[Adjutant Stormy~]

You do. Unfortunatley it is "what to ask for" and the internet, under the strain of infinite recursion, gains sentience and murders you through your LCD.

I wish people could take a joke.

[Mott]

Granted. Everyone can take a joke, unfortunately there is a malignant organisation of joke assassins that rise to power and murder all the best jokes leaving us with ones that only involve herpes. No one knows whether to consider this a curse or a blessing.

I wish my dog was less stupid and more butler like.

[Abyss]

Granted. People take a joke. AND THEN BEAT YOU TO SLOW BLOODY GORY DEATH OF BLOODY GORE WITH IT.

I wish i was a Viking.

[Coco with marshmallows]

Mott, on 27 September 2011 - 05:47 PM, said:

I wish my dog was less stupid and more butler like.

Granted. You take him to a hotel for the weekend, along with a Belgian sleuth, an aging busybody of a woman, a Chinese gentleman with innumerable relatives, and two gentlemen from Baker street.

your dog proceeds to murder you, and is revealed as the killer in a tense dining room scene featuring all of the above (poorly disguised) characters. After all, everyone knows - the butler did it

Abyss, on 27 September 2011 - 05:48 PM, said:

I wish i was a Viking.

Granted. Unfortunately you are a viking under the the command of Olaf the Hairy, high chief of all the vikings, who accidentally ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.

I wish people didn't cross-post often, making my job harder.

(also, rep for the person to identify all of the six references in this post)

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, no one can ever crosspost. Instead, the person who loses the race to post in the same time slot not only has that post deleted but they themselves are deleted from existence as well. I would recommend posting at odd hours of the morning now btw...

[Slow Ben]

I wish Gust would post a wish so the corrupt a wish game could keep on going....

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. Gust realized his serious error and posted a wish posthumously. Unfortunately, that means there are two wishes that require simultaneous granting.

I wish exercising wasn't work.

I wish that slow ben thanked me for pointing out the wonderful mindfuck thread.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted, he thanks you. Unfortunately, this places him in your debt and he cannot stand this, thus leading him to commit a murder suicide. And herpes in the afterlife.

I wish I could do regular sleeping hours.

[rhulad]

Granted, you do regular sleep hours but by doing regular sleep hours you contract herpes.

I wish to receive a Grolar bear for Christmas.

[Jade-Green Pig-Hog Swine-Beast]

Granted. It rips your face off and gorges on your eyes, leaving you horrifically disfigured. Everyone that you every loved leaves you and children are too scared to look at the faceless monstrosity you've become. In fact, so are adults. You live the rest of your short life alone and steeping in your own faecal matter until you die from a painful combination of starvation and herpes, a week later.

I wish that I'd get paid on time.

This post has been edited by Jade-Green Pig-Hog Swine-Beast: 22 December 2011 - 01:25 PM

[Tapper]

You get paid on time, but sadly, the patience of the people you owe has already ran out, so when your pay arrives, you are nothing but a sad bloodstain on the curb from where your creditors engaged in a spontaneous lynching.

I wish my workday was over.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. Your work day is over. Unfortunately, since you got out early, you were in the right place at the right time to get hit by a speeding motorcyclist. You are luckily alive, but somehow in the spray of guts and blood, you contracted herpes. Bummer.

I wish that I had one more day's worth of coffee beans.

[Tapper]

You have one more day of coffeebeans, but sadly, they come from the backside of a persian cat, and the process that would clean them sadly went wrong. Your coffee now tastes of Abyss' backend.

I wish may mandarins were just a tiny, tiny bit sweeter.

[Abyss]

Tapper, on 22 December 2011 - 02:57 PM, said:

You have one more day of coffeebeans, but sadly, they come from the backside of a persian cat, and the process that would clean them sadly went wrong. Your coffee now tastes of Abyss' backend.

I wish may mandarins were just a tiny, tiny bit sweeter.

Your mandarins are now just a tiny, tiny bit sweeter. And consequently now taste like my backend. Enjoy!

I wish i was hungry enough to enjoy the AYCE sushi feast i'm heading to in an hour.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 22 December 2011 - 03:24 PM, said:

Tapper, on 22 December 2011 - 02:57 PM, said:

You have one more day of coffeebeans, but sadly, they come from the backside of a persian cat, and the process that would clean them sadly went wrong. Your coffee now tastes of Abyss' backend.

I wish may mandarins were just a tiny, tiny bit sweeter.

Your mandarins are now just a tiny, tiny bit sweeter. And consequently now taste like my backend. Enjoy!

I wish i was hungry enough to enjoy the AYCE sushi feast i'm heading to in an hour.

You are now ravenously hungry, but only for sushi and the hunger lasts long after the meal, and later this evening you will head to all you can eat sushi bars to continue feasting, and after they close you will go fishing and attempt to make your own sushi only to fail miserably and die of a broken heart (or a burst stomach, whichever comes first)

I wish I was already off for Christmas.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 22 December 2011 - 03:39 PM

[Abyss]

You are off for Christmas. Off your rocker, off your head, off side, off the wall and off the wagon just for good measure. Have a lovely holiday at the Clarke.

I wish i was on a beach.

[masan's saddle]

You are on a beach, but unfortunately you are dressed in a giant vagina suit handing out fliers about the perils of herpes.

I wish my baby twins would hurry up and get into a routine so I could have some semblance of a life.

[QuickTidal]

masan, on 22 December 2011 - 04:12 PM, said:

You are on a beach, but unfortunately you are dressed in a giant vagina suit handing out fliers about the perils of herpes.

I wish my baby twins would hurry up and get into a routine so I could have some semblance of a life.

Granted. Your twins now get into a routine. Said routine is an ear and eye punishing tribute to Justin Beiber, Clowns and Cher. You are only able to enjoy the semblance of a life for a day, beyond which your eyes and ears have ruptured leaving you blind, deaf and pointless.

I wish that I could be playing SKYRIM right now instead of being at work.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Granted you are playing SKYRIM right now, sadly its in the literal sense, your boss is a dragon and he heard you skipped work. you should run.

I wish I had the moves like Jagger.

[Abyss]

You have moves like Jagger. Twitchy, shivery, itchy moves. Send us a postcard from rehab.

I wish i wasn't going for lunch for another hour so i could work up an apetite.