.

"The wallabies will live there and be kept away from the dogs, which can easily stress them.

"I am sure in time, though, that they will get used to the dogs and everyone will get on famously."

Trevor Lay, who runs Waveney Wildlife in Suffolk, is now breeding 35 wallabies a year to keep up with demand.

"It's crazy," he said.

"To be honest, if I had 100 I could easily get rid of them."

----------------------------------

When I first saw the headline I thought it was THE Wallabies, maybe doing some community service on tour ...

Cheers,

La Sombra, for one welcomes your new Australian grass-eating, hopping, macropod overlords

[Aptorian]

http://thedailywtf.c...t-Betterer.aspx

Quote

Connect Betterer
2009-05-11
by Alex Papadimoulis in Feature Articles (80 Comments)

though Douglas Mezzer’s housemate had moved out many months ago, there was one recurring reminder of his prior residence: the monthly DSL bill from iiNet. Though Douglas had been paying on time every month, Douglas thought it’d be best if the bills came addressed to him instead of his former housemate. He figured it’d be a simple change that could all be accomplished through the self-service account management website.

After logging in, however, he ran into a bit of an issue. While he could change the address, phone number, email address, date of birth, and several other fields, the Firstname and Surname were disabled.

Not a big deal, Douglas figured, they have the customer service number listed right there.

An hour and a half of customer service calls later, he finally got a hold of someone who could help with the name change. After verifying his date of birth, mother’s maiden name, and inside leg measurements, the rep cheerfully informed him that they could change the name on the account.

“Of course,” the rep added, “there’s a small fee of $59, but we’ll just bill that to your account.”

“Wait wait,” Douglas interrupted, “$59 for a name change!?”

“Well yes,” the rep explained, “it’s a standard fee. There’s a whole process, you understand.”

Douglas begrudgingly agreed. After all, he did just tell iiNet that his housemate moved out; saying “thanks but no thanks, he’s actually moving back in now” didn’t seem so believable.

A couple weeks later, the bill duly arrived with an additional $59 “name change” fee attached. Its addressee, however, was still Douglas’s former housemate. No big deal, he figured, I’m sure the next one will come to me.

The next month’s bill came and it was still not addressed to him. Okay, fine, he thought, they’ll waste my time. They’ll take my money. But apparently, making the ten-second change is too hard!? He had no choice but to call back; it was now a matter of principle.

When Douglas logged back on to the customer portal to find the appropriate service number, a thought popped into his mind. What if, he thought to himself, hmmm… what if they were incredibly lazy in putting this web app together? Could I just edit the fields myself?

He loaded up his trusty Firebug plugin and Inspected the Firstname field. He clicked “Edit HTML”, replaced Joe’s name with his own, and removed the “disabled” tag.

He followed suit with the Surname field and clicked Save Changes. Surely this won’t work, he told himself, they’re an ISP; they wouldn’t be that stupid, right?

To his surprise, there were no errors and the fields now read “Douglas” and “Mezzer”. Figuring it was some goofy persistence thing, he logged out and logged back in. The account still said “Douglas Mezzer”. Could it have actually worked?

Yes, apparently. The following month’s bill was addressed to “Douglas Mezzer” and there wasn’t a “name change” fee to be found. Though, he did consider them sending them a bill for doing their job.

[Aptorian]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/chick...roid_veers_away

Quote

Chicken-Shit Asteroid Veers Away At Last Minute

May 11, 2009 | Issue 45•20

TUCSON, AZ—Though initial calculations showed it to be on a direct collision course with Earth, a pansy-ass asteroid approximately the size of Rhode Island has instead altered its trajectory to avoid the planet by more than 40,000 miles, astronomers at the University of Arizona reported Monday.
Enlarge Image Asteroid

This wuss missed the Earth by a long shot.

"Guess it just didn't have the spuds to go through with it," Richard A. Kowalski of the school's Catalina Sky Survey said. "Real big surprise. Maybe you can try again when you accrete a little more mass than 6.32 x 1015 kilograms, okay? Chicken-shit."

Kowalski said that one month ago Asteroid 2009-XG2—nicknamed "Old Limp Dick"—was following a path that, even accounting for heat friction and gravitational pull from other celestial bodies, gave it a 97 percent chance of striking Earth. Further observation and calculations, however, indicated that the asteroid would instead tuck its balls between its legs and change its course by more than 22 degrees.

"This potential extinction-level event turned out to be a puss-out of cosmic proportions," Kowalski said. "Earth didn't even flinch. You know what, why don't you give it another go, little guy? Huh? You can even take a free shot at the moon to warm up."
Enlarge Image Observatory

Scientists in this observatory used a high-powered telescope to track the asteroid's path right to the point of its monumental puss-out.

After a brief pause Kowalski added, "That's what I thought."

Many astronomers who have spent their careers monitoring asteroids have echoed Kowalski's conclusions. David L. Rabinowitz of the NASA-funded Near-Earth Asteroid Tracking program claimed that, despite the overwhelming data to the contrary, no one in the astronomy community had any doubt that the asteroid was talking out of its ass.

"Everybody knew that asteroid was a poseur," Rabinowitz said. "If it didn't have the balls to come within 100,000 miles of Pluto 15 years ago, how's it even gonna consider messing with Earth? What, did it think it was going to be another 1908 Tunguska Event? Don't make me laugh."

Rabinowitz also estimated that even if the asteroid had managed to remove its giant tampon and hit Earth, it most likely would have landed harmlessly in the ocean or the Sahara Desert.

"This asteroid's an even bigger pussy than 6489 Golevka, if you can believe that," he said.

Though astronomers across the world agreed that the asteroid probably still sucks on its mama's titties, a number of scientists have come out with different theories as to why it tore ass out of the solar system at 47,000 miles per hour.

"Have you seen Earth? It would have housed that asteroid so bad," University of Chicago astronomer Lucas Donovan said. "If it even tried making impact, you would have heard exactly two sounds: us hitting the asteroid and the asteroid hitting space. Little piece of shit got off lucky, if you ask me."

Plans to launch a probe to measure the composition of the asteroid were scrapped after NASA scientists concluded it was made up of 0.5 percent basaltic crust, 0.5 percent carbonaceous chondrite, and 99 percent bullshit.

"Goddamn chicken-shit planetoid ain't even worth it," acting NASA administrator Christopher Scolese said.

There is currently no strategy in place to prepare for a possible return of the asteroid, as NASA physicists have theorized it will likely throw itself into the sun from the utter shame of being such a weak-ass little bitch.

[Centzon Totochtin]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090428/ap_on_...rea_cloned_dogs

SEOUL, South Korea – South Korean scientists say they have engineered four beagles that glow red using cloning techniques that could help develop cures for human diseases. The four dogs, all named "Ruppy" — a combination of the words "ruby" and "puppy" — look like typical beagles by daylight.

But they glow red under ultraviolet light, and the dogs' nails and abdomens, which have thin skins, look red even to the naked eye.

Seoul National University professor Lee Byeong-chun, head of the research team, called them the world's first transgenic dogs carrying fluorescent genes, an achievement that goes beyond just the glowing novelty.

"What's significant in this work is not the dogs expressing red colors but that we planted genes into them," Lee told The Associated Press on Tuesday.

His team identified the dogs as clones of a cell donor through DNA tests and earlier this month introduced the achievement in a paper on the Web site of the journal "Genesis."

Scientists in the U.S., Japan and in Europe previously have cloned fluorescent mice and pigs, but this would be the first time dogs with modified genes have been cloned successfully, Lee said.

He said his team took skin cells from a beagle, inserted fluorescent genes into them and put them into eggs before implanted them into the womb of a surrogate mother, a local mixed breed.

Six female beagles were born in December 2007 through a cloning with a gene that produces a red fluorescent protein that make them glow, he said. Two died, but the four others survived.

The glowing dogs show that it is possible to successfully insert genes with a specific trait, which could lead to implanting other, non-fluorescent genes that could help treat specific diseases, Lee said.

The scientist said his team has started to implant human disease-related genes in the course of dog cloning, saying that will help them find new treatments for genetic diseases such as Parkinson's. He refused to provide further details, saying the research was still under way.

A South Korean scientist who created glowing cats in 2007 based on a similar cloning technique said that Lee's puppies are genuine clones, saying he had seen them and had read about them in the journal.

"We can appraise this is a step forward" toward finding cures for human diseases, said veterinary professor Kong Il-keun at South Korea's Gyeongsang National University. "What is important now is on what specific diseases (Lee's team) will focus on."

Lee was a key aide to disgraced scientist Hwang Woo-suk, whose breakthroughs on stem cell research were found to have been made using faked data. Independent tests, however, later proved the team's dog cloning was genuine.






Glowing dogs... could be interesting

[Aptorian]

It would certainly help when you're walking the dog at night.

[Slum]

Hah, someone found the script for the new Twilight movie in the trash - where it obviously belongs.

Quote

A beauty salon owner found the highly sought after script in St. Louis, and returns it to studio

ST. LOUIS (AP) -- A St. Louis beauty salon owner accidentally happened upon one of the hottest Hollywood scripts — the pages from an upcoming "Twilight" sequel — in a trash bin.

Casey Ray found two scripts, one for the vampire sequel "New Moon" and one for a different movie titled "Memoirs." She decided to return them to the studio making the films. In return, she was invited to attend the movies' premieres, her lawyer said.

Ray recently was waiting for her fiance to finish work when she spotted two scripts in a trash container. She was outside a hotel where actors were staying during a St. Louis shoot for the upcoming George Clooney movie, "Up in the Air."

It's not clear how the scripts wound up in the bin.

The Clooney movie includes actress Anna Kendrick, who is also in the "Twilight" vampire movie. A spokeswoman for Kendrick, Lisa Perkins, said the actress wouldn't have left scripts lying around.

When Ray found the scripts, she considered leaking them to a national tabloid but decided against it, said her lawyer, Al Watkins.

"My client didn't really want to get paid," he said, but she was interested in hanging onto the scripts as collector's items.

Watkins helped her return them to Los Angeles-based Summit Entertainment LLC, the studio making the movies. He said the studio invited Ray to premieres for the two films, and will certify the scripts as authentic after the movies are released.

"Summit doesn't comment on any of the deals it does," Summit spokesman Paul Pflug said. But he added, "We thank Ms. Ray for doing the right thing."

The "Twilight" movies are based on the novels of Stephenie Meyer, so many of the plot turns are well known to readers. But keeping the "New Moon" script written by Melissa Rosenberg out of the public eye preserves which elements of the book will be included in the films, Pflug noted.

Last year's original "Twilight" film grossed over $350 million worldwide.

Shit scripts are shit.

[Aptorian]

STUPID WOMAN! She could have earned a million on that shit!

[Slum]

She must have read the opening lines of the movie. "Sparkly pale dude gives girl a serious look. 'See me sparkle!' I sparkle for you!'"

[Ain't_It_Just_]

I can hear the wind tunnel...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
World's dumbest beauty queen? Confused on Confucius

CELEBRITY gossip websites are abuzz today over video footage of a beauty queen who made a fool of herself on stage at the Miss Panama finals.

Miss Panama contestant Giosue Cozzarelli was asked a question about the philospoher Confucius and gave one of the most cofusing, riddled answers heard on-air.


Here's the video.

Miss Panama Contest

[Aptorian]

http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2009/may/...itigious-crown/

Quote

Man sues book over most-litigious crown

The “Lawsuit Zeus,” also known as “Johnny Sue-nami,” filed a lawsuit this week in federal court seeking an injunction to stop the Guinness Book of World Records from naming him as the person who has filed the most lawsuits in the history of mankind.

Jonathan Lee Riches, aka Irving Picard, filed his latest legal fight this week in the Richland office of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Washington, although he is incarcerated in the Federal Medical Center in Lexington, Ky.

Riches alleges that Guinness is planning to print false information about the number of lawsuits he has filed, which he says is more than 4,000 worldwide. And he objects to the names Guinness intends to call him, including: “The litigator crusader,” the “duke of lawsuits,” “Johnny Sue-nami,” “Sue-per-man” and the “Patrick Ewing of suing.”

“I’ve filed so many lawsuits with my pen and right hand that I got arthritis in my fingers, numbness in my wrists, crooked fingers,” he wrote – by hand – in the latest filing. “I flush out more lawsuits than a sewer.”

A local federal official, who asked not to be identified, said Riches may be the most litigious person in America.

Riches previously filed a suit in this district against the Peanut Corp. of America, claiming that federal officials fed him salmonella-tainted peanut butter.

Senior Judge Justin Quackenbush entered an order dismissing that case Feb. 23 and warned Riches that he may be barred from filing any more lawsuits in this district.

“Then he files this … again before Quackenbush,” the federal source said. “I think the local connection is that he has been banned from filing suits in so many other courts. But he has a friend in Judge Quackenbush, who at least has written him back.”

In the injunction filed in Richland, Riches – who acknowledges he is receiving treatment for mental-health problems – said: “The Guinness Book of World Records have no right to publish my work, my legal masterpieces.”

Those include lawsuits against New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, former President George W. Bush, Somali pirates, Britney Spears and Martha Stewart, according to a Wikipedia page dedicated to Riches’ litigious exploits.

He’s also filed lawsuits against Plato, Nostradamus, James Hoffa, “Various Buddhist Monks,” the Lincoln Memorial, the Eiffel Tower and Three Mile Island.

In his latest court filing, Riches wrote about how he sued Black History Month, the president of Iran and butter substitute I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!

“When I get out of prison, I’m going to start a Lawsuit 101 shop and teach Americans how to file pro se lawsuits,” meaning lawsuits filed without an attorney, said Riches, who may be released from federal custody in 2012.

“I will sell Jonathan Lee Riches T-shirts (saying), ‘Watch what you do, or I’ll sue you.’ ”