Posted 18 June 2018 - 02:46 PM
I think I may have an unhealthy relationship with a female friend of mine. Which is weird because in many ways its also one of the best/healthiest relationships I have with a friend. I think we are both there for each other, emotionally supportive and get along. I really like spending time with her. However recently a few things have made me question it. We live a few streets apart so when we go to the same places we often take turns driving each other. We often make a game of it, and whoever wins doesn't have to drive. Recently it was her turn (I won) but she couldn't take me because she was out with her boyfriend. Honestly fair enough but since I had won I gave her some light teasing about it anyway about not honoring the game. She then basically said if I knew the number of times she had dropped me off back at my place only to then go to her boyfriend who lives on the other side of town... That really got me thinking, I can think of no reason for her to do this except if she didn't want to tell me she would be spending the night at her boyfriend. I wouldn't expect anyone to drive twenty minutes out of their way to drop me off. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or what it means but it def bothers me.
Now in the interest of explaining it more fully I have to admit I find her attractive and when we first met I tried asking her on a date. She never said yes, but she never said no and experience teaches me to just take that as a no and move on. At the time I didn't really know her and expected to never see her again. However one day I was organizing to watch GoT with some friends and she heard about it through our mutual friend, invited herself along and we (me, my friends and her) basically watched Got or something else every week for years. The attraction for me was still there obviously but I wasn't going to keep trying with someone who wasn't interested. We became friends, grew close, it helps that she lives so close. She is the one who fetches me from hospital after I surgery, or after I had chemo. I def think there is a real friendship here.
Over the years we have both dated other people of course and we both always keep that part kind of separate from each other. I have never really found that really strange as I tend to keep to my girlfriends private in general until I think things are serious enough to warrant introducing her to people. However her statement about kinda hiding how after she sees me she goes to her boyfriend strikes me as odd. Recently she also asked me if I would go to her graduation as both her parents were overseas, I know it can be a big deal so I said of course. She then made a joke that she wasn't sure she wanted her boyfriend in the pictures in case they broke up and he was in all her graduation pictures (they have been dating over a year). I made a joke that we would take four sets of pictures, all of us, with her boyfriend, with me and her alone and that way their always be the right pictures down the road. She replied I must never leave her.
I'm not sure if as I say maybe I'm overthinking this whole thing. Still Id hate to think that if my attraction to her in part is the basis for the strength of our friendship or if out emotional connection keeps us from being properly emotional with the person we should be?