[Gwynn ap Nudd]

So, it turns out the flu I thought I had over the weekend was Covid. Someone else was sick at work last week. They came to work feeling fine, but started feeling ill in the afternoon and left pretty much immediately. After leaving, they went home and took a Covid test which came up positive. Next they told the boss about the positive test.

I returned to work today, and find out about the positive Covid test from the person who previously tested positive and is now recovered. Not a word from management that someone had tested positive. I knew this is who I caught whatever I had from, but as I didn't hear anything from anyone at work about their test, I assumed it was something else. Considering I often visit my 80+ year old Mom on long weekends, I'm pretty choked that this information was not shared with staff.

[QuickTidal]

My mom has let slip that she expects myself, and my family and my sister and her family to "care" for my a-hole stepdad after she passes. We had a group call last night saying that no, in fact none of us will do that. He's deeply unpleasant and has rejected every attempt we've made to help him help himself to that he'll be okay after she goes.

My sister and I want to TELL our mom that we won't be able to do this (logistically, or in most other ways) so that she can make sure he knows it and will be forced to plan for himself.

My brother-in-law thinks the burden of that is not something to lay on my mom in her remaining time and that we should talk to him directly (never a fun endeavour) and tell him he needs to sort himself out for when she passes (like where he's going to live, and how ect.)

My worry is that he's going lash out about this anyways, so even if we talk to him directly and leave mom out of it....he's going to get angry about it and tell her anyways and take it out on her.

So yeah, it's a shitshow. He essentially wants someone to look after him/let him live with them after she goes we think....which is NOT HAPPENING.

As I noted before, my wife told him last November after mom was diagnosed that he needed to start preparing logistically and financially for when she's gone and that there were many ways to do this, but to get the process started so he could get into housing ect. He refused. Claimed he would just die after she goes, so why bother. Which we chalked up to "anger about the situation" at the time...but it's been NINE months now and he's done absolutely nothing to look into any of that, and when we suggested it to him again on the weekend, he rejected it and asked my sister and brother-in-law if he could live with them...

So I don't know what the right answer is....do we talk to him about it, or do we talk to my mom directly about it since he'd likely tell her anyways. I'm still leaning towards telling my mom...I know it's one more thing to deal with...but he listens to absolutely no one and she MIGHT have the best shot at making him hear us.

His sons won't even reply to our messages saying they might need to step up.

I'll be really frank, I have about zero interest in having ANY relationship with him after she goes. We've basically "put up" with him for 20 years. He's never felt like family to me.

[worry]

My suggestion, and I don't mean this jokingly, is to lie to her when it comes up. Not necessarily in deepest detail, ideally don't make promises about specifics or anything, but just in a white lie way of "Don't worry about it, he will be fine." And then once she passes, move forward with the plan of not helping him. It's not like you're gonna care about hurting his feelings. Unless they're really forcing the issue, there is no reason to really get into it with either of them.

[QuickTidal]

Renewed For 2 More Seasons, on 08 September 2022 - 12:56 PM, said:

My suggestion, and I don't mean this jokingly, is to lie to her when it comes up. Not necessarily in deepest detail, ideally don't make promises about specifics or anything, but just in a white lie way of "Don't worry about it, he will be fine." And then once she passes, move forward with the plan of not helping him. It's not like you're gonna care about hurting his feelings. Unless they're really forcing the issue, there is no reason to really get into it with either of them.

So my sister bought a triplex property with a main house, a nanny attachment (which my brother-in-law's elderly mom will live in), and a guest cottage that was intended for my mother and step-dad to live in (because we thought she had more time)...so he now thinks he's going to get to live there (rent free) even though my mom's remaining time won't overlap with their move in much. But my sister just sold her existing house WELL under asking with all its furniture and their boat for the price, and they are on the hook for the bridging financing between the cost of the much bigger new house and the existing house...so it's simply not as possibility anymore.

My wife, and I and the kids live in 1200SqFt in a condo in downtown TO. At no point would we be able to help either.

So I feel like they WILL push?

My wife thinks we should push my mom to talk to her social worker to either help him find housing (NOW) or get him a social worker to help him find housing now as a sort of way of saying he can't live with any of us without really saying it. Because waiting till after she passes will mean he's completely adrift and we'd have to like ignore phone calls ect.....so while it might give her the idea we won't look after him, he might actually do something about his position before it's too late?

Oh, and remember earlier when I said my brother-in-law said to him on the weekend that he was lacking compassion about my mom...yeah a day later my step-dad sent him a deeply passive aggressive email essentially telling him off for saying that.

This guy is not going quietly. This is only going to get worse.

Goddamit I just want my moms last months to be as peaceful as they can be...but this MFer....

But I get you...and no I would not care. I might have more sympathy for the man if he'd not rejected everything we've ever suggested out of hand.

Thanks for the input man. It's appreciated for sure.

[worry]

Man, those details definitely make it potentially a lot more complicated, and you're likely right that it's going to have to get more explicit and awkward. Really sorry, feel for you and your family in all this.

[Tiste Simeon]

I will say this QT, I think the timing is great that you and your sister have made amends. It would be a lot harder for you and your wife without a somewhat united front...

[QuickTidal]

Tiste Simeon, on 08 September 2022 - 02:03 PM, said:

I will say this QT, I think the timing is great that you and your sister have made amends. It would be a lot harder for you and your wife without a somewhat united front...

You're telling me. I was on a phone call with her last night and it was like old times. I agree this would be nigh impossible without the united front.

[amphibian]

I think the best approach is a video call with you, your sister, Mom, and step dad in which you and your sister say in about 3 minutes "Mom, you've asked us to look after step dad after you've passed. We are not able to have him live with either of us. He needs to make a plan for what happens next. We'd be happy to help him move once he's picked a place, but we can't make these decisions for him. Again, we are not able to have him live with us."

Let them react for a few minutes and end the call. If he takes his anger and immobility out on you or her, that's his shitty choice.

The social worker stuff is for after that boundary has been recognized.

This post has been edited by amphibian: 08 September 2022 - 02:54 PM

[QuickTidal]

amphibian, on 08 September 2022 - 02:52 PM, said:

I think the best approach is a video call with you, your sister, Mom, and step dad in which you and your sister say in about 3 minutes "Mom, you've asked us to look after step dad after you've passed. We are not able to have him live with either of us. He needs to make a plan for what happens next. We'd be happy to help him move once he's picked a place, but we can't make these decisions for him. Again, we are not able to have him live with us."

Let them react for a few minutes and end the call. If he takes his anger and immobility out on you or her, that's his shitty choice.

The social worker stuff is for after that boundary has been recognized.

A fair suggestion indeed. Thanks for the input.

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Far too close to empty ground large Mexican flying ant with cardamom and chiles sea salt that provides my primary source of salt (without which I actually wouldn't be getting nearly enough, even by the AHA's stubbornly evidence-resistant salt-phobic guidelines) was sticking to the bottom of the shaker and not coming out, so I gave it a tap on bottom and an avalanche came out onto my food... which I didn't want to throw out. Could have tried putting at least the uppermost layers of the pile of powder into something to eat later, but settled for scooping off most of the top layers and washing down the garbage disposal. Still got too much residual salt.

Since this is the day after my BA.5 booster, I'm especially concerned about my diet and not throwing my body out of whack. Realized last week I was at risk of running out of some of my usual health food staples, which I usually get delivered twice a month (saving money with Amazon' subscribe and save, but having to wait until their designated delivery days...). Decided my health is more important than marginal frugality and ordered it to be delivered before I got the shot. But the deliveries got delayed---and arrived on time, but I have to wait until my apartment's front office sends me a delivery notification---which they usually do promptly... but not yesterday. I was really looking forward to having some salted nuts today (finally got the delivery notification), but now I'm reluctant to have any more salt.

Guess I can make up for the excess salt by having more potassium than usual---unfortunately most of my sources of potassium either have more salt (wild salmon pouches) or lots of fiber (which I already get a large amount of---and more than this has in the past caused substantial gastrointestinal issues, though nothing I've had to be hospitalized for (so far... I've come close to calling an ambulance, and many would have---really I probably should have on a few occasions...)).

Now the solution seems to be
Dandelion tea
("University
of Maryland Medical Center cites a handful of herbs that may boost potassium levels in the blood. These include dandelion, alfalfa, horsetail and nettle")---could try to calculate how much to have, but I'm not sure what my salt intake actually was so it's just wild guesswork.

Should probably try to figure out how much of the tea might be too much for me (or my health at least)....

Also: when I told my elderly mother I was the Moderna booster because it's a larger dose and expected to last longer, she asked whether it had more side effects---which I told her it's expected too... now she says she signed up for the Pfizer because of that. Ugh. Could try to convince her but she's almost certainly not going to bother trying to change it now that that's what she's scheduled for. Hopefully she won't die or get long covid as a result....

'Yet Another Curveball in the COVID Mutation Nightmare

The best vaccines contain a piece of the spike, or genetic data about the spike, either of which can spur an immune response. [...] virus is accumulating non-spike mutations in [possible] attempt to gain some advantage over our collective immunity [...] changes beyond the spike are beginning to define the virus. [...] If this trend continues—and there's no reason to believe it won't—we might eventually need new antiviral drugs and new vaccine formulations that aren't so specifically focused on the spike.

[...] BA.5[...] doesn't just have mutations along its spike—it features changes all across its structure.

[...] non-spike mutations appear to prolong infection. This in turn gives the pathogen more time to mutate inside a particular person, and also spread to other people. [...]

"As more variants emerge, we will identify additional mutations outside of [the] spike that contribute significantly to viral replication, transmission and pathogenesis," [...]

[...] These accumulating mutations across the novel-coronavirus—on the spike and not on the spike—could start to mess with the [...] tests we use to detect and track the virus.'

New COVID-19 Mutations Could Make Infected People Sick for a Longer Time

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 08 September 2022 - 05:11 PM

[Macros]

Premier League fixtures canceled this weekend.
Now I'm not such a diehard footy fan that I will melt without the game being on, I'm just pissed off because I was supposed to fly over for the match this weekend.

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

It's frustrating to read otherwise good/interesting non-journal articles by scientists critiquing popular oversimplifications in which they themselves tendentiously leave out important details, nuances, or caveats which weaken their case. For example: article by a physicist arguing against Ockham's Razor (or at least naive appeals to it) points out that Copernicus's heliocentric model actually still used epicycles... and strongly implies that it was therefore not significantly simpler than the geocentric models. But apparently it required far fewer epicycles, so it actually was significantly simpler. They do go on to make a good point: 'Although we now know that Earth does indeed go around the sun, we also know that the true dynamics of our solar system are far more convoluted than anything the ancient Greeks could have imagined. In place of epicycles, we have an ever-shifting system of ellipses whose shapes can never be calculated with perfect precision. It is Ockham's razor in reverse.' ... but if we tried to do these calculations using a geocentric model with epicycles they would be vastly more complicated.

These articles also fail to address major issues that can be discussed without getting too technical (or mathematical) for a general audience. Anti-Ockham article doesn't even mention the problem of overfitting data, or the difference between novel predictions and fitting an already-known data set.

Not sure why this happens. Do the editors tell them to oversimplify, be tendentious, avoid self-critique and nuance?... Either because they think their audiences can't handle complexity (even in articles arguing in favor of complexity), or because they think they'll generate more discussion (and more publicity or 'engagement') if there are obvious unaddressed flaws for people to argue over?...

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 13 September 2022 - 06:43 PM

[Briar King]

Walk outside barefoot..crunch pop splat. Acid aroma filling your every breath. What a pain in the ass these little black bastards are!

Every time I come outside there is an orgy going on on top of the fan.

This post has been edited by Cancelled: 13 September 2022 - 08:45 PM

[champ]

Got a lump on one of my baby makers, went to the doctors and got felt up by a young male doctor, joy. Got to go for an ultrasound but receive a call today that I got to go back to the doctors tomorrow to get touched up again by another bloke before I have the ultrasound. Yey...


Sigh...

[Aptorian]

You should have asked for a prostate exam simultaneously. You've got to treat yourself. Under the circumstances.

Hope it's not what one might think.

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 14 September 2022 - 04:25 AM

[worry]

Sorry, champ. Nothing scares like a health scare.

[Tsundoku]

Aptorian, on 14 September 2022 - 02:57 AM, said:

You should have asked for a prostate exam simultaneously. You've got to treat yourself. Under the circumstances.

Hope it's not what one might think.

Hey champ, I believe you're not in the age range, but if it's good enough for Ryan Reynolds ...

https://forum.malaza...ost__p__1453783

[champ]

Aptorian, on 14 September 2022 - 02:57 AM, said:

You should have asked for a prostate exam simultaneously. You've got to treat yourself. Under the circumstances.

Hope it's not what one might think.

Ooooohhh that would be a treat, I think I'll save that for closer to Christmas and then really spoil myself haha!

Cheers, Apt, hoping it is just a cyst but will see I guess.

Renewed For 2 More Seasons, on 14 September 2022 - 03:30 AM, said:

Sorry, champ. Nothing scares like a health scare.

I'm not too stressed at the minute tbh, it is what it is and I cannot do anything more about it, sure that will change though if it is a bad diagnosis.

Tsundoku, on 14 September 2022 - 07:59 AM, said:

Aptorian, on 14 September 2022 - 02:57 AM, said:

You should have asked for a prostate exam simultaneously. You've got to treat yourself. Under the circumstances.

Hope it's not what one might think.

Hey champ, I believe you're not in the age range, but if it's good enough for Ryan Reynolds ...

https://forum.malaza...ost__p__1453783

Fortunately I have a few years yet before that delight! Bad enough getting my nads touched up...

[QuickTidal]

Here's hoping it's nothing, and they can just remove it and be done with it.

[Abyss]

amphibian, on 06 September 2022 - 08:50 PM, said:

In my experience with companies, one has to raise a low level sustained stink for the process to start getting a company car purchased etc. The key is to avoid a classification/definition change of your job as "requiring own vehicle to do the job" by proposing the cost savings and ease of access that having a company car for more than one person to use - even if it ends up being you mostly using it.

Catch the motor fly with honey if possible.

Cause, on 06 September 2022 - 09:31 PM, said:

Im the only one in the state of philadelphia, but they hired me without a drivers licence. To change a year later to must own his own car seems a stretch.

I'm no US labor lawyer, but it doesn't seem like a stretch.
'Revised priorities to focus on expansion into new markets require the individual in the role to have their own transportation, the use of which will be compensated yadda yadda start looking at beaters.'.

Amph's approach is solid, sell it as their benefit.