[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

QuickTidal, on 09 June 2025 - 01:00 PM, said:

So we've been trying out different meds for our sons ADHD, and the first one didn't seem to do too much and his focus was still a little wild, and then second one was working for focus, but he still had a few emotional outbursts and seemed sad while doing events that should make him happy (like rides at the amusement park) so we asked to switch again, but then he tried this new type of med and he was on it for two days...day one he was up in the middle of the night with nightmares and we thought it was a one-off, but then on night 2 my wife was out of town and he came to me TERRIFIED. He said he heard a mans voice in his room, and footsteps, and noises in the walls. ...So I looked up this new med and the MAIN side effect on the mental side is auditory hallucinations. Like the Paediatrician didn't tel us this was possible? I'm a little annoyed. Anyways, the poor lad was so scared so I let him sit up with me a while and then asked if he would rather sleep on the inflatable mattress in his sisters room to have company and not be scared and he said yeah. So I set him up and his sister comforted him. I told him that I believed him in what he heard and that it was probably his meds and that I would make sure he'd never have to take those again. Then I sat on the stairs outside her room and wept. I felt HORRIBLE that we'd given him a medication that would produce these things and make him so scared in his own house, in his own room. I sat there for 2 hours to make sure he was okay and didn't wake up scared again until my wife came home, and she picked him up and brought him into our room to keep an eye on him while he slept.


Needless to say that we didn't re-administer that medication the next day. I'm so dejected by the search for the medication that will work and how some of them seem to work in some ways and not at all in others. This process is not easy on him, and it's not easy on us either. I just want him to be happy, and safe, and cared for.


Daughter goes for a psychoeducational evaluation (a comprehensive assessment of a student's cognitive, academic, and socio-emotional functioning) on Friday, she's more than a grade behind in reading and writing. This was recommended to us by more than a few teachers and administrators who work with her. So that's another thing to have to struggle through.


Some weeks parenting is way harder than even you'd think it is. It's super emotionally draining.

This is all really hard, and I'm sorry that latest medication was so awful for him. I'm amazed the paediatrician didn't flag that possibility up in flashing neon letters!

Has there been any development with the girl who was being awful to your daughter at school?

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: Yesterday, 01:32 PM

[QuickTidal]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 09 June 2025 - 01:32 PM, said:

Has there been any development with the girl who was being awful to your daughter at school?

As far as I can tell, she's backed off a bit. Enough that my daughter doesn't mention it anymore, but still doesn't like her. It sounds as if the girl got spoken to enough that either her parents finally reined her in, or the school started threatening extra punishment. It didn't hard stop, but the constant bullying seemed to cease. She's now just an unpleasant person in her class who many kids don't like.


I'm keeping an eye on it, but escalating it to the principal seemed to work.

[Tiste Simeon]

Oh QT I'm so sorry that happened, it's heartbreaking when you can't help your children in the way you wish you could. Like all things you just have to keep pressing on. You've got this man!

[amphibian]

Going through the carousel of medications for ADHD is hard for adults - it's even harder for kids. There may be real value in asking for a second opinion in form of a review by a different pediatrician.

I am glad you were there for him during this. Well done there, even as you felt awful.

Retired Bridge burner - what a rough time you had.

I think there's something going on that's medical and beyond your ability to deal (anyone besides him, really). He's afraid of losing connections, afraid of what you not having kids would be like, and quite willing to be a total scrub about yammering to you non stop to not hear the fear whispering.

The times you stood up for yourself included the times you exited the situation, the times when you redirected, the times when you said that's not right, and when you put in a good try. There's not more to be done. This isn't your responsibility to manage.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

amphibian, on 10 June 2025 - 03:50 AM, said:

Retired Bridge burner - what a rough time you had.

I think there's something going on that's medical and beyond your ability to deal (anyone besides him, really). He's afraid of losing connections, afraid of what you not having kids would be like, and quite willing to be a total scrub about yammering to you non stop to not hear the fear whispering.

The times you stood up for yourself included the times you exited the situation, the times when you redirected, the times when you said that's not right, and when you put in a good try. There's not more to be done. This isn't your responsibility to manage.

Thank you amph. I think you're spot on with the medical point - we are fairly sure he is depressed (or something very much in that ballpark) but there is also not even a remote chance he will ever seek help or indeed help himself. Any sensible suggestions of even low hanging fruit ways to help himself spawn frequent rants about "why does everyone try to tell me what to do".

It is sad to watch him be so unhappy, but at the same time it's been near enough 18 years of this with absolutely no effort on his part so my sympathy and patience are more limited than they once were. For context of the 18 year comment - it's all post-divorce. Believe it or not, I had a wonderful dad before then.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: Today, 08:21 AM