[Abyss]

A proper, fresh pint of Guinness is delivered to you instantaneously from Dublin to Canada via teleportation. An unfortunate miscalculation causes it to materialize directly inside your skull, causing a persistent marinated vegetative state. Fortunately no one notices the difference.

I wish this salad had bacon on it.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Granted. that salad has bacon on it. LIVE BACON.

I wish I could win a brand new Graphic Tablet.

This post has been edited by Dolmen: 24 September 2011 - 06:08 PM

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted. You can, that is; you have the chance of getting one. You don't.

I wish I could find a pair of black leather gloves for my Captain Hammer costume.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, though OJ Simpson would like them back after you are done with them. They have sentimental value.

I wish tomorrow wasn't school.

[Abyss]

Granted. Obviously, because tomorrow is Tuesday. Possibly Monday depending on your time zone. But not 'school'. However, you still have to GO to school. Sucks to be you.

I wish my car had a back window screen that could tell tailgaiting drivers just how slow i'm going to go, specifically to fuck with them, if they keep following so close.

[HiddenOne]

You've got it. It even displays messages about the carnal acts you're going to perform with their mothers. unfortunately it's not bulletproof.



I wish Monday didn;t have to always suck

[Abyss]

Granted, and now Mondays don't always suck. Sometimes they blow.

I wish Mondays would always start with an awesome ayce breakfast buffet followed by a nap on a beach.

[Slow Ben]

Granted, except i dont know what Ayce is and i'm going to assume it has something to do with asbestos.


I wish the laundry would do itself.

[Abyss]

Granted. Now your laundry is all sticky, and in a little while, stiff and gross looking.

I wish i didn't have to live with that image.

[Coco with marshmallows]

Abyss, on 26 September 2011 - 03:38 PM, said:

I wish i didn't have to live with that image.

Granted. You are now the recipient of a brain transplant from a rabid, alzheimer's ravaged, syphilitically insane spider monkey. But you don't have that image anymore.

I wish I had stayed on holiday.

[Abyss]

Granted. You stayed on holiday, used up all your money and now you're a, (on holiday) crack ho selling your bodily cavities just to get by and keep the holiday going a little longer before the parts start to drop off.

I wish someone had recognized how clever my upthread 'laundry' response was.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 26 September 2011 - 06:53 PM, said:

Granted. You stayed on holiday, used up all your money and now you're a, (on holiday) crack ho selling your bodily cavities just to get by and keep the holiday going a little longer before the parts start to drop off.

I wish someone had recognized how clever my upthread 'laundry' response was.

Granted. Everyone, in fact, is now as clever as Abyss. Noting the cleverness of the comment has upped everyone's respective brain-powerz, and thus does everyone pilot around in time travelling DeLoreans , masturbating with Laundry that does itself to fake copies of the Kharkanas trilogy, thinking of new and improved ways to bring the Beiber Empire to reality, and seat Canada's most insane dictator on the throne.

I wish I hadn't re-hashed my own idea for that one.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted! However, the re-ordering of the universe becomes centred upon the word "hash", and all food becomes hash browns.

I wish my timing was better.

[Abyss]

Granted. Your life still sucks, but now you're on time for all the suckiness.

I wish my office had more windows.

[Tapper]

Your office now has more windows. In the floor. Too bad they're all open, and you end with a broken neck (and herpes, mystically acquired in free fall), on ground level.

I wish I could watch the rugby

[Abyss]

You can watch the rugby. Because you were fired from the job, expelled from the school and dumped by the significant other and now your life is the empty and the pointless.

I wish i had an anti-bureaucracy orbital laser death ray.

[QuickTidal]

Granted. Sadly it was built by a bureaucracy, and backfires on its first use, creating a pro-bureaucracy world the likes of which even Hermes from Futurama is scared shitless by, and you have to wait in line and sign forms in triplicate to pee now.

I wish sales people bothered to learn all I do for their stupid jobs.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 27 September 2011 - 03:19 PM

[Tapper]

They now do, and whenever they fall on their knees, hang at your every word with mouths open in wonder, offering their babies to you for you to kiss and their women just to capture your genes under their family names, you have that creeping, nasty sensation that it can't all be real, that these are sales people, who are condescending to everyone they approach with faked admiration... and so you throw yourself from a window and die. On your funeral, every single sales agent ever wants to speech, and as your girlfriend gets introduced to another baby called QuickTidal, having your looks to boot, she'll curse you to eternal damnation. Which you get, and which is very real.

I wish people wouldn't think I call shirts tops. Anything that ought to be buttoned isn't a top.

[Abyss]

Granted. No one gives any thought whatsoever to what term you use for any form of clothing. In fact, people generally just ignore you altogether.

I wish i was in Vegas.

[Tapper]

Abyss, on 27 September 2011 - 05:02 PM, said:

Granted. No one gives any thought whatsoever to what term you use for any form of clothing. In fact, people generally just ignore you altogether.

I wish i was in Vegas.

The thread is called 'corrupt a wish' not 'tell the truth'

You are in Vegas, in the same condition as the main in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, times have changed and you spend a long, long time in a cell with two chaps called Raymond and Henry, who love you oh so very much.

I wish I knew what to ask for.