[Macros]

He seems fairly sure in the diagnosis. They have been investigating since earlier this year, he just hadn't told anyone.
I appreciate that though, not something I had heard

[Maark Abbott]

Had a bit of a meltdown at the gig the other day. Patched up with band but one guitarist asked me after if I was doing ok and honestly I'm not.

My brain puts too much stock in anniversaries and we're nearly a year from when Sarah started getting ill, so I'm massively anxious about that, work is shit and stressful, house is stressful, car is stressful. I'm feeling the fault lines quite a bit right now.

[amphibian]

Macros, I'm sorry about your friend receiving and having to share such bad news. Here's hoping he gets the care he needs smoothly and effectively.

Maark, I'm legit proud of you for answering the guitarist with the truth and sharing it here. Those are all stressful things.

Any chance you can relax for a few evenings and work on recharging your batteries?

[Maark Abbott]

I could try but I have a second job in the evenings (technically it is being cringe on the purple internet square) so I can't spare much time off really. And recharging doesn't address the core of the problems anyway.

I'd take time off work but I literally just had a week and a bit off and it's not helped. Maybe time to take up the intervention team therapy offer. I'm hoping that once wife's situation stabilises so will my mental state, but we'll see.

[Maark Abbott]

OH BOY horrid realisation time. The extreme mood swings with unpredictable anger are what wife was exhibiting when she was starting to melt down.

Kind of glad I have the cogency to realise it tbh, would have been very easy to make that same slide as she did.

[Cause]

Maark Abbott, on 21 November 2023 - 12:54 PM, said:

OH BOY horrid realisation time. The extreme mood swings with unpredictable anger are what wife was exhibiting when she was starting to melt down.

Kind of glad I have the cogency to realise it tbh, would have been very easy to make that same slide as she did.

If you have thought about using the service I would advise using the service. Worst case scenario is they tell you your in good mental shape and you waste an hour of your time, best case scenario is they realise you need the help and you get it.

Frankly, I recently thought it wouldnt be a bad idea to use the virtual helpline that came with my medical insurance which unfortuantely I no longer have access too. I regret the oppurtunity. I didnt really need it then, not sure I need it now but I thought maybe it wouldnt hurt to talk to someone and see what its all about. Between immigrating, covid and remote work I feel isolated, when I lost my job I also lost a huge part of my day-to-day interacting with people. I figured it cant hurt to just try it and see what it does.

In some ways that what this thread is, we come to it. We complain about something minor or major and you get heard.

[Macros]

There's, I think, people here who would be willing to listen, or read, if you wanted to reach out and talk to someone. Doesn't need to be a qualified person to listen, and sometimes even just being able to waffle over stuff helps get you to a realisation or an answer.

[Maark Abbott]

Yeah I appreciate that. I think really the smart thing here is taking wife's mental health team up on their offer because they know her and by extension they know a LOT of what's going on for me as well.

At least I've been able to identify the issue and that means I can be aware of it and deal with it. Maybe it's time to take yoga back up again.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Maark Abbott, on 21 November 2023 - 10:05 PM, said:

Yeah I appreciate that. I think really the smart thing here is taking wife's mental health team up on their offer because they know her and by extension they know a LOT of what's going on for me as well.

At least I've been able to identify the issue and that means I can be aware of it and deal with it. Maybe it's time to take yoga back up again.

Taking up the offer sounds like a good plan - Cause hit the nail on the head, at worst it's a waste of an hour, but hopefully it's a positive thing for you. The fact they know quite a bit of the background too will give you a few less hurdles to jump over with them too. Wishing you all the best.

WMWMG: My patent paralegal exam.

I started working in patents in January 2022 and it's the single best thing I've ever done, it suits how my brain works and even in the first week it felt like what I was always meant to be doing. Aside from the attorneys themselves who need a rigorous science background, my firm are very good at looking at the individual and bypassing things like whether you went to university, how many other qualifications you've got. Their most experienced paralegal (there are only five people in the region working at her level) left school at 16, for instance. For new starters who have no patents experience they're much more interested in transferable skills and capacity to learn and retain information - which is wise, because two years in there is still a lot more I don't know than I do. I actually love that about the work.

This course and exam are offered to everyone in the firm who wants to take it, it's a recognised industry qualification and without it I wouldn't really be able to do my job anywhere else, or progress further, at it's a standard requirement.

I did my first practice paper yesterday and it was brutal. Everything is designed to catch you out and by the end of the two and a bit hours I felt physically sick. This paper was on next to no revision (some of the course material I'm familiar with from the day to day job itself) so we were asked to sit it as an exercise in finding out our weak areas for revision and starting to get used to how the exams are marked.

I was 7 marks off a pass, and I could have made up all of them with correcting silly errors like misreading a year or one question I managed to miss entirely (for 3 marks).

I should be happy with that, but the whole thing has felt very overwhelming and has pushed the buttons of a lot of my insecurities. The last exam I did was my final A Level paper, when I was 18. 18 feels a long time ago at 34. I was one of those people who stressed themselves silly with exams because I was and remain terrified of failure. I've never failed anything I've sat, but the fear remains.

Add to this the horrible ex and a lot of other people down the years (I went into law, which at least in the UK is not the area you should work in if you want to avoid people who think non-university goers are effectively monkeys that talk) have given me a very hard time about not going on to university. The decision wasn't ability driven and given the same circumstances I'm comfortable with the fact I'd make the same call again, but there have definitely been negative consequences which have ventured into being quite nasty at times. It's very much in my own head but I've always felt I've had to prove myself that much more or work that much harder for people to accept I have a very good brain in my head. It's all things I need to work on further for myself, but at the moment it's feeling like a bomb ticking in my head. I'm piling so much pressure on myself to not just pass, but to get a good pass. It'll be my first professional qualification and it is the springboard to where I want to go in my career. My colleagues and workplace mentor have been really supportive and are constantly telling me they know I'm good enough and that I can do it, but somehow that's making me feel worse rather than better.

I realise this is not a unique situation at all, but it's the first time I've encountered it, and at the moment it feels like a lot. We've got the official mock exam in three weeks and then a further six weeks to the real thing in for revision and practice. Mr Not a Blacksmith has a set of typed up revision questions he asked for to test me on, and others have offered the same, so I have a lot of support. I think deep down I can do it, but boy has it woken up the demons in my head.

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 23 November 2023 - 10:46 AM

[Tiste Simeon]

Hey TRB, as someone who has worked in various aspects of the legal profession for years, I understand a bit of where you're coming from (I now work for the Attorney Generals Chambers where I live so most of my colleagues are lawyers of one stripe or another!)

The exams are tough. I did the detectives exams which delve into criminal law (my area of best knowledge) and while probably not as intense as the bar, there's a lot of head hurting in taking them. So I get you.

You have to weigh the long term benefits (career progression, strings to your bow etc) with the short term negatives (the stress and revision).

Take heart that you already have nearly passed it without preparation. Take heart also that you've come through worse than this (you survived the douchecanoe ex! You can get through this!) and the temporary pain is worth it.

I know you already know this, but hopefully hearing it from someone else might assist in setting your mind on the goal, not the journey to get there.

Also, I have to say that every time you call him Mr Not A Blacksmith it fills me with joy. Hopefully the legal name change is getting closer

[Maark Abbott]

Car repair came back at 1280. Clutch and master cylinder.

I can do it over twelve months but was hoping not to have to deal with something like this as it effectively adds 1/3 to my car payments a month... Fuckers

[amphibian]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 23 November 2023 - 10:45 AM, said:

Taking up the offer sounds like a good plan - Cause hit the nail on the head, at worst it's a waste of an hour, but hopefully it's a positive thing for you. The fact they know quite a bit of the background too will give you a few less hurdles to jump over with them too. Wishing you all the best.

WMWMG: My patent paralegal exam.

I started working in patents in January 2022 and it's the single best thing I've ever done, it suits how my brain works and even in the first week it felt like what I was always meant to be doing. Aside from the attorneys themselves who need a rigorous science background, my firm are very good at looking at the individual and bypassing things like whether you went to university, how many other qualifications you've got. Their most experienced paralegal (there are only five people in the region working at her level) left school at 16, for instance. For new starters who have no patents experience they're much more interested in transferable skills and capacity to learn and retain information - which is wise, because two years in there is still a lot more I don't know than I do. I actually love that about the work.

This course and exam are offered to everyone in the firm who wants to take it, it's a recognised industry qualification and without it I wouldn't really be able to do my job anywhere else, or progress further, at it's a standard requirement.

I did my first practice paper yesterday and it was brutal. Everything is designed to catch you out and by the end of the two and a bit hours I felt physically sick. This paper was on next to no revision (some of the course material I'm familiar with from the day to day job itself) so we were asked to sit it as an exercise in finding out our weak areas for revision and starting to get used to how the exams are marked.

I was 7 marks off a pass, and I could have made up all of them with correcting silly errors like misreading a year or one question I managed to miss entirely (for 3 marks).

I should be happy with that, but the whole thing has felt very overwhelming and has pushed the buttons of a lot of my insecurities. The last exam I did was my final A Level paper, when I was 18. 18 feels a long time ago at 34. I was one of those people who stressed themselves silly with exams because I was and remain terrified of failure. I've never failed anything I've sat, but the fear remains.

Add to this the horrible ex and a lot of other people down the years (I went into law, which at least in the UK is not the area you should work in if you want to avoid people who think non-university goers are effectively monkeys that talk) have given me a very hard time about not going on to university. The decision wasn't ability driven and given the same circumstances I'm comfortable with the fact I'd make the same call again, but there have definitely been negative consequences which have ventured into being quite nasty at times. It's very much in my own head but I've always felt I've had to prove myself that much more or work that much harder for people to accept I have a very good brain in my head. It's all things I need to work on further for myself, but at the moment it's feeling like a bomb ticking in my head. I'm piling so much pressure on myself to not just pass, but to get a good pass. It'll be my first professional qualification and it is the springboard to where I want to go in my career. My colleagues and workplace mentor have been really supportive and are constantly telling me they know I'm good enough and that I can do it, but somehow that's making me feel worse rather than better.

I realise this is not a unique situation at all, but it's the first time I've encountered it, and at the moment it feels like a lot. We've got the official mock exam in three weeks and then a further six weeks to the real thing in for revision and practice. Mr Not a Blacksmith has a set of typed up revision questions he asked for to test me on, and others have offered the same, so I have a lot of support. I think deep down I can do it, but boy has it woken up the demons in my head.

I'm a lawyer and I failed the bar once.

I froze up during the essay writing portion and the stuff in my head just wouldn't come out onto the paper in comprehensible form.

It stunk for a few months, yet knowing that I passed the multiple choice segment and needed to work on the writing helped my second attempt preparation immensely. I wrote dozens of essays while sitting in a giant SUV that was going across the country with my then-partner and her family. When we reached LA, I flew home to take the bar exam and passed.

The exams and pieces of paper (degrees) are all "you've shown you're able to clear this hurdle of work" things. You also have that by doing the job you've been doing well for almost a year now. It fits you well and the people around you are very supportive.

I hope you figure out ways to lessen the stress of the preparation and test taking.

For me, I did the thing that was giving me the most trouble (the writing) over and over and over again until producing acceptable essays was nearly automatic. That routine performance let me decouple the task from stress and got me in the habit of letting my legal thoughts flow even though I was in the back of a car or on a beach or in a hotel room. The switches of environment actually helped me do the exam taking because I was used to doing The Thing no matter where I was - even in an uncomfortable chair at a decrepit table in the exam location.

[Mezla PigDog]

Keep hanging in there everyone.

I have a minor gripe but one I know you will all empathise with. It feels like Friday but it's not so I have a whole other day at work left to do.

[Tsundoku]

Mezla PigDog, on 23 November 2023 - 10:01 PM, said:

Keep hanging in there everyone.

I have a minor gripe but one I know you will all empathise with. It feels like Friday but it's not so I have a whole other day at work left to do.

It's Friday here in the future.
Should be there too now, around 0700 GMT?

[Maark Abbott]

I took the bar once. The pub it belonged to called the police. It was a right kerfuffle.

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

Quote

When it comes to passing the bar examination, it seems Artificial Intelligence is better than Law School Intelligence.

[...] The results show the astonishingly rapid advancement of AI technology.

AI Beats Law Grads on Bar Exam - Lawyers Mutual Insurance Company (lawyersmutualnc.com)

... and that was way back in March... now it's learning to reason logically (apparently not so necessary for passing the bar):

Quote

Before Sam Altman was fired, some OpenAI researchers wrote a letter to the board warning of a breakthrough that could harm humanity[...]

At a summit the day before Altman was [temporarily] ousted, he spoke about a technical advancement at the company that would "push the veil of ignorance back and the frontier of discovery forward."

[...] Some OpenAI staff believe that Q* could be major breakthrough in the company's goal of achieving AGI — which the company defines autonomous systems that surpass humans in most economically viable tasks [...]

With extensive computing resources, Q* was able to solve math problems, which were on a grade-school level

OpenAI Staff Warned Board of AI Discovery Before Chaos: Report (businessinsider.com)

Quote

Q* (pronounced "Q star.") [...] The ability to solve basic math problems may not sound that impressive, but AI experts told Business Insider it would represent a huge leap forward from existing models, which struggle to generalize outside of the data they are trained on.

"If it has the ability to logically reason and reason about abstract concepts, which right now is what it really struggles with, that's a pretty tremendous leap," [...]

[...] It's an approach that could help fix the chatbot's hallucination problem.

"I think the reason why people believe that Q* is going to lead to AGI is because, from what we've heard so far, it seems like it will combine the two sides of the brain and be capable of knowing some things out of experience, while still being able to reason about facts,"

Everyone's Talking About OpenAI's Q.* Here's What You Need to Know (businessinsider.com)

Quote

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for humanity!
And may there be no moaning of the bars,
When we put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When we embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear us far,
We may hope to see our Singularity face to face
When we have crost the bar.

Crossing the Bar by Alfred, Lord Tennyson | Poetry Foundation

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 24 November 2023 - 03:29 PM

[Macros]

Why is AI messing with your groove?
I thought you welcomed our new digital 12 fingered overlords?

[Tiste Simeon]

Just found out a friend of mine from uni (lost touch in the intervening years, but always got in well with her) has been found dead in her house in Bristol.

It seems her husband murdered her.

Never met the guy so I can't say any thoughts I might have had on him, but she was a really sweet, kind girl. Like I said, we've not spoken in years but it's still shocking and horrible.

[Cause]

I’m sorry Tiste, horrible news made worse by the manner of her death.


—————————

How much Lego is too much Lego for my bachelor pad before it becomes a red flag?

This post has been edited by Cause: 26 November 2023 - 01:17 AM

[Tsundoku]

Any woman who is turned off by the amount of Lego in your place shouldn't get a second visit.

Unless it's all over the floor, that shit hurts!

@Simmo
Sorry to hear that mate, hoping the bastard is in jail and they threw away the key.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 26 November 2023 - 01:42 AM