[rhulad]

Granted, it is now 5pm, January 11th and you find yourself in a prison bunk with a large man named Jim lying naked beside you and no recollection of the past 5 days.

I wish this flu I caught would go away.

[Abyss]

Granted. It goes away. To leave room for the ebola virus.

I wish there was a new release movie i felt like seeing in a theatre this weekend.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 06 January 2012 - 05:33 PM, said:

Granted. It goes away. To leave room for the ebola virus.

I wish there was a new release movie i felt like seeing in a theatre this weekend.

Granted, a movie no one was expecting opens called THE CHAIN OF DOGS. It's about some Malazonians or sum such. However, it stars Justin Beiber, in his pathway to world domination, as Crokus. You subsequently claw your eyes out with a spoon (cause it will hurt more) and then eat them in a broth of your own tears.

I wish this day was over so I could order Thai food and drink red wine.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 06 January 2012 - 05:52 PM

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2012 - 05:50 PM, said:

I wish this day was over so I could order Thai food and drink red wine.

Granted. The sun goes out. Better hurry with up that order.

I wish QT would accept that beer goes far better with thai food than red wine does.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted, he does. However, he requires brainwashing performed by your hand, and the only thing that will work is a 48-hour loop of Creedence Clearwater Revival's greatest hits. Both of you must stay inside a small room with fucktastic acoustics and LISTEN.

I wish my haircut was more manageable.

[tiam]

Your haircut is more manageable...

but then you remember that moaning about your hair being unmanageable means you have a vagina and have thus lost your penis

I wish my toe wasnt so infected

[Coco with marshmallows]

tiam, on 07 January 2012 - 12:54 AM, said:

I wish my toe wasnt so infected

Granted. It's amputated.

I wish John Carpenter had made a sequel to Big Trouble in Little China circa 1987/8 with the original stars.

[QuickTidal]

Cocoreturns, on 07 January 2012 - 01:49 AM, said:

tiam, on 07 January 2012 - 12:54 AM, said:

I wish my toe wasnt so infected

Granted. It's amputated.

I wish John Carpenter had made a sequel to Big Trouble in Little China circa 1987/8 with the original stars.

Granted, but Kim Catrall's acting head got too big for her and she had to be killed, by Wang (no horseshit) with a machete....thus causing Jack Burton to freak out, and become a new super Lo Pan, who killed you...for making the wish in the first place. Luckily Egg Chen kept your remains...and meant to do a ritual with them to bring you back to life...sadly he did not get to use them until he was in THE GOLDEN CHILD...you were the booger he wiped on his monkish coat.

I wish there was more red wine!

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 07 January 2012 - 04:34 AM

[Adjutant Stormy~]

Granted, there is, but it's all in storage in Antarctica for posterity.

I wish I had a job that paid more than 40 bucks an hour!

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. You have a job that pays you $100 per hour. Unfortunately, they only require you now 3 hours per week, and thus, you need a second job. McDonald's is hiring part time.

I wish I could teleport where ever I liked whenever I liked.

[Coco with marshmallows]

Adjutant Stormy, on 07 January 2012 - 10:56 AM, said:

Granted, there is, but it's all in storage in Antarctica for posterity.

I wish I had a job that paid more than 40 bucks an hour!

Granted! You have a job that pays 41 bucks an hour. Zimbabwean bucks.

I wish I had bought the winning ticket to last night's Euromillions draw.

[Blind Sapper]

Granted. You drop it down a storm drain and get tetanus trying to recover it.

I wish I could pause time.

[Abyss]

TheBlindSapper, on 08 January 2012 - 04:01 PM, said:

I wish I could pause time.

Granted. You now own a stopwatch.

I wish i could speake/write/understand the Spanish, Japanese and Italian languages.

[rhulad]

Abyss, on 09 January 2012 - 04:03 PM, said:

Granted. You now own a stopwatch.

I wish i could speake/write/understand the Spanish, Japanese and Italian languages.

Granted, you can now understand/write/speak all languages. However due to some complications with your herpes you have gone blind deaf and dumb.

I wish my wife would let me buy a pet badger.

[Abyss]

rhulad, on 09 January 2012 - 04:11 PM, said:

I wish my wife would let me buy a pet badger.

Granted. Your wife graciously allows you to buy a pet badger. That is, the Pet Badger 5000 Wireless Battery-Operated Self Pleasure System Plus. On the bright side, you don't have to get her anything else for Valentine's Day this year.


I wish i could patent that idea and sell it for millions of dollars.

[QuickTidal]

Granted. You sell the idea for a million dollars. However, as a proper Canadian, with your million dollars you only buy (as was recommended by some fully clothed barenaked ladies) enough Kraft Dinner to sink a battleship and proceed to eat yourself into a bright orange-pasta and powdered cheese induced coma. (Note: I am not ragging on the greatness that is KD, I love that shit)


I wish I had various robot me's to do things I don't have time for.

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 09 January 2012 - 07:35 PM, said:

Granted. I wish I had various robot me's to do things I don't have time for.

Granted. And they are so good at doing things you should be doing that your job and your gf no longer need you. If you're lucky one will have time to help you and your books move in at the shelter.

I wish french fries wrapped in bacon were a health food.

[Mentalist]

Abyss, on 09 January 2012 - 07:45 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 09 January 2012 - 07:35 PM, said:

Granted. I wish I had various robot me's to do things I don't have time for.

Granted. And they are so good at doing things you should be doing that your job and your gf no longer need you. If you're lucky one will have time to help you and your books move in at the shelter.

I wish french fries wrapped in bacon were a health food.

granted. As you contently notice the low calorie count, you suddently realize that you have begun counting calories, and are thus, a woman

I wish I could turn back time.

[QuickTidal]

Mentalist, on 09 January 2012 - 08:06 PM, said:

Abyss, on 09 January 2012 - 07:45 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 09 January 2012 - 07:35 PM, said:

Granted. I wish I had various robot me's to do things I don't have time for.

Granted. And they are so good at doing things you should be doing that your job and your gf no longer need you. If you're lucky one will have time to help you and your books move in at the shelter.

I wish french fries wrapped in bacon were a health food.

granted. As you contently notice the low calorie count, you suddently realize that you have begun counting calories, and are thus, a woman

I wish I could turn back time.

Granted. You are able to turn back time, but quickly find out that to do so you must sing "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher (on live TV at New Years) and wear the same scanty outfit she wears in the music video. You do it once, and are lynched by mobs of Cher fans.

I wish drinking coffee didn't give me the jitters....the wonderful, wonderful jitters.

[Abyss]

Granted. Now it gives you the diarrhea....the wonderful, wonderful diarrhea, and the moderate bleeding from your fingernails.

I wish i could decide whether i want chili in a bread bowl or spicy curry over wild rice for dinner tonight.