[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Quote

[Salvador Dalí sent] André Breton[...] letters that described "feeling real pleasure and considerable sexual excitement in reading about" the lynchings of Black Americans [...]

It is unsettling to see visitors taking selfies with Dalí's 1936 masterwork "Soft Construction with Boiled Beans (Premonition of War)" knowing that he painted it a year after he wrote to Breton praising Nazism as the pinnacle of surrealism and dreaming of the "domination or submission to slavery of all the colored races," which "could produce immense possibilities of immediate illusions for white men." Nowhere in the exhibition does the wall text note that Dalí was in fact rejected from the Surrealism group, let alone why. [...]

Some have written off Dalí's predilection for fascism due to his later claim that he only wrote about it to the Surrealist Manifesto author "precisely because Breton did not want to hear about it." Ruffling feathers was indeed one of his favorite pastimes; he was, in today's terms, a perfect troll — though trolling does not negate the impact or violence of his sentiments. Combined with his notorious greed and misogyny, he comes across as surprisingly Trumpian.

The Nightmares Beneath the Surface of "Dreamworld"

[amphibian]

Mezla PigDog, on 18 January 2026 - 08:43 AM, said:

Double post. Life has been pretty shite lately. My son has been having anxiety attacks. He's 9, he has nothing real to worry about. I don't THINK we have been terrible parents although I am sure we have our blindspots. I know anxiety is a thing that some people just have, it's how they are wired. I feel we could have handled it reasonably well except he throws up! So if he's at school he is sent home for 48 hrs, if he isn't with a parent he is sent home, or if he is out with us it's a bloody faff to sort it out and we're treading on eggshells all the time to avoid the puke. My nerves have been shredded. It's also got to be really bad for him physically to be throwing up so often. So our lives shrunk a lot while we tried to break the cycle of puking as the more he pukes, the easier it seems to come. Bless the little bugger, he's played football matches immediately after puking, been sent to holiday camps, trick or treat, aeroplane flights. He self-moderates by refusing breakfast a lot. He bounces back pretty quickly once he does puke but the build up is a nightmare as he doesn't want to puke, he doesn't even know why he feels sick, we don't want him to puke, but puking seems to be a release. We have been trying to break the cycle. Me and Mr PigDog haven't been getting along as we disagree with how to deal with it, which obviously helps nothing if not actively makes it worse. Everyone has an opinion on what to do but I'm the one the kid ultimately comes to for comfort.

Anyway, after 9 months of a lot of puking we're on about 12 months of it kind of being under control with occasional relapses. It has been replaced slightly with needing to wee but that's perfectly manageable! Physical causes have been ruled out so it's definitely psychological.

So now there is bandwidth to deal with the root cause of the anxiety. He's always been a high energy kid, not one for sitting down and he hates school work - anything where he has to hold a pencil is a battle. But he can do it. As the rest of his class settle down as they get older he is starting to stand out more. So his school last week said they think we should get him tested for neurodiversity. They don't lean towards a specific condition (which doesn't fecking help) but they think it's the only thing to explain what is going on. So we'll be doing that but if he does have something I expect it's borderline or otherwise we would have gone in that direction much younger. I'm leaning towards ADHD but he doesn't fit that many of the criteria (not that I'm an expert). However over diagnosis is a real thing now (not remotely criticising anyone with a diagnosis, it's just a big complicated thing). So I don't want him to be diagnosed with something he doesn't have. Or waste time going up a blind alley.

We had a good run at home over autumn so I kicked off looking for a new job because my current one makes me unhappy and I have been massively overworked now for years. It's a big task to look for a job, and work and parent and just generally do life. We have no family nearby (they wouldn't be helpful if they were) and friends he can go to are limited due to the puking.

So I'm climbing the walls basically. I know the right thing to do for each specific issue but there aren't enough hours in the frickin day.

For a child, a diagnosis mostly is for two things - to get school supports that may be available and for identity. Both are fairly important even if the diagnosis changes over time or isn't immediately accurate.

Going through the time period of uncertainty is a tough thing and I hope that it's smoother in the near future than it has been. There's no one answer or method to any of this and the journey will have to be together, with your son probably leading more and more as he gets older. You're doing the right things.

I will say that in my limited experience (only a few dozen stories shared directly with me or my group due to my day job), vomiting pops up as being linked to autism.

A colleague of mine shared this multiple times because this well written essay truly spoke to them. It may be helpful to others reading this:
https://hbr.org/2021...101765308333317

This post has been edited by amphibian: 19 January 2026 - 07:17 AM

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Mezla PigDog, on 18 January 2026 - 08:43 AM, said:

Double post. Life has been pretty shite lately. My son has been having anxiety attacks. He's 9, he has nothing real to worry about. I don't THINK we have been terrible parents although I am sure we have our blindspots. I know anxiety is a thing that some people just have, it's how they are wired. I feel we could have handled it reasonably well except he throws up! So if he's at school he is sent home for 48 hrs, if he isn't with a parent he is sent home, or if he is out with us it's a bloody faff to sort it out and we're treading on eggshells all the time to avoid the puke. My nerves have been shredded. It's also got to be really bad for him physically to be throwing up so often. So our lives shrunk a lot while we tried to break the cycle of puking as the more he pukes, the easier it seems to come. Bless the little bugger, he's played football matches immediately after puking, been sent to holiday camps, trick or treat, aeroplane flights. He self-moderates by refusing breakfast a lot. He bounces back pretty quickly once he does puke but the build up is a nightmare as he doesn't want to puke, he doesn't even know why he feels sick, we don't want him to puke, but puking seems to be a release. We have been trying to break the cycle. Me and Mr PigDog haven't been getting along as we disagree with how to deal with it, which obviously helps nothing if not actively makes it worse. Everyone has an opinion on what to do but I'm the one the kid ultimately comes to for comfort.

Anyway, after 9 months of a lot of puking we're on about 12 months of it kind of being under control with occasional relapses. It has been replaced slightly with needing to wee but that's perfectly manageable! Physical causes have been ruled out so it's definitely psychological.

So now there is bandwidth to deal with the root cause of the anxiety. He's always been a high energy kid, not one for sitting down and he hates school work - anything where he has to hold a pencil is a battle. But he can do it. As the rest of his class settle down as they get older he is starting to stand out more. So his school last week said they think we should get him tested for neurodiversity. They don't lean towards a specific condition (which doesn't fecking help) but they think it's the only thing to explain what is going on. So we'll be doing that but if he does have something I expect it's borderline or otherwise we would have gone in that direction much younger. I'm leaning towards ADHD but he doesn't fit that many of the criteria (not that I'm an expert). However over diagnosis is a real thing now (not remotely criticising anyone with a diagnosis, it's just a big complicated thing). So I don't want him to be diagnosed with something he doesn't have. Or waste time going up a blind alley.

We had a good run at home over autumn so I kicked off looking for a new job because my current one makes me unhappy and I have been massively overworked now for years. It's a big task to look for a job, and work and parent and just generally do life. We have no family nearby (they wouldn't be helpful if they were) and friends he can go to are limited due to the puking.

So I'm climbing the walls basically. I know the right thing to do for each specific issue but there aren't enough hours in the frickin day.

I'm really sorry to read this, it's an awful lot for you all at once. I hope the job hunt goes well though, that's a huge part of your life to be making you unhappy.

I second a lot of what Cyphon has said above - one of my close friend's son is currently waiting for assessment for ADHD and dyslexia (though neuropsychology is her field and she thinks he is to quote her "a proper generalist" and has autism as well) - their process was also begun by the school flagging it to them and asking for it to be looked into at I think 6 in his case. It seemed to echo Cyphon's point about it being when higher expectations to sit still, calm down and do you work kick in. As amph said, the diagnosis (if one is applicable) is as much about accessing support that's available for him as anything else. From my limited anecdotal knowledge from friends who are parents of ND kids, the assessment for a child is much more behaviour and observation based and relies far less on reporting than my adult one for autism did (by it's very nature, for an adult it's a lot of self-reporting). I'm not saying providers who aren't thorough and are unscrupulous don't exist, but with a good one I'd suggest the chance of a false positive diagnosis isn't very high at all.

There are a lot of people being diagnosed as adults now because it was missed when they were children (particularly women, because until the mid-90s "only boys could have autism and ADHD" because there was no recognition of the presentation in girls being different) - and I think there are plenty of people for whom had it been picked up on earlier some aspects of their lives might have been easier.

I'm glad the vomiting seems to have calmed down for the most part though - that sounds so stressful for all of you.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 19 January 2026 - 08:32 AM

[Grief]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through it Mez.

One things I'll add, to all the good points above, is that there is a flipside to your (valid) concern about over-diagnosis. While adult diagnosis is getting more common, it is still far more difficult to get diagnosed as an adult if you weren't diagnosed as a kid as far as I know. And really the sooner you know the better.

You're probably right that it would have been picked up already if he was very far along the spectrum, but I know a few people who still find their ADHD horrid -- and where it really does affect their quality of life a lot -- even if outwardly they look like they're keeping above water. Even though society is way more aware of it these days, I get the impression it's still fairly easy for people to slip through the cracks without getting diagnosed if they're not causing trouble at school. A common thread with my neurodivergent friends is that they're smart people who tended to be passionate about suitably "academic" topics, so they got good grades and never got picked up by the school system. Schools can be so stretched that you don't get much attention if you're not a problem.

I've also heard that ADHD is often mis-diagnosed or initially diagnosed as anxiety (though especially in women) because difficult to manage symptoms can present quite similarly.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Grief, on 22 January 2026 - 10:58 PM, said:

Even though society is way more aware of it these days, I get the impression it's still fairly easy for people to slip through the cracks without getting diagnosed if they're not causing trouble at school. A common thread with my neurodivergent friends is that they're smart people who tended to be passionate about suitably "academic" topics, so they got good grades and never got picked up by the school system. Schools can be so stretched that you don't get much attention if you're not a problem.

Though it was autism rather than ADHD in my case - this is a very large part of why I got to 35 before being diagnosed. I was a smart straight-A kid who behaved herself (very rules-focused and liked order and routine...) and had somewhat stereotypical or at least acceptable interests (horses, specific bits of history etc) - wall to wall "model pupil" reports at parents' evenings etc.

The added complication for me was I have a Fibromyalgia diagnosis so all of the overwhelming sensory stuff was parcelled up under that and never investigated further, but the "not being a problem" at school was I suspect the major player.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 23 January 2026 - 08:03 AM

[Cause]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 23 January 2026 - 07:58 AM, said:

Grief, on 22 January 2026 - 10:58 PM, said:

Even though society is way more aware of it these days, I get the impression it's still fairly easy for people to slip through the cracks without getting diagnosed if they're not causing trouble at school. A common thread with my neurodivergent friends is that they're smart people who tended to be passionate about suitably "academic" topics, so they got good grades and never got picked up by the school system. Schools can be so stretched that you don't get much attention if you're not a problem.

Though it was autism rather than ADHD in my case - this is a very large part of why I got to 35 before being diagnosed. I was a smart straight-A kid who behaved herself (very rules-focused and liked order and routine...) and had somewhat stereotypical or at least acceptable interests (horses, specific bits of history etc) - wall to wall "model pupil" reports at parents' evenings etc.

The added complication for me was I have a Fibromyalgia diagnosis so all of the overwhelming sensory stuff was parcelled up under that and never investigated further, but the "not being a problem" at school was I suspect the major player.

I think this happened to me. I wasn't a straight A student in school but in Highschool I got As and Bs in almost everything but the important thing was I did it without trying. I would listen to a teacher in class, read the book once and for the most part I had it. I didn't study English, I just followed my instincts of my own language and it was enough. Biology and physics came easy to me and I could memorize facts and recite them without issue. The warning sign that was ignored was that I was terrible at Afrikaans, the mandatory second language. I passed by the barest minimum. You cant just get a language you have to practice it and I never did. I never studied. Ever. Maybe the night before an exam when the pressure was finally enough. I might have been in my room with a book open but I wasn't studying I couldn't. I dont fidget, I am not hyperactive, I was well behaved but I could never do anything I found boring. University was a wake up call because no longer could I just get things, I had to put in the work and it was a struggle. Every assignment was completed the night before. Only the pressure of the deadline could force me to action.

As an adult I struggle with starting and sustaining tasks. I can see an unpacked box every day for a year and think I should unpack that and still bever get around to it. I want to have this looked at more professionally this year. On certain medications I can only describe the benefit as the distance between thinking I should do something and actually doing it is shorter. I should wash the dishes actually becomes me standing up and walking to the sink to do it, almost before I realize I am acting sometimes. Doesn't allow me to do what I dont want to do but it helps.

My point in sharing this, I guess, is simply to say these things manifest in all sorts of ways and they dont always cause problems but they can hold us back from our full potential reagardless. If in any doubt seek an expert. At least you might know waht it isnt even if you dont know what it is. If he does get a diagnosis I would say document his behaviour your self in writing so you can look at it and make an objective evaluation on if any medication is helping or hurting. Memory is too subjective on its own over a long period of time. Also watch out for side effects, my nephew had a really bad reaction to adhd meds.

This post has been edited by Cause: 23 January 2026 - 08:15 PM

[BK (NTS no politics)]

Ugh why can’t I cook steak…chicken too for that matter. Give me frog legs, pork or burgers and I’ll make ya need to wipe the drool off your chin with just the scent alone.

I just ate a piece of rubber with seasoning.

Starting to get a bit icy rain. Hope power stays on. Lots of outages in northern Louisiana already.

[Maark Abbott]

For chicken, let's say I have 1.5kg of it for our lunches, I'll dice it, pan fry on high for about 15m, and then turn the heat off and put a lid over the top and just kinda let it finish itself off. Gotta make sure it's at least 80% cooked on the outside for this to work and I don't know how it works on a non-electric stove, but it usually comes out beat for us. Could be worth a go?

[Cause]

My fellow Americans. Why is everyone freaking out about the storm. Even Boston is acting like it’s the apocalypse, people panic emptied shelves. The weather alerts are coming in steady, the mayor gave a press briefing. It’s 10 inches of snow.

In my 2 Boston winters, this being the second, this seems very normal for Boston.

[Tsundoku]

What is this "snow" of which you speak?

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 26 January 2026 - 03:31 AM

[worry]

Cause, on 26 January 2026 - 12:53 AM, said:

My fellow Americans. Why is everyone freaking out about the storm. Even Boston is acting like it's the apocalypse, people panic emptied shelves. The weather alerts are coming in steady, the mayor gave a press briefing. It's 10 inches of snow.

In my 2 Boston winters, this being the second, this seems very normal for Boston.

The fears are largely for areas of the country less experienced with ice storms (or extraordinary amounts of snow, but more so ice storms) who may have insufficient or downright poor infrastructure. There will be power outages, accidents, and the inability to travel some roads, whether it's regular folks going out for necessities or first responders for emergencies. Right now there are about 850,000 people without power experiencing these conditions.

I wouldn't expect deaths at even remotely the number for like European heat waves or anything like that, but the potential for prolonged distressed conditions is there for a lot of people. Hopefully the early warning means folks (and FEMA) are over-prepared.

[QuickTidal]

Cause, on 26 January 2026 - 12:53 AM, said:

My fellow Americans. Why is everyone freaking out about the storm. Even Boston is acting like it’s the apocalypse, people panic emptied shelves. The weather alerts are coming in steady, the mayor gave a press briefing. It’s 10 inches of snow.

In my 2 Boston winters, this being the second, this seems very normal for Boston.

To be fair, we in Canada got the edge of it and it delivered more snow than I’ve seen in one dropping in about 25 years…like 35-50cm in some places. So it’s going to be big for the places that don’t get snow at all or don’t get this much snow.

Like my office texted us last night to tell is they are keeping it closed today and to stay home…that’s NEVER happened in the 16 years I’ve been there.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 26 January 2026 - 03:46 PM

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Cause, on 26 January 2026 - 12:53 AM, said:

My fellow Americans. Why is everyone freaking out about the storm. Even Boston is acting like it's the apocalypse, people panic emptied shelves. The weather alerts are coming in steady, the mayor gave a press briefing. It's 10 inches of snow.

In my 2 Boston winters, this being the second, this seems very normal for Boston.

Apparently doesn't seem to be the case in Philadelphia:

pennsylvania is in a state of emergency. "everyone stay inside". philadelphia: (video)

... though I suspect these videos are probably from before the storm.

For those who don't immediately recognize them through the snow, those are the Art Museum stairs (from the Rocky movies).

In my youth I might have sledded down them sans sled. Just rolling through the snow...

Saw another video of some guy lying down on a sled tied to the back of a moving car... other cars flying past.

[Maark Abbott]

It's because everyone worth a damn hates any kind of ice.

ANY. KIND. OF. ICE.

[worry]

Have you seen Strangers On A Train?

[QuickTidal]

worry, on 27 January 2026 - 03:53 PM, said:

Have you seen Strangers On A Train?

I have not, the wiki leads me to wonder how it's applicable? LOL

[Macros]

This is a tough situation.
Not talking to him is obviously the easiest way to avoid conversations that will likely inevitably escalate into disagreements.
But that has its own obvious issues, what arent you speaking to to him? Cause hes a cock will be an answer that will likely spawn the argument anyway.


There is no easy answer, I'd say your approach of limit talking as much as possible is the path of least resistance.

I will ask, and tell me to fuck off if you feel it warrants it. Why bother with the holidays?
Family smamily, blood is thicker than water and all that crock of shit can fuck off as far as Im concerned, you pick your friends, your family is an accident of birth. A stressful holiday is not a holiday, its a waste of money and vacation time.

[Abyss]

Options:

1. Don't go, explain why;
2. Don't go, make up excuse;
3. Go, play nice, avoid clashing;
4. Go, and screw him, say what you want to say;

.... the follow up to each is pretty easy to see, it's really just down to how far you're willing to bend for the sake of peace in the family. You're willing to work w '3', fair enough, you can always switch to '4' if needed/wanted.

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 27 January 2026 - 07:42 PM, said:

Abyss, on 27 January 2026 - 07:23 PM, said:

Options:

1. Don't go, explain why;
2. Don't go, make up excuse;
3. Go, play nice, avoid clashing;
4. Go, and screw him, say what you want to say;

.... the follow up to each is pretty easy to see, it's really just down to how far you're willing to bend for the sake of peace in the family. You're willing to work w '3', fair enough, you can always switch to '4' if needed/wanted.

I do have to go, as it's paid for already, but solid advice nonetheless.

I'll likely find some happy medium between 3 and 4...with the caveat being that unless he brings up this shit to me, I'll just avoid talking to him as much as possible.

worse case, hey, canadians go missing in mexico all the time...

[Tiste Simeon]

I'm like you QT, sometimes things need to be said. Thankfully none of my family are that bad, though one of my brothers in particular is quite... hmm, I will use the term centrist and hope it conveys it. He's certainly not pro-Trump/Brexit/etc. and would not claim to be right wing (though perhaps he skews more that way in terms of economics etc.) and the two of us can wind each other up..,.

Anyway I think you have to go planning to not rock the boat but prepared to stand your ground. The comments he made on the phone make me think he is going to cause drama regardless of what you do. Like I said. Not planning on starting anything but being prepared for something to be started is the best advice I can give.

Or, you know, day one just go in swinging with "So I hear you love pedos now" then go and find your room!