[QuickTidal]

Tiste Simeon, on 06 August 2025 - 06:07 PM, said:

Sounds like the ball in his court now QT. You owned up to your mistake and tried to make it good and he acted like a petulant child about it. I wouldn't try to go after him or further explain yourself now. That would just further solidify the awkwardness and not help the situation. Some people are like that. Fwiw while the original intent was likely genuine, and he possibly was a bit hurt by your reaction, the way he has dealt with it since kind of justifies how you dealt with it at the time.

I agree. I don't interact with him now other than for work, or saying hi in the hallways. But I was curious if anyone felt I missed anything that would result in him being like this half a year later.

thanks man.

[Tiste Simeon]

Yeah I don't think so. Admittedly your initial response was not great and I can understand someone getting a bit put out by it. But a normal grown up would get over it even without you then owning it, apologising and trying to make amends.

Some people like to be the victim is all I can think of.

[amphibian]

I don't know the dynamics of the workplace or the work friendship beyond that post, so keep that in mind as you read the following.

For three years or so, this guy was coming over and chatting with you, where you would respond and keep it genial - even with the occasional ick story or talk from him. Then he offers you his number and help when you move to the town he's in, which he knows because you've told him.

Your reaction of not wanting to do that was fine. The response of the weird joke took it from a blunt turn down to something stranger. The apology was fine - but did not come with a "sure, I will be friends with you outside work." I also consider that this guy is the guy who would say the ick stuff and so on.

The ice cold response after is probably the best this particular guy can do. And you do miss the genial talk side, otherwise the story would have been told differently.

Maybe there's room for the finding of an actual work friend who is also an outside friend - although it isn't going to be him for the ick stuff and so on - someday. Good luck.

[Mentalist]

Not sure if AC, or allergies.

But I caught a cold.
Can't stop sneezing. In the middle of summer heat wave.

This is insanely annoying.

[Cause]

When someone died my community responds in two ways:

A) You bring food to the home of the survivors, the idea being that in their grief they do not have time for the tedium of day to day chores and this is a way to alleviate their burden. Today however more than half my contacts live in different cities or even countries from me. Sending a doordash voucher doesn't seem to carry the same meaning, they could order the food that way anyway. I am just sending cash at that point. Maybe for someone who wouldn't because of the financial burden but I don't think that the case with the vast majority of people I know.

We always say 'we wish you and your family long life'. I used to think that was a common Jewish phrase but its actually rather specific to the South African Jewish community with some small use in the UK too apparently. I think to people not used to hearing it, it actually sounds strange.

So what's a meaningful gesture in this modern world to tell someone 100s of miles away that you care, and are sorry for their loss? I find just saying it feels so cheap and akward. I mean anyone can say anything, an acquutance at the coffee shop could give condolences. Showing up at prayers, a funeral, providing food are tangible gestures but they don't work long distance.

Edit-Wow unfortuante emoji coding

This post has been edited by Cause: 13 August 2025 - 03:33 PM

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Cause, on 13 August 2025 - 03:33 PM, said:

When someone died my community responds in two ways:

A) You bring food to the home of the survivors, the idea being that in their grief they do not have time for the tedium of day to day chores and this is a way to alleviate their burden. Today however more than half my contacts live in different cities or even countries from me. Sending a doordash voucher doesn't seem to carry the same meaning, they could order the food that way anyway. I am just sending cash at that point. Maybe for someone who wouldn't because of the financial burden but I don't think that the case with the vast majority of people I know.

We always say 'we wish you and your family long life'. I used to think that was a common Jewish phrase but its actually rather specific to the South African Jewish community with some small use in the UK too apparently. I think to people not used to hearing it, it actually sounds strange.

So what's a meaningful gesture in this modern world to tell someone 100s of miles away that you care, and are sorry for their loss? I find just saying it feels so cheap and akward. I mean anyone can say anything, an acquutance at the coffee shop could give condolences. Showing up at prayers, a funeral, providing food are tangible gestures but they don't work long distance.

Edit-Wow unfortuante emoji coding

And jetting there and back would be terrible for the environment.

So the solution is to travel there by VR/AR. Maybe give them a robo-hug (eventually brain implants may allow for this to be some sort of personalized sensory imagery... though in the meantime VR/AR, with the aid of AI, will make it relatively easy to create and tweak personalized visual and auditory imagery; implants might allow for direct feeling of emotion---of transmitted emotion, that is).

"Live long and prosper" might seem a bit less weird to more people---for better or worse. Provided you don't say it in Vulcan. (Klingon will certainly be more widely understood... though people who don't know it might understand something other than what you intended.)

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

MODGOD NOTICE OF Azath - reset your inner filter, the one that stops your posts from moving from nonsense to offensive stupidity.

This post has been edited by Abyss: 18 August 2025 - 04:19 AM

[amphibian]

Cause, on 13 August 2025 - 03:33 PM, said:

When someone died my community responds in two ways:

A) You bring food to the home of the survivors, the idea being that in their grief they do not have time for the tedium of day to day chores and this is a way to alleviate their burden. Today however more than half my contacts live in different cities or even countries from me. Sending a doordash voucher doesn't seem to carry the same meaning, they could order the food that way anyway. I am just sending cash at that point. Maybe for someone who wouldn't because of the financial burden but I don't think that the case with the vast majority of people I know.

We always say 'we wish you and your family long life'. I used to think that was a common Jewish phrase but its actually rather specific to the South African Jewish community with some small use in the UK too apparently. I think to people not used to hearing it, it actually sounds strange.

So what's a meaningful gesture in this modern world to tell someone 100s of miles away that you care, and are sorry for their loss? I find just saying it feels so cheap and akward. I mean anyone can say anything, an acquutance at the coffee shop could give condolences. Showing up at prayers, a funeral, providing food are tangible gestures but they don't work long distance.

Edit-Wow unfortuante emoji coding

Sending them a grocery store delivery, gift basket, or food delivery gift card is still super legit in making things easier.

In my family and friends group, there's been long term health issues, emergencies, and the occasional "everyone is sick bc the child brought a stomach bug home and we haven't been able to grocery shop". Getting food over to them by any means that eases the burden of procuring that food does help.

It also helps if there's some level of communication that can help emotionally - whether it's to be a listening ear, someone to be distracted by, or someone to help plan things out.

Any combination of the above, even from afar, is worthwhile and is appreciated.

[Briar King]

The fuck is wrong with this site? I been trying to log in for over a week now. Bad gateway whatever the fuck that means.

[Abyss]

Azath Vitr (D, on 13 August 2025 - 04:06 PM, said:

MODGOD NOTICE OF Azath - reset your inner filter, the one that stops your posts from moving from nonsense to offensive stupidity.

REPOSTING AS REPLY IN CASE THE MESSAGE WAS TOO FAR UPTHREAD TO LAND.

[Abyss]

Cause, on 13 August 2025 - 03:33 PM, said:

When someone died my community responds in two ways:

A) You bring food to the home of the survivors, the idea being that in their grief they do not have time for the tedium of day to day chores and this is a way to alleviate their burden. Today however more than half my contacts live in different cities or even countries from me. Sending a doordash voucher doesn't seem to carry the same meaning, they could order the food that way anyway. I am just sending cash at that point. Maybe for someone who wouldn't because of the financial burden but I don't think that the case with the vast majority of people I know.

We always say 'we wish you and your family long life'. I used to think that was a common Jewish phrase but its actually rather specific to the South African Jewish community with some small use in the UK too apparently. I think to people not used to hearing it, it actually sounds strange.

So what's a meaningful gesture in this modern world to tell someone 100s of miles away that you care, and are sorry for their loss? I find just saying it feels so cheap and akward. I mean anyone can say anything, an acquutance at the coffee shop could give condolences. Showing up at prayers, a funeral, providing food are tangible gestures but they don't work long distance.

Edit-Wow unfortuante emoji coding

My $0.02... Condolence card, sincere handwritten message that includes that you wish you could be there to express the message in person, sent in the mail.
That you take the time to do this despite all the tech that makes instant messages so simple and fast actually counts for a lot.

[QuickTidal]

My sons ADHD makes it sometimes hard to manage him, but my wife and I (and to an extent our daughter) have learned tactics to help ease him through outbursts and issues...his cousins don't get it.

My sister in law (who I have always butted heads with) also doesn't get it...while simultaneously dealing with her own Neurodivergent child, but not offering the same quarter to her nephew. It's baffling.

Everyone is at the cottage right now, together (since Sunday), I'm not there yet, heading up tonight as I had to work.

Anyways, the other kids (11, 10, 9, 9, 9, 8) all reject him (6.5) playing with them, get angry at him for hyperfixations (like a song he'll repeatedly sing, or some phrase he focuses on saying over and over), or last ight when all the kids were sleeping in the same room together, but some of them threw an absolute screaming fit when my son said he wanted to join them. with 11 saying that he would keep them up, or wake up in the night and disturb them...My sister in law automatically jumped on her kids side (she always does this, she does not have a "let's look at this in a balanced way" bone in her body...if her kids are involved, she's on their side no matter what they do), of the two that kicked off hardest (11 and 9) about it, 11 is the one with her own neurodivergence and my sister in law told my wife to "Watch what she says around 11, as she's going internalize it and it will affect her mental health"....not even a whisper of a thought for how her nephew will feel being roundly rejected by the whole group of kids. Son eventually was so upset that my wife had to sit with him in her room till he cried himself to sleep.

As someone who is far away and can't be there to help yet, this made me angry....yes they are just kids but my gods, have a talk with them about how he can't help his emotions and behaviour and he's trying his best.

Sidebar: last time this happened, my 9 year old nephew was getting annoyed by my son and angrily shouting at him to stop (I think he was singing a song) and my sister in law said to my son "I'm just warning you that 9 has been known to use physical violence recently when he gets upset, so you better stop bothering him"....so her son resorting to violence becuase he's annoyed is AOK and if he attacks your nephew that's okay too? WHAT THE HECK? This same nephew last time we were up there out of the blue called me Uncle Fatty...I told his mom and she laughed and said "Ah he's a kid"

Anyways, this morning my son slept the longest (which is usually his thing, he's a good sleeper) and my wife pointed that out to my sister in law who immediately got her back up again and said "He wouldn't' have if he'd slept up there with the kids"...just....ugh.


So now I'm walking into a fraught family vacation here everyone is in a mood, and I have to keep my cool, while also making sure to support my son as he navigates all this. My goal is to make sure he knows that I know he's trying his best, and it's not his fault and that his cousins simply cannot understand and their mother is not bothering to help them to.

So...weeeeee....looking forward to relaxing at the cottage /s

sigh

[worry]

Sorry, man, that sounds awful. Your SIL should be modeling much better behavior, and is completely failing. The cousins are following her lead. Bully kids from bully parents.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

I'm so sorry QT, that sounds dreadful. Your SIL is an adult and she's letting everyone involved down by not behaving like one and modelling such to her kids.

[worry]

RIP to Graham Greene. To Canadians, he may have just been a recurring character on the Red Green Show, but to the rest of the world he was a venerable film, stage, and television actor for many decades.

[QuickTidal]

worry, on 02 September 2025 - 05:52 AM, said:

RIP to Graham Greene. To Canadians, he may have just been a recurring character on the Red Green Show, but to the rest of the world he was a venerable film, stage, and television actor for many decades.

Sad to see such a great actor die so young. He's been in Canadian Content since I was a kid. He will be missed.

[Slow Ben]

That stinks.


He was so good in everything. But he was absolutely phenomenal in his small role in The Green Mile.

[Briar King]

Love Bugs and meth heads..

[Cause]

Please forgive some first world grumbling, or as I have recently discovered it mockingly referred to as 'oh no my steak is too juicy and my lobster too buttery':

I have found myself over the last few weeks contemplating inflation, enshittification, shrinklfation and also the thread in the discussion forum about the west vs China.

I travel a lot for my job. I have high status with airlines, hotels and the perks that come with it.

I guess one of the primary factors that started this round of negative thinking was I recently achieved a bucket list aspiration. I was upgraded for free to a first class cabin from LA to Boston. I have always wanted to experience this and while I have been upgraded to first class before its been on domestic first class seating which is really just a bigger chair. This was a true Delta One cabin with lie flat seats, a welcome ammenity and a meal served on white linen. It was a fun experience (its not worth paying for by the way unless your closing a million dollar deal the same day you land and you need to be alert) and I am very glad I got it. I also know that Delta One is not comparable to the propaganda airlines like Emirates or Qatar which exist to advertise the opulence and wealth of their countries and bring in business and tourism. The only thing about the experience that actually was a stand out improvement was the lie flat seat whose value increases the longer the flight is. Otherwise being served a meal was nice, but I remember a time when meals were served in all cabins and I am not that old. I feel like I accomplished my bucket list goal only to immediatly feel like no I need to aim for a better experience for it to count.

It made me realize that in addition to record inflation (generally) the last few years we have of course been facing enshittification of the airline industry for decades. Whatever the reasoning or the excuse or validity of the practices we now have to pay to check bags, overhead baggage space is not guaranteed. Even for a 6.5 hour flight from east coast to west coast no longer includes a meal or even a free snack beyond a small bag of pretzels or biscoff cookies and soda. Relevant with todays headlines airlines overbook flights, cancel or delay them regularly and they feel no obligation to offer amends and now the regulation that might have forced them too has been repealed. I am not a big drinker but I have started to ask for a vodka or rum on flights to collect the mini bottles. I thought it would be amusing the next time I hosted a board game night or something I could serve everyone mini bottles from my stash. My grandfather used to collect and display these bottles form his trips. His 'bar area' had beautiful mini bottles of the whiskeys he enjoyed. They were beautiful glass bottles, with beautiful designs with gold or other bright embelishents. Today these bottles are just plastic. This one is petty I know, plastic is cheaper and less prone to breakage but also glass is just a superiro storage material. Nevertheless Ill include it as it nevertheless is worse than examples I can remeber from the past.

Hotels will award me with a free bottle of water as a loyalty bonus. A bottle of water! This used to be considered a common courtesy. From overcrowded airport lounges, to weaker credit card benefits everything I encounter in this travel space was better 5 years ago, even better 10 years ago, and best 20 years ago. A dollar gets you less not just as inflation raises prices but in the experience it buys you. The actual inflation is therefore much higher than it might even seem.

Also by contrast I have seen this week for example a 24 hour spa in china that costs 30 dollars to enter, and be provided unlimited food, drinks, and access to private pods, pools, saunas etc. It looks incredible and for the price a great way to spend a relaxing Saturday. A pod hotel in NYC on the hand still costs 250 dollars a night somehow. Now I know from my experiences with USA and south africa that different countries are not really comparable. While 30 dollars are nothing to me now, in china its presumable a different story for most who will earn less on average. I dont want to experience wonders at the cost of the toil of a working class who earns peanuts but I think this kind of contrast that you might see on social media is one of the reasons that China might be seen to be winning.

I often use the example that a cleaning service in America costs 150 dollars for an hours work whenre in south africa you could employ someone full time for 300 dollars a month. South Africa is not winning at anything.

Anyway thats my first world rant for now

[Macros]

I agree with you on everything being trimmed back on travel side (fly Ryanir if youre ever in Europe, for the highlight reel of that)

$150 for an hour would need to be a 3 person team who blitz you apartment in that time, cleaners here are £20/£30 and hour.
I will take issue with your SA cleaner comparision because its a personal bugbear of mine, the 'domestics'always make me massively uncomfortable when I'm down there or chatting to our friends/family. It's not great value, its paying a slave wage to a live in or someone who lives in a township. And the argument that its more than they would get if they had no job or you can't afford to pay them more does not fly with me, most of these people have 2 good cars, live in decent houses and eat out regularly, if you c9uld not survive on what you pay them, its not enough

This post has been edited by Macros: 07 September 2025 - 06:03 AM