[Dolmen 2.0]

Granted. You have several multidisciplinary super masueses...or is it super maseese? Anyways, their awesome, sexy, bilingual and incredibly talented with their fingers. Their bodies remind you of that hot celeb you always fantasize about. Yeah you know the one. all members of the team want your tender lovin and affection. Thus they stick on you like glue in tight tank tops and very short shorts. They are always lathered in oil. Basicly these dudes dig you. Have fun now .

I wish i could ride a dinosuar!

This post has been edited by Dolmen: 01 September 2011 - 05:13 PM

[Abyss]

Granted. Hugh Hefner is waiting right outside for you. Please loosen the saddle when you're done.

I wish knife fighting was an Olympic sport.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted....however, your personal theme song, ringtone, karaoke number and everything else musically related becomes this!



I wish that I could force people to be polite.

[Gust Hubb]

You give them all alcohol and no one cares anymore.

I wish being drunk didn't involve emesis.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Granted. being drunk does not cause emesis, as a result all toxins
generally harmful to your body remain within you, poisoning you at
an oozing, leisurely pace. if its any consolation you end up
smelling like a brewery when you sweat and manage to get women
drunk in one lick.

I wish all the forum smileys waged an epic war against each other...

[Tapper]

Gust Hubb, on 02 September 2011 - 04:32 AM, said:

You give them all alcohol and no one cares anymore.

I wish being drunk didn't involve emesis.

It doesn't anymore.

It now involves enemas.


I wish I hadn't said that.

[Tapper]

Dolmen, on 02 September 2011 - 09:13 AM, said:

Granted. being drunk does not cause emesis, as a result all toxins
generally harmful to your body remain within you, poisoning you at
an oozing, leisurely pace. if its any consolation you end up
smelling like a brewery when you sweat and manage to get women
drunk in one lick.

I wish all the forum smileys waged an epic war against each other...

gaaah, double post.

They do. Unfortunately, they start by killing all the letters and numbers first, so the only way to post is through posting this which won the war.

I wish my desk would clean itself.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. Your desk cleans itself so thoroughly it actually implodes into nothingness, because, hey, the cleanest thing in existence is nothing.

I wish I could anticipate how bad my hangover is going to be today....

[Abyss]

You know precisely and exactly how awful your hangover is going to be, to the point of knowing exactly when you will be dry heaving with your face in the toilet and how many times your head is going to internally revolve 360 degrees. In fact, your knowledge is so detailed that you are essentialy experiencing this hangover TWICE. sucks to be you.

I wish i hadn't had that third cup of coffee.

[Adjutant Stormy~]

You didn't. That third cup was actually brown, coffee flavored AIDS. Enjoy!

I wish that I had some money with which to transform into DRUNKSTORMY

[Gust Hubb]

You wire me $10,000 dollars, and shzam!! You name is no longer Adjutant Stormy. You are DRUNKSTORMY now. Congratulations.

I wish my head turned 360 degrees with no side effects (including death).

[Knowing]

Your head now turns 360 degrees. To do this your DNA has been crossed with that of an Owl's. Although entertaining to turn your head round and round, you have also begun to sprout feathers all over your body.

I wish I always had an uncooked egg at hand when I encounter the daily duchebag.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, you can lay them at will...though it hurts with those genital warts....

I wish I could harmonize with my own voice in real time, no recording playback, just me and my two toned voice.

[Abyss]

You can, but you're resultingly mistaken for Justin Bieber and torn to shreds by rioting 12-yr old girls. And there is much rejoicing until the world realizes it was all just a mistake.

I wish Justin Bieber could be torn to shreds by rioting 12-yr old girls.

[Dolmen 2.0]

granted, justin bieber is conveniently found assualted and dismembered by a rampaging horde of teenage girls. Sadly upon spotting the bieber they trample everything in their path including:

four old ladies
three spanish guitarists
a florist
two police guys in a prius

...aaaand the dude sent back from the future by future you, who was set to deliver your free signed copy of the karkanas trilogy!

Edit: I wish id remembered to wish for something...

This post has been edited by Dolmen: 20 September 2011 - 07:51 AM

[Abyss]

You step back in time and remember to wish for something. Unfortunately you're run over by the Delorean driven by future me, which skids just enough to be out of the path of the rampaging 12-yr-old girls and lives to deliver the trilogy to me as planned. I will post spoilers shortly but as you're dead, you won't be around to enjoy them.

I wish that could really happen.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 20 September 2011 - 02:39 PM, said:

You step back in time and remember to wish for something. Unfortunately you're run over by the Delorean driven by future me, which skids just enough to be out of the path of the rampaging 12-yr-old girls and lives to deliver the trilogy to me as planned. I will post spoilers shortly but as you're dead, you won't be around to enjoy them.

I wish that could really happen.

That really happened. You are now the proud owner of the Kharkanas Trilogy, a time-travelling, DeLorean-driving future version of yourself, and a world where Justin Beiber is thankfully dead. Sadly your future self pulls off a Mission Impossible-style mask of your future face, revealing that he is in fact future version of Richard Simmons attempting to restore Beieber to the timeline so he can rule the planet with a tyrannical fist and an army of 12-year old girls. The Kharkanas Trilogy turns out to be 3 copies of his self-serving autobiography, cleverly repackaged. You are now responsible for bringing the Bieber Empire to violent life and the world will perish at his hands, and his chancellor Simmons...and the books in your hands are as worthless as toilet paper.

I wish I had a cheeseburger machine.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 20 September 2011 - 02:55 PM

[HiddenOne]

As a reward for your dire granting of Abyss's wish, you receive from the Freight Delivery Service a large box containing your new Cheeseburger Machine.
Sadly, when you plug it in for the 1st time, your leg gets sucked into the feed hopper and you become the very first product of your own machine !! But my how tasty you are with BACON and cheese. And ketchup.


I wish it was already lunchtime.

[Abyss]

It IS already lunchtime. And according to the team of cannibals from human resources, you're lunch.

I wish Charlie Sheen would do another HOT SHOTS movie.

[QuickTidal]

A third and final HOT SHOTS film is produced, it is titled HOT SHOTS: PART TROIS: TIGER BLOOD, it stars both Charlie Sheen and Valeria Golino not to mention the re-animated corpse of Lloyd Bridges, sadly on opening day everyone quickly realizes that the company that re-animated Bridges corpse so he could reprise his role, a company named ALLERBMU, is in fact another company altogether. In the bus stop glass outside the theatre where the premiere is being held, the reflected name on the side of the company's truck is seen by a young gamer who looked up briefly from his Nintendo DS to discover the truth, only too late and no one would listen...and once again, Abyss brings fucking zombie's to the planet.

I wish I could have a proper, fresh pint of Guinness delivered to me instantaneously from Dublin here to me in Canada without it having to travel and become less impressive.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 20 September 2011 - 04:06 PM