Malazan Empire: Weird News Story Du Jour - Malazan Empire

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Weird News Story Du Jour One thread to bring them all and in the darkness ... wtf?

#101 User is offline   bubba 

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Posted 01 February 2010 - 05:31 PM

My link

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#102 User is offline   stone monkey 

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Posted 02 February 2010 - 09:20 PM

Indonesian Man Loses His Teeth In Cigarette Explosion...

I know smoking is bad for you, but explosions... That's a new one.
If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry, that is a sign that you are subconsciously aware of having no good reason for thinking as you do. If some one maintains that two and two are five, or that Iceland is on the equator, you feel pity rather than anger, unless you know so little of arithmetic or geography that his opinion shakes your own contrary conviction. … So whenever you find yourself getting angry about a difference of opinion, be on your guard; you will probably find, on examination, that your belief is going beyond what the evidence warrants. Bertrand Russell
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#103 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 02 February 2010 - 09:41 PM

View PostBubba, on 01 February 2010 - 05:31 PM, said:



The video link to their TV commercial is even better:


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#104 User is offline   Obdigore 

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Posted 02 February 2010 - 09:46 PM

How horrible. A vegetable with a face. Ladies with their breasts hanging out selling beer and guys getting shot in a movie are fine, but NOT A CUCUMBER! OH LORDIE NO!
Monster Hunter World Iceborne: It's like hunting monsters, but on crack, but the monsters are also on crack.
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#105 User is offline   Jusentantaka 

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Posted 03 February 2010 - 11:05 PM

End of the world
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#106 User is offline   Dag 

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 11:19 PM

Being bored could be bad for your health
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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#107 User is offline   bubba 

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 06:02 AM

Bubba thwarts the Abyssml army.

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#108 User is offline   Raymond Luxury Yacht 

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 04:33 PM

View PostMezla PigDog, on 01 February 2010 - 08:52 AM, said:

View PostSombra, on 29 January 2010 - 05:17 AM, said:

* United States ranked 1 for gluttony


*snigger*


We're Number One! We're Number One! U-S-A! U-S-A!


Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go eat my peanutbutter and bananna stuffed deep fried french toast.
Error: Signature not valid
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#109 User is offline   Thelomen Toblerone 

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 11:26 PM

French toast is unpatriotic, you traitor. Next thing you'll be telling me you eat their fries. Frog-loving bastard.
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#110 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 11:33 PM

It's freedom toast!
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#111 User is online   Tsundoku 

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Posted 12 February 2010 - 11:22 AM

In America, the ultimate patriotism is to die on the toilet. Death by "Consumption"? :rolleyes:
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#112 User is offline   Raymond Luxury Yacht 

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Posted 12 February 2010 - 11:04 PM

View PostSombra, on 12 February 2010 - 11:22 AM, said:

In America, the ultimate patriotism is to die on the toilet. Death by "Consumption"? :(


Great. A pun so bad is gave me cancer. I bet Illy is pleased. And even worse, it's a medical pun. Those really make me hot under the................. :rolleyes: ...cholera.



Posted Image

This post has been edited by Raymond Luxury Yacht: 12 February 2010 - 11:07 PM

Error: Signature not valid
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#113 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 12 February 2010 - 11:45 PM

View PostRaymond Luxury Yacht, on 12 February 2010 - 11:04 PM, said:

View PostSombra, on 12 February 2010 - 11:22 AM, said:

In America, the ultimate patriotism is to die on the toilet. Death by "Consumption"? :(


Great. A pun so bad is gave me cancer. I bet Illy is pleased. And even worse, it's a medical pun. Those really make me hot under the................. :rolleyes: ...cholera.



Posted Image


YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAHHHH
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#114 User is offline   Darkwatch 

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 12:46 AM

Finally the authorities in the U.K. seem to have woken up to the evils of clothing pets in ridiculous clothes.

It's about bloody time.

Quote

The animal welfare charity claims that forcing pets to wear clothing could be harmful, and in some cases there may even be grounds to prosecute.
Canine couture has become fashionable in recent years and there is a dizzying array of products on sale, from bootees, pyjamas, all-in-one trousers and even hoodies for dogs.

Top fashion designers, including Vivienne Westwood and Ben de Lisi, have also created dog designs, while the London store Harrods has an annual fashion show called Pet-a-Porter.
Experts believe there are occasions where dog clothing is acceptable, such as with small dogs and short-haired varieties, and during cold weather.
Jess Bland, a professional dog walker and pet sitter, says: "Dog clothing certainly serves its purpose when it's cold and wet, but it has to fit properly.
"Although dogs would survive in the wild, they're generally used to being indoors. So there is a case that they need coats in the winter, especially shorter haired dogs and smaller dogs."
But the fashion for pet clothes angers Lynn Williams, founder of dog charity Happy Dogs. She said: "People love their pets and the retail trade has latched on to that.
"To see a little dog dressed up in boots, I think, is a little over the top.
"You can buy anything fashion wise for your dog. I have an extreme love of the dog, but I don't like to see them dressed up as little human beings. I don't think they like it either. It's unnatural."
Earlier this week animal welfare officers also warned that dog clothing could cause the animals to overheat.
Jo Barr, RSPCA spokeswoman, said: "Dog owners should be aware that under the Animal Welfare Act that came into force in April 2007 they have a duty of care to ensure that all of their pets' needs are met.
"One of those needs is to express normal behaviour and it could mean that with restrictive clothing they are not able to do that properly.
"We're concerned that any pet should be viewed as a fashion accessory. Taking on an animal is a long-term commitment. It's quite humiliating and sends out the wrong message about pet care.
"We've seen trends in recent years brought about by the rise in celebrities with 'handbag dogs'.
"This usually leads to people taking on pets because they are 'fashionable' and sadly that means many are neglected.
"We've had similar problems with popular films like Harry Potter, with parents wanting to buy owls as pets for their children.
"Going back further to the 1990s, we saw people unable to cope with turtles and terrapins that they'd bought due to the popularity of the film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle."


Source: http://www.telegraph...prosecuted.html
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A non-touching itself rock.
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#115 User is online   Tsundoku 

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 01:01 AM

With soundtrack by Neil Sedaka ...

-----------------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....i-1225829779683

Bernd Dressler helps couples break-up with 'separation agency'

* By Yannick Pasquet
* From: AFP
* February 12, 2010 4:04PM

WANT to break up with your lover but haven't got the guts? Enter Bernd Dressler, head of the "Separation Agency'' in Germany, who will calmly and efficiently do the dirty work for you. For a fee.

"I knock on the door. I introduce myself and I say that my client no longer wishes to continue the affair,'' Mr Dressler said from his office in Berlin.

"It's very simple. It takes two minutes and it happens on the doorstep.''

Even as Valentine's Day approaches, Mr Dressler, a suave man in his 50s, is not the sort to get emotional. No tears. No hysterics. Just business.

"I'm just the messenger. It's not me breaking up the relationship. The person breaking it off is the person that hired me to do it.''

The entrepreneur, originally in the insurance trade, has offered his unromantic services over the Internet for more than three years, taking his inspiration from a similar scheme in the United States.

"Dating agencies have been around for decades. I'm doing the same for break-ups,'' he said with a smile.

But giving your partner the boot is a serious business.

Mr Dressler works only with clients who pay him in advance and sign a four-page contract detailing "three or four reasons'' to finish the relationship.

"I can also show this to the person concerned to show them this is not a gag,'' he said.

Mr Dressler offers four levels of break-up service.

With "let's be friends,'' costing 29.95 euros ($46), the bad news is communicated dryly over the phone.

"Leave me alone,'' for the same price, leaves the ditched lover in no doubt that Mr Dressler's client does not want to hear from him or her again.

For another 10 euros, the unhappy Romeo - or Juliet - can opt for the "Break-up by letter'' which, as the name implies, involves Mr Dressler drafting a "Dear John'' - or "Dear Jane'' on the client's behalf.

Finally comes the deluxe service, the "personal break-up'', which sees Mr Dressler himself turning up unannounced on the doorstep.

Clients can even choose how they want the shattering news delivered: firmly or tenderly.

As for Mr Dressler, he believes there are worse jobs.

"The woman who works next door to me is a bailiff. When she has to kick people out of their houses or take their furniture, that's much harder than what I do.''

"Personally, I could never imagine hiring someone to announce on my behalf that I wanted to break up with them.

But I'm from a different generation. I think the young people of today feel less responsible. A typical client ranges in age from 18 to 35 and is predominantly female," he said.

"We live in a throw-away society. You drink a can of coke and you throw it away. You don't fancy your partner any more, you go out and find another one,'' he added, with a touch of sadness.

But Mr Dressler is nothing if not an imaginative entrepreneur and he is already branching out. He has pioneered another website or "forgive me.''

If you have committed some awful act or said something you regret, guess whom you can hire to go and say sorry in your place?

-----------------------------------------------

SOMEONE CALL RODEO WITH THE ANSWER TO HIS PRAYERS!!! :thumbsup

I hope he has a "get rid of bunny boilers" option.
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#116 User is online   Tsundoku 

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Posted 22 February 2010 - 08:32 AM

I knew it ...

---------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....i-1225833145002

Drug crime capital o fthe world revealed

* By Annabelle Love, The Sun
* From: NewsCore
* February 22, 2010 5:17PM

* Scotland drug capital of the world
* Highest criminal activity per person
* Six times higher than rest of world

SCOTLAND is the drug crime capital of the world, according to a United Nations report detailed by The Sun.

The study found Scottish junkies and dealers committed more offences per head of population that any other nation.

The figure is double the rate in England and Wales - and six times higher than the rest of the world's average.

And it dwarfs nations of similar sizes - such as Norway, Ireland and Denmark.

The research by the UN's Office on Drugs and Crime compared narcotics criminal activity, abuse and possession across over 70 countries.

Scotland was top with 656 drug offences per 100,000 - followed by Iran with 619, Spain (573) and the U.S. (497).

Anti-drug campaigner Alistair Ramsay blasted the findings, saying: "We need a proper co-ordinated strategy across the board."

Labour's justice spokesman Richard Baker said: "The SNP just aren't doing enough. It is unforgivable."

Tory leader Annabel Goldie added: "We must invest in restoring broken lives."

A Scottish Government spokesman said it was investing record amounts in justice.

-------------------------------------

Some people called Trainspotting a comedy-drama. It was actually a documentary.
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#117 User is offline   Ain't_It_Just_ 

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Posted 22 February 2010 - 10:56 AM

View PostSombra, on 22 February 2010 - 08:32 AM, said:

I knew it ...

---------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....i-1225833145002

Drug crime capital o fthe world revealed

* By Annabelle Love, The Sun
* From: NewsCore
* February 22, 2010 5:17PM

* Scotland drug capital of the world
* Highest criminal activity per person
* Six times higher than rest of world

SCOTLAND is the drug crime capital of the world, according to a United Nations report detailed by The Sun.

The study found Scottish junkies and dealers committed more offences per head of population that any other nation.

The figure is double the rate in England and Wales - and six times higher than the rest of the world's average.

And it dwarfs nations of similar sizes - such as Norway, Ireland and Denmark.

The research by the UN's Office on Drugs and Crime compared narcotics criminal activity, abuse and possession across over 70 countries.

Scotland was top with 656 drug offences per 100,000 - followed by Iran with 619, Spain (573) and the U.S. (497).

Anti-drug campaigner Alistair Ramsay blasted the findings, saying: "We need a proper co-ordinated strategy across the board."

Labour's justice spokesman Richard Baker said: "The SNP just aren't doing enough. It is unforgivable."

Tory leader Annabel Goldie added: "We must invest in restoring broken lives."

A Scottish Government spokesman said it was investing record amounts in justice.

-------------------------------------

Some people called Trainspotting a comedy-drama. It was actually a documentary.


Hah, Columbia eat your heart out!

And in other news-the Triffids have been created.

Mudgee farmer Bruce Davis creates new fruit http://www.news.com....i-1225832605375
Suck it Errant!


"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."

QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.


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#118 User is offline   Gothos 

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Posted 22 February 2010 - 11:04 AM

Well, since this was a list of criminal offenses, it just means they get caught more :). I wouldn't call it the drug capital of the world - that one should still be a contest between Colombia, Bolivia and Afghanistan :)
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
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#119 User is online   Tsundoku 

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Posted 31 March 2010 - 07:37 AM

You have GOTTA be kidding me! :D

-----------------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....0-1225847704304

Cucumber in rear was 'failed suicide bid'

* From correspondents in London
* From: NewsCore
* March 30, 2010 10:29PM

A HONG Kong man, taken to the hospital to have a cucumber removed from his bottom, told doctors he inserted it in a suicide attempt.

The Sun reported Chin Wei, 62, said the method was a variation of the Japanese ritual suicide hara-kiri - usually carried out with a sword plunged into one's own stomach.

He was found in a pool of blood by his daughter before being rushed to receive medical health.

Medics said a severe tear to the man's anus was not life-threatening.

Read more about the man who tried to kill himself with a cucumber enema at The Sun

* Readers seeking support and information about suicide prevention can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or SANE Helpline on 1800 18 SANE (7263) or visit www.beyondblue.org.au.

--------------------------------

The mind boggles. :D
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes

"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys

"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
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#120 User is offline   Gothos 

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Posted 31 March 2010 - 08:07 AM

wow...
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
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