[dietl]

Well I think there's nothing you can/should do now about this. You need to get your mind off this somehow, because maybe the situation doesn't change until April 4th. That would be a long time for building up your worries and fears. So I would meet some friends, go out or play an addictive computer game or whatever makes you happy.
But I'm sure he would write something sooner than that if he cares for you.

[Dutch]

I'm at the last mission of Heart of the Swarm already.

When I was playing StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty, it took quite a while and now somehow I have bulled myself through HotS.

[Abyss]

Bearmione TROUBLEMAKER Grimger, on 24 March 2013 - 11:52 AM, said:

... two weeks in the Bahamas, then two weeks in the French Alps, now ten days in Mexico. ...All trips paid for by his family, so it doesn't cost him anything. ...

I'm frustrated because the one time we actually did go somewhere, I ended up paying for almost everything, plain tickets, dinners, shopping and so on.

And the reason I don't have any money now is because I'm saving up and spending all my money on a trip for the two of us to the US, road trip coast to coast for three weeks in the summer.

I'm a student and currently live on approx. $1 000 a month, 500 of which I give to mr Awesome to help pay for rent and such

(he earns triple that, but has a lot of expenses.

...We live together ...

Am i missing something here?

Because none of this strikes me as fair or right or reasonable. In fact, the opposite of that.

[High House Dark]

Abyss, on 24 March 2013 - 06:28 PM, said:

Bearmione TROUBLEMAKER Grimger, on 24 March 2013 - 11:52 AM, said:

... two weeks in the Bahamas, then two weeks in the French Alps, now ten days in Mexico. ...All trips paid for by his family, so it doesn't cost him anything. ...

I'm frustrated because the one time we actually did go somewhere, I ended up paying for almost everything, plain tickets, dinners, shopping and so on.

And the reason I don't have any money now is because I'm saving up and spending all my money on a trip for the two of us to the US, road trip coast to coast for three weeks in the summer.

I'm a student and currently live on approx. $1 000 a month, 500 of which I give to mr Awesome to help pay for rent and such

(he earns triple that, but has a lot of expenses.

...We live together ...

Am i missing something here?

Because none of this strikes me as fair or right or reasonable. In fact, the opposite of that.

^THIS, in combination with....

Quote

Then he said I had to stop being so pessimistic (which I tend to be, but I usually get my act together after a little while), that I was bad influence on everyone around me and that I had become somewhat of a burden to him...

.... is ringing a LOT of bells. Like, he's-a-manipulator-alarm-bells. Then again, I don't know him at all, and am not the one in the relationship.

[Illuyankas]

Seems like he's going beyond expecting you to pay your own way for things and was kind of a dick there! I recommend seeing what messages he's sent you as soon as possible though, not knowing is far worse.

Here, have some footage of Brazil to take your mind off-



OH FUCKING HELL BURN THAT CONTINENT TO THE GROUND

[Dutch]

@ Bear.

Say you are going to pay him less because you want to save up more money so you can come along with him and his sister another time.

Let's see what he says.

I have had some experience with what you are going through now and I wish I had seen it sooner.

[HoosierDaddy]

Why are you giving money to someone who makes twice the amount you do for rent to an apartment that you live in together?

Strange going-ons, Grim.

[worry]

I advocate worrying.

[King Lear]

High House Dark, on 24 March 2013 - 06:40 PM, said:

Abyss, on 24 March 2013 - 06:28 PM, said:

Bearmione TROUBLEMAKER Grimger, on 24 March 2013 - 11:52 AM, said:

... two weeks in the Bahamas, then two weeks in the French Alps, now ten days in Mexico. ...All trips paid for by his family, so it doesn't cost him anything. ...

I'm frustrated because the one time we actually did go somewhere, I ended up paying for almost everything, plain tickets, dinners, shopping and so on.

And the reason I don't have any money now is because I'm saving up and spending all my money on a trip for the two of us to the US, road trip coast to coast for three weeks in the summer.

I'm a student and currently live on approx. $1 000 a month, 500 of which I give to mr Awesome to help pay for rent and such

(he earns triple that, but has a lot of expenses.

...We live together ...

Am i missing something here?

Because none of this strikes me as fair or right or reasonable. In fact, the opposite of that.

^THIS, in combination with....

Quote

Then he said I had to stop being so pessimistic (which I tend to be, but I usually get my act together after a little while), that I was bad influence on everyone around me and that I had become somewhat of a burden to him...

.... is ringing a LOT of bells. Like, he's-a-manipulator-alarm-bells. Then again, I don't know him at all, and am not the one in the relationship.

I thirdify this. Feeling upset that you're upset and being a bit resentful about it when he's about to go on holiday is understandable (if somewhat selfish) but the burden thing is just bullshit, when you are paying for his holidays, he doesn't pay for family holidays and he earns way more than you as well as you giving him half of what you get. Could just be shitty thing that was missaid, or it could be a gigantic red flag. But you'll know which one it is. Like others I think reading the messages, write out any angry responses you might want (on paper might I suggest, so you don't accidentally press 'send' - I have done this) and then having a hot beverage of your choice and play videogames or reading a book, or painting or something is probably a good idea.

The thing is, if you decide he's a total dickbag and that you're going to bail, you've got 10 days dickbag-free in which to do plan how to do so. If you decide that he's not, but he's said something unwarranted and hurtful, you've got time without him to work through how you feel about it, and how you'll approach him about it when he gets back.

[Tiste Simeon]

Grim, I believe the modern way to deal with these situations is to moan about it on Facebook & let him find out how you feel that way...

Tiste Simeon, may not be the best advice giver...

[Satan]

The Inn: where the best relationship advice you can get is to leave the fucker.

My groove is messed with by Michel Houellebecq and his Elementary Particles. It's not a sad book, it's just horribly depressing. In a good way.

[Gothos]

yesterday it was excessive from the nose, today I got an annoying cough that brings the stuff up. grrr.

[Silencer]

Ooooooooooovertime. Soooo much oooooooooooooooooooooovertime!

Eating at 1am is becoming "normal"; this I deem to be "not good" when it is not voluntary. I love the pay, and I like my job, but what the hell is up with the hours at the moment?!?!?


Also of complaint status: step one: Boss tells me not to do so much (or, rather, nothing) extra, and focus on my stats due to edicts from on high. Step two: Various superiors ask me to do extra things all the time, because...? I mean seriously, make up your mind(s)! You either want me throwing away my bonus in the name of floor-wide efficiency/the fact that I'm reliable/I'm the only viable fill-in or you want me not doing extra stuff and working on my stats! (Which are only down because of said other stuff, anyway. ) Urgh.

[amphibian]

Ask for everything in writing, Silencer. This is CYA stage.

[Grimjust Bearegular]

Wow, lots of good advice and opinions. It helps reading those and then thinking through how they fit for me. Some of it rings true, some of it doesn't. But it feels really good to articulate the situation, and not just think and think and think about it, which I do... ALL THE TIME.

Here's an update of the situation:

Turned on my phone yesterday. He'd sent me five messages, asking me if I got home alright, apologizing for the awkwardness of our goodbye, love you miss you that sort of stuff. A couple more messages ticked in during the day, where he was at the moment and such, stuff to keep me updated of his travels... I worry a lot so it's nice to know that people get where they're going okay, and don't die in some horrific accident.

I send him a text asking him about what he said. "Did you really mean that I'm a bad influence on everyone around me and a burden etc?"

He says that it came out totally wrong, and he feels really, really bad about it and apologizes profusely.

The thing is, I don't think he's manipulative or a dickbag, I just think he's stupid in these type of situations. He's a bit of a relationship-retard with a case of tics and Tourettes syndrome (he has ADHD and is also bipolar so that might explain some of it )
He is also one of the nicest people I've met, and gets me better than anyone (sometimes practically a mind-reader) which makes this even more confusing.

So, I'm kinda okay, but I still want him to know how much that comment, accident or not, hurt me and messed with my head. I'm not finished with it, and until I am I have trouble speaking to him like a normal person. I'm short in my replies and stingy with my smileys...and I hate it. Should I tell him how it made feel, or should just let it go?


As for the money part...eh... I like paying my half of things and contribute to our shared financial situation, because I am not a mooch, and never will be. Mr Awesome does pay for things, like delicious Internetz and utilities, most of the rent and sometimes gets the entire check when we're out, pays fo movie tickets and such. I chip in and go halfsies on whatever I can whenever I can... But he has a rather reckless attitude towards money that worries me. It's probably because he can rely on his family should he run out, and he has people who can pay for things for him. I've never had that, and it sucks that he can't do that for me.... Yes, I would like a Sugar Daddy sometimes


Bottom line is... I have no idea. He's a relationtard, and I'm angry about words.



Illy: I AM NEVER GOING TO BRAZIL NOW THANKS TO YOU!

[beru]

Bearmione TROUBLEMAKER Grimger, on 25 March 2013 - 04:33 PM, said:

Wow, lots of good advice and opinions. It helps reading those and then thinking through how they fit for me. Some of it rings true, some of it doesn't. But it feels really good to articulate the situation, and not just think and think and think about it, which I do... ALL THE TIME.

Here's an update of the situation:

Turned on my phone yesterday. He'd sent me five messages, asking me if I got home alright, apologizing for the awkwardness of our goodbye, love you miss you that sort of stuff. A couple more messages ticked in during the day, where he was at the moment and such, stuff to keep me updated of his travels... I worry a lot so it's nice to know that people get where they're going okay, and don't die in some horrific accident.

I send him a text asking him about what he said. "Did you really mean that I'm a bad influence on everyone around me and a burden etc?"

He says that it came out totally wrong, and he feels really, really bad about it and apologizes profusely.

The thing is, I don't think he's manipulative or a dickbag, I just think he's stupid in these type of situations. He's a bit of a relationship-retard with a case of tics and Tourettes syndrome (he has ADHD and is also bipolar so that might explain some of it )
He is also one of the nicest people I've met, and gets me better than anyone (sometimes practically a mind-reader) which makes this even more confusing.

So, I'm kinda okay, but I still want him to know how much that comment, accident or not, hurt me and messed with my head. I'm not finished with it, and until I am I have trouble speaking to him like a normal person. I'm short in my replies and stingy with my smileys...and I hate it. Should I tell him how it made feel, or should just let it go?


As for the money part...eh... I like paying my half of things and contribute to our shared financial situation, because I am not a mooch, and never will be. Mr Awesome does pay for things, like delicious Internetz and utilities, most of the rent and sometimes gets the entire check when we're out, pays fo movie tickets and such. I chip in and go halfsies on whatever I can whenever I can... But he has a rather reckless attitude towards money that worries me. It's probably because he can rely on his family should he run out, and he has people who can pay for things for him. I've never had that, and it sucks that he can't do that for me.... Yes, I would like a Sugar Daddy sometimes


Bottom line is... I have no idea. He's a relationtard, and I'm angry about words.



Illy: I AM NEVER GOING TO BRAZIL NOW THANKS TO YOU!

Well, I for one can understand that somtimes you say the wrong thing at the wrong time in a wrong way, so if you trust him, forgive him and talk it out when he comes back, just my 2øre

[Adjutant Stormy~]

$1964 dollars to the County.

$2500 to my lawyer.

Finally being done with this fucking court case: not fucking worth it.

[tiam]

Bearmione TROUBLEMAKER Grimger, on 25 March 2013 - 04:33 PM, said:

As for the money part...eh... I like paying my half of things and contribute to our shared financial situation, because I am not a mooch, and never will be. Mr Awesome does pay for things, like delicious Internetz and utilities, most of the rent and sometimes gets the entire check when we're out, pays fo movie tickets and such. I chip in and go halfsies on whatever I can whenever I can... But he has a rather reckless attitude towards money that worries me. It's probably because he can rely on his family should he run out, and he has people who can pay for things for him. I've never had that, and it sucks that he can't do that for me.... Yes, I would like a Sugar Daddy sometimes


Bottom line is... I have no idea. He's a relationtard, and I'm angry about words.

I dont know you as well as everyone else but my advice was different to other peoples. Im glad things have worked themselves out in a way but my advice would to be very very nice while the holiday went on and text him generally postive things and replies about his holiday. This would have given him the opinion that you were no longer a 'wet blanket' of which I have been, and others have been by the looks of things, accused of in the past. It would have made him feel better about the two of you and when he got back it wouldnt be this shadow hanging over you as soon as you meet where both of you have been worrying about it. Instead you would have been able to sit him down one night, after NOT ruining the man you loves holiday thus not being a 'downer', and reasonably talked about. That way youve protected yourself by letting yourself get over the comment a bit and also nullified the comment by being the supportive partner. Its all positive energy while hes away and when he comes back you can talk face to face with him about it rather than out of context text messages that can be read in so many ways. Especially if he sayd things the wrong way then apologises for them later, its much worse in a long distance text kind of way.

Regarding the money thing I completely understand. As this guy pays for most of the rent, utilities etc I would be the same as you and short my self so as not to be the mooch of the relationship. But this is where the problem lies in what ive underlined above. He comes from money, has never struggled, and as a result is cavalier with money. Your not like that because you might have grown up poor. Its a huge part of a relationship especially if hes in a job that allows him to continue this and if it worries you you should tell him when he gets back and really sit down with him and tell him.

I love my gf as shes the most down to earth person in the world and were both so careful with money and are saving together for stuff. We both feel guilty buying anything for ourselves, so we get round it by buying low budget 'payday presents' everytime we get paid. There not huge things simply things, like 20 pound things maximum, that we wouldnt ever buy ourselves because we feel guilty. Atm its usually things well need for our new flat together when we move in soon. Alternatively the gf before this one, as well as being crazier than a shithouse rat, bought designer clothes and such even though she was poor like me. She bought into the whole image thing that made no sense to me.

Anyway what the fuck do I know...

This post has been edited by Jean-Claude Van tiam: 25 March 2013 - 07:11 PM

[worry]

Bearmione TROUBLEMAKER Grimger, on 25 March 2013 - 04:33 PM, said:

I worry a lot so it's nice to know that people get where they're going okay, and don't die in some horrific accident.

She took my advice, I am the winner.

[dietl]

I think I agree with tiam. You should definitely tell him because it was something that hurt you so much. Maybe I sound like a psychologist but you should write down your feelings in a letter (I think King Lear already suggested something like this). It helps to write and reflect about the situation and if you wait for a face to face talk then you will have direct access to the feelings you have now.
When you talk to him I think it would be helpful to give him "a way out", something that gives him the opportunity make it up. It already happened, the words were said, he can't travel back in time to change that. Is it enough for him to say sorry or do you think you need more to forgive him?

This post has been edited by dietl: 25 March 2013 - 08:23 PM