[rhulad]

Granted the decision has been made for you and you will be eating chili from a bread bowl. The bread is stale and the chili was made from spoiled mice meat.

I wish I wasn't so tired right now.

[Abyss]

Granted. You're dead. Have a nice rest.

I wish more inter-personal conflicts could be solved by water pistol duels.

[rhulad]

Granted. The water pistols have been replaced with lasers which had to be replaced with marbles due to budget constraints. All conflicts will now be solved by a rousing game of marbles.

I wish I had a death ray.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, your pet killer manta ray is quite the catch. To bad it eats you in the swimming pool on a warm, balmy saturday.

I wish my digestive tract would stop acting like it was on crack.

[JLV]

Granted. Now it is acting like its on heroin. It shared needles with a sketchy friend. You now have HIV.

I wish I weren't so good at procrastinating.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. You now are so efficient that you have no friends, no family, no life outside your required tasks. And somehow you also efficiently caught a raging case of herpes and there is no efficient cure available (speed sex isn't what it used to be friend).

I wish I had some grass.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted. It is hallucinogenic grass, and you attempt to chase the magic pony donut king over a cliff.

I wish I could freshen my breath with a thought.

[QuickTidal]

Ain, on 13 January 2012 - 08:13 AM, said:

Granted. It is hallucinogenic grass, and you attempt to chase the magic pony donut king over a cliff.

I wish I could freshen my breath with a thought.

Granted. You thought too hard about freshening your breath and have now burned out your tongue and uvula, leaving a gaping meat hole.

I wish I could have pub food for dinner.

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 13 January 2012 - 03:15 PM, said:

I wish I could have pub food for dinner.

Granted. In fact, it was already the case as you live in a free and democratic country with about a hundred thousand pubs all over the place. Whether you WILL have pub food for dinner is a whole other issue, but that's just your tough luck for making such a lame ass waste of a wish.

I wish i was skiing right now. Safely. And naked. But with no risk of frostbite or other bodily harm. Also, drunk.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 13 January 2012 - 06:25 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 13 January 2012 - 03:15 PM, said:

I wish I could have pub food for dinner.

Granted. In fact, it was already the case as you live in a free and democratic country with about a hundred thousand pubs all over the place. Whether you WILL have pub food for dinner is a whole other issue, but that's just your tough luck for making such a lame ass waste of a wish.

I wish i was skiing right now. Safely. And naked. But with no risk of frostbite or other bodily harm. Also, drunk.

Granted. I hope you enjoy skiing in your freezer as a miniaturized man with a nude-coloured anatomically correct ski-suit made of titanium...on the bunny hill...arms flailing about in drunken bliss. Now, if there were only some kind of re-bigulator ray to resize you back to normal...

I wish I could fire laser beams from my eyes.

[Abyss]

Granted. The secret government black-ops sniper takes you out six seconds later. You almost have enough time to light a cigarette with your newfound powers.

I wish could magically transform any liquid into glorious beer. But not the entire ocean because that would be silly. Awesome, but silly.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 13 January 2012 - 06:58 PM, said:

Granted. The secret government black-ops sniper takes you out six seconds later. You almost have enough time to light a cigarette with your newfound powers.

I wish could magically transform any liquid into glorious beer. But not the entire ocean because that would be silly. Awesome, but silly.

Granted. Congratulations. All the liquid in your body is now beer. The body does not function on beer. You are now dead.

I wish My laser eyes would take out the sniper before he gets me.

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 13 January 2012 - 07:33 PM, said:

I wish My laser eyes would take out the sniper before he gets me.

Granted. The other sniper gets you a second later.

I wish i could continue this battle of wits but the weekend is calling my name and i'm outta here!

[Coco with marshmallows]

Abyss, on 13 January 2012 - 11:52 PM, said:

I wish i could continue this battle of wits but the weekend is calling my name and i'm outta here!

Granted!.

It turns out that the weekend was actually saying "come to me Habiss", your little known arabic cousin.

I wish that my fridge wasn't empty.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, now it is packed with the 6 dead hookers of joke fame.

I wish I could have coffee without setting my stomach roiling.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted; however, the additive in the coffee that sets your stomach at ease also serves in turning your brain into a worm-ridden lump of carrion flesh that soon results in total Death!

I wish I could overcome these brief bouts of nihilism.

[Blind Sapper]

Granted. You are lobotomized and are now very happy in your zombie-like state.

I wish I had the gift of tongues.

[JPK]

Granted. You are possessed by a demon and begin to randomly fall into seizures where you foam at the mouth and sing the many praises of satan until the priests realize there is no way to exorcize the demon and thus remove your tongue to silence you foever.

I wish I live in Canada.

This post has been edited by The Incredible Kitsu: 16 January 2012 - 04:07 AM

[Abyss]

The Incredible Kitsu, on 16 January 2012 - 04:00 AM, said:

I wish I live in Canada.

Granted. And it's so fucking cold here right now that you regret your wish for the rest of your days, or at least the winter ones.

I wish i had an ereader.

[JPK]

Granted. As soon as you have it in your hands you drop it and crack the screen.

I wish I knew the question for life, the universe, and everything.