[Abyss]

Gorefest, on 19 February 2019 - 04:43 PM, said:

Abyss, on 19 February 2019 - 05:17 AM, said:

Send me a DNA sample, i'll cook up a few and courier them to you.

I hope you don't require cryostorage, because both FedEx and DHL are an absolute pain in the backside when it comes to shipping biological samples on dry ice or lN2. Just saying. Might be worth lyophilising your Mezla clones instead so all she needs to do on arrival is add water.

Nah. Some hair is fine.

Then i just stick them in a box with some granola bars and bottled water, maybe some aspirin in case they get a crick in their neck or something.

[Mentalist]

Abyss, on 19 February 2019 - 04:12 PM, said:

Maark Abbott, on 19 February 2019 - 01:58 PM, said:

Tsundoku, on 19 February 2019 - 09:30 AM, said:

What the hell sort of work do you do?

Or are you the Little Mermaid?

Law, so these are new business dress shoes. Very stiff.

I fucking hate it when i don't have time to break in new dress shoes. I inevitably have to wear them to walk - quickly, of course quickly - across the entire Toronto 'path' or Montreal underground city to get somewhere and might as well just stab myself in the feet repeatedly and save some time.

Don't even get me started on the inconvenience if a knife-fight breaks out.

Any time I put on new shoes for the first time I pre-emptive tape band-aids to the back of my feet. Because I know otherwise by the end of the day I'll have bloody blisters in the back of my feet.

[Abyss]

Mentalist, on 19 February 2019 - 06:12 PM, said:

Abyss, on 19 February 2019 - 04:12 PM, said:

Maark Abbott, on 19 February 2019 - 01:58 PM, said:

Tsundoku, on 19 February 2019 - 09:30 AM, said:

What the hell sort of work do you do?

Or are you the Little Mermaid?

Law, so these are new business dress shoes. Very stiff.

I fucking hate it when i don't have time to break in new dress shoes. I inevitably have to wear them to walk - quickly, of course quickly - across the entire Toronto 'path' or Montreal underground city to get somewhere and might as well just stab myself in the feet repeatedly and save some time.

Don't even get me started on the inconvenience if a knife-fight breaks out.

Any time I put on new shoes for the first time I pre-emptive tape band-aids to the back of my feet. Because I know otherwise by the end of the day I'll have bloody blisters in the back of my feet.

Bandaids block the ejection soles.

[amphibian]

Abyss, on 19 February 2019 - 04:12 PM, said:

Maark Abbott, on 19 February 2019 - 01:58 PM, said:

Tsundoku, on 19 February 2019 - 09:30 AM, said:

What the hell sort of work do you do?

Or are you the Little Mermaid?

Law, so these are new business dress shoes. Very stiff.

I fucking hate it when i don't have time to break in new dress shoes. I inevitably have to wear them to walk - quickly, of course quickly - across the entire Toronto 'path' or Montreal underground city to get somewhere and might as well just stab myself in the feet repeatedly and save some time.

Don't even get me started on the inconvenience if a knife-fight breaks out.

I've had issues with men's dress shoes too. My "super nice for my level" Allen Edmonds shoes took probably two full occasions to be "not pinching", but they weren't as bad as some of the shitty cheap shoes I wore as a kid or college student.

The Clarks I got for formal, yet not top of line fancy events were immediately comfortable though. That was truly nice and remains my general "go to court or get interviewed for TV" shoes.

The worst (for men) are soccer boots. Those require calluses to be painfully formed in unique spots each time out. I carried those calluses for years until basically giving up soccer in 2013.

Women's shoes are orders of magnitude more annoying and painful than this, I realize. So go ahead, have your laughs while we whine about lesser pains.

[Mezla PigDog]

Yeah but some shoes are so pretty that the pain is totally worth it. I just bought some zebra skin kitten heel slingbacks all set for summer and they look like they are going to cripple me. Can't wait for the right weather to wear them.

[Slow Ben]

Mezla PigDog, on 19 February 2019 - 09:32 PM, said:

Yeah but some shoes are so pretty that the pain is totally worth it. I just bought some zebra skin kitten heel slingbacks all set for summer and they look like they are going to cripple me. Can't wait for the right weather to wear them.

Thats no less than you deserve for buying shoes made from kittens!!!

[Tiste Simeon]

But they go purrfectly with her outfit?

[Maark Abbott]

God my jeans were just a fucking mess when I got home last night.

Also Tise, Civil. I won't try and stop you from jailing that perp but if you crash into my client's rear end because of negligence, hand over ya dolla.

[Morgoth]

Gorefest, on 19 February 2019 - 04:43 PM, said:

Abyss, on 19 February 2019 - 05:17 AM, said:

Send me a DNA sample, i'll cook up a few and courier them to you.

I hope you don't require cryostorage, because both FedEx and DHL are an absolute pain in the backside when it comes to shipping biological samples on dry ice or lN2. Just saying. Might be worth lyophilising your Mezla clones instead so all she needs to do on arrival is add water.

WorldCourier is where it's at.

[Gorefest]

WorldCourier is shockingly expensive though.

I think this has now officially drifted from bad joke into sad workspeak territory.

[Puck]

I have a general question. Maybe I'm really in the wrong here though I can't see how.

Been having HUGE issue with my mother again the past couple of days. She's stressed at work, which I understand (though what I do not understand is why she works so much, seeing as she's retired and doesn't have to work, she just does and overworks herself for no rteason) and our ideas of what a normal apartment Looks like differ drastically. This morning, she blew up in my face (and not for the first time) because I keep my gym bag next to the washing machine. Not in the way of anything, just tucked away in the corner because we can't use the space any other way anyway (slanted walls). I also literally got my scarf throw in my face because I keep it on the Sideboard in the hallway.

Now, my issue is that I do not see any problems with that. For me that's the normal clutter of a lived-in space. Not to mention that our living room, which I DO NOT use outside of hanging the laundry up to dry, looks like a bomb exploded in it and it's somehow my fault, because apparently I have too much time? Because I work from home for three days a week? Neve rmind that she doesn't have to concern herself with things like cooking food or groceries or utility bills, which I take care of. She, despite being a grown Woman, is not able to so much as go to a bank to look at her account balance or make sure her phone is charged up with enough money. In fact, she doesn't even know her own bank account code and I have full access to her bank account because I have her bank card. She doesn't want it because she doesn't want to bother herself with these things (claiming she's got no time for that). I also do all of her paperwork.

I mean, I am not the tidiest person, but I generally keep my clutter to my own room (which she has no Business to do anything in, yet when I was away for two days two months ago, she had the audacity to "tidy up" my room and expected me to thank he ron my knees or or something), and I don't cosider things like a gym bag or a scarf too much to keep in a common living space. Just because she changes jackets and scarves daily and puts them away each time, I don't see why I should. Also, I'd like to Point out that she owns so much stuff, it takes up a full one third of my huge wardrobe despite her having two wardrobes in her own room already.

I pay half of the rent and utilities and some things I pay in full, like phone and internet bills, and the phone I don't even use. I would think I have a right to make SOME space for myself in the apartment. Again, I don't use the living room AT ALL.

Maybe I'm in the wrong, but I really don't see why. We share the rent, so we should be able to share the space as well, as well as the chores. I cook and stuff, every day, but she also expects me to do everything else as she's not home at all except for food and sleep.

Additionally, she expects me to come over to ther work and help her there and also blew up on me about not doing that the other day. Which I get even less than the "I don't want your stuff all over the apartment" thing. First off, I'd have to buy a bus ticket to get to ger and second, I have shit to do. Just because I'm hoem doesn't mean I'm not working. We've already has this same issue when I was still studying where she though if I'm home I have nothing to do even though, you know, I had assignments to do.

Ugh, overall, I've heard so much screaming and so many accusations of the past couple of days I don't know what to think anymore. The worst part is that I'm just at a point where I could say I'm mostly recovered from my depression, yet this shit keeps throwing me back because it's the biggest reason I ended up depressed in the first place. And I can't even talk back because EVERY WORD I say makes it worse.

I still can't afford to move out, but this is not bearable any more. Also, since she's officially on benefits since she's doesn't have enough retirement Money, if I were to move out she'd lose the appartment because for her alone it's too big and too expensive and she's been putting a bunch of money into renovating it (though you've got three guesses at who did the actual painting of the walls and shit).

Ugh, sorry, I guess I really needed to get that off my chest. I realize I Need to get out of there but I'm not really seeing away yet.

[Aptorian]

Challenge her to a fist fight. Winner gets control of the apartment.

[Puck]

I forgot to mention that my mother's idea of tidying up consists of shoving stuff into closed spaces until you can't see anything anymore. And I personally hate that surface orderliness. It's not like you can find anything any better this way because there's no system. For example, I keep having to look for our pot of salt because she "tidied up" the kitchen and shoved stuff into the cupboards and closed the doors. The last time I found the salt on the floor level shelf where we keep our potatoes.

This post has been edited by Puck: 20 February 2019 - 10:26 AM

[Gorefest]

Have you actually sat down with your mother and told her this? If you are living in the house on equal grounds (i.e. you are paying rent etc), you need to break the mother-daughter dynamic and put some clear living rules down. Maybe even a more formalised rental agreement.

[Tiste Simeon]

Maark Abbott, on 20 February 2019 - 08:17 AM, said:

God my jeans were just a fucking mess when I got home last night.

Also Tise, Civil. I won't try and stop you from jailing that perp but if you crash into my client's rear end because of negligence, hand over ya dolla.

I'm an advanced driver so if I read end your client, it's your clients fault. I've also got dashcam so you got nothing on me!

[Puck]

Gorefest, on 20 February 2019 - 10:33 AM, said:

Have you actually sat down with your mother and told her this? If you are living in the house on equal grounds (i.e. you are paying rent etc), you need to break the mother-daughter dynamic and put some clear living rules down. Maybe even a more formalised rental agreement.

I've tried to in the past but it's impossible. She explodes with her "I have it so hard in life because you're so useless and it's your fault"-routine and I'm tired of listening to that. The only Progress has been that now she includes my brother into this rant, who for the longest time was a saint but now she's started pushing this whole narrative on him as well.

I think she thinks I owe her morally or something. She expects me to do everything like the adult that I am but at the same time refuses to treat me like I'm an adult. See her expectation of me coming over to help her with her work like I used to when I was in School. But I have my own job and my own stuff to take care of. I freelance and at the times I don't have a clear contrat job it doesn't mean I have free time. It means I'm either Looking for work or working on something that will create passive income in the long run.

At the same time, she is unable to understand that life doesn't have to be the way she is leading it. Just because she choses to overwork herself doesn't mean I can't pace out my life differently. It was a very clear thing while I was in therapy that I NEED to be able to have time that is "not work". I believe what she Needs is actually some therapy because she Claims she wants more time to herself and to do stuff, but she never does. She could tone down her spending and work half as much if she was mentally capable of that. She keeps taking on work and promises to finish it sooner than she knows she realistically can make it then stresses herself (and everyone around her as well) out by having to work late.

It's not that I don't understand, it's that I'm the only one putting in any work to mend our relationship. It often seems for a time like she's gotten the message and we're on equal terms, but then the next explosion Comes whenever she can't handle her own life anymore. She's constantly going on About how much time her Friends have for stuff outside of work, but the only thing they do differently is to not intentionally take on more work than they can handle or buy esoteric ninsense constantly.

What I'm trying to say is that even if I were to manage to get the "equal terms" part down in writing she would ignore it at the first opportunity because as far as she is concerned, it's her place and I'm only there because I'm too lazy. We've had Agreements to do stuff this or that way a number of times, but she NEVER keeps her promise, and if I make a comment about where she put stuff (she constantly leaves food on the kitchen table that belongs into the fridge, which drives me nuts especially in the summer) or that she should please make sure to put trash in the Right trash cans (we've already head a warning from the landlord because she refused to unserstand why you can't use plastic bags for biodegradable trash), she explodes.

Edit: I should also mention that despite all that work she does, we still owe the landlord money. The service charge increased quite a bit last year and as usual, we split it. I payed my half back in November 2018, my mother on the other hand was gone for three weeks on Holidays at my brother's house, where she continued to be unhappy About how HIS place looks like and still complains About how she spent her holidays cleaning HIS house. Which he is very much capable of doing on his own and never asked her to do.

This post has been edited by Puck: 20 February 2019 - 01:15 PM

[Maark Abbott]

Tiste Simeon, on 20 February 2019 - 12:39 PM, said:

Maark Abbott, on 20 February 2019 - 08:17 AM, said:

God my jeans were just a fucking mess when I got home last night.

Also Tise, Civil. I won't try and stop you from jailing that perp but if you crash into my client's rear end because of negligence, hand over ya dolla.

I'm an advanced driver so if I read end your client, it's your clients fault. I've also got dashcam so you got nothing on me!

My client was stationary at lights, and is Macros

Kukukukuuuuuuuu

[Abyss]

Maark Abbott, on 20 February 2019 - 02:00 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 20 February 2019 - 12:39 PM, said:

Maark Abbott, on 20 February 2019 - 08:17 AM, said:

God my jeans were just a fucking mess when I got home last night.

Also Tise, Civil. I won't try and stop you from jailing that perp but if you crash into my client's rear end because of negligence, hand over ya dolla.

I'm an advanced driver so if I read end your client, it's your clients fault. I've also got dashcam so you got nothing on me!

My client was stationary at lights, and is Macros

Kukukukuuuuuuuu

There is one sure way to sort this out...

[Mezla PigDog]

Hey Puck I got some decent advice once about my mother who can't change and is completely incapable of seeing another persons perspective. If you can't change someone's behaviour then the only thing left in your control is how you let them make you feel. Easier said than done I know, especially when you have to live with her and "share" bills and everything. I dunno, it sounds lame but deep breaths, do what you are willing/able to do, accept she's a fuckup and will never change and just get on with your life. It kind of helped me and I do find my mother easier to tolerate since but I don't have to live with her. If her behaviour is inevitable then what's the point worrying about it, right?

[amphibian]

Puck's mother is mentally ill, not interested in change or treatment, and wants a completely sympathetic ear to bend as she wishes.

I think the best option that doesn't lead to worse conflict is to grey rock her when she explodes. Just be a neutral, opinionless blob that she can't push to get the reactions she wants.

In the mean time, work to move out ASAP. Even if it means she loses her apartment after the move. She's an adult. She can cut costs, get a roommate, or find a new place.

If it means you rent a dinky room with students, it's going to be a better relationship than it is with your mother.

I know there's pain in the idea of abandonment, but this is going to wreck your life and hers. If you move out, you'll save your life and she'll have to handle her life.